


Death Ray Vision

by Broooookiecrisp



Category: Boondock Saints (Movies), The Boondock Saints RPF
Genre: Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-03-17 22:06:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 109,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3545465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Broooookiecrisp/pseuds/Broooookiecrisp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kit Taylor is a normal, run of the mill 25 year old woman. Except she's not. Kit is burdened with some very unfortunate abilities that lead her down a less than desired path. Her limits, boundaries, and morals will be tested when her life collides with those of two handsome, albeit rough around the edges, Irish brothers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first attempt at writing fanfiction so please bear with me. The Saints will be introduced a few chapters in but first I want to lay some ground work with Kit. Suggestions and advice are much appreciated!

 

**  
**

Heat. That's the first thing that registers as I regain consciousness. The air is thick and my body is sticky with sweat. It is so dark that I can't even see my hand in front of my face. Where the hell am I?!?! I reach my hands out to feel around and make contact with something hard. Metal maybe? Just as I'm getting my bearings, the darkness is suddenly replaced by a blinding light and I throw my arms up to shield my face. As my eyes adjust to the light a man's face comes into focus. He's staring down at me with the most obscene smirk. His eyes are full of horrible promises. Just as I'm about to scream he clamps his hand down over my mouth and drags me from what I now realize is the trunk of a car. I'm kicking and flailing with everything I have but he still has his hand firmly around my mouth and he is dragging me across the concrete by my hair. I manage to gather enough purchase to bite down fiercely on his hand. It causes him to cry out and let go of me just long enough for me to run. I take off in the opposite direction and take in my surroundings as I go. He had taken me down by the docks to one of the abandoned factories. I hadn't turned around to see but I knew that he was pursuing me. I just didn't realize how close he was until he yelled out, "You bitch!" and hit me from behind knocking me to the ground. My face slid against the concrete and tore open my cheek. He turned me on to my back and straddled me with his full weight. I was pinned with no way out in sight. He struck me a few times, effectively breaking my nose, before his hands wrapped around my throat. Instinctively, my hands reached up to pry at his fingers but they found no relief. I threw my hands towards his face trying to scratch at his eyes but I was losing air. My vision began to cloud and my arms dropped limp to my sides. I can't move. I can't breathe and all I see is black. I can't breathe. I can't..... I.....

  
I sat straight up in bed drenched in sweat. I had woken myself up gasping for air. It took me a moment to stop panicking. As I looked around my room I slowly started to calm down. It had only been a dream. Nightmare more like. I looked to the clock on my bedside table, 3:47 a.m. This was going to be a long night....

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
I got up the next morning with a splitting headache and feeling more tired than when I'd gone to sleep. Luckily, before I had the chance to make reservations for Pity... Party of 1, a familiar, comforting smell made its way to my nose. Bacon....

  
I zombie walked my way into the kitchen where I found my roommate Sarah singing to herself over the stove. She has a beautiful voice. I slumped myself noisily into a chair around our table and she turned to greet me. "Good morning Kit." She smiled at me as she set the plate of bacon down on the table. It looked mouth watering.

  
Without even hesitating I reached for a piece. "Yeah well, that remains to be seen." Sarah eyed me for a moment while she took in my response. She grinned and shook her head as she stood up to make me a much needed cup of coffee. That's what I love about Sarah, she knows me so well. Sarah is a beautiful woman. She is tall and curvy and has legs that go on for days. If it were me making the coffee, I would have had to climb a chair to reach the can on the top shelf that Sarah just pulled down with ease. She has beautiful, thick red hair that is currently hanging around her shoulders in perfect curls. I'm absolutely green with envy.

  
When she returned to the table she had two cups of steaming hot coffee. She handed me mine and sat down across from me. " So Kit, what are your plans for the day?" I looked up from my coffee mug with a slight smirk, "I have glorious plans to do nothing!" She laughed before toasting me with her coffee cup. It was relaxing being in her presence. As we enjoyed our breakfast over sarcastic humor, my mood started to brighten a little.

  
Since she cooked it was only fair that I clean. I gathered our dishes and took them to the sink. I was vaguely aware that Sarah was talking about something she had read in the newspaper when I heard her say something that made my stomach drop. "Did you see where they found a body outside of one of those abandoned factories down by the docks?"

  
I dropped the plate that I had been washing and it landed in the sink with a bang. "What did you just say?" I practically ran to the table and picked up the newspaper. Sarah looked at me with confusion and maybe a little bit of worry as I read the article out loud. " Lisa Reynolds, 29, found dead by shipping docks. Police say the young woman suffered many breaks and bruises but the cause of death was later to be determined as strangulation." My hand went to my throat out of reflex. "Officers will be conducting a full investigation but there does not seem to be any leads or possible suspects at this time." Possible suspects.....

  
I could still see his beady little rat face clear as day. His eyes were dark and pretty much void of any trace of humanity. He had long, dark, greasy hair that hung to his shoulders and a nose that looked like it had been broken one to many times. I could feel the color drain out of my face. "Kit, are you okay? You don't look so hot."  
Sarah reached out to put her hand on my shoulder. A look of absolute concern in her eyes. "I think I'm going to be sick!" I pushed past her and ran down the hall to the bathroom.

  
What in the hell was happening?! Did I dream that poor girl's death? How is that even possible? So many questions were racing through my head. But in that moment I was certain that I had never been so scared in my life....


	2. Chapter 2

  
I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror staring at my manic reflection. My hands were white knuckling the the sides of the sink. I couldn't look away from the eyes staring back at me. The answers had to be there. Maybe if I looked hard enough I would find some clarity. Locked in a staring contest with myself, I started to come unhinged. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears and there was a sudden tightness in my chest. Breathing was starting to become a chore.

  
Sarah was eyeing me with caution as she leaned in the bathroom doorway. I think I was starting to freak her out. Normally she had a pretty good handle on my "quirks" but this was something else entirely. She opened her mouth several times to speak before she finally landed on her decision. "Kit, I don't know what the fuck is going on but you're starting to scare me. I can't help you if you don't calm down and talk to me." Sarah was big on talking things out. Communication is key, she would always say. Normally I would agree wholeheartedly but right at this moment I could not bring myself to say the things that I was thinking out loud. I shook my head at her frantically as I leaned over the sink and tried to catch my breath. Throwing caution to the wind she crossed the distance between us and started to rub soothing circles on my back. "Breathe Kit, breathe. Just relax." She was doing all she could to steady me but I could not pull myself together. "Alright, that's it. I'm calling Ollie!" Ollie. Just the thought of him started to center me. Yes, calling Ollie was definitely the right move.

  
Sarah lowerd me down to the bathroom floor and leaned me against the tub. "Stay here. I'll be right back." She walked through the open door and then I was alone. A few seconds later I heard her voice coming from the living room. "Ollie! Yeah, it's Sarah. Look, there is something wrong with Kit. She is freaking out!" There was a long pause while she waited for his response. "I have no idea what is going on but I think this is above my pay grade. I think you should probably come over here." Another pause. "Ok, thank you. See you soon." She hung up the phone and 30 seconds later she was back by my side.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
About half an hour later Ollie came through the front door yelling. "Kit?! Kit?!?!" I could hear him moving through our apartment searching for us. "We're back here!" Sarah called out.

  
When he walked through the door and his eyes met mine, it was my undoing. I managed to choke out, "Ollie?" before I started to sob. His eyes widened with fear in response to my outburst. "Jesus Christ, Kit Kat! What the fuck happened?" He bent down, scooped me up in his arms and carried me down the hallway to my bedroom. When we got to my door he put down so he could open it and then pulled me by the hand into my room. He lead me over to the bed and sat me down. "Let's get you out of these clothes Kit. Put on something a little more cozy." Very slowly, as if not to startle me, he started to undress me. When did I even get dressed? I don't remember doing so but I must have thrown on some old jeans and a t-shirt before going out to meet Sarah for breakfast.

  
When he finished fussing with me I looked down and noticed that he had put me in my favorite over sized hoodie and the sweat pants that I had stolen from him and declared mine. This was my go to comfort outfit. Got the flu? Bad break up? Wallowing in self pity? This outfit will do the trick. Leave it to Ollie to think of this in a time of crisis. Breaking my train of thought, Ollie took my face between his hands and kissed my forehead. "Lay down. I'll be right back." And with that he turned around and walked out of my room.

  
When he came back he was carrying a cup of holy basil tea in my favorite mug. Man, his "Kit is in freak out mode" game was on point today! He handed me the mug, slid into my bed and tucked me under his arm so that I was resting on his chest. " Alright Kit, lets have it." His hand was mindlessly stroking up and down my arm. " I don't even know where to start Ollie. It's going to sound insane!" He scowled down at me silently willing me to tell him the damn story. "Okay fine! But don't say anything until I'm finished." He nodded. "Last night I had a horrible nightmare. I was kidnapped by some sick asshole." The memory of the man made me shudder. "He kept me locked in the trunk of a hot car. When he opened it to get me out I bit him and ran like hell. I was running along one of the old shipping docks. But I wasn't fast enough. He caught me and started beating me. And then his hands wrapped around my throat." I could feel stiffen beneath me. "I tried to pull him off of me but I just couldn't. I couldn't breathe and he was pinning me to the ground. It all felt so real. The next thing I know, I'm waking up in my own bed gasping for air." Again he nodded. So far he was following me. "Then this morning at breakfast Sarah asked me if I had heard about the body the police found down by the docks. I read the article. The details were exactly the same. There is no way that this is a coincidence Ollie...." He looked a little forlorn but he was still following my line of thought. "It wasn't until I saw her picture that I knew. I remembered her face. I saw it in the reflection of those huge factory windows. I saw it when I was running. Except it wasn't me running, it was her! It was like I was in her head. I could hear, see, feel, and smell everything that she was experiencing without actually being there!"

Ok now he looked at little freaked but I'll give him credit, it didn't show in his voice when he spoke. " Fuck..... that's intense Kit. I don't even know what to say..." A speechless Ollie is rare.

"You believe me?!?!" I'm not going to lie, I was shocked.

"Of course I do Kit. I've never seen you so scared in my life." Hearing him say that he didn't think I was a raving lunatic took the remaining tension out of my body. I was suddenly exhausted.

"Thank you Ollie." I nuzzled my face into his chest and listened to his heart beating. Steady and strong just like him.

"No problem Kit Kat." He kissed my hair and the next thing I know I'm drifting off to sleep.....

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
The images in my head were coming to me in waves. They were choppy and kept changing. I got the impression that they were memories. First there was a gorgeous old church and then there were rolling green hills. Scattered in between was a man. He was striking. Tall and slender with the most delicious shoulders I'd ever seen. Everything about his face was enthralling. The angles were sharp and defined but something in the way that he carried himself softened him. Everything about him was a contradiction. His dark hair against pale skin made his eyes look that much more blue. It was the kind of face you get lost in. Who was he?

  
Before I had to much time to reflect on the mystery man I started to stir from my sleep and eventually the pressing needs of my bladder eclipsed my beautiful dreams. As my surroundings slowly started to come into focus I was quick to realize that I was covered in all 6 feet 2 inches of Oliver Hayes. Usually when we fall asleep together he is holding me in that protective, "I'm the man" sort of way but somehow when we wake up our roles are reversed. He was sprawled out on top of me, arm draped across my chest and leg entwined with mine. He was currently drooling on my shoulder. It was a comical sight. He looked like a giant child. Since I couldn't bring myself to move, I just laid there smiling at him like an idiot. Ollie is my best friend and my favorite person on the planet but to say our relationship is complicated would be an understatement! I love him, he loves me. We've shared every major "first" together. He understands me in a way that no one else was ever quite able too. He is everything that I have ever wanted right at my fingertips except for that fact that he's gay.... Talk about confusing!

  
Before I let my thoughts runaway with me I decided that I could not wait on the bathroom any longer. I slid out from underneath his arm without waking him. The man sleeps like a rock.

  
When I came back he was sitting up, awake in my bed. He had a look of concentration like he was rolling an idea over in his mind. "So I was thinking... I don't know how or why this is happening to you but we can't just sweep this under the rug." Well, duh. I could tell he knew I was thinking as much from the disgruntled look he shot me. "What I'm saying is.... you have information about a murder and we can't just do nothing about that Kit."

  
Whoa, not what I was expecting! I thought maybe he was going to suggest I see a shrink or something but going to the cops was the last thing I thought he'd throw out there. My voice was thick with sarcasm, "Oh yeah, sure. What am I supposed to do Ollie? Just walk into the police station and say, 'Umm excuse me officer, I had a dream about a girl getting murdered and then it really happened.' They'll think I'm insane!" I knew I shouldn't be taking an attitude with him. I just threw my big bucket of crazy at him and he didn't even blink. And God bless him, he was doing everything he could think of to help me.

  
"Well no Kit. You obviously can't do that. But you could give them a description of the man you saw. The paper said that the cops found an abandoned car with traces of the girl's blood in the trunk. It was wiped clean so they weren't able to pull any prints off of it. You could just tell the cops you saw this guy driving a vehicle matching the description of the abandoned car and that you remember thinking he looked shifty. You know, suspicious..."

  
I have to admit, it was a decent plan. And he was right, what kind of person would I be if I just let a murderer walk off into the sunset with not repercussions? There was only one little problem. "You're right Oliver. And I think that would be enough reason for the cops to have me sit down with a sketch artist but I think you're forgetting something important..... I am the WORST liar of all time! You know how I get when I'm nervous or uncomfortable. I turn into a bumbling idiot. I'll have a ridiculous grin plastered across my face the entire time. I'm sure I wouldn't come off as the most reliable source."

  
Ollie was looking at me like he was trying to picture that scenario. I figured as much when he busted out laughing. I scowled at him, clearly not happy that he was poking fun at me. " Haha! Yeah, you might be right about that one."

  
We sat in silence for a good while trying to think of an alternative plan because me trying to fabricate a story to the police was not a viable option. That was something that was more in his ball park. Right on cue, Ollie chimed in. "Maybe I could do it. I mean it shouldn't be that big of a deal. It's not like I'm saying I was an eye witness to the crime. It would just be like a noncommittal, concerned citizen type of thing."

  
I thought it all over for a minute. Why couldn't this work? All we would need to do is go over the guy's description in pain staking detail. Ollie had a knack for drawing so he could probably even do a sample sketch for me to confirm. Yes, I think this could work. "Alright, yeah. Just a concerned citizen. Get in, get out, and it's over. No big deal..."

  
We could not have underestimated the situation anymore........

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

The next couple of weeks were a complete blur. After Ollie went down to the police station to give a statement, things got more than a little crazy. The cops were able to make an ID off of his description and apparently this guy had been busy. He was linked to a number of different heinous crimes but he was a slippery little fucker and the police were never able to gather enough evidence to make anything stick.

  
His most recent criminal venture was the most disconcerting. He was believed to be the face man for a pretty nasty sex trafficking circle. Sort of a procurer if you will. And now, with Ollie's statement and some new police evidence, it was enough for an indictment.

  
"Oliver I don't like this. It was just supposed to be quick and easy. You were going to go down, give them your info, and then be done. You were never supposed to be sucked into the middle of this case. It isn't even your problem! I'm the one who should have to be burdened by all of this!" I had been on an emotional roller coaster about this for days on end. I was pretty much riddled with anxiety.

  
"You have got to learn to relax Kit. It's not that big of a deal. They just need me to answer a few questions for the jury and then it's over." Typical Oliver, just brushing things off. Why wasn't he more on edge about this? I couldn't be overreacting that much.

~~~~~~

  
A few days had gone by and I still had an unsettling feeling about it all. I decided to breach the subject with Sarah. All those years of schooling she had gone through to become a counselor had worked out well for me. It was like having a live in therapist. "I can't shake this feeling Sarah. Something just doesn't feel right. And of course Ollie is Mr. Go With The Flow." His ambivalence towards the whole thing was starting to piss me off.

  
Sarah gave me a knowing nod and dove into my neurosis head first. "No, no, I understand where you're coming from. You have always been a cautious person Kit. And I think that stems from the fact that you're highly intuitive. We get these feelings for a reason. They are like the flashing yellow light right before it all turns red. It would be irresponsible of you to just ignore your instincts. But I also know that you let your anxiety get the better of you sometimes. And even though we both know he can be a stubborn son of a bitch, I think that is probably where Ollie is coming from in all of this. He's just trying to protect you. And he's a big boy, he can take care of himself...."

  
She was right. I do have a tendency to get a little paranoid. But she was also right about the whole intuitive thing. I've been like that since I was a kid. I could always feel trouble coming a mile away. My mom always thought it was because I had a lot of empathy. I feed off of people's emotions. For instance, that's how I knew Sarah was struggling with what she wanted to say next.

  
"Kit...... I need to apologize to you." When I had finally caved and given Sarah an explanation for my bizarre behavior it did not go well. At first she didn't believe me but when she noticed how receptive Oliver was she started to entertain the idea. It wasn't until the police were able to make an ID from my, or rather Ollie's description, that she accepted it as truth. Then she couldn't even look at me. "I'm sorry for the way I reacted to this. I just couldn't wrap my head around it." Ha! Well that makes two of us. "Has anything like this ever happened to you before?"

  
That thought crossed my mind once or twice as well. "No, not really. I mean I've had vivid dreams before. And sometimes they have even been about things that actually happen but that's pretty normal, right?" Sarah had told me once that our dreams can be manifestations of things that our subconscious mind is already worried about.  
"Yeah, I've had dreams like that too. But NEVER anything like what just happened with you. Why do you think you were connected to that girl? I mean, you were her! You experienced her last moments. There has to be some significance."

  
Of course, as usual, she was right. But to be honest I had been doing my best not to look to closely at the situation. Maybe it would just be a one time thing and I would never have to worry about it again.

When she picked up on the fact that I was uncomfortable with the topic she apologized one last time and then left me alone with my thoughts.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~

  
The day of the trial was finally here and we had made it through another week unscathed. Nothing catastrophic had went down. I didn't have anymore crazy nightmares where I watched people die all night. In fact, my dreams were quite pleasant. Aside from the face of that beautiful stranger every so often, my sleeping mind seemed to have reset to default.

  
Right at the moment I was being pulled out of that blissful sleep by a warm sensation. It was a pleasurable, tingling feeling that started at the nape of my neck, crossed over my throat and was now making its way along my collarbone. "Mmmmm..." I opened my eyes and smiled as I saw Oliver kissing his way down my chest. "Ollie? What are you doing?" Not that I was complaining, but it had been a while since we had done anything like this.

  
He moved his way back up my body and nipped at the sensitive spot on my neck just below my ear. It had been so long since I'd been touched like this and the combination of teeth and stubble against my skin made me shudder. I could feel his mischievous grin against my neck. "Just saying good morning..." I could tell from the tone in his voice that I was in for some trouble.

  
I reached up and slid my hands over his broad shoulders and up his neck so that I could wind my fingers in his silky black hair. By this point he was laying with his full body weight on top of me and was lazily kissing up and down my neck. He turned his face to look at me. His deep chocolate eyes were hypnotic. He brought his hand to cup the side of my face and ran his thumb back and forth over my bottom lip. This was his silent way of asking permission.

  
I turned my face into his touch and lightly bit the pad of his thumb. The answering smile he gave me was so lovely that it caused my breath to hitch in my chest. And then his lips found mine. Finally! He tasted like a mixture of Ollie and maple syrup, so sweet. His mouth was covering mine with slow, deep kisses. My body was coming alive underneath of him. I started to wiggle against him hoping for a positive reaction but instead I felt him smile against my lips and all too soon he pulled away. What the hell?!?!

  
I'm sure I have never looked more petulant in my life. Oliver took one look at my face and started busting out laughing. "Come on Kit Kat, get your cute butt out of bed. It's a big day!" When my pout stayed firmly in place he smiled sheepishly at me. "There's lots of work to be done," leaning down he whispered in my ear, " but we'll play later. I promise."  
He kissed my cheek, climbed off my bed, and walked out of my room. Even though I was staring at his back I could still feel his gigantic smart ass grin.

  
What the fuck, seriously????

  
~~~~~~~~~~

After my much needed morning maintenance routine I walked out into the kitchen to join Sarah and Oliver. Sarah was zipping around like the Tasmanian devil looking for her car keys. "Damn it! Kit, have you seen my keys? I'm so late!"

  
I turned my head and looked at our key hooks by the front door. They were hanging neatly in their spot. I bit the inside of my lip to stifle my grin. Somehow I didn't think she would appreciate the humor. "Yeah, I hung them up on the key rack last night. I found them in JAWS when I was looking for the remote. Figured you'd need them this morning." JAWS was our comfy old couch. JAWS ate things, hence the nickname.

  
"Aahh! You're a life saver Kit!" She zoomed by, kissed me on the cheek, and was out the door. As soon as I heard the door click I couldn't help the giggle that escaped my lips. If anyone was proof to the 'There's Beauty In Chaos' theory, it was Sarah.

  
Now that Sarah was on her way, that left me alone with Oliver. He was sitting at our kitchen table reading the newspaper and drinking a cup of coffee. I cleared my throat and he looked up from his reading. "So, what's the agenda for this so called 'big day' of yours?"

  
I needed to get him talking so I could feel out his mood. His early morning wake up call was stimulating but confusing. "Well, I have to be down at the courthouse by 11:00 to give my statement. I'm not sure how long that will take..." He looked a bit anxious. "But I was thinking that later tonight we could make dinner. Maybe watch that movie you've been going on about. Get up close and personal on the couch like a couple of teenagers?" I didn't miss the fact that the last part was posed as a question.

  
His grin was shy but contagious. "Eh, maybe.." As soon as he realized that my tone was playful his expression changed from one of shock to one that let me know he had fully accepted my challenge.

  
After he had finished up his second cup of coffee he stood up and adjusted his clothes. He looked exquisite. The man knew how to dress himself. I hadn't realized I was staring until he spoke. "Earth to Kit!" When I looked at his face he was grinning from ear to ear."Well I need to get going. I've got some errands to run before I meet with the DA and if you don't get a move on you're going to be late to open the store..."

  
I looked over to the clock on the stove. Shit! He was right. He walked over to where I was leaning against the counter and cupped my face in both of his hands. "See, I told you this would all work out fine. You'll go to work. I'll go answer some questions and this whole thing will be behind us. And then tonight......." There was so much promise in the way he said the word tonight.

  
He leaned in a planted a swift kiss on my lips. "Love yah Kit Kat. Wish me luck!" And on that note he donned his suit jacket, grabbed his keys from the table and headed for the door.

  
I yelled out to him, "I love you to Ollie! Break a leg!"

  
~~~~~~~~~~

  
I managed to make it to the shop with 5 minutes to spare.

  
Spins and Needles. For the past seven years I have owned and operated a record shop. It's my own little safe haven and so much a part of who I am. When I was growing up I never knew my father so my mom's little brother, or Uncle Alec, served as my substitute dad. We bonded over his old vinyl collection and I have been obsessed ever since.  
There was always something to do around this place. New music to order and vinyls to alphabetize. Sarah referred to it as the OCD Dream Job. But the best part was that my day always had an awesome soundtrack.

  
I put on my favorite Peanut Butter Wolf album and busied myself for the next few hours. For some reason I could not keep myself focused. I had this uneasy feeling. You know, when you feel worried about something but you can't for the life of you put your finger on what has you so anxious? That was my frame of mind all day. I felt like I was forgetting something.

  
At around 5:45 I realized that I hadn't heard from Ollie yet. I thought for sure he would call me with an update. I went to dig my phone out of my purse but it wasn't there. Well, that would explain why I felt like I was forgetting something all day. I had walked out in such a hurry this morning that i forgot my phone. All of my business calls are directed to that number too.

  
Resolving to call it an early night, I locked up the store and made my way down to the corner grocery. I was excited about dinner with Oliver tonight. I wanted to make him all of his favorite things. And I couldn't forget the whiskey. If we were going to do this like, how was it Ollie put that..., oh yeah, like a couple of teenagers, we would need to be at least a little drunk.

  
I put my keys in my apartment door at 7:42. When I walked in it was too quiet. I knew Sarah was home because I parked next to her car in the garage and the lights in the living room and kitchen were all on. Maybe she had laid down for a nap?

  
I started walking down the hall but stopped dead my tracks when I heard Sarah call out my name. "KIT?!?!" She came abruptly around the corner from the living room.

  
Her voice sounded..... wrong. When I finally took in her appearance a sense of panic spread throughout my body. I dropped my grocery bag on the counter and wrapped my arms around her. "Sarah?! What's the matter?Are you alright?" Her eyes were all puffy and red and her makeup was smeared down her face.

  
"Where have you been Kit?! I've been calling you for hours!" She was screaming at me but I think it was more out of fear than anger.

  
I stepped back from her to look her in the eye. "Sorry, I was in such a hurry this morning that I walked off and left my phone. And then after work I wanted to get something special to make for Ollie tonight so I...." The look on her face when I mentioned Ollie stopped my train of thought. "Sarah, what's going on?"

  
She was looking at me with such pity and anguish that I thought I was going to scream. Why wouldn't she just spit it out? "Kit..... Ollie... he.... Ollie was killed today."

  
My mind could not process her words. I just stared at her face willing her to take it back. When she didn't offer and explanation I asked for one. "Wh- What happened?" It was all I could manage. I was starting to feel woozy.

  
"He was standing outside the courthouse on the sidewalk waiting to talk to the DA and someone drove their car off the road and hit him. They did everything they could Kit, but he died before they even reached the hospital. Nobody got a good look at the driver but people saw enough to know that it wasn't an accident." She paused her story to gauge my reaction. Still, I could do nothing but watch her lips move. "Afterward, the judge declared the case a miss trial. I guess without Oliver's statement they didn't have enough to go on."

  
My mind and body finally gave out on me. My legs buckled and I dropped to my knees. Sarah followed me down. I knew she was trying to talk to me but my eyes couldn't see her and my ears couldn't hear her. All I was aware of was the sound of my own heart beating and the flood of thoughts pouring through my brain.

  
What had I done? How could I have let him take this on for me? I knew something didn't feel right. Why wouldn't he listen? Why didn't I make him listen. He's gone. Ollie's gone. And that is on me. Maybe if I wasn't such a coward.....

  
Sarah was in my face, her hands on each side of my shoulders. She was shaking me violently. "KIT! KIT???? For the love of God Kit, please say something!"

  
My eyes were burning. I reached my hand up to rub them and when I pulled it away it was wet. I was crying. How did I not know that I was crying?  
I shoved Sarah's hands from my shoulders and stood up. I couldn't be here anymore. I had to move. I had to get out. I had to leave. I couldn't bare for her to look at me like that for another second. It was a look of pity and a look of grief. But I didn't deserve her pity. This was my fault.

  
I walked over to the counter and picked up my keys. "Kit? Where are you going?!?!" It was like she didn't exist. I walked right past her and out the door. She didn't follow me and I'm glad because I don't know what I would have done if she did. All I know is that I needed to get out.

  
I walked and walked and walked. I have no idea where all I went or for how long I was walking but when I finally stopped I was standing in front of a giant church. It seemed familiar. Out of all the churches I walked by, why did I stop here? I'm not even Catholic!

  
I didn't have time or patience for questions. I needed answers and for some reason this felt like the place I was going to find them. I walked up the stairs and through the giant wood doors. The sanctuary was stunning! It was also empty. I strode down the isle all the way to the crucifix at the end.

  
I looked up into His face and I lost my mind. "HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? JUST SHOW ME! SHOW ME WHAT TO DO! I NEED THE ANSWERS FATHER! I NEED YOU TO SHOW ME!" My little outburst was all the energy that I had left. I dropped to the ground and just laid there sobbing.

  
There was someone standing over my left shoulder. They were trying to talk to me but I couldn't make sense of the words. I couldn't make sense of anything. It wasn't until he dropped to his knees in front of me, that everything snapped back into focus.

  
That face.... I know that face! I've seen it almost every night for weeks.

  
His hands were placed firmly on either side of my neck effectively locking my gaze with his. "Are you alright there lass? Are you hurt?!" I shook my head. The same answer applied for either question. "What's your name miss?"

 

I managed to break through my sobs long enough to tell him. "K- Kit Taylor..."

  
"Alright Kit, I'm Murphy. It's going to be okay." He sounded so sure.

  
He moved his hands, one to the back of my head and the other to the middle of my back, and pulled me forward, pinning me to his chest. He was holding me so tight it was like he was trying to be my center of gravity, keeping me grounded to the here and now.

  
I shocked myself by wrapping my arms around his waist and holding on with all I had. He didn't seem to mind. This was so weird. I didn't even know this man but in this moment I needed him.

  
For a good while, that's how we stayed. With me curled up in the lap of a stranger, crying into his neck, sitting in the middle of a church floor....

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

  
When I woke the next morning I was tucked comfortably in my own bed. I felt like shit. My head was pounding and my eyes were so puffy from all the tears that they were almost swollen shut. When the events of the previous day came flooding into my mind I felt like I was going to come unraveled all over again. I needed to get up and face the day. Shower, maybe try to eat something.

  
I swung my legs from the bed to head towards the bathroom and I nearly stomped all over Sarah. She was asleep on the floor next to my bed. Seeing her there plagued me with guilt. She was obviously worried and I wasn't making things easy on her. I had a feeling she was going to be hovering for a while.

  
I didn't want to wake her so I climbed off the other side of the bed and went straight for the shower. When the streams of hot water hit my face I immediately felt more at ease. This is where I came to unwind. I did my best thinking in here. The hot water was like a cure all for me.

  
I was about mid shampoo when a stray thought stopped my scrubbing. How the hell did I even get home last night? I don't remember walking here. I don't remember putting myself to bed. The last thing I remember was crying on the floor of that Church and...... and Murphy. Holy shit, Murphy! Was that real or just another one of my weird dreams? No, I'm pretty sure that was real. I can still remember what he felt like, how he smelled, the sound of his voice...I shook those thoughts off immediately. I did not have the capacity to go there right now.I finished up in the bathroom and headed for the kitchen. Coffee, I needed coffee.

  
I got myself situated with a cup of coffee and some toast and settled in at the kitchen table. When I looked at the seat across from me all I could see was Ollie sitting there reading his paper and looking all smug. Had it really only been just 24 hours ago that he was still here with me? I felt like I had lived and died 100 times since the last time I'd seen him. I wanted to grieve for him but I couldn't. Not yet. I was consumed with rage. I was so angry with myself for letting him put himself in danger for me. And I was beyond rage when it came to the men responsible for his death. They couldn't just get away with this, right?...

  
"Kit?!" Sarah had finally woken up and noticed I was gone. "I'm in the kitchen Sarah." Slowly, she walked down the hallway and took her place on the other side of the table. She was regarding me with caution. As if any sudden movement would spook me and send me bolting in the opposite direction. We sat like that for a few minutes, neither of us saying a word.

  
Eventually I couldn't take the silence anymore. "Sarah, I'm sorry about my little freak out last night. I didn't mean to scare you. I just couldn't be here."  
She was definitely concerned. "It's fine Kit. You don't need to apologize. But, uh... who was the guy that brought you home last night?" She had to be talking about Murphy but I didn't quite know how to approach this subject with her. She freaked out when I tried to explain my death dream to her. How would she react to the fact that the guy I had been dreaming about for weeks just happened to show up and rescue me in my "Damsel in Distress" moment? And honestly, what was there to tell? I didn't know anything about him except his name.

  
Apparently my inner dialogue was obvious. "Just spit it out Kit! Don't you know by now that this is the last place that you'll find judgement?"

  
I think my reluctance had hurt her feelings. "I met him last night in a church. I was crying and he tried to comfort me." She wasn't convinced that was the whole story so I went on. "When I saw his face I recognized him. It's his face that I've been seeing in my dreams for weeks. His name is Murphy."

  
"Holy crap Kit, seriously?" I nodded. "Are you freaking out?"

  
She was on a roll with her questions today. "Yeah, a little. I don't know what any of this means. And to be honest, I don't remember a lot of last night. I think my mind is trying to block it all out. Did he say anything while he was here?"

  
"No not really. When I answered the door he was standing there with you in his arms. He asked me where your bedroom was, carried you back to lay you down, and then told me to keep an eye on you. He didn't stick around long." She paused for a while before she started to giggle. "Haha the man of your dreams.... I mean, he was pretty dreamy with that Irish accent and all."

  
I rolled my eyes at her and stood up to refill my coffee. I had a feeling I would need the extra cup today.

  
~~~~~~~~~~

  
It had been a little over 2 weeks and there was still no news on who had killed Ollie. The cops were are at dead end evidence wise. Pretty soon I would have to do something. I had absolutely no idea what that something would be but I did know that those low lifes weren't going to get away with this!

  
Sarah and I tried to get back into the most normal routines as possible. She finally decided I didn't need to be looked over every second of the day so she went back to school. I plastered on my most convincing "coping face" and went back to work. The endless piles of vinyl were just the distraction I needed.

  
My distraction didn't last long because my little "quirk", as I liked to call it, was back with a vengeance. It wasn't the same as my dream about that poor girl. This was different for many reasons. For starters, it was happening while I was wide awake. When I would come into contact with certain people I would get little glimpses into their minds. Maybe a memory or an intention. The more it happened the more I was able to sort it out. Some people I didn't pick up on at all but others were, for the lack of a better term, stronger "broadcasters". And the stronger the emotion, the more vivid of an image I got. It was like my empathy was on overdrive!

  
I kept this little piece of information from Sarah. She had dealt with enough already. I was already having a hard time being around her because I could read her emotions to clearly. She was easy enough to read before all of this came into the picture. Now every time she looked at me all that came to her mind was grief. Her mind was filled with memories of me and Ollie. It hurt to much to relive it all the time.

  
One evening after locking up the store I rounded the street corner and ran smack dab into a young woman, scattering our belongings to the sidewalk. Somewhere in the scurry of apologies and gathering the contents of our purses I made contact with her eyes and that's when I saw it. The fear. She was terrified. And behind that fear was a familiar beady little rat face. Before I could even try to talk to her, she had put together her purse and was walking away from me as fast as she could.

  
I didn't know what to do. I just stood there on the sidewalk staring after her like an idiot. My head was spinning. I felt like I was going to.... yep, here it comes. I ran to the nearest trash can on the side of the street and emptied the contents of my stomach.

  
That foul, pathetic excuse for a human being was going to terrorize another innocent girl if I didn't do something to stop it. But what?

  
Just like the night I heard the news about Ollie, I started walking. I had no idea where I was going. I just needed to think. When I looked up again I found myself in a less than desirable part of town. Most of the street was dark and there were hardly any cars or people. Nothing was open except for a little hole in the wall pub. I decided to go in to get off of the street.

  
The atmosphere was a lot different than I expected. It was sort of inviting. The patrons were all laughing and messing with each other like brothers. I say brothers because there were no other women in the bar. That fact alone made my entrance noticeable.

  
I made my way over and sat down at the bar. I needed a big girl drink in the worst of ways. Before I had even had the chance to order, the bartender sat a double shot of whisky down in front of me and winked before turning back to wait on other customers. This was my kind of place.

  
When I was about three shots deep and feeling more than a little warm, I decided I needed a bathroom break. I went to stand up off of my stool but my foot slipped and sent me tumbling backwards. Someone caught me just before I hit the floor and with a familiar voice asked, "Whoa! You alright there lass?" I could tell by his tone that he was laughing at me.

  
When I turned to face him, he looked just as stunned as I felt. His eyes widened out of surprise. "Kit Taylor?" Shit. I was looking right into the ridiculously blue eyes of Murphy...Murphy...Murphy what?! Did I even get his last name?

  
He was staring at me with each of his hands locked around my upper arms. "Hey Murphy, do you think you could let go? I need to pee."

  
I walked away, leaving him with a slight smirk on his face, and made my way to the bathroom. When I made it inside I locked the door behind me. Leaning on the wall for support, I braced myself with my hands on my knees and let out a huge breath. I was trying my hardest not to freak out but this was too weird. Why was it that every time I went off in search of answers, I ended up face to face with this man?

  
After I had sorted myself out, I unlocked to door only to find Murphy waiting for me on the other side. "Murphy? What are you doing?"

  
He looked up from his phone when he heard me speak. "I thought I might walk you home. This isn't the best neighborhood. And to honest Kit, you seem absolutely bolloxed." Bolloxed? I'm assuming he was referring to my inebriated state.

  
It took me longer than I would have liked, to respond. "I don't want to go home. I need to think. I need to walk and think."

  
He chuckled slightly at my response. "Well then, can I walk and think with ya?" I didn't see any harm in that. He obviously meant me no harm. And if he did, I would be able to tell.  
We settled up, gathered our things and left the bar.

  
Before I drunkenly blurted out my life story, I need to know one thing. "Murphy, what's your last name?"

  
He looked over at me after lighting his cigarette. "MacManus. Murphy MacManus. Sorry about that, thought I'd given it to ya."

  
We talked about everything and nothing before he finally asked the million dollar question. "So what is it that's got you fixin' to be a Friday night lush?" He took a long drag off of his cigarette and waited for my answer.

  
I could tell he was dying to ask me about why I was such a wreck. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

  
"Oh, I don't know. I'm a pretty open minded kind of guy," he said with a wink.

  
I thought on that for a minute. I mean what could it hurt to tell him? The worst that could happen would be for him to think I'm crazy. Which at this point, I'm sure he already did.So against my better judgement, I told him the whole story. All of it, from start to finish, with all the fucked up details in between. 

Aside from the occasional widening of his eyes, he had the perfect poker face. Either he was really good at hiding his thoughts, or he was taking me at my word. I'm pretty sure it was the latter. I didn't feel as manic about the whole thing as I normally did. Geesh, he was calming! I remembered, it was the same that night in the church. When he said everything was going to be alright, there was something so matter of fact about it. Something so absolute. I had never felt more safe in my life.

  
He let me finish my whole story before he said anything. And when he did speak, it was the last thing I was expecting. "Somebody needs to make those fuckers pay..."  
I wanted to be shocked or appalled but if I'm being honest, I couldn't have said it better myself.

  
"Kit, I think I can help you." That sentence surprised me even more.

  
"What do you mean? How could you possibly help me?" I hope he didn't take that the wrong way.

  
"I promise I'll explain everything, but first I need you to meet my brother."

  
He grabbed me by the hand and started pulling me along beside him. I guess I didn't have a choice, we were going to meet his brother...

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

 I was having a hard time keeping up with Murphy's pace. He was practically dragging me through the streets. I couldn't get a feel for his emotional state but I was picking up enough to know the man was on a mission.

We'd been walking about 20 minutes when he stopped in front of an old loft building. Murphy dropped my hand and made quick work with unlocking the door. He was pretty much buzzing with excitement at this point. We entered the building only to have him stop us again. He reached out and grabbed my wrist, effectively halting my footsteps. When I turned to look at him, his free hand was rubbing the back of his head and he was chewing the inside of his bottom lip. He looked like he was wrestling with a tough decision. I soon found out what choice he landed on. "The lifts broken, gotta take the stairs."

Murphy leaned over and scooped me up, throwing me over his shoulder like I was a child. After the initial shock wore off, I was furious! If he was going to treat me like a child than I was going to feel free to act like one. I could feel my 2 year old toddler tantrum bubbling to the surface. If I would have been standing, I think I may have actually stomped my foot. "Murphy! What the fuck?!?! PUT ME DOWN!" Was he seriously so impatient that he couldn't wait for me to climb the stairs of my own accord? What is his deal?!

After carrying me up 5 flights of stairs, he plopped me down, relinquishing his hold on me only long enough to unlock his door. He ushered me in, turning on all the lights as he went. This place was NOT what I was expecting. From the looks of the rest of the building, I just kind of figured this place would be a dump. Oh, but on the contrary. They had obviously put some real work into it. This place was huge! It looked like they had bought the apartment next door and knocked down the dividing walls. The majority of the apartment was one big,open room. It had a sort of industrial look to it. The floors were all stained concrete and there was lots of exposed brick.

My eyes were scanning the room to get a feel for the layout. You know, just in case I needed to make a quick get away. To my left, was the kitchen area. It was small but practical. Off the side of the kitchen was a small hallway that I can only assume led to bedrooms and whatnot.

Directly in front of me was an impressive sight. Nearly half of the open concept room had been converted into a sort of home gym. A good bit of the floor was covered in grappling mats and the walls were lined with equipment. Sparring gloves, head gear, jump ropes, and a lot of other stuff I didn't recognize. Hanging from the ceiling was a punching bag. On the back wall, there was a window that led out to the fire escape. I wonder if they had roof access?

All that was left of the room to see was to my right. It wasn't a large area but it was big enough to house a comfy couch and an entertainment center. Wow, they had a lot of movies!

I was so busy taking in my surroundings, that I hadn't even noticed Murphy leaving the room. When I noticed him again, he was yelling. "Conn! Connor?!" He came walking back down the hallway with a scrunched look on his face. "Damn it, he's not even here!"

The irony of this situation was priceless. The little stunt he pulled with the stairs was an obvious violation, to which Karma replied, "I saw that..."

It had been a long day, it was getting late, and I was still more than a little drunk from tonight's festivities. Not to mention, Murphy's recent assault to my balance was throwing me out of sorts. "Murph...I think I might need to lay down..." The last thing I remember is the look of panic on Murphy's face as he darts out to catch me for the second time that night...

~~~~~~~~~~

I was drifting lazily through my dreams. Nothing out of the norm, flashes of the church, an older woman cooking over a stove, the vast green fields, and then Murphy. But this time the images were more vivid. Maybe since I was so near to Murphy, I was picking up on him better. Getting a stronger signal.

It was all rather pleasant until the image changed one more time. This was a memory I don't remember seeing before. Murphy, along with another man, was tied to a chair. His face was covered with blood. He appeared to be screaming something but I couldn't hear him. All of a sudden, another man walked into the room with a gun. He pointed it at the man sitting next to Murphy and pulled the trigger. BAM!

My eyes shot open. My heart was pounding out of my chest. Between the last few minutes of my dream and the 10 seconds my eyes had been open, I had taken in a lot of information. I need to calm down and compartmentalize.

1\. Where I am? - Oh yeah, I went home with Murphy...

2\. Murphy is asleep on one side of me. Who is on my other side? - I turned over to investigate.

3\. Good God Almighty! This had to be Connor. - What kind of gene pool were these two swimming in?!?!

4\. I enjoyed being sandwiched between them far too much.

5\. That dream was awful... Is Murphy having a nightmare?

I turned away, from who I can only assume was Connor, and looked down at a sleeping Murphy. He was lightly snoring and seemed to thoroughly be enjoying his sleep. Hmmmm...?

Once more, I brought my eyes back to Connor. He was laying on his back with one leg extended and the other bent slightly at the knee. Both of his arms were above him, one nestled under his head for support and the other laying freely on the pillow. He was still wearing all of his clothes from the night before. His jeans hung deliciously low and his shirt was hiked up just enough to make my mouth go dry. His stomach was toned and tan and I have never wanted to touch something so badly in my life.

I took my eyes off of his body long enough to look up at his face. His hair was lighter than Murphy's but just as unruly. It was sticking up in all different directions and was something else that I very much wanted to touch. His lips looked soft and pouty. Right now, they were parted slightly and he was panting. It wasn't until then that I took in the details of his face all at once. His brows were drawn together in anxiety and there was a tear streaming down his cheek.

In that moment, I couldn't help myself. I did what I'd been wanting to do all morning, I reached out and touched the side of his face.

As soon as I made contact with him, it washed over me. My eyes were wide open but I couldn't see what was in front of me. I was seeing, hearing, and feeling his nightmare. Murphy, still tied to his chair, was now laying on the floor next to the man who had been shot. He was crying and screaming, "I'm gonna kill those mother fuckers!" His face was buried into the shoulder of his dead friend. I could feel myself, or rather Connor, struggling in his own chair. His hands were cuffed so tight,that they were bleeding. He just kept shouting, "Rocco! No, Roc, no!!"

I watched the boys cry and struggle right up until the point where Connor broke Murphy's hand to free him from his restraints. I couldn't stand it anymore after that. I took my hand away from his face and my mind was my own again.

I needed to get up. I needed to be away from them for a second. I had never felt anything so intense before and it kinda freaked me out. I eased myself off the bed. Luckily, it was big and cushy enough, that my movements didn't wake either one of them.

I walked down the hallway, back out into the kitchen. I opened up the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of orange juice. It was exactly what I needed. As I stood there, leaning on their kitchen island,enjoying my oj, something else came to mind. This entire time that I have been seeing Murphy in my dreams, I had actually been seeing him through Connor. Connor was the one I was connected to somehow, not Murphy. I don't know how that made me feel. This whole time I was operating under the assumption that there was something special about Murphy. I mean come on, he was practically my knight in shinning armor! But I couldn't feel Murphy the way I felt Connor, and I haven't even experienced Connor awake yet!

This was......... a lot. I needed time to process. I wanted nothing more in this moment than to take a hot shower. I grabbed my purse from the kitchen table and made my way back down the hall in search of the bathroom. The first door I came to was another bedroom. But the second door, the second door was something else entirely.

At first I couldn't tell what I was looking at because there weren't any windows in the room and the lights were out. When I flipped the light switch, my mouth fell to the floor. What. The. Fuck..... What the fuck am I looking at?! This can't be real. How could I be so careless as to come home with a man that I know absolutely nothing about? Blue eyes and broad shoulders, that's why...

Lining the walls of this room, were more weapons than I had ever seen. Guns of all shapes and sizes. Knives that looked pretty damn scary and pretty damn sharp. Rope and masks and anything else you could think of to commit a crime! Who the fuck were these guys?! Who had I just spent the night sandwiched between?

Just as I was asking myself the question, a voice startled me from behind. "Good morning Kit..." I turned around to see Murphy leaning in the doorway with his arms crossed across his chest. He didn't look mad, just curious.

"Murphy." I said it so quiet that I wasn't sure if he even heard me. He just stood there, waiting for me to either scream or run. I surprised us both by doing neither of those things. "Who are you?" I felt like that was a fair question for me to ask.

He didn't speak, he just inclined his head at something on the wall next to him. I followed his gaze and landed on the two rosaries hanging by the door. Adding those to the collection of guns and the tattoo of the Virgin Mary on his neck, I made an educated guess. "You're the Saints, aren't you?" The Saints were famous killers who had been cleaning up around the city for the past year or so. There was some speculation that they may have been dead because they hadn't surfaced in months.

Once again, he didn't speak. He just nodded his head in affirmation. "Oh. My. God. This isn't happening. This cannot be happening!" I started pacing back and forth through the room. What should I do? Should I run? Should I grab one of these guns and fight my way out of here?! Obviously, judging from that last brilliant idea, I was losing it.

Before I had the chance to do anything rash, Murphy spoke up. "I told you that we could help you Kit."

"Aye, that we can lass." Shit! Connor was now standing in the doorway next to his brother. I was trapped in here. Murphy must have filled Connor in on my story while I was passed out last night. "Actually, I think it is more like we can help each other..." Connor was looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to understand what he had just said.

If I were a cartoon, a big light bulb would have came on over my head. "Oh..." I was stunned. "You guys want me to be your 'bad guy' metal detector?!"

Connor actually giggled at my comparison. If I wasn't so mortified at the moment, it would have been the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. "Haha well yes, lass. More or less."

"No. No way. I can't be apart of this!" My head was frantically shaking from side to side, as if to further reassure my answer.

"Oh come on Kit! I heard ya last night! I know you want that rat faced fucker to pay for what he did! Don't deny it!" Well damn, I think Murphy is angry with me. "Your friend wasn't the only person that asshole has hurt, and he sure as hell won't be the last. And there are plenty of other low life scum out there that need dealin' with. What's the difference between us helping you get your vengeance, and you helping us get vengeance for hundreds of other people?" He wasn't yelling at me anymore. He was staring at me kindly, pleading with me to understand him.

"You wouldn't have to do any of the killin', if that's what you're worried about?" Connor had picked my next protest straight from my head.

"I may not be pulling the trigger, but I'd be loading the gun and pointing it in the right direction!" I was fighting the urge to screech.

I looked from one beautiful face to next. They were so sincere in what they were saying. "Kit..." I effectively cut off Murphy's words by waving my hands and shaking my head back and forth. No more. I was begging.

"I need to take a shower. Where's your bathroom." Murphy looked at me like I had just spoken Martian. Obviously he didn't understand my reasoning, but he thought better than to test me. He walked slowly over to me, wrapped my hand in his, and pulled me along behind him. He led me back into the bedroom and through a side door straight into the bathroom. "Towels are under the sink." He pulled me into his chest, kissed my forehead, and the left, shutting the door behind him.

Well, that was abrupt.

I quickly disrobed and stepped under the streaming flow of hot water. It was Heaven. I let it all get washed away. The girl on the street, the whisky, Connor's nightmare, The Saints, the proposition, it all just flowed off of me and down the drain. I had to make a decision and I needed a clear mind to do so.

I took my good ol' time, that's for sure. When I finally turned off the water, I looked like a giant prune. I pulled 2 towels out from under the sink. I wrapped one securely around my body and used the other to wrap my hair. I looked up into the mirror, squared my shoulders, and marched off in search of Connor and Murphy.

I found them in the living room, playing video games. "Alright, fine! I'll help you..." They both looked over at me, shocked and amused. I was standing there with my hands on my hips, sporting nothing but a towel.

"Aye! That's our girl!" Connor said, with the most radiant smile.

I held up one finger, signaling for them to hold their horses. "I'll help you, but I have a few conditions."

"Alright, you name it lass..." Murphy seemed so relieved that I was being cooperative, that he was more than willing to hear me out.

"I don't want anything to do with any of the killing. I don't want to see it and I don't want to hear about it. Once I point you in the right direction, you guys are responsible for the rest of the leg work." They both nodded in agreement, but I wasn't quite finished. "Except for the men responsible for Ollie... When we find them, I want to be the one to pull the trigger..."

Boy, did I know how to silence a room.

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys! I finally had a chance to add some dirty sexy fun times. This is my first try at writing smut so I hope it's up to par. Let me know what you think :)

Murphy and Connor were both staring at me with very distinct looks. Murphy's look said, "I understand where you're coming from and I don't have a problem with that." Connor's look said, "I'm going to throw up."

  
A few more moments of silence passed before I couldn't take it anymore. "Well? Do we have a deal?" Patience was never really my strong suit.

  
Murphy took one last look at his brother before standing up off of the couch and walking towards me. "I'm comfortable with it if you are, lass." One down, one to go.

  
Connor was silent but I could feel the emotions rolling off of him. Fear and guilt.

  
He was still sitting on the couch, head in hands, staring at a spot on the floor. I walked over to him and knelt down between his legs, placing my hands on his thighs. "Connor, look at me." He lifted his face to meet my gaze. His eyes were beautiful. Just as blue as his brother's, but with specks of green. "Is this about your friend, Rocco?" His eyes widened in surprise before darting over to silently accuse Murphy. Murphy just shook his head, pointed at me, and with the same finger, tapped his temple three times.

  
I squeezed Connor's thighs slightly, to turn his attention back to me. "Murphy didn't tell me anything..." Now it was my turn to avert my eyes to that very interesting spot on the ground. "You were dreaming about him this morning..."

  
Connor didn't say a word. I could feel his emotions changing from panic to confusion. I knew his eyes were on me, but I couldn't bring myself to look up at him, for fear of what I might find there. He took my chin between his thumb and forefinger and gently tugged. "Aye..." He said a lot with just one word. Yes, this was about his friend. Yes, he understood how I knew. And finally, yes, he agreed to my terms.

  
"But if we do this, we do it right. You need proper training girl. For your sake and ours." Connor wasn't taking any chances this time around.

  
"Okay, I think that's fair." I was just happy he agreed.

  
"And you know what that means, Kit?" Murphy was sporting a grin that looked like pure trouble. "You're gonna be spendin' a lot of late nights with us." If I'm not mistaken, he shot me a small wink.

  
Lord, give me strength...

  
~~~~~~~~~~

  
After hashing out the details of our arrangement, I made my way home. I really needed to talk to Sarah. She was definitely not going to be happy with what I had to tell her, so I brought Connor along as back up. Maybe having something pretty in the room would distract her from her anger.

  
When we got to my front door, I hesitated for a second and took a deep breath. Ok, brace yourself Kit. This is going to be rough.

  
I was trying to be quiet but she still heard me come in. "Seriously Kit?! Where have you been? You can't just..." She stopped mid sentence when she took in Connor standing behind me. "Oh boy..."

  
Ha! My plans of distraction seemed to be working! "Sarah this is Connor MacManus, Murphy's brother." Maybe if I threw Murphy in there, she would have less of a freak out. "Connor, this is my roommate Sarah."

  
If there's one thing these boys know how to do, it's lay on the charm. Connor gave her his most breathtaking smile. " Good mornin' Sarah. It's nice to finally meet ya. Kit wasn't exaggerating about how pretty you are."

  
Now, Sarah has a naturally pink complexion but if Connor says another word, she'll be straight up magenta! "Umm, yeah. You too..." She shook herself back into coherence and walked over to take my hand. "If you'll excuse us Connor, I just need to talk to Kit for a second."

  
Sarah dragged me into my bedroom and closed the door. "First, I'm glad you're okay. Second, shame on you for trying to distract me with Mr. Magically Delicious. And third, what is going on with you? I have been out of my mind with worry. It isn't like you not to call, Kit."

  
Great, now I feel even more guilty for what I'm about to do. But I love Sarah and I can't have her anywhere near this. Not after Ollie.

  
"Sorry, I was a little... preoccupied. But I'm fine. Nothing to worry about. I actually just stopped by to grab some clothes. I think I'm going to stay with Connor and Murphy for a while."

  
She looked like I had just slapped her in the face. "What?! Absolutely not!"

  
And here it comes. She may be pissed for a while, but it has to be done. "Excuse me?! I am a grown ass woman, Sarah! I don't need you telling me what to do. I have managed just fine on my own for the past 20 odd years. And the only reason I came back here today was out of consideration for you! This is something that I need right now Sarah. So please, pay me the same courtesy, and don't make me explain this..."

  
A look of comprehension danced across her face. "This is about your weird little ability, isn't it? Something else has happened and you aren't telling me the whole story!"

  
Weird little ability? Ok ouch, that stung. "I told you, I don't want to talk about this. I can't."

  
"I'm sorry, but that's bullshit Kit. And you aren't going anywhere until I get an explanation." Her arms were crossed tightly over her chest and her hip and foot were jutted out in front of her. She meant business.

  
Why couldn't she just let this go? I didn't want to take it this far. "Alright, fine! You want to know what's going on? You're right, it is about my "weird little ability". I can sense all of your emotions Sarah. So much so, that I know in this very moment you are wishing Ollie was here to handle me." All of the color drained from her face when she understood what I was telling her. "I can't be here anymore. I already see Ollie everywhere I look. It's to hard to be around you right now. Every time you look at me, your mind fills with pity and sadness. I don't need a constant reminder of what I've lost, I am already well aware."

  
Tears were pooling in her eyes. "Kit please, I'm so sorry. Don't do this, please don't go..." The pleading in her voice was breaking my heart.

  
I was starting to feel remorseful and I needed to soften the blow. She didn't ask for this and she was just trying to look out for me. "It's alright, Sarah. I'm not angry with you. I know you would never hurt me on purpose, but it's too painful. I just need a little breather. Please understand...?"

  
The reluctance was practically oozing off of her, but she nodded in acceptance. Before I knew it, she had closed the distance between us and was hugging me. "I love you Kit. And I'm always here."

  
Great, now I was crying. "I know Sarah. I love you too."

  
After we wrapped up our little chick flick moment and I packed up my stuff, Connor and I were on our way. As soon as the apartment door closed behind us, he laced his fingers through mine. And with an arched brow he asked, "Aye?"

  
A small smile flitted across my lips. "Aye..."

  
By the time we got back to the boys' apartment it was late, and I was spent. It had been an exhausting couple of days. I needed to sleep it off.

  
Murphy and Connor both chivalrously offered to share their beds with me but that didn't sound like a very good idea on my part. I was way to vulnerable at the moment, and they were both sexy as hell. Those two things are never a safe combo. Lucky for me, their big comfy couch pulled out into a bed.

  
After about 10 minutes of protesting, they finally let me be and went to bed. The silence was heavenly. I was snuggled into my new bed and sleep could not come fast enough. But once the darkness and the silence set in, so did the fact that I was alone. Soon after that realization hit, the tears came.

  
At some point, I felt two warm arms snake around me and pull back against their chest. I was already breaking the number one rule that I set for myself, but at this point I didn't care. I don't know which brother it was but it didn't really matter. The embrace was more than welcome.

  
~~~~~~~~~~

  
The next couple of weeks were interesting to say the least. Murphy thought I should train with weapons and Connor thought I should train my body as a weapon. Both options were equally as frustrating for me. I have never shot a gun in my life and exercise was always more of a chore for me.

  
Adding to my frustration, it was getting harder and harder being in such close proximity with these two. Murphy might as well have been an exhibitionist, and Connor spent most of his time glistening tastily from his workouts.

  
I think I was even starting to get attached to them emotionally, which was 100% what I did not want. I mean come on, death was pretty much a disclaimer for their job description!

  
They liked to take me down to their favorite bar to unwind after long training sessions. One night, I came back from the bathroom to find them shamelessly entertaining a group of girls that had come in with a bachelorette party. I instantly felt the unmistakable sting of jealousy. I had to scold myself for that. They belonged to themselves, not me. It wasn't like I had even tried to stake a claim. I ended up ducking out early to leave them to their fun.

  
Which brings us to this morning. It was still early, maybe 9:00. I didn't hear Connor and Murphy stumble in until well after 4:00 this morning, so they would probably sleep until at least mid afternoon. Since I wasn't worried about bumping into one of them, I didn't bother to get dressed before going in search of my morning coffee.

  
I made my way into the kitchen sporting socks, undies, and one of Connor's t-shirts. This was going to be a lazy morning and I could not have been happier about it.

  
The coffee, of course, was on the highest shelf. Damn. I looked around for something to climb, but all I could find was a backless bar stool from the kitchen island. It didn't look like it was going to be very stable, but I guess it would have to do.

  
Even with the extra boost, I still had to reach. My arm was stretched as far as it would go and I was precariously perched on my tip toes. Right about the time I felt myself starting to fall, there were two warm, rough hands on my hips. I gasped at the skin to skin contact. "You know Kit, it really isn't fair for you to be prancing around in little outfits like this if we aren't allowed to touch."

Murphy. Of course it was Murphy, always there to catch me when I fall.

  
When I was planted firmly on the ground, I turned in his arms to face him. I think I actually stopped breathing for a couple of seconds when I looked at him. His hair was sticking up in all different directions and his eyes were appreciating my appearance. The look he was giving me made my insides clench. He was wearing a pair of low hanging sleep pants and a navy knit cardigan. Good Lord, that sweater. His shoulders were testing the limits of the fabric and the snug fit formed perfectly to his muscular arms. Due to the lack of undershirt, his bare chest was exposed. I could see the tattoo etched above his heart.

  
My resolve was waning. If he didn't touch me soon, I think I might wither to the floor. "I think maybe I changed my mind about that rule..."

  
His answering grin almost made my knees buckle. Before I knew it, he had stepped closer to me, slid each hand over my backside, squeezed, and was hoisting me up unto the kitchen counter. He spread my legs apart so he could stand between them. Placing a hand on each knee, he deeply ran his fingers up the length of my thighs and I practically convulsed. "Oh God, Murphy..."

  
His mouth was hovering on my neck, not quite touching me. "Tell me what you need Kit."

  
Somehow I managed to muster enough wherewithal to tell him. "Kiss me... Please." He lowered his mouth to touch my skin. Slowly, he ran his tongue from the curve of my shoulder, all the way up my neck, before nipping at my earlobe. And then his lips were on mine. He tasted glorious. There was still a hint of whiskey left on his lips.

  
My hands developed a mind of their own and decided to go exploring. They ventured inside his open cardigan so I could touch his defined stomach. Before I got a chance to get a good feel of anything else, he stepped away from me. The absence of contact was almost painful.

  
He never broke eye contact with me. Looping each thumb into the sides of my panties, he slowly peeled them down my legs. And then he was on his knees in front of me. Oh boy... I knew what was coming next. "Murphy...?" My breathing was coming out more like panting.

  
"You said you needed to be kissed, Kit. So that's what I'm doing. Under promise and over deliver." He gave me a playful wink from between my legs. The phrase made me smile. Connor was always saying it when he was trying to give me life lessons.

  
My thoughts of Connor were quickly dispersed as Murphy kissed his way up my inner thigh. Each new place that his lips made contact with, felt like it was on fire. After a long, tantalizing northward journey, he finally reached his destination.

  
"Oh, yes Murphy. God yes." I reached out, one hand on his shoulder, the other in his messy hair. I needed to brace myself before I squirmed off the counter. He placed his hand on my lower tummy to steady me before wrapping his lips around my clit. Sweet Jesus, his tongue was magic.

  
Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, he slipped two fingers inside of me. Curling them slightly, he was making direct contact with the sensitive bundle of nerves deep deep within. I had to bite down on my lip to stifle my gasp.

  
He had set at rhythm, and his mouth and fingers were dancing beautifully together. I could feel the beginnings of my impending orgasm. My fingers and toes were starting to feel all tingly, it wasn't going to take much more to push me over.

  
As if he'd read my mind, Murphy draped my legs over his shoulders so that he could bury his face deeper into my core. The sight of him moving between my legs was killing me! His pace was starting to quicken and so was I. "I'm so close Murphy. Don't stop."

  
My admission fueled him. He was on a personal mission to make me cum. His fingers were relentless, pumping harder and harder into me. I don't know how much longer I was going to last. He looked up at me with the most determined expression in those piercing blue eyes. I almost got off from that look alone.

  
I was teetering on the edge when he gently grazed my clit between his teeth. After that, I was a goner. My inner walls and thighs clenched around him, holding on for dear life. I was drifting through oblivion, slowly coming back down to the here and now.

  
Murphy stood up from between my legs to look me directly in the eye. He slowly and deliberately removed his fingers from me and brought them to his lips, where he tasted the evidence of my orgasm. I don't know why, but it was the sexiest thing I had ever seen.

  
I needed to feel him pressed against my body so I pulled him in towards me. His lips immediately found mine and we were off again. His mouth was the most euphoric thing I had ever experienced. I could still taste myself on him as me massaged my tongue with his own.

  
We both had entirely too much clothing on for my liking so I started tugging at his sweater. He followed suit by yanking the hem of my t-shirt up and over my head, exposing my bare chest. There was a sudden intake of breath before the most delicious growl I'd ever heard escaped his lips.

  
Leaning down, he started his oral assault on my hardened nipples while cupping my breasts in his hands. I let out a hiss of pleasure when he tweaked my nipple with his thumb, sending tingles directly to my nether regions. "Aahh, fuck. Murphy!"

  
Our lower halves were pressed together, his now rigid erection rubbing against my heat. Every so often when he would rotate his hips, his tip would slightly tease my entrance. The only thing standing in the way of the skin to skin contact that I was desperately craving, was the thin material of his pajama pants. I was starting to feel impatient. I needed him inside me and I needed him now!

  
I slid my hands around his waist and down into the back of his pants, grasping two handfuls of his glorious backside. Effectively stilling his movements, I frantically started pushing down the cotton material that stood in my way. "Please Murphy, I need you." Realizing what I was after, he dropped his pants to the ground, releasing his impressive length. My mouth instantly went dry. I wanted to taste him but he didn't give me time. Taking himself in hand, he aligned the head of his erection with my aching core. "Is this what you want Kit?" He pushed in just enough to tease me. My entire body tensed in anticipation and I nodded emphatically. "I need to hear you say it Kit. What do you need?"

  
"You Murphy. I need you. I need to feel you inside me..." I was barely able to get the sentence out, with all the panting and whatnot. But it was enough, he heard me loud and clear. With one hard thrust, he was buried inside me. I couldn't quiet my moan. It was the most satisfying feeling, being this full.

  
He paused to let me get used to his size but I wanted nothing more than for him to move again. I rotated my hips to let him know that I was ready. And oh boy, did he get the hint. He pounded into me over and over with the same force as before. With each upward thrust, my head smacked the kitchen cabinet above me. But in the midst of it all, I couldn't have cared less. The pain was actually heightening the pleasure. I was already starting to feel that familiar tingle.

  
Murphy hitched my leg over his hip and I did the same with the other so could lock my ankles behind his back. The new angle pushed him even deeper. "Oh! Yes, you feel so good Kit. Nice and wet, just for me..." His words made me even more so.

  
Leaning forward, I tucked my arms under his so that I could clutch his back and shoulders. I wanted to taste his skin so badly, and what better place than those beautiful broad shoulders. I kissed my way down his neck and when I made it across his collarbone, I nipped at his skin with my teeth.

  
"Fucking hell! Again Kit. Fucking bite me!" I did what I was told and was rewarded with his animalistic groan.

  
His thrusts were more forceful now. Lifting me slightly, his head was directly hitting my most sensitive of spots. My entire body clenched around him. "Aye lass, just like that. Let me have it."

  
I was so close and he was holding on just for my sake. I could feel the heat rising to my face. I felt like I was going to combust. "Cum for me Kit. I wanna feel ya cum all over my cock just like you did my fingers before..."

  
His request was the final push I needed and seconds later I was free falling. I opened my mouth to moan but not a sound came out. I was holding my breath as he thrust one last time before stilling to empty himself into me. "Fuck, lass. Holy shit!"

  
When I was finally able to draw in a breath, the first thing to pass my lips was his name. My body was spent. If he wouldn't have been holding on to me, I would have dropped to the ground.

  
Very gently, Murphy eased himself out of me and lowered us to the floor. He sat against the kitchen island and pressed my back to his chest, so that his body was supporting me. I had never felt more sated in my life. I don't know how long I've been thinking of this but it was even better than I'd imagined. "Mmmm, thank you Murphy..."

  
He nuzzled his face into my neck and laughed. "Aye! I was just about to say the same to you..."

  
A huge grin split across my face. It was 10:15 in the morning and I was already wrecked. It was better than any high I'd ever experienced. I was already thinking about my next fix...

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

  
Marco Alvarez, or as Murphy liked to call him, the rat faced fucker. He was still free and he was still breathing, which was a problem for me. Ollie lost his life so that Alvarez didn't go to jail. And aside from the collision I had with the girl outside my store, I haven't even heard so much as a whisper about him. He was laying low.

  
I felt like I was going insane over it. I had so many questions and I was starting to get antsy. Where was he? Who was driving the car? Who ordered the deed to be done? I needed to find him. I had a feeling that he was going to be the link we needed to break in a very long chain.

  
I was also trying not to stress myself out over Connor and Murphy. They agreed to help me with Ollie's killers but they wanted my help in return. So far I had been worthless. I haven't been able to give them any useful information. What if they decided that having me involved wasn't worth it? And what if they came to that conclusion before we found Alvarez? Could I do this on my own?

  
On top of all of that, there was my little tryst with Murphy. What was I thinking?! How could that have possibly been a good idea? I mean don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every sweaty second of it but how was it going to play out in the end? Did I want it to happen again? Does Connor know? Why do I care if Connor knows? My life has turned into one giant question mark!

  
Thank God I had my store to keep me preoccupied.

  
~~~~~~~~~~

  
I was alphabetizing some new inventory at the shop when a young man walked in the front door. He was a good looking kid, couldn't have been more than 18 or 19. He seemed anxious and he immediately put me on edge. There was just something off about him.

  
When he got a little closer to me I noticed his appearance. He had beautiful blue eyes but they were almost lifeless. Under one of those eyes was a deep set bruise. It looked more than painful. As I scanned him over, I noticed that he also had bruises across his collarbone and forearms.

  
He may have looked rough, but he felt even worse. His emotions were saturating the room. Helpless, he felt helpless. But he was also feeling all sorts of anger. My sense of danger was definitely peeked.

  
The closer he got to me, the more things came into focus. He didn't intend me any harm but he 100% intended it for someone else. Someone who had been abusing him. Someone who had been abusing his mother. That someone being his step father. And he didn't just intend to fight back, this kid had murder on the brain. He felt like he was backed into a corner and this was his only way out.

  
I immediately identified with him. I knew this feeling well. But something in the pit of my stomach was screaming at me. I couldn't let him do this. He's just a kid! It would change him forever. I may not be able to help him myself, but I sure as hell know someone that could. This was right up Connor and Murphy's ally.

  
I snapped myself into gear. I needed to get his name. I needed something for the boys to go off of. Luckily, he had decided to buy something and used a credit card to pay. I was well within my right to ask for his ID. I studied that thing from top to bottom and committed his name and address to memory. Liam Phillips, 220 64th Street... Hopefully that would be enough.

  
After he left I was climbing the walls. How much time did I have? Was he going to go straight home and do this, or was he planning things out still? I wish my little quirk was more specific! I decided it was better to be safe than sorry, so I closed up shop and headed home. At least one of the boys should be there.

  
The whole way home I had to psych myself up. I knew I had no choice, I had to do this. But it was still giving me pause. I was about to hand Murphy and Connor their next mission on a silver platter. Because of me, a man was going to surely die. Am I really okay with that?

  
When I walked through the loft door, Connor was standing in the kitchen making dinner. I threw my purse down on the couch and made my way over to him. Before I signed a man's death warrant, I needed a moment of selfishness. And nothing is more selfish than indulging myself when it comes to the twins. I stood behind Connor and wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head on his beautifully sculpted back. He flinched a little in surprise. "Oh! Hello darlin'..." he said with a smile.

  
I'm not surprised that he was surprised. I didn't normally let myself be this intimate with Connor. For starters, I had just slept with his brother in this very kitchen. But mostly, I was afraid of the way that Connor makes me feel. Murphy was fun, inviting, challenging, and sexy as hell. He was so alive and he made me feel that way too. Being with Murphy was the ultimate high and I'm pretty sure I was addicted to him. But Connor... Connor feels like home. And with where my head has been lately, that's a dangerous feeling. Not to mention, my "ability" seems to be weirdly accustomed to him.

  
"Haha, did you miss me today Kit?" He sounded amused at my sudden display of affection.

  
"I always miss you Connor..." His entire body relaxed beneath me, and because I was touching him, I could feel his emotions tenfold. I let the warmth of his happiness wash over me. It was like basking in the sunlight.

  
He pulled out of my embrace to turn and face me. Reaching out, he took my face between his hands and gently ran his thumbs across my cheeks. "Right back at yah, Kit Kat." I immediately flinched at the nickname and pulled away from him.

  
Connor's face fell and panic set it. "Have I said something wrong?"

  
"No, it's just... Ollie used to call me that..."

  
He took a step forward, closing the distance I had put between us. "Understood..." I could tell that he wanted to touch me but he was afraid. Answering his silent request, I stepped closer and wrapped myself around him once again. *Sigh* Home...

  
I had indulged myself long enough. I needed to get down to business. "Connor, I need to tell you something."

  
Something in my tone put him on edge. "Ok. I'm listening."

  
I pulled him by the hand and led him over to the couch. I felt like I needed to be sitting down for this. "Our arrangement was a "You scratch my back, and I'll scratch yours" type of situation. You and Murphy have done so much for me already and I feel like I haven't contributed at all." Connor started to interrupt me put I held up my hands to cut him off. "Wait, just let me get this all out." He nodded me on. "Well I think I finally have something useful for you guys." I was nervous about this but Connor was being patient with me. I looked up from the imaginary spot I'd been picking at on my jeans, to meet his gaze. "There was this young kid who came into the shop today. He seemed really worked up. At first he scared me, but then I got a closer look at him. He was all beaten up. He had bruises all over his face and arms. And he was angry Connor, so angry. Like murder angry."  
"And you think that Murph and I should step in?" I gave him a slight nod. He looked thoughtful, like he was trying to figure out how to word what he needed to say next. "Why this kid? Has he killed before?"

  
I immediately realized that I hadn't made myself clear enough. "No! No Connor, not the kid. His step father!" Connor looked confused. I still wasn't doing a very good job of explaining. "This kid, Liam, he's scared. He's scared for himself and for his mother. His step father isn't a nice man. He hurts them..."

  
I could practically hear the pieces clicking together in Connor's head. "That fucker beats his family?" I nodded silently. There was a long pause before he spoke again. He was disgusted, I could feel it rolling off of him. "I think you're right Kit. I think me and Murph need to introduce ourselves."

  
Relief flooded through me. I didn't realize that I had been holding my breath in anticipation of his answer. "I memorized his address from his driver's license. We have to help him Connor. He's just a kid, we can't let him do this."

  
Connor was looking at me in awe. "We?"

  
Oh, I guess I did say we. I needed to mull this over for a minute. Did I mean "we"? Hadn't I already done my part? Why did I feel the incessant need to do more? "Kit. Look at me..." I looked up into his blue-green eyes and relaxed just a smidge. "You did good, Kit. You've more than done your part. I promise you, Murph and I will take care of it." He leaned forward and placed a soft, chaste kiss on my lips. It wasn't a long, drawn out, epic kiss, but there was no way that I'd be forgetting it anytime soon. It took every ounce of strength that I possessed, not to wind my fingers into his messy blond hair and keep him pressed against me.  
He released me all too soon. "Stay put lass. I'll be right back. I'm gonna go track down Murph."

  
And with that he left me standing alone in the living room.

  
Damn, that was a hell of an exit...

  
~~~~~~~~~~

  
How long had Connor been gone?! I was losing my mind, just sitting here twiddling my thumbs! Didn't they understand that this was time sensitive?

  
I couldn't just sit here anymore. I needed to busy myself. I walked down the hallway and opened up the door to the weapons room. This room always made me feel slightly uncomfortable. But standing here now, looking at all these guns, I understood. I know why they do what they do. And what's more, I support them fully. I walked over the the wall and picked up one of the guns. It was large and surprisingly heavy. It was intimidating. Murphy never let me use anything like this when he was teaching me to shoot.

  
"Fixin' to do some shootin', are we lass?" Murphy was standing in the doorway grinning at me. I could stare at that grin all day.

  
"No, not me. But I hope you are..." I needed to hear him say it.

  
He walked over to me and took the gun from my hands, hanging it back in its place. With one graceful move, he had lifted me up and sat me on the edge of the work bench that was lining the wall. "You bet your sweet ass I am." He smiled his heart stopping smile and then kissed each of my cheeks. "I'm proud of you Kit, for coming to us. I know that wasn't easy for ya." Now he was kissing his way along my jaw. "You're strong Kit, and that's sexy a hell." He whispered that last part in my ear before nipping at my ear lobe. My head was swimming and my pulse was racing. He was so distracting! Wasn't I just worried about something a minute ago? Ah fuck it! He feels amazing.

  
I leaned my head back, exposing my throat to him. He took the invitation without question, licking and kissing his way down my neck. I started to wiggle beneath him. My body was aching to be touched. Right on cue, his hands slid inside the back of my shirt and his lips finally made contact with mine. His kisses weren't rough but they were deep and his tongue was dancing seductively with mine.

  
I was getting lost in him until I heard someone clear their throat from the doorway. Oh fuck, Connor...

  
I pulled away from Murphy to see Connor standing there staring at us. I was still reeling from my interaction with Murphy so I was having a hard time getting a handle on Connor's emotions. He didn't seem angry, but he was far from thrilled. Pushing away from Murphy, I slid off the work bench and straightened myself out.

  
That seemed to appease Connor a little and he walked further into the room. "Murph I think we should probably get going. From what Kit says, this kid is a time bomb." He was right, they needed to hurry.

  
"Aye, brother. I'll grab our gear and then all we'll need is that address."

  
They both turned and looked at me expectantly. Oh boy, this was not going to be a pleasant conversation. While they were off doing God knows what earlier, I had some time to think. And more than likely, they were not going to like this. "I'll give you the address, but only if you take me with you."

  
Murphy looked amused. Connor not so much.

  
"Ha!Well I can't say I saw that one coming.... Alright the lass, let's have it." Wow, that was easy.

  
Or maybe not... "Are you fucking kidding me Murph?! She's not ready for this shit!" Okay, now I was reading Connor's emotions loud and clear. He was pissed.

 

"Christ Connor! I'm not suggesting we give her a fucking gun! But what's the harm in letting her come along for the ride?"

  
I should probably chime in soon and try to explain myself. I walked over and stood in front of Connor. He had reached his stress limit for the day. He was running his hands through his hair, trying to get a grip on himself. I needed him to calm down so that I could make him understand.

  
Hesitantly, I reached out and took one of his hands in mine. "Connor please... I can't sit here waiting all night. I won't be able to stand it." I pleaded with everything I had. I probably looked like a cartoon character trying to give him puppy dog eyes.

  
He was staring down at me with a look of pure frustration. I gave his hand a gentle squeeze as one last pleading gesture. "UGH! Fine! But your ass is staying in the car!"  
He yanked his hand free from mine and walked out of the room. His rejection stung a little.

  
"He'll cool off eventually, lass. He just worries about ya, that's all."

  
"I know Murphy... I know." I reached up on my tip toes to plant a small kiss on his cheek before I turned and left the room.


	8. Chapter 8

  
That had to have been the longest, most uncomfortable car ride of my entire life. Connor was in a shit mood and was determined to give me the silent treatment. He didn't even turn on the radio, we just drove the entire way in silence. Every once in a while I would catch Murphy's gaze in the rear view mirror, but that was it. When we got there, Murph parked the car a few houses down. Connor reminded me one last time, in very colorful language, that I was to stay in the car. And then they were gone. That was 37 minutes ago...

  
What the hell was taking them so long? It was one guy! And from what I've heard of their notorious reputation, this should be a cake walk for them. So why weren't they back yet? I was starting to get worried. What if this guy had a gun too? Oh God, what if they were hurt?! Or maybe they were too late. Maybe Liam had already taken matters into his own hands and killed his step father? Would Connor and Murphy kill Liam? The anxiety was eating me alive! Right about the time I was debating how mad Connor would be if I left the car, I heard a loud crash followed by screaming. Fuck this! If Connor gets angry then so be it.

  
I jumped out of the car and power walked my way to where the commotion was coming from. The boys hadn't shut the front door completely, so I just walked right in.

  
The scene in front of me was chaos! No one even noticed when I walked in. Liam's mother was laying on the living room floor, blood dripping down her face. Connor and Murphy were standing in front of her, guns raised, shielding her with their bodies.There was so much movement and yelling, that it took my brain a moment to focus. My own emotions were being drowned out by those of everyone else in the room. I was picking up a mixture of anxiety, excitement, fear, and rage. The anxiety and excitement were most definitely coming from Connor and Murphy. And I'm pretty sure the fear was me. But the rage, the rage was all Liam.

  
My eyes followed the line from the barrels of Connor and Murphy's guns, to the bloody scene unfolding on the floor. Liam was beating the life out of his step father. Each strike of his fist sent sprays of blood across his face.

  
Connor and Murphy were doing their best to get through to him but even the threat from their guns didn't seem to phase him. And his step father wasn't exactly helping the situation. In fact, he was taunting him. Even after being beaten within an inch of his life, he was still managing to get his digs in. A creepy, bloody smile was stretched across his face. "You're pathetic boy. You and that bitch mom of yours are worthless. You're nothing!" If there was an ounce of sanity left in Liam, it was lost in that moment. He had a hold of the man by the collar of his shirt and was slamming him, over and over again into the floor.

  
The sound was unbearable. He was killing him! Someone has to do something and quick. If Liam wanted to come out of this with his life, that person needed to me. I had a feeling I would not like Connor and Murphy's solution to this problem.

  
Okay Kit, don't think... just do. I took in the largest breath that I could and screamed at the top of my lungs. "LIAM! STOP!" The room went silent. Connor and Murphy turned on their heels and I had two guns in my face. Once they recognized me, they lowered them slightly but neither of them took their eyes off of me. From the looks on their faces, they were just as shocked and mortified as me.

  
Liam was staring up at me from the ground. His breathing was ragged and his eyes were trying to focus on me. I wasn't expecting him to speak. "I-I know you. You're the girl from the record store." His eyes darted from me, over to Murphy and Connor, and then back to me again.

  
Very slowly, I started to walk towards him. When Murphy realized what I meant to do, his hand clamped down on my wrist. "Kit, no..." He was speaking so low I barely heard him.  
I peeled myself from his grasp with my free hand. "It's okay Murph. Just trust me..." Turning away from Murphy, I started again with my forward pursuit. Liam watched me like a hawk the whole way there until I was finally standing right in front of him. I lowered myself to the ground so that I could be on his level. "Liam it's okay. They can help you." I nodded my head over my shoulder in Murphy and Connor's direction.

  
The poor kid was ridiculously confused but he was starting to calm down a little. "How?" I had asked Murphy the very same question when he first offered me his help.

  
"Just trust me Liam. That's why they came here, to help you. But right now, I need you to help me. I need you to let them handle him, so that you and I can help your mother. I think she may be really hurt." I leaned back on my heels so that he could see past me. When he saw his mother bleeding and unconscious, his eyes widened in horror.

  
I stood slowly and offered him my outstretched hand. He was still unsure but he took it regardless. Lacing my fingers with his, I led him over to his mother. As we passed the boys, they both gave me a slight head nod and then made their way over to their next target.

  
We watched as the raised the man up to set him on his knees. And then I heard it for the first time. The prayer... In perfect unison they began. "And shepherds we shall be for thee my Lord for thee. Power hath descended forth from thy hand, that our feet may swiftly carry out thy command. We shall flow a river forth to thee and teeming with souls shall it ever be. In nomine Patris, et Filii et Spiritus Sancti..." They pulled back the hammer on their guns and then... BAM! BAM!

  
I just stood there staring at them. They were mesmerizing. Their stance. Their words. Every inch of them, from head to toe. I should have felt terrified by what I'd just witnessed, but I didn't. I felt nothing but pride and satisfaction.

  
I jumped a little when Liam touched my elbow. His eyes followed my line of vision. "They're The Saints, aren't they...?"

  
"Well," I said, "they're certainly mine..."

  
~~~~~~~~~~

  
I was standing at Murphy's bathroom sink, watching as the blood washed off of my hands and down the drain. I looked up into the mirror and I didn't even recognize the person staring back at me. Although, I'm not so sure that's a bad thing.

  
It had already been a long night and it was far from over. Connor's bad mood still hadn't lifted and he had yet to say a word to me. If anything, I made it worse by blatantly ignoring his order for me to stay in the car.

  
I walked out of the bathroom and into Murphy's room. He was sitting on the edge of his bed untying his boots. I just wanted to take off all of these bloody clothes and crawl into bed next to him. So, that's exactly what I did. Murphy flipped off the light and wrapped his arms around me. This was one of my two favorite places in the world to be...

  
I was trying my best to ignore Connor but he was making it very difficult. Just as I was settling in with Murphy, Connor came down the hall, walked into his bedroom, and slammed the door shut behind him. The noise startled me. I gasped and jumped slightly in Murphy's arms. I felt his hold tighten around me. "Kit... you know you don't owe me anything, right?"

  
His question kind of threw me off. That statement could not be more untrue. I owe him everything. I don't know where I''d be right now without Murphy. Probably still crying on the floor of that church. He helped me direct my anger and live my life with purpose. But somehow, I don't think he was referring to all those things. I think this was his way of acknowledging that I cared about Connor. I turned in his arms to face him and ran my fingers through his messy, dark hair. "Yes, I know." I placed my hand on chest. "But you know I love you Murph..." Holy shit! I can't believe I just said that.

  
He was smiling at me. Ok, that's a good sign. Right...? "I know Kit, but you love him too." Geesh! And I thought I was supposed to be the one who was good at reading emotions. "Go talk to him. Work it out. He's a stubborn bastard, that brother of mine." He smacked me on the behind and shooed me from the bed.

  
I just smiled and shook my head as I made my way across the hall to Connor's door. It was hard not to smile and laugh when you were around Murphy. He just has this way about him.

  
I raised my hand and knocked on Connor's door. I waited a few seconds but when there was no answer, I just opened the door and walked in. I scanned the room but I didn't see him anywhere. Just about that time, he came walking out of the bathroom, drying his freshly showered hair with a towel. He didn't know I was there so it startled him when I spoke. "Connor..."

  
He yanked the towel away from his face in surprise. "Damn it! Kit you scared the hell outta me!" He brought his hand to his chest and placed it dramatically over his heart.

  
It was unbelievably cute and I giggled to myself. "Con, I thin we need to talk."

  
"Talk? About what?" Murphy wasn't lying about Connor being stubborn.

  
Honesty was probably the best plan here. No sense in tip toeing around it. "You're angry with me..."

  
He chucked under his breath before he answered me. "Yes."

  
Yes? Is that all I get? "Okay, would you like to tell me why?"

  
"Not particularly, no." Yep, stubborn

  
Having lived with Sarah for so long, the need for open communication was ingrained in me. "Connor, please... I think we need to deal with this now. I can't stand the feeling of you being upset with me. I know I should have listened and stayed in the car. And I'm sorry for forcing your hand and making you take me along. It's just that kid... I felt responsible for him." He wouldn't even look up at me... "Connor?"

  
He gave me a noncommittal shrug of his shoulders and I almost lost it! Could he not be an adult for five fucking seconds and talk to me? I'm not one for crying, but sometimes when I get angry or frustrated, my body betrays me. I could feel my traitor tears trying to make an appearance. No. No way. Fuck this, I was not going to let him see me cry. "You know what, just forget it Connor..." I turned and walked away from him.

  
Before I knew it, he had crossed the room and pressed me face first, up against the door. He was pinning me there with his body. My mood instantly shifted. Hmmm, this was interesting.

  
Before he spoke, he placed his hands against the wall on either side of my head. His cheek was pressed firmly to mine. "Kit, you're turning me in to a mentaller."

  
Mentaller? Sometimes their vocab tripped me up. "Connor, I don't know what that means."

  
He laughed and released his hold on me, turning me around to face him. His fingers reached out to graze my cheek and then tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "It means you're making me crazy." He looked down at his feet like he was ashamed. "I never know where your head is at and it's frustrating the hell out of me."

  
Okay, I need to make a split decision here and now. Murphy was right, I loved them both. But was I ready for this? Things with Murphy are so easy. There's no pressure. But I am 100% sure that it won't be that way with Connor. Our relationship was already so intense and nothing had even happened yet.

  
I don't know if could have stopped myself, even if I'd wanted too. "Why don't you find out?" I hope that sounded more like a challenge instead of a question.

  
He took a step forward and closed the distance between us. He was standing so close to me and his scent was intoxicating. It was a mixture of clean and spicy, and Connor. We were both starting to breathe heavier as he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. He had kissed me before, but this was different. This time there was a chance for more.

  
Then he started to move. His mouth moved against mine in a way that made me hungry for more. And more was exactly what he gave me. His chest was pressed to mine and his very impressive bulge was rubbing against my hip. He pushed my arms above my head by running each of his hands up the length of my arms until he could lace his fingers with mine. His tongue was begging entrance into my mouth and I gladly granted it. His tongue was so warm, and so skilled, and he tasted like mint. Pulling back slightly, he nipped at my bottom lip with his teeth before nuzzling his face into my neck. His lips found the sensitive spot just below my ear and I gasped. His stubble against my skin was exhilarating. I was having a hard time catching my breath.

  
"Connor..." I'm not sure of what, but I was definitely asking. Begging more like.

  
Taking the hint, he lifted me up so that I could wrap my legs around his waist and then he walked us over to his bed. Very gently, he laid me down and hovered above me, each of his knees straddling my leg. The way he was looking down at me was making me breathe even harder. "Are you sure about this Kit?" I couldn't speak so I nodded my yes.

  
He reached between us and untied the belt to my robe, pushing the fabric open and exposing my nightie. Placing his hands on my inner thighs, he pushed my legs apart so that he could lay between them. He buried his face in my chest and started making his way down my body. When he got to my hips he looked up at me from between his lashes. His hands were pushing the material of my nightie up so that he could place warm kisses on my stomach.

  
He continued his southward journey and when he got to my panties, he deeply inhaled my scent and let out an appreciative growl. The vibrations sent shivers up my spine. With one swift move, he sat up and peeled his shirt off. His body was a work of art. Defined in all of the right places and slightly sun kissed. He even had one of those delicious V's that led seductively into the waistline of his pants. I needed to get my hands on him. I needed to feel his skin pressed against mine.

  
He leaned down to kiss me and I ran my hands up his perfect back. Running his hand down my body, he slid into the front of my panties and pushed a finger inside of me. "Are you ready for me Kit? You feel ready."

  
His Irish brogue in my ear was only fueling my fire. I lifted my hips slightly off the bed in answer to his question. Picking up on my signal, he rid me of my underwear and then quickly followed suit. His naked form was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I was trembling with anticipation.

  
He laid back down, propping himself up on his elbows, so that we were face to face with each other. I felt his tip move past my entrance and he very slowly pushed into me. He was taking his time and savoring the sensation. I could feel myself stretching to accommodate every satisfying inch of him. "Mmmm, Kit..." I only caught the first part of his sentence before he started mumbling something in a different language.

  
His hips were starting to find a delicious rhythm and there was just enough friction on my swollen bundle of nerves, that my insides were beginning to stir. I reached around and cupped his backside, pushing him further into me. "Deeper Connor, deeper..." Without leaving me, he sat me up and onto his lap. The feeling was unparalleled. I've never had anyone so deep inside of me. "Oh God, Connor. Yes, just like that." I started to move my hips, meeting him thrust for thrust.

  
The moans that passed his lips were pushing me towards my climax. We were in such close contact that I couldn't distinguish his emotions from my own anymore, and it only heightened the experience. It was like I was feeling double the pleasure.

  
I could feel him growing harder inside of me. Neither of us were going to be able to hold on much longer. When his fingers made contact with my clit, I came undone. The walls of my core pulsated around him until I felt him fill me. He laid us down and collapsed onto my chest, listening as my heartbeat slowly came back down to normal. We just laid there catching our breath, with him still inside of me.

  
My fingers were stroking mindlessly through his messy blonde hair. I was completely spent. My mind was so foggy that I don't think I could piece together a coherent sentence. Connor rolled off of me and pulled me up into his chest, wrapping me in his arms. I felt like I was seconds away from sleep.

  
The last thing I remember before drifting off into unconsciousness, was Connor's voice in my ear. "I should have tried to find out what was going on inside your head a long time ago."

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

I woke the next morning to the sunlight streaming across my face. Connor was sprawled out next to me, peacefully dreaming. I could have laid there all morning watching his chest rise and fall but then Murphy crossed my mind. 

My stomach dropped. What had I done? I know Murphy said I didn't owe him anything, but I was feeling an immense amount of guilt. And then I felt guilty for thinking of Murphy while still laying here with Connor. What kind of monster had I become?! This wasn't me. I'm not the girl that plays games. I have also never been promiscuous in my life! But none of this was premeditated. These two completely overwhelm me and I can't do anything but be in the moment with them. That's still no excuse! My mouth still works, I could have said no! So what does that say about me? It was way to early in the morning to be looking at myself this closely. But even through all of my confusion, two things were abundantly clear. The first being that I was disgusted with myself, and the second being that I needed to take a beat and remove myself from the situation. 

I wanted nothing more in this moment, than to be cuddled up on JAWS and confessing my sins to Sarah. She would tell me exactly what I needed to hear. And when I say "What I need to hear" , I mean the truth. There was never any of that sugar coated candy bullshit where Sarah was concerned. 

I glanced down at Connor's watch. It was 8:30 on a Saturday morning, she should be home. Slowly, so I didn't wake Connor, I eased myself out of the bed and made my way toward the door. I tip toed my way into the hallway and noticed Murphy's door was wide open. He was still asleep, crawled up in the fetal position. I immediately felt the urge to cover him with a blanket but then I thought better of that idea. He was a light sleeper and I didn't want to risk waking him. If I had any hope of making it out of this apartment, I had to do it without them knowing. 

Once I had gathered up some of my things, I walked over to the little chalkboard I had hung next to the fridge. I picked the brightest color of chalk that I could find and left them a note.

_I'll be back... - Kit_

I also left my cell phone sitting on the kitchen island. If they could contact me I would never get the clarity that I needed. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Two subway stops and a bus ride later, I was knocking on my own apartment door. I had been gone for so long that it felt rude to just walk in.

I'm glad I knocked, because the person who answered the door was not Sarah. But boy, oh boy, was he a cool drink of water. I gathered my wits and spoke. "Oh! Hi, I'm K..."

"KIT! Yeah I know. It's nice to finally meet you. I'm Matt!" I had no idea who he was, but his smile was warm and genuine. "Come on in! Sarah is in the shower, she should be out in a sec."

Okay, this was trippy. I was being welcomed into my own home by a complete stranger. I followed Matt down the hall and watched him putter around in the kitchen. He seemed quite at home here. It was so strange. 

"Well, well, well! Kit Taylor, as I live and breathe!" Sarah was walking towards me with the biggest smile on her face.

I hopped off my bar stool and embraced her. Sarah gave the best hugs. Whenever you were feeling broken, Sarah's hugs were the glue that put you back together. "I've missed you so much Sarah! Got room in your schedule for a girls day?" 

"I'm pretty sure I can swing that." She walked over to where Matt was standing in the kitchen. "Matty, do you care if I blow you off today?"

He chuckled. "Sure thing Red. Go have fun with your friend. I'll be here when you get back." He leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the lips.

Well hot damn! Sarah had a new boyfriend! Their admiration for each other was clear. And from what I could tell so far, he was passing the best friend approval test.

~~~~~ 

After some planning, Sarah and I decided to make our girls day a weekend affair. We booked ourselves a spa weekend and packed our bags. This would be the perfect distraction for me. It would give me uninterrupted girl talk with Sarah and it would also get me out of town for a while. And besides, who doesn't like to be pampered? 

I was trying to work up the nerve to tell Sarah about my recent indiscretions. Keeping the conversation on her was much easier. "So, Matt seems nice." I meant what I sad, but my tone came off as more than a little accusatory. 

Her expression was a smidge guilty. "Yeah, he's great... I've been wanting to tell you so much, but I know you've got a lot on your plate right now. I figured it could wait. Plus, I wasn't sure if this thing with Matt was going to go anywhere..."

"And now?" 

She flushed crimson. "Now we are definitely heading in the right direction."

I have never seen her so giddy. Her happiness was contagious. I couldn't help but to be excited for her. "Tell me more! I want to hear all about him!"

She was busting at the seams. Obviously I wasn't the only one craving a little girl time. "Oh Kit, he is just about perfect. I mean for starters, you're a woman and you have eyes, so you understand the obvious appeal. But he is so much more than a pretty face. He's kind, gentle, and so funny. He's also crazy smart. He just started his surgical residency at the hospital. And to top it all off, he's also down with The Lord!" Wow! He really did seem like the whole package. If anyone deserves a man like that, it's Sarah. 

She went on about him for a good while but I did not care in the slightest. She was radiant and I loved seeing her this way. If she wasn't already in love, then she was well on her way. Her childlike cheer was doing wonders to distract me, until she brought the conversation back around to me. "So what about you Kit? How's it going with Irish Wonder Twins?"

"Haha! They'll get a kick out of that." I was nervous to open this can of worms. How much was okay to tell her? "Things with Connor and Murphy are... well, they're complicated."

"Well obviously. But what's going on? I know something is bothering you. You've been chewing the inside of your lip since you walked in the door this morning." Damn! I forgot how well she could read my tells. 

"I don't know. Things just got really confusing after we slept together." I peeked over at her to gauge her reaction.

"Ha! Well I can't say I didn't see that coming a mile away. Connor or Murphy?"

Here came the hard part. I couldn't think of anything better to say so I just said, "Yes..."

My answer threw her for a second. "Yes? You mean you slept with both of them?" I felt my face turn red and I nodded my answer. "At the same time?!?!"

"Oh my gosh Sarah! No!" Although, I'd be lying if I said I didn't have that dream once or twice. And right at this moment, Sarah was having her own little daydream. The images that I was getting from her were extremely vivid. I cleared my throat to get her attention.

I have never seen a human being turn this color red in all my life. "Oh God! Could you just tell what I was thinking?!?!" I answered with a smile and she replied with the most adorable giggle. "Oops! Sorry Kit." She paused to think for a second. "But yeah, I could see where that might be confusing. Are they both in the know?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure they know. Murphy kind of gave me the go ahead with Connor."

"Okay, so what's tripping you up?"

"The problem is that I am selfish and I don't want to give either of them up. They are both so wonderfully different and I don't want to choose. Murphy is so laid back and fun. And Connor is so intense and challenging. It also doesn't help that they are both mind blowing in the sack. I don't know what to do Sarah. When it comes to those two, my reasoning skills just get chucked out the window. Do you think I'm appalling?"

"No Kit, I don't think you're appalling. I think that you were vulnerable and lost when they showed up. They each compliment you in a different way and you needed them. But now I think that you are back on your feet and you need to sort out your feelings for them. Take some time to figure out what you want and then communicate." Classic Sarah advice. "And whatever you land on, there will be no judgment here. Besides, you've always been off in left field with your relationships. You were in love with your gay best friend for years. Two extremely attractive Irish brothers seems to be just your speed."

I had to laugh at her bluntness. She wasn't wrong, I've always been drawn to things that were slightly taboo. "Figuring out what I want is going to be the hard part. Maybe I don't want anything at all. Maybe I'm just scratching an itch."

I could practically hear her rolling her eyes at me. "Oh come on Kit. Let's not pretend that this isn't about Ollie. You've never felt about anyone the way you felt about Ollie. And if you didn't have feelings for these two, then you wouldn't feel so uncomfortable right now. Feeling something for someone else isn't going to take away from what you felt for Ollie. In all honesty, I'm just glad you're feeling at all. I was worried you might close yourself off."

"I think I tried to close myself off but they made me feel against my will!" We giggled at my over exaggeration. "But seriously, I didn't know what was going on until it had already happened. Murphy has this easy way about him that makes you let your guard down without even knowing. And Connor..."

"Connor what?" 

"Connor just kind of hit me like a freight train. My little "ability" is really sensitive towards him. That entire time that I was seeing Murphy in my dreams, I was seeing him through Connor's memories. For weeks I was connected to him and I hadn't even met him yet. And now that I'm with him all the time, we are that much more connected. Every emotion that passes between us is intensified. It's really confusing and it makes it hard to separate things." It felt so good to say this all out loud to someone.

"Wow, you weren't kidding when you said things were complicated..." She seemed to be at a loss for words. "You're smart Kit, just trust yourself and you'll figure it out. In the mean time, maybe keep it in your pants until you get your head straight."

"Ha! I think I can manage that." I may have been overestimating my will power.

~~~~~~~~~~

A few days later, Sarah and I headed home. She missed Matt and I had avoided reality long enough. When we pulled up in front of our building I thought I was going to pass out. Murphy was sitting on the stoop smoking a cigarette. Shit! Talk about diving in head first. Sarah reached over and squeezed my hand. "Breathe Kit. It'll be fine. Just talk to him. I'll head upstairs and give you two a minute."

We got out of the car and walked towards him. When he noticed us he stood up. Sarah greeted him nervously before walking past him and into the building. Now it was just me, Murphy, and the silence. He was staring at me, waiting for me to speak but I had no idea what to say. He took a long drag from his cigarette and then threw it to the ground.

"What the fuck Kit? Where the hell have you been?" 

"I know, I know... I'm sorry Murph, I just-..." He cut me off mid sentence.

"Sorry?! You were gone for three days! You just packed up all your shit and took off! All you left was that stupid fucking note! We had no idea where you were or when you were coming back. We couldn't even call ya because you left your damn phone! But you're sorry! I don't want your shitty apology Kit. I want a fucking explanation!"

His voice was getting louder with each sentence. We were starting to attract attention. "Murph! Calm down. I get it, I fucked up, but we can't do this here." I grabbed him by the hand and led him inside. When we got to the door I didn't even bother knocking. 

We startled Sarah when we came in but she was quick to gather the circumstances. She looked from me to Murph, and then back to me again before asking, "All good Kit? Do you want me to stay?" I shook my head at her. She took one last look at Murphy before she went to her room, closing the door behind her. 

We were alone again. "I am sorry Murph. I didn't mean to freak you out."

"How could you not think that we would freak out? After..." He paused for a second to look over his shoulder at Sarah's door. When he spoke again, he lowered his voice. "After everything that happened that night. You watched us kill a man. What was it that we were supposed to be thinking?"

Oh shit... I hadn't even thought about it from that side. Of course they would be worried. What if I had developed a guilty conscience and went to the police? "Murphy, I would never sell you out. Never..." 

I could see the anxiety leave his shoulders as I said those words. "Then what, Kit? Have we done something? You change your mind about us?"

That was a loaded question and I wasn't quite sure how to answer. "You haven't done anything but I have..." 

"You mean Connor?" He looked amused as be shook his head from side to side. "Kit, I told you that you didn't owe me anything. I don't mind if you've got a thing for my brother."

Now it was my turn to raise my voice. "Maybe I want you to mind! Maybe I want to mean more to you than just some early morning kitchen fuck!" His eyes widened at my outburst. "Maybe I have a thing for both of you and I can't make up my fucking mind! Or maybe I'm just a selfish bitch who doesn't want to choose at all!

I had been pacing the length of the kitchen as I went off on my little rant. Murphy reached around from behind me and clasped both of my wrists in his hands, pulling them into my chest. My back was pressed firmly against his front and my arms were locked under his. He had rendered me immobile. Not being able to move was unbearable! I had a lot of anxiety that I needed to release and my frantic pacing seemed to be helping. As soon as I gave up and quit fighting him, he whispered in my ear. "All you had to do was ask, lass."

In the midst of all my wiggling, I had someone how missed the fact that he was rock hard and pressed into my lower back. I froze as his words finally sunk in. "It's not fair of me to ask Murphy. And even if you're okay with it, that doesn't mean that Connor will be. I don't want to fuck this all up. I won't lose you guys over something so stupid." My voice sounded strained to my own ears. Partly because he was holding me so tight but mostly because I was trying not to cry. And maybe a little because of his growing manhood rubbing against my ass.

Murphy took both of my wrists in one hand so that he could use the other hand to pull my hair away from my neck. His breath was warm on my skin and his scent was clouding my senses. He slipped his free hand down into the front of my shorts and began to lightly tease my folds. I jerked in response. This hardly seemed like the most appropriate time to be doing this. "You'd be surprised Kit. My brother and I had a nice long chat while you were gone. I think you'll find Connor to be of a similar mindset. He'd probably agree to anything, if it meant keeping you around."

His fingers were getting more and more bold in their movements. He placed his knee between my thighs and spread them apart, giving him better access to me. His middle finger was teasing my entrance when I stopped him. "Murphy... we can't."

 He was mindlessly nibbling at my ear. "Why? Afraid we'll get caught?" I could hear the smirk in his voice.

"Well, for starters.... But don't you think maybe we should finish this conversation first?" My voice didn't even convince me, let alone Murphy.

His hips were grinding into my backside. He bit down on my earlobe and I gasped. "I've said all that I needed to say. Do you have anything you'd like to add?" I shook my head. "Good, conversation over. Now, I'd like to fuck you. I've been thinking about this for days." He pulled his hand from my shorts and started to work on my button and zipper. "If you still want me to stop, I'll stop. But you're going to have to say so." He waited a few seconds for me to respond but I didn't say a word. "Mmmm, that's right Kit. Don't make a sound." He finally released my wrists so that he could slide my shorts down my thighs. Reaching between us, he made quick work with his own jeans. Within seconds, he was inside of me. One of his arms was wrapped around me, just under my breasts, pinning me back against his body. He had reached up with the other, clasping his hand over my mouth, just in time to stifle my scream. "Sshhh. Not a fucking sound, lass. I've got ya." He didn't remove his hand. Instead, he used it to pull my head back and rest it on his shoulder. He was holding on to me so tight and his thrusts were harsh. But I didn't care. He needed this, and it hurt so good. He was ridding himself of all the stress that I'd caused over the past few days, and I was more than happy to let him do it. In some ways it felt like I was getting punished. It was the most delicious punishment that I've ever received. His stifled moans and cursing were causing a flood between my legs. He was getting close and I was right there with him. The only noises in the room were his heavy breathing and the sound of skin hitting skin. He was pounding into me with so much vigor that I was standing on my tip toes. My head was swimming. I was so close but it felt like I would never find my release. 

He turned my face, his hand still covering my mouth, and looked me in the eyes. "You want me Kit? You've got me. Now cum for me. I need to see you cum for me." His hips didn't miss a beat and his words set my insides on fire! A white hot pleasure spread throughout my body. I wanted to scream out his name but his hand was still keeping me quiet, so I bit down on his palm. "Ahh, fuck me!" I felt him spill inside me,filling me up. The sensation was amazing.

He finally moved his hand from my mouth so that I was able to get some air. When he pulled away from me, I whimpered. I was going to be sore for a couple of days. This wasn't sweet and tender. This wasn't even playful and fun, like the last time. This was rough and dirty, and I fucking loved it. 

Once he got himself situated, he reached down and pulled my shorts back into place. And it was just in time too. A couple of seconds later, Sarah walked out of her bedroom. "You guys alright out here"

To my surprise, Murphy answered her. "Yeah, all better now. Thank you for keeping an eye on her this weekend Sarah." He leaned down and pecked her on the cheek before turning back to me. The look in his eyes made my knees go weak. He reached up and brushed the hair out of my eyes and then took my hand. "Come on Kit. Let's go home."

Home... That meant Connor. I was instantly nervous again.

 


	10. Chapter 10

SMACK! I was pinned face first into the grappling mats, my arm tucked behind me. I was tapping Connor frantically with my other hand. "Ow! Fuck Connor, let go!"

I heard him sigh in frustration. "Come on Kit, you aren't even trying..." 

I was trying but this was not easy. I was tired and sweaty and getting increasingly more pissed off at my handsome Irish opponent. My recent "holiday", as the boys liked to call it, did not go over as well with Connor as it did with Murphy. Apologizing to Connor was a far less enjoyable experience. He was going to make me work for it. He was still making me work for it and it has almost been two weeks! I have a sneaking suspicion that he was taking out some of his frustration during our training sessions. I liked Murphy's version of punishment WAY better!

I refused to lose this little game he was playing with me. I could be just as stubborn as he could. "Let's go again."  

The smirk plastered across his face was infuriating! Jackass... "Whatever you say Kit."

This time I managed to get pinned on my back instead of my stomach. That was better... I guess. At least I was better at getting out of this submission. The position we were in was very... intimate. He was laying between my legs and my ankles were locked securely around his waist. The thin material of my yoga pants was doing little to protect me from the tantalizing friction that was happening between us. I couldn't let myself get distracted by it. Not yet. I needed to change positions, but how? Think Kit. What comes next?

I decided to go for the head lock. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down onto my body. Every muscle in my body was clenched around him, holding on for dear life. He was trying to stand up to break my hold. If I didn't think of something, he was going to pick me up and drop me back down on the mat. I let him pull his head free from my arms as he stood. My shoulders were still on the ground but my hips were elevated off the mat because I was still holding on to him with my legs. Reaching around, I cupped the back of his ankles with each of my hands so he couldn't step backwards. I squeezed my thighs together and bumped my hips upward a little, sending him tumbling back onto his butt. The momentum from his fall allowed me to roll with him and I ended up straddling him. I lowered my chest to his, placing my arms as wide as I could on either side of his head. I didn't want him to have room to roll away from me. He was pinned but he wasn't tapping out just yet. I needed to add the cherry on top. Looping my legs through each of his, I pushed down with my hips. A good bit of my body weight was pressing into him where our hips were connected. I heard the whoosh of air pass his lips and I knew I had him. He reached up and tapped me three times on the shoulder. VICTORY!

I adjusted my weight so he would be more comfortable but I didn't roll off of him. Instead I took his wrists in my hands, pinning his arms above his head, and lifted my chest from his. I had him just where I wanted him. He was looking up at me with those blue-green eyes. I could feel my breathing start to sync with his. My heart was pounding out of my chest, I was so nervous. I wanted to kiss him but I could feel how unsure he was. We hadn't really talked about this yet. He knew that Murphy had told me about their conversation. And I knew, that he knew, that I knew. It was making things really awkward between us. Each of us was waiting for the other to breach the subject. 

Now seemed as good a time as any. If he rejected me in this moment, I think it might kill me. Slowly, so my intentions were clear, I lowered my lips to his. I could feel him tense beneath me but soon enough, his lips were moving with mine. Thank God. I hadn't realized how badly I'd been craving his touch until he gave in to me. 

He was itching to touch me and he was struggling against the hold I had on his wrists. But I wasn't quite ready to let him go. I liked being in control. I pulled back slightly and bit his bottom lip. "Easy Connor. You started this game, but we're playing by my rules now." Without taking my eyes from his, I started to roll my hips. The sheer look of pleasure on his face was good enough to eat. His eyes were squinted shut, his head thrown back, and his mouth gasping for air. And the sounds he was making... Each time my name left his lips, my insides clenched. It was a heady feeling watching him unravel beneath me.

He was letting me set the pace. Letting me use his body as a means to my own end. The bulge in his gym shorts was rubbing deliciously against my swollen bundle of nerves. I have never appreciated the easy access of yoga pants so much in my life. I haven't engaged in this kind of foreplay since I was 16 years old. I forgot how intoxicating it could be. As much as I wanted to keep rubbing together until we both came with all of our clothes on, my body was aching for more. I remembered what Connor felt like inside of me and I didn't think I could wait another second to feel that again. 

Reaching between us, I slid my hand into his gym shorts and started to stoke him. He made the most appreciative sound and I couldn't help the smirk that spread across my face. "I'm going to take what I need from you Connor, and then I'm going to ride you until you cum..." I released his hands so that he could touch me. With their first act of freedom, his hands reached out and unzipped my sports bra. My breasts were now completely exposed and vulnerable to him. He cupped them and massaged them gently, before bringing one of my hardened nipples to his mouth. His lips were so warm and I was twitching with pleasure as he flicked his tongue against my sensitive little bud.

I wanted to taste every inch of his skin. I didn't even care that we had just been sweating all over the place for the past hour. I slid my hands under his t-shirt and splayed my fingers out over his perfectly toned abdomen. Knowing what I wanted, he lifted his arms over his head so that I could pull his shirt off. I had to stop and appreciate the view for a moment. He was mouth watering. His muscles rippled beneath flawless, sun kissed skin. I leaned down and kissed him from the band of his gym shorts, all the way up his body until my lips found his again. 

My hands had just started to push his shorts down when I heard the loft door slide open. I instinctively wrapped my arms around myself to cover my chest. Connor sat up to shield me with his body. Murphy was laughing as he moved further into the apartment. "Oh, by all means continue. No need to stop on my account." 

I was mortified. "Murphy! What the fuck?! Get out!"

"Oh hush Kit. It's not like I haven't seen your dirty bits before." I cannot believe he just said that. "Oh look Connor! Our girls gone scarlet!"

Now they were both laughing. It should have pissed me off but there was something so lighthearted about it. I think I was relieved at how comfortable they seemed to be with this uncomfortable situation. "Yeah well, if either of you want to see my dirty bits again, somebody will hand me a damn shirt." Connor tossed me his discarded shirt from the mat.

"Don't you have some place to be Missy?" Murphy was looking down at his watch in mock horror as he walked out of the room.

Connor slid over to me on the mat and pinned me down on my back. Oh! Were we going to pick up where we left off?! "As much fun as this is, Murph's right. You're supposed to meet Sarah in an hour."

Crap! Was it 5:00 already? My lip involuntarily jutted out in a pout. I wasn't finished with him yet. "An hour is more than enough time for a grand finale..." I reached up and ran my fingers through his dishwater locks.

"Oh no, Kit. I was told that you were going to ride me until I came. I'm not settling for anything less and you my dear, just simply do not have the time."

"Ugh, fine!" I pushed him off me so that I could stand up. "I guess I'll just take care of this myself in the shower..." I stripped down to my underwear and left my clothes in a pile at his feet, before I made my exit down the hall. I turned and said one last thing over my shoulder. "Or maybe I'll get Murph to help me out."

~~~~~~~~~~

As much as it pained me to leave unfinished business with Connor, I was super excited for my girls' date with Sarah. Ever since our weekend spa trip, I realized that it was stupid to try and keep her out of this. Well, at least I didn't have to keep her out of all of it. She was like my sister and I didn't want to miss out on important things in her life. We agreed to set aside time for each other at least every 2 weeks. NO BOYS ALLOWED. Tonight we had grand plans. We were going to get dolled up, have dinner at a fancy restaurant, drink copious amounts of wine, and then catch a live show of one of our favorite comedians. After that we were planning on reverting back to the age of 14, and having the sleepover of all sleepovers. Movies, popcorn, chocolate, cozy pajamas, braiding each other's hair... The only difference was that this time our boy stories would be a little more X-Rated. 

So far, our night had played out fantastically. We had made it well into the sleepover part of the evening. Our faces were covered in green gooky masks. Sarah was right in the middle of telling me a hilarious story about how Matt likes to yell dirty promises to her from different rooms. It was all fun and games until the night that he decided to scream something while she was skyping with her parents. Apparently, that didn't go over so well with her father...

We were coming down from our last fit of laughter, when we heard knocking at the door. It was 2:30 in the morning, who could that be? Sarah got up and walked over to the door, peeking out through the peep hole. She laughed and unlatched the chain, opening the door. "Couldn't even make it one night without her, could you Murph?" She quickly dropped her joking tone when she took in his appearance. There was a cut under his eye that was swelling at an alarming rate and his lip was a busted mess. His knuckles were bruised and bleeding, like he'd been punching a brick wall. But in Murphy's case, it was more likely someone's face. "Oh my gosh Murphy, are you alright?"

I couldn't see them from my spot in the living room but I could hear the concern in her voice. "Kit... I need Kit. Is she here?"

I saved Sarah the trouble of yelling for me and made my way towards them. "Yeah, hold on. I'm coming." I rounded the corner and saw what Sarah had seen. "Fuck, Murphy! What the hell happened to your face?!" It also did not escape my attention that he was standing alone at the door. Panic crept up my spine and my imagination took me to the darkest of places. "Murphy, where's Connor?"

"I'll take you to him but I need you not to panic." Great Murph... Now I'm freaking out that much more!

What was going on? I didn't know what to do. My feet were frozen to the floor. I couldn't decide if I wanted to faint or throw up. The tell tale signs of a Kit Taylor anxiety attack were rising to the surface.

Sarah reached out and pinched my arm. "Kit! Go with Murphy. I'm sure everything's fine. Everything is fine, right?" She looked to Murphy when she asked that.

"Yes, everything will be fine. But Kit, I really need to you come with me. It's important." His eyes were trying to tell me something but I didn't know what.

I was still having a hard time believing him because the overpowering emotion coming off of him was anxiety. There was something he wasn't telling me. Maybe he couldn't tell me in front of Sarah. I couldn't take the suspense any more. I reached out for his hand and said, "Okay."

Relief washed over his entire body, which helped to calm me down a little. He was already dragging me down the hall. I didn't even have time to say goodbye to Sarah. I heard her yell out to us. "Somebody better call me when things settle down!" She sounded angry and scared all at the same time.

Once we got outside, Murphy opened the passenger door and shuffled me into his car. Before I knew it, we were speeding through the streets. We drove in silence. He didn't offer up an explanation and he didn't tell me where we were going. I figured it out soon enough when I started to recognize my surroundings. We are headed down to the docks. The same docks where I saw a girl murdered in cold blood. Okay, enough. I needed to be in the loop. "Murphy, talk... Why would you bring me here? I need you to tell me what's going on!"

He pulled to a stop outside of an abandoned building. "There's something that you need to see Kit. Connor's waiting for us inside." The promise of Connor was enough to get me moving. I hopped out of the car and let him lead the way. This building was creepy and tetanus lurked around every corner. Murphy reached out and grabbed my hand. His very presence was soothing. How did he do that? 

Murphy slowed down and pulled us to a halt in front of a huge metal door. "Are you ready?"

I had no idea if I was ready but I trusted him. "Yes. I think so."

He opened the door to a dimly lit room. Connor was sitting against the back wall with a gun in his hands. I was so relieved to see him that I noticed nothing else. All I saw was Connor. I let go of Murphy's hand and made my way to his brother. He had a little blood trickling from his nose, but other than that he seemed fine. "Are you alright Connor? What's going on?"

Connor's emotions were all over the place. I was feeling to much at once and it was exhausting. I reached out and touched the side of his face. "Please Connor..."

His eyes were nervous but his voice was steady. "We found him Kit. We finally found him."

"You found him? Found who, Connor?" 

He pointed his gun over my left shoulder to direct my attention. I turned around to see a chair. And in that chair was a man, tied securely with rope.

Marco Alvarez. That rat faced fucker...

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

 

They found him. I can't believe they actually found him. I didn't even know they had found another lead. But here he sat, Marco Alvarez. Now what?

I left my spot on the floor next to Connor and walked over to stand in front of the chair. Alvarez was still unconscious, slumped over in his seat. When I looked at his face, the expression, "You should see the other guy" came to mind. Murphy had really done a number on him. I don't know how I thought I was going to feel when this moment finally came to pass, but this was not it. I felt strangely at ease. Maybe it was the calm before the storm and I was about ready to lose it at any second. Or maybe, just maybe, I was fine. I had been waiting for this moment for so long and it was finally here. This was my chance to get some answers and find some closure. 

I sensed Murphy come up beside me. He didn't say a word, he just reached out and took my hand in his. He knew I needed silence but he wanted me to know that he was there. His eyes were searching my face for a clue. Any clue as to how I was reacting. He must have found something assuring there because I felt him relax a little. He was perfectly comfortable with my uncomfortable silence.

When Alvarez began to stir, it startled me. Everything had been still for so long and his movements put me on edge. Murphy could feel it too, so he gave my hand a gentle squeeze. From day one, his presence has grounded me. And in this moment, it was no different. Almost instantly, I felt myself calm. My head needed to be level for this. I couldn't let my emotions overwhelm me. 

After a couple of minutes, Alvarez was completely alert to his surroundings. Those beady little eyes focused on me and he leered. "Who's this bitch?" His voice was just was unpleasant as his face.

Before I even realized what was happening, Murphy had stepped forward and hit him square in the jaw. "Speak to her like that again, and I'll kick your fucking teeth in."

Connor wasn't far behind. "Aye! And what a shame it'd be to lose the three you've got left."

This was it. I was about the have my Princess Bride moment.  _Hello. My name is Kit Louise Taylor. You killed my best friend and the love of my life. Prepare to die..._

But instead I said, "It doesn't matter who I am. This is about you. Your 15 minutes of fame..."

His tone was meant to mock me. "Awe, what's the matter sweetheart? Did I run over your puppy or something?"

I **HATE** it when people call me sweetheart. Unless you are my 80 year old grandmother, don't even think about it! 

I calmly moved forward and stood within reaching distance. Without saying a word, I backhanded him across the cheekbone. "Shut. Up. You'll know when I want you to speak." Something in my tone caught his attention. "Three months ago, you were on trial for killing a woman named Lisa Reynolds. There was a key witness in the case. His name was Oliver Hayes. He was killed outside the courthouse. Someone ran their car up on the sidewalk and killed him. That someone did this to keep you from going to trial. I want to know who was driving that car..."

This guy was a smug bastard. He thought less of me because I was a woman. I could feel the distaste in his emotions. "I don't know what you're talking about baby doll. I had nothing to do with that. Must have been my lucky day."

First sweetheart, now baby doll... I loath this man. "You're lucky day, huh? No, I don't think so. In fact, I think it was pretty unlucky. That's the day that I wished you dead. I've never wished anyone dead before. At first I felt ashamed of myself. I mean, I knew you were a piece of filth, but did you really deserve to die? But then something happened. I made some new friends..." I gestured to the twins. "Their names are Connor and Murphy, but you might know them as The Saints." Murphy took a bow and Connor waved his gun enthusiastically. 

The look on his ugly little rat face was priceless. There was genuine fear there, I could feel it. "Saints?! Those crazy assholes that took out the Italians?"

Connor chimed in over my shoulder. "Aww! You flatterer! I think I might be blushin'..."

Dear Mr. Alvarez changed his tune pretty quickly after that. "I didn't do it! I swear! I never even saw the kid! And you guys only kill the guilty, right?!"

Murphy was amused and decided to play along. "You make a fair point sir. What do you think Connor? Do you think we should be letting him go?"

Connor was quick to pick up on the game. "Hmm, I don't know Murph. A worm like this, I'm sure we could find him guilty of something."

"You're right dear brother. He does look pretty shifty."

Connor put his hand to his chin and acted like he was deliberating something. "You know, Murph... I maybe might be able to overlook such shiftiness if he were to tell the lady what she wants to know."

"Aye! A full pardon. You have my word, good sir. Neither I, nor my brother, will lay a hand on you. All you have to do is answer the questions for our girl." Murphy turned to wink at me. Clever boy, with the word play. 

 "Okay, yeah. Whatever she wants. I'll tell you anything!" He was going to sing like a canary.

Murphy came over and draped his arm around my should. "Ask the man your questions, lass."

This was my opportunity. What all did I need to know? He was looking me dead in the face, pleading with me to make my requests. "Who was driving the car that killed Oliver Hayes?" That was definitely question number one.

"Just some punk ass kid they use to do their dirty work. I think his name is Alfie." Alfie... I finally had a name to go along with my anger. 

"And where does Alfie like to hang out?" If this guy was a road map, why not ask for directions?

"That pinche idiota spends every Friday night in this dive bar on campus. He likes to try and pick up college tail..." Pinche idiota? If I'm not mistaken, that translates to fucking idiot.

My next question should have been obvious. "What's the name of the bar?"

His voice was starting to take on a whine. I wanted to smack him again. "Man, I don't know. I'm not his fucking keeper. It's just some bar with cheap beer and cheep bitches."

Even with his life dangling precariously in front of him, he was still having trouble answering to a woman. He might think differently if he knew it was me who had the final say... "Do you know who gave the order?"

His anxiety level spiked a little at that question. He knew the answer but was reluctant to give it. I stepped forward and smacked him again. "Who are you working for?!?!"

He was still tight lipped but Connor moved things along when he cocked his gun back. "Okay! Okay! No need for guns, I'll tell you!... I don't know his real name. I've never even met the guy. All I know is that people call him Fantasma."

"Fantasma? As in the Spanish word for ghost?" How original....

He nodded his head. "That's all I know, I swear..."

He was telling the truth about that much. I could feel it in his mind. This was an interesting new development. I was like a human lie detector test! "I believe you." His face flooded with relief, but I wasn't quite finished. "Just one more question. That girl, Lisa Reynolds... Did you kill her?" Obviously I already knew the answer to that question. I just wanted to see if he would lie to me about it. 

He looked me directly in the eye and answered. "No, I didn't. They were trying to pin it all on me. That's probably why they killed that guy Oliver. They were probably afraid his statement would clear me and point the finger at them!"

Wow! That was a whopper of a lie! And the fact that he just used Ollie as a pawn in his bullshit, made my blood boil. Somehow, I managed to keep my poker face in place. "Thank you for being so forthcoming Mr. Alvarez. I appreciate your honesty." I turned to face the boys. "Gun please..."

They looked at each other in a silent exchange. Except it wasn't so silent to me. I could read them loud and clear. They weren't sure about letting me do this. Maybe they thought that I couldn't handle it? Or maybe they were trying to protect me in the same way that I wanted to protect that kid, Liam. Either way, it didn't matter. This wasn't their decision to make. This was part of our deal. I was the one who got to pull the trigger.

It was Connor who moved first. I could hear Alvarez protesting behind me, but his cries were muffled to my ears. I was focused on Connor's long strides. Was he going to give me what I wanted or was he going to pull a "Murphy" and carry me out over his shoulder?

"Hey! Hey! We made a deal! You said if I answered this bitch's questions, that you guys wouldn't hurt me!" Man, this guy really needed to learn when to shut up.

Murphy was on his feet in seconds. Without even blinking, he extended his gun to me. He leaned down and got right up close and personal with that repulsive rat face. "What did I say about speaking to her that way?" Alvarez kept his mouth zipped. Murphy's close proximity had him pissing his pants. "And you're right. I did say that my brother and I wouldn't lay a hand on you. However, I didn't say that she couldn't." He slapped him lightly on the cheek, almost in a playful way. 

Alvarez was reeling when the meaning of Murphy's words sank in. He actually thought he was going to be walking out of this alive. He was obviously dumber than he looked, and that was saying something...

I was standing there staring down at Murphy's gun. It felt smooth and heavy in my hand. This was it, now or never... Connor's voice broke my trance. His eyes were searching my face. "Aye?"

That word had become a language all of its own between us. He needed my reassurance. I gave him one firm nod. "Aye."

I turned to Alvarez and raised my gun. Now that he knew that he was going to die, he was voicing his distaste for me loud and clear. It was taking every ounce of strength in Murphy's body, to not knock this asshole out cold. I needed to just pull the trigger and get it over with but I was frozen. I knew I wanted him dead, but this was some heavy shit. Maybe I should just let one of the boys do this. Would I be satisfied with just knowing he was dead, or did I need to be the one to do it? I think the answer is yes, I need to do this myself. The boys had done enough for me. Besides, this wasn't their fight. I needed to do this. I HAD to do this. For Ollie...

Murphy stepped from my side to stand behind me. He put both hands on my shoulders and slid them down my arms until his hands were steadying mine. It reminded me of the cliche date move, where guys want to show you how to swing a bat or shoot a pool stick. If I wasn't about to commit murder, I might have found it cute.

His voice was quiet in my ear. "You can do this Kit. We've practiced a thousand times. Just focus and breathe."

He was right, I could do this. It was simple, just point the trigger and shoot. "Don't let go, Murphy..."

"Never."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. In through the nose, out through the mouth. And then it was over. I pulled the trigger and now there was silence. I opened my eyes to find a lifeless Alvarez. His head was hanging over the back of the chair. I had hit him right between the eyes. Murphy reached up and pulled the gun from my hands.

Connor stepped into my line of vision. "You did it Kit. It's over." He was worried. "How do you feel?"

Looking into those blue-green eyes, I only felt one thing. "Alive."

He flashed me a heart stopping grin and pulled me into a hug. "You did good Kit. Now let's fucking go home."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

It had been 52 minutes since we left the docks. I was standing, safe and sound, under a hot shower. I don't know what I was supposed to feel after killing someone. Guilt? Anxiety? Joy? The urge to kill again? I didn't feel any of those things. I felt appeased. I had set a goal for myself, and I accomplished it. Now it was time for a new goal. That goal's name was Alfie.

I dried myself off and pulled on one of Murph's baggy t-shirts. It smelled deliciously of him but it wasn't quite cutting it. I needed the real deal.  When I walked out of the bathroom, he wasn't in his room. I walked across the hall to Connor's door but his room was empty too. Only one place left to look.

I found them in the main living area. Murphy was sprawled out on my makeshift bed and Connor was piddling around the kitchen. They were both showered and ready for bed. Murphy had the right idea, and he looked so cozy. I walked over to him and lifted up the blankets, climbing into his arms. The skin of his bare chest was so warm against my face and I could hear his heart steadily beating. I hadn't felt this relaxed since the last time that Ollie held me like this. It had been a long night and I was pretty much down for the count. Sleep was inevitable.

I was just about to fall into the abyss when I heard Connor speak. "Goodnight Kit." He flipped off the light switch and started to make his way to his room.

"Connor, wait..." I held out my hand and motioned for him to come to me. "Stay with me?"

He made his way over to me from across the room. The way his body moved was mesmerizing. He was so graceful. I felt the weight of his body sink into the bed, and then he was wrapped around me. "Always Kit..."

This is where I belonged. Cocooned between my own personal Saints. 

 

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

My dreams that night were entwined with those of both Connor and Murphy. It was easy to tell them apart. Connor's were always extremely vivid but with Murph I would just get bits and pieces. It was my perfect little dream world and I wanted to sleep forever. Of course, that was an unrealistic notion. The outside world was calling, literally. I was vaguely aware that my phone had been incessantly buzzing for the past couple of hours. What time was it?

When I opened my eyes I was covered in MacManus. I was hot and sweaty, and not in a good way. Connor was like a furnace and Murph had the habit of clutching on to me in his sleep. I desperately needed to get out of this bed. Since Connor slept like a dead person, getting Murphy to move was probably my best bet. I rolled in his arms so that I was facing him. He looked so content, I almost hated to wake him. Almost...

"Murph..." I shook him a little.

"Hmmm?" He didn't open his eyes but he was listening.

"I need to get up. Would you mind moving so I can get out?" He moaned in protest and squeezed me tighter into his chest. The childish gesture made me giggle. "Murphy, please! I'm suffocating..." He sighed and rolled over onto his back so that I could climb over him. Free at last!

I made my way into the kitchen in search of some caffeine. Apparently we were out so I settled for some orange juice instead. Right around my last swallow, my reason for waking started to buzz again. Oh crap, my phone! By the time I found it, it had stopped ringing. When I unlocked the screen, I had 8 missed calls! Shit... They were all from Sarah. I'm sure she was probably freaking out after that little scene in her doorway last night. She had started calling me at 9:00 this morning. It was now.... 1:15! Quickly, I sent her a text.

 **K: Hey!** _**Everything's fine. I just woke up. Can I come by later?** _

I didn't have to wait long for a reply.

**S: _Yeah, I'll be here all day. Are you sure you're okay?_**

**K: _Yeah, I'm good. I'll explain later..._**

I had absolutely no idea what I was going to say to her. It's not like I could tell her the truth.  _Oh, hey Sarah. Connor and Murphy just helped me murder one of the men responsible for Ollie's death. No big deal..._ No, that was definitely not an option. 

I needed to take a shower to clear my head. I had a couple of important things to do today. First, and foremost, I needed to come up with a believable story to tell Sarah. The second thing, was something that I should have done 3 months ago...

By the time I had gotten showered and dressed, the boys were up and functioning. They looked a little surprised to see me ready to go.

"Going somewhere, Kit?" Connor's voice was a little anxious. He probably thought I was running off again.

"Yeah, I'm headed over to Sarah's. Murph showing up at her door in the middle of the night, all cryptic and bloody, kinda freaked her out. She's been calling me all morning."

This time it was Murphy who asked the question. "What are you going to tell her?"

"I haven't worked it all out yet. I'm sure I'll think of something." I grabbed my purse and started heading for the door.

"Hey Kit..." Murphy was following close behind me.

I stopped and turned to face him. "Yeah Murph?"

"You're coming back, right?" He was genuinely asking.

Okay, that was a fair question. The last time I took off, I didn't come back for 3 days. "Yes, Murphy, I'm coming back." I leaned up on my toes to give him a quick kiss. "I promise." He didn't look entirely convinced but he let me go anyway. What he didn't understand, was that I couldn't leave them now even if I tried. They had become essential to my existence, like oxygen.  

~~~~~~~~~~

I got to Sarah's around 4:00. She was in the middle of making dinner when I walked through the door. "Yum! That smells great! What are you making?"

Sarah was a fantastic cook. Anything she made was a treat. "New recipe. Something I found on Pinterest. It claimed to be the world's best chicken."

She sounded a bit skeptical. "Well, you made it, so I'm sure it will be delicious. Anything I can do to help?" I was trying to keep her distracted for as long as possible. The more time I had to think of a good cover story, the better.

"Yeah, actually. Would you mind setting the table and getting the drinks while I get this ready?"

"No prob, Bob!" She giggled at my response.

We spent the next half an hour eating in silence. I was starved and her dinner was so good, that it was hard to focus on much else. She was watching me inhale my food with a grin on her face. "I take it you like it?"

"Haha! Yeah, I'd say that's a safe assumption." 

I took my last bite. Before I could even set my fork down, she was on me like white on rice! "So what the hell happened last night, Kit? I didn't sleep at all. I had all of these crazy scenarios running through my head."

Okay, here we go. I hope she buys this... "I guess Connor and Murphy got into a bar fight last night. Connor ended up getting arrested and we had to go bail him out. Aside from a few bumps and bruises, they're both fine."

"That's it? Murphy seemed really on edge." She wanted to believe me but I hadn't quite convinced her yet.

"Yeah, I know. I was kinda pissed about that too. He scared the shit out of me. I thought something had happened to Connor. I just chalked it up to him being drunk and over exaggerating." My fake anger at Murphy sealed the deal. And thank God, because I don't know what else I would have said.

I stood up and started gathering our dishes, taking them to the sink. This was a normal routine of ours. She cooked, I cleaned. 

Now that I had checked the first thing off of my to do list, I moved on to the second. I walked into the living room and took my place next to Sarah on the couch. She was playing on her phone so she didn't notice me staring at her awkwardly. Gathering my courage, I pulled my knees into my chest and hugged my legs. My chin was resting on my knee caps. "Sarah, I need a favor..."

Something in my tone alarmed her. She looked up from her phone to scan my face. "Sure, Kit. What's up?"

I don't know why I was having such a hard time asking this. I knew she would say yes. "Would you mind coming with me to see Ollie?"

I could tell by the look on her face, that she wasn't expecting that. Maybe this was a bad idea. I could already feel her emotions starting to overwhelm me. I must have been wearing my thoughts on my face, because she immediately pulled herself together. "Of course, Kit. Anytime..." She stood and stretched her hand out to me. "Come on, let's go."

I knew that asking Sarah would force me to take this step. I had put it off for too long and I was as ready as I'd ever be...

Sarah drove us to the cemetery and parked just outside the gates. Memorial Day had just passed so all of the graves were beautifully decorated. I suddenly felt a huge amount of guilt. If Ollie's grave was bare, I would hate myself.

He was buried next to a glorious old oak. Its sturdy branches spread across the sky, providing just the right amount of shade. I hadn't been here since the day of his funeral. Things looked different now. The grass was greener. His sobbing mother wasn't standing there plaguing me with guilt. But mostly what was different, was the beautiful mahogany granite headstone. It had been sculpted into the shape of a bench. Etched into the face was an inscription...

_In Memory of Oliver Hayes_

_Beloved Son, Brother, and Friend_

_September 20, 1989 - March 2, 2015_

Those three words hardly seemed adequate enough to describe Ollie. He was so much more than that. At least there were flowers...

Sarah's voice interrupted my inner monologue. "It's pretty, isn't it? They just put it up a couple of weeks ago."

I looked up at her in surprise. "Do you come here a lot?"

She shook her head. "No, not a lot. Maybe once a month if I can." She shrugged her shoulders and went on. "I like to fill him in on how you're doing."

Man, I was a shitty friend! While I was off doing God knows what with Connor and Murphy, Sarah was here talking to Ollie. I nodded my head towards the flowers. "The flowers are pretty. What are they?"

She leaned down to smell them. "They are pretty. I think they're called Black-eyed Susans."

They were very pretty but they were also very random. I wonder what they stood for? "What do they mean?" She didn't understand what I was asking. "Like what do they represent? Roses are love, Daisies are hope, et cetera, et cetera..."

She pulled out her smart phone. "According to Google, they represent justice. Hmm... His mom must have had them sent."

Justice. She had no idea how appropriate that was.

I was in my own little world for a while. Sarah didn't make a sound. She just stood there beside me in my awkward silence. She was the very definition of a friend. I don't know how long we stood there like that. Eventually she reached out and gave my hand a slight squeeze. "Kit, I'm going to go wait in the car. Give you a private moment?" She was asking for permission to leave me. All I could manage was a slight nod in return. 

When she was gone, I took a seat on the bench. I didn't know how to do this. Should I just start talking? The notion seemed ridiculous. This wasn't like before, when I would tell him about my day and he would respond with his sage words of wisdom. He was gone. He couldn't answer me at all. I would never hear the sound of his voice again. I was so overwhelmed with a mixture of sadness and rage, that my words just came tumbling out. My voice had taken on that odd tone that was meshed between talking and crying. "Damn it! I'm sorry, Ollie. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that this happened to you. I'm sorry that I dragged you into this mess in the first place. This should have been me..." This was the guilt and the grief talking. Next came anger. "Why did you always have to be so stubborn? I told you. I told you that something didn't feel right. But noooo... You said, "You need to learn to relax, Kit." Maybe you needed to learn to take things more seriously! Maybe then you'd be here with me, and we could fight about this face to face. I miss that Ollie. Does that sound pathetic? I actually miss fighting with you. I miss being so angry with you that I was red in the face. I miss the stupid shit you would do to try and make me smile while I was in the middle of yelling at you. I miss your genuine apologies and the way that you used to hold me until I calmed down. I just miss you, period. And I'm afraid that I'm losing you all over again. Everyday, another detail fades. I can't remember what you smelled like anymore. When your mom came to pack up your apartment, I stole some of your shirts. I used to sleep in them. If I closed my eyes and laid perfectly still, it was almost like you were still there with me. But eventually they stopped smelling like you. Now all that's left are tear stained shirts that smell like my own soap. It scares me Ollie... What am I going to forget next? Your voice? Your touch? When I close my eyes, I can still see you. Your kind eyes and your warm smile. The way your hair used to flip out over your ears when it got to long... What if the day comes, when it's a struggle to remember those things?" I hugged my arms tightly around my body. My chest was literally aching from the heartbreak.

I gave myself a minute to breath and collect my composure. When I spoke again, I changed directions completely. "I killed him, Ollie. That son of a bitch that started all of this... I shot him. But not before he told me who hit you with that car. He even told me who gave the order. I promise you Ollie, I will finish this. Otherwise, you will have died for nothing. And I don't think I could live with that. This whole mess started with me, so I need to be the one to end it. But don't worry, I'm not alone." I smiled to myself at the thought of Murphy and Connor. "You're not going to believe this, but do you remember the stories that were all over the news last year? The stories about The Saints? Well, their names are Connor and Murphy, and you'd love them. Especially Connor..." Again I had to laugh at my thoughts. "He definitely would have been your type..."

After that, I just sat in silence for a while. It felt nice to just be still. I closed my eyes and let the silence envelop me. The warmth of the sun was soaking into my skin and warming me from the inside out. I could stay like this forever.. .But all too soon, the sun started to fade and along with it, its warmth. It was time to go. Poor Sarah had been waiting in the car for almost 2 hours. "I love you Oliver. I'm sorry it took me so long to get here. I'll come back, I promise. Maybe I'll even bring you some more flowers." I reached down to touch one of the petals, and something caught my eye. Tucked into the center of the arrangement was a small note card. The words written there were far from what I expected... Wiping a lone tear from my eye, I slipped the note into the back pocket of my jeans. I told Oliver that I loved him one last time, before making my way to Sarah.

Sarah was glad to finally see me. "You okay? I was starting to get worried."

I reached across the car and pulled her into an embrace. "Thank you Sarah." It took her a minute to make sense of what was happening, but she hugged me back soon enough. "Will you take me home, please?" I was so tired. Emotions are draining!

"Sure thing." She put the car into drive but then stopped again. "Wait... Which home?"

That was a good question. I very much wanted to hide out with Sarah, but the boys and I had some things to talk about. "The loft, please. I'm sure the guys are starting to get antsy."

~~~~~~~~~~

We were at the loft in no time. This time when she hugged me, I didn't want to let her go. I missed being with her all the time. After promising to call her the next day, I managed to drag myself away. I had to keep telling myself that I'd see her soon enough. 

When I slid open the loft door, I found Murphy sitting at the kitchen island eating a bowl of cereal. He was like a magnet and I was drawn straight to him. I couldn't help myself. He turned in his stool and opened his arms to me. "You're home..." He sounded relieved.

"I'm home." I climbed into his lap like a child, and wrapped my arms around his neck. Pressing my forehead to his, I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the feel of him beneath me. It was an intimate moment that would have gone nicely with a romantic sentiment. But instead, I chose to say, "Your breath smells like Fruit Loops."

I caught him off guard, so his laugh was pure and absolutely contagious. "I'm going to take that as a compliment."

"Good, because that's how I meant it." I ran my thumb along his bottom lip. "I bet you taste like them too." I leaned in and kissed him. It started off slow but things got heated pretty quickly. I pulled away from him to get some air and he smiled at me. Not his normal half grin or crooked smirk either. This smile lit up his entire face.

"Well, what's the verdict?" It took my head a moment to clear before I realized that he was referring to the Fruit Loops.

"Sickeningly sweet, just like I thought." And with that, I slid off of his lap and walked over the the refrigerator. When I turned back around I had to stifle my giggle. He was uncomfortably trying to readjust himself in his jeans. "Is Connor here?"

He went back to eating his cereal and he answered me with his mouth full. "Yeah, I think he's on the roof."

Roof? Well this should be interesting. I had never been on their roof before and I wasn't very fond of heights. I grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and made my way to the fire escape. The sun was almost completely down and the night air was still crisp at this time of year. 

I was surprised by what I found. It looked like one of those rooftops you see on TV. You know, with twinkly lights and all the cute patio furniture? This was the kind of rooftop where you threw a party. 

It took my eyes a minute to adjust and finally spot Connor. He was sprawled out on one of those big patio beds. It looked like he had fallen asleep reading. I laid down next to him and slid my hand into his. He twitched a little at my touch. When he opened his eyes, he didn't say a word. He reached over with his free hand and brushed the hair away from my face.

I placed my hand on his chest, over his heart. "Connor, did you do this?" When I removed my hand, I left the note that I had taken from the cemetery.

It read:

_She really loved you._

_She'll be here soon, she just needs some time._

_We'll look after her, I promise..._

He didn't bother with trying to deny it. "Aye, I did..."

I kept my expression guarded. I wanted to hear his honest answer. "Why?"

Again, he was very straightforward. "Because you couldn't..." Simple and honest.

I dropped my eyes away from his just for a second. But that second was enough to make him panic. "Kit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to overste-" I hushed him by putting my finger over his lips. Once I had effectively silenced him, I moved my hand and replaced it with my lips.

That was undoubtedly the most thoughtful thing that anyone has ever done for me. He knew I needed something even when I didn't. I was aching to be closer to him in every way. My feelings towards him were overflowing and he was more than reciprocating. This was the first time that I had let myself completely drop my emotional guard around him, and it was almost to much for me to take. I have never felt so much all at once. I didn't even notice I was crying until he broke our kiss to look at me. He was holding my face between his hands. When he noticed my tears, he leaned in and kissed the spots on my cheeks where they had left streaks. 

No one has ever looked at me the way he is looking at me now. "I love you, Kit."

I knew the moment that I heard him say the words, that he meant them. And I knew that I felt the same. "And I love you."

Within seconds he was back to kissing me. His kisses weren't rushed or forceful, they were deep and sensual. His hands explored my body with the same fervor that his tongue explored my mouth. He may have been content to go on kissing all night, but I definitely was not. My body was on fire! "Make love to me Connor..." It wasn't a question. I was telling him what I wanted. What I needed.

He didn't miss a beat as he helped me undress. His lips never left my skin. He lifted his body from mine, long enough for him to kick his pants off from around his ankles. And then he came back to me. The contrast between the cold night air and his hot skin was beyond stimulating. He lined himself up with my entrance and paused. He was looking down at me, waiting for me to give my consent. The slight nod of my head was all he needed. His eyes were locked on the spot where our bodies were connected. He had the most euphoric look on his face as he watched my body accept every satisfying inch of him. I couldn't help the moan that left my lips as he buried himself to the hilt inside of me. My muscles were already starting to tighten around him. With each slow thrust, my warm core massaged his shaft. I started to roll my hips up to meet his thrusts but after a few times, he stilled me. "Easy lass. If you do that again, I'm gonna cum." His breathing was heavy and he was trying everything he could to steady himself.

"It's okay, Connor. I want you to. I want to feel you." I was fairly certain that watching him cum would find me my release.

He shook his head. "No... You first." He pulled away, leaving nothing but his tip inside of me. He lifted my legs so that my ankles were resting by his ears. Then very slowly, he dipped back inside of me. The new angle was mind blowing. I actually shuddered with pleasure. As he started to move his hips again, he brought his hand down between my legs and rubbed tantalizing circles around my swollen pearl. His other hand was splayed out over my right thigh, holding me firmly against his abdomen.

When his thumb increased the pressure on my clit, I lost myself. I didn't care that the night air was spreading goose bumps across my skin. I didn't care that we were outside and the people on the street might be able to hear us. I didn't care that Murphy could most definitely hear us through the open window. In this moment, I was his and I cared about nothing but him. I asked him to make love to me and that's exactly what he did. There was not one spot on my body that went unattended. 

With one final thrust, he pushed me over the edge. "Oh God! Yes, Connor! Yes..." The rest of my moans were cut short as the breath caught in my chest. My ears were ringing and my vision had gone white. My body convulsed around him as my orgasm ran its course. 

Connor wasn't far to follow. I felt him release his warm seed into my core.

I lowered my legs to the bed so that he could lay down on top of me. I could feel his heart pounding against by chest. The warmth of his body was more than welcome. Now that we had gotten nice and sweaty, the chilled breeze was making me shiver. My body was spent. I don't think I could have moved if I'd tried. 

Once his breathing returned to normal, Connor started shivering too. Our body heat was no longer enough to keep us warm. Standing up, he pulled on his pants sans underwear. He didn't even bother with my clothes, he just wrapped me in the blanket that I had brought up with me. He scooped me up into his arms. "Let's go to bed. Aye?"

I love it when he asks me that. I snuggled my face in against his chest and yawned. "Aye...bed."

I don't know how he got me down the stairs and through the window, but somehow he managed. The warmth of the loft and the sway of Connor's footsteps were a lullaby all in themselves. I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

3 weeks, 4 days, and 11 hours... That's how long it's been since Marco Alvarez spilled the beans about Alfie. He didn't give us a lot to go on, but the little information I do know has been eating away at me for weeks. Here's what we've gathered so far...

1\. His name is Alfie.

2\. He's a dumb ass kid with an over inflated ego.

3\. He trolls for girls at the bars around the local campus.

4\. He killed Oliver.

5\. He needed to be taught a rather harsh lesson.

My initial reaction was impatience. I wanted information right here, right now! But then I had time to think about it. Everything that happened with Alvarez was a blur. The boys found him and then dropped me into the situation without warning. I wasn't prepared. My nerves were all over the place. It was sloppy. This time needed to be right. I needed a game plan. But to be honest, I was stumped. I don't know how do this kind of thing and I don't exactly have a lot of details to work with. I don't know his last name. I don't know what he looks like. I don't even know the name of the bar he frequents. Even if by some strand of luck I were to find him, what would I even do?

Connor and Murphy had been doing some leg work of their own. I believe Murphy referred to it as, "Rounding up the usual suspects." Apparently, killing Alvarez had flipped over a few rocks. There were new thugs turning up left and right. The twins were doing a good job of sorting them out, but they weren't exactly being discrete about it. Which is another reason that we couldn't just walk into the bars yelling for the real Slim Shady to please stand up. If people knew that we were looking for Alfie and then he just so happened to turn up dead, it wouldn't take long for the cops to connect the dots.  

I was seconds away from throwing in the towel, when Sarah presented me with a golden ticket. "Anyways... I was thinking that we could all hang out soon. I really want you and Matt to get to know each other better."

Sarah had decided to meet me at the shop for lunch today. It was under the pretense of her checking in on me but I had a feeling that she had something that she wanted to talk about. I felt a smidge guilty when I realized that she had been talking to me for a while. I only picked up about half of what she said, but I think I got the gist of it. "Yeah sure, that sounds great. What'd you have in mind?"

"I don't know. Something really low key. I don't want there to be too much pressure. I thought maybe we could check out this place across from Matt's work, that way when his shift ends he could just meet us over there. It's just a little hole in the wall college bar. Pizza, beer, darts, and pool. No big deal. I just thought th-..."

I laughed and waved my hands to stop her nervous chatter. "Okay, chill. You had me at pizza." 

Her answering smile was shy. "Sorry, I guess I'm just a little nervous. I've really fallen hard this time and I think we might be end game." She shifted her eyes away from me to pick aimlessly at her salad. "You're my best friend, Kit. I really need you to like him..."

At first I didn't understand, but then it clicked. "Oh, I get it. You want me to feel him out. Peek behind the curtain?"

When her eyes met mine, she looked ashamed. "Yes..." She looked away from me again. "Are you mad?"

She wasn't expecting my giggle. "Haha! No, I'm not mad. I think it's pretty smart. Why guess when you can know for sure?"

From the look on her face, she was relieved. "Thanks Kit!" She always was one quick to bounce back. "So who are you going to bring, Connor or Murphy? I'd say bring both but that might be awkward. And no pressure, but I was kinda hoping you'd bring Murph. You're right, there is just something relaxing about him." She was talking a million miles per hour!

If I didn't stop her soon she would ramble on nervously all day. "Sarah! Relax..." I had to bite back my laugh. "I'll ask Murphy tonight. I'm sure he'll be game for anything."

She flushed a little out of embarrassment. "Okay, great. So Friday?"

"Friday works for me. I'll call you tonight after I talk to Murph."

I think Sarah was probably right about Murphy being better for this particular social outing. Especially if I wanted to do some snooping around for Alfie. Both of them could usually see through my bullshit, but Murphy was way more likely to let me get away with it. He tended to let me make my own mistakes, whereas Connor wanted to protect me from them all together. Plus, as soon as Connor figured out my master plan he would be on edge for the rest of the night. I wouldn't be able to focus on anything except his emotions. Yeah, Murphy was definitely the better option in this scenario. 

~~~~~

After Sarah left and I closed up shop, I made my way home to the boys. It was nice coming home to them everyday. It gave me something to look forward to.

When I came up on the door to the apartment, I could hear them yelling inside. Quickly, I pulled out my keys and yanked open the sliding door. 

The following scene was not what I expected. "What the heck you guys?! I could hear you yelling from down the hall. I thought something was wrong!" They were sitting on opposite ends of the couch, Xbox controllers in hand. Naturally, they ignored me until their game ended. I have no idea what they were playing but from what I could gather, Connor was winning.

"Damn it!" The screen was flashing  **Game Over.**  Murphy tossed his controller to the floor. "You're a fucking cheater, Connor!"

Connor's giggle was absolutely infectious. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. "Hey now! It's not my fault you play like a little girl. I bet even Kit could have beat ya!" That was truly an insult considering how awful I was. They liked to play with me to boost their egos from time to time. 

"Shut it!" Murphy used his middle finger for a rather rude gesture before popping a cigarette into his mouth. I walked over and took from between his lips. "Awe come on Kit!" 

He was gearing up for a nice pout, so I straddled his lap and gave him an exaggerated peck on the lips. Mwah! "Cheer up Murph! Your presence has been personally requested by Sarah. She wants us to double with her and Matt on Friday. You in?"

His hands were resting on my hips and he was looking up at me with a giant smile on his face. "A date with you?! I'd be honored." He leaned up to give me another quick kiss.

"Hey! And what about me? I suppose you're gonna just leave me out in the cold?" He was really playing up the puppy dog eyes.

"Of course not Connor." I reached out to touch his cheek. "You'll have the Xbox here to keep you warm..."

I could feel Murphy chuckling beneath me and Connor's look of mock offense was making it hard for me to keep a straight face. "Did she just sass me, Murph?"

"Aye brother, I think she did." Murphy was barely containing the laughter in his voice.

"Alright missy, I think it's high time you found out what happens to little lasses that sass." Nothing but trouble could follow up a statement like that...

Connor left his spot on the couch and came over to lift me from Murphy's lap, throwing me over his shoulder. My hands immediately went behind me to keep my dress from riding up. "Ahh! Haha! Okay! I'm sorry Connor. I'll never sass you again. Please put me down!"

My pleas did nothing to deter him. "Oh no, Kit. You reap what ya sew..."

He turned and started towards his room. I could hear Murphy laughing from the living room as Connor carried me down the hall. When we made it to his room, he closed the door behind him. And then there was the unmistakable sound of his lock. Uh oh... "Connor..."

"Hush." He plopped me down on his bed. "That's enough lip outta you." Before I had time to react he had flipped me over onto my stomach. His lips were at my ear and his body was pressed into mine. One of his legs was pushing my knees apart, giving his hands more leeway to roam. "You've got a smart mouth Kit. I like it... It makes me wonder what else those pretty lips can do." Oh my...

With each passing word, his hands had been slowing dragging the hem of my sundress up my body. My legs and scantily clad behind were completely exposed to him. He lifted his body from mine, but wound a fist full of my hair to keep me from moving. His other hand was tracing the outline of my white lace panties. "These are pretty Kit. Just like you..." I felt his hand slide down my backside to the bottom of my thigh and then back again. On his way back up, he let his fingers brush against my aching core. I shivered at his touch. His hand left my skin but only for a second. Soon enough, his palm came back down right on my ass cheek. SMACK!

Holy shit! He just fucking spanked me! What's more... I'm pretty sure I liked it. It stung but I instantly felt my panties soaking. I screamed out, "Oh! Fuck Connor!" My head was swimming and my breathing was heavy. I felt like I was going to explode and he had barely even touched me. 

It was obvious that my cries weren't screams of pain, so he smacked me again. This time a bit harder. I buried my face into the mattress and let out a moan from deep within my chest. It was definitely a sound that I had never heard myself make before. I tried to clench my thighs together to find some relief but his knee was keeping them apart. His hand was rubbing soothing circles against my sensitive skin. When he removed his hand again I was bracing myself for the sting of his palm, but it never came. Instead, I felt his lips touch the spot where his hand used to be. They were so warm and soft. 

Leaving my upper body pressed to the bed, he slightly lifted my hips. I felt terribly exposed. He was laying on his stomach between my thighs, his face inches from the place I was longing for him to touch. He moved my panties aside with his fingers and then slipped his thumb inside to massage the front wall of my core. The pressure was maddening! 

I winced when he pulled his thumb away from me. Soon enough, it was replaced by his face. He wasn't quite touching me and the short distance was torture. I heard him inhale deeply and when he exhaled, his hot breath against my wetness nearly made me convulse. "You smell intoxicating Kit. Let's see how you taste..." With deliberate slowness, he ran his tongue from my opening all the way up to take my clit between his lips. My hands were clasping his sheets and I was biting my lip so hard that I could taste blood. 

When would this relentless teasing end?! I got my answer when he spoke. "Have you learned your lesson yet Kit?" His breathing didn't sound so steady either. He was just as worked up as me. I whimpered and gave him a small nod. "Good. You wanna make it up to me?" His question sobered me up a little. Yes, I wanted to make it up to him very badly and I knew just how to do it...

I released his hand from my hair so that I could sit up. Placing my hand on his chest, I pushed him down onto his back. He didn't say a word, he just watched my movements. My hands made quick work with his belt. I slid his pants off and tossed them to the floor. He was wearing deep red boxer briefs that had ADDICTED printed across the waistband. They were tight and hugged him in all the right places. The shade of red played beautifully with his tanned skin. I almost hated to take them off. Almost...

As I pulled his briefs down over his hips, his impressive erection sprang free. My mouth was practically watering, I wanted to taste him so badly. Taking him in hand, I ran my tongue from base to tip. He still hadn't taken his eyes off me. Reaching up, he pulled my hair over my shoulder so he could see everything I was doing. Taking his tip into my mouth, I began to suck lightly and then circled it with my tongue. He threw his head back in pleasure. "Oh fuck!"

Slowly, I started to take more and more of him into my mouth, using my hand as a guide. Every time I brought my head up, I'd twist my hand downward, slicking the wetness from my mouth down his shaft. Both of his hands were in my hair as he watched me move my face up and down in his lap. I could already taste the saltiness of his impending orgasm.

I started to quicken my pace and set a rhythm between my hand and mouth. He wasn't being pushy but I could tell by the way that he was holding my head, that he wanted me to go deeper. So, that's exactly what I did. Very carefully, I slid my lips down his cock, massaging him with my tongue as I went. When my nose brushed against his stomach, I had taken him to the hilt. His tip was resting at he back of my throat. I held him there as long as I could but my eyes were starting to water and I needed air. When I released him, his replying moan sent shivers through me. "Holy shit, lass. Do that again..." His tone was more pleading than a demand.

I repeated the gesture 3 more times. The last time that his tip hit the back if my throat, I hummed around him. To add to the pleasure, I reached down and lightly massaged his balls in my hand. And that was all she wrote.... "Jesus Christ! Oh fuck, Kit! I'm gonna.. I'm gonna..." He was trying to be courteous and warn me, but I wanted to taste him. Every last drop. I placed my hands on his thighs to brace myself and then started moving my head up and down again. Each time, his tip hitting the back of my throat. He was starting to roll his hips into my movements, pushing him deeper and deeper. Eventually I just relaxed my throat and let him set his own pace.

It didn't take long. I felt his thighs clench beneath my fingers before he spilled himself into my mouth. "FUCK!" I gladly swallowed everything he had given me and continued to stroke him as he rode out the remaining waves of his orgasm. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, watching him come apart like that. 

I laid down next to him and put my head on his chest, listening as his breathing and heart rate come back to normal. He was mindlessly stroking my hair and humming in appreciation. I was the first one to speak. "Am I forgiven?"

He laughed and kissed my forehead. "Definitely." He rolled over on top of me and wrapped my legs around him. "Your turn, lass..." I nearly choked on my gasp, as he slid two fingers inside of me. "You're so wet Kit... Is this for me?"

I moaned out my breathy answer. "You Connor, just you..." 

I wasn't expecting him to be ready again so quickly. But he was, and I sure as hell wasn't complaining. He slammed into me over and over again until I was screaming out his name. I think I may have stopped breathing for at least 30 seconds as my orgasm washed over me. 

When I opened my eyes again, I had to laugh. We were truly a sight. Connor was laying flat against my chest and my legs were still draped around his bare ass. The funniest part was, except for his pants, we were still wearing all of our clothes. 

"And what might you be gigglin' about?" He sounded amused.

"You didn't even get me out of my dress!"

He turned his head so he could look at my face. His smile spread warmth throughout my entire chest. "Couldn't wait. Had to have ya..."

We laid there for a few more minutes before we straightened ourselves out. He hopped off the bed and I propped myself up on my elbow to watch as he pulled on his underwear.

"You know, Connor... I don't think this lesson is going to be very effective in teaching me not to sass you." I smiled as he shimmied into his jeans.

"Trust me lass... I'm counting on that." His devilish grin spelled out trouble. He reached his hand out to me and said, "Come on, I'm starving!"

I let him lead me down the hall and back into the main room. When we turned the corner to the kitchen, I laughed out loud. Murphy was in the middle of making a homemade pizza and he was covered in flour. The kitchen was demolished.

I walked over to stand beside him, only to have him rub flour on my nose. "Murph, what are you doing?" I couldn't hide my amusement.

"I was getting hungry and I figured you two might have worked up a bit of an appetite." He flashed me his sly smile and a wink.

All I could do was laugh and roll my eyes. I walked over and sat down on the opposite side of the counter so that I could watch him work. Connor was off in the distance, rambling about how Murphy was going to clean up his own damn mess. I just sat there and listened to their back and forth banter. It was relaxing. They were both in such a playful mood. I couldn't remember the last time that I felt this.... well, happy.

Murphy broke my train of thought. "Soooo, Kit..." He brought his finger to his lips and licked off some extra tomato sauce. "Tell me more about this date..."The look on his face was nothing if not mischievous.

Friday night is going to be fun. And with any luck, enlightening...

I hope Sarah realizes what she's asked for.......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

Friday was finally here and the evening was going really well so far. The bar we went to had a cozy atmosphere and it made it easy for everyone to get comfortable. Matt and Murphy became quick friends. The smell of bromance was in the air. If Murphy had a super power, it would be disarming people of their social anxiety. I'm so glad he agreed to do this with me. I needed a night like tonight. It felt good to let loose and act my age for once. With all the laughing, the drinking, and being nestled in a booth under Murphy's arm... I was happy. And if the smile that was stretched across Sarah's cheeks was any indication, I wasn't the only one. Watching her and Matt together was adorable. I loved seeing her this happy. And she had nothing to worry about... His emotions were an open book to me all night.

Just after I heard my stomach growl, the pager in Murphy's hand started to buzz. "Pizza's done! Be right back." He slid out from the booth and started toward the bar.

"Wait up man! I'll come with you." Matt left his spot beside Sarah and ran to catch Murphy.

I just shook my head and smiled at Sarah. "Well, they certainly seem to be getting along."

"Yeah, no kidding. Half the time I don't even think they notice we're here!" She giggled and took another sip of her margarita. "So, now that we've got a second alone... What's your take on Matt?"

I gave her two thumbs up to wave off her concern. "He's great. You've got nothing to worry about. Mostly I've just been picking up on how exhausted he is from work. Oh! And he also really appreciates your breasts in that shirt."

We were still in a fit of laughter when the guys came walking over. Matt put the pizza on the table and sat down next to Sarah. "What's so funny?"

She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. "Nothing Matty. Just girl talk..."

I looked up at Murphy as he handed me a glass. "Here ya go baby girl. I got you another drink. Yours was lookin' a little empty."

Normally I hated that term of endearment, but it sounded so damn cute coming out of his mouth. I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled his mouth to mine. "Thanks Murph."

The rest of the evening progressed nicely. Murphy was plying me with drinks and I was starting to feel a little buzzed. We talked about everything and nothing as we ate our pizza. Right now we were on the topic of Matt's job.

"Yeah, these hours are killing me. They've had us down in the ER a lot over the last few weeks. It's been a bloody mess. So many gunshot wounds. And whoever these shooters are, they're trained. Every single patient has had a fatal wound. Most of them were DOA." I could see the images flashing through his head. Gruesome. "We've got a pool going with some of the nurses on whether or not The Saints are up and running again."

I choked on my drink and spit it back out into my cup. Murphy gave me a silencing look and kicked my shin underneath the table. "The Saints? Why would you think that? I thought they were presumed dead."

"Yeah that's what the cops were thinking but I don't think so. I think they were just laying low. If you think about it, the pattern fits. It has only been men. No women, and no children. And these victims haven't exactly been the salt of the earth, if you know what I'm saying..."

I knew exactly what he was saying and there was a good chance that I knew some of the men he was referring to. I probably pointed Connor and Murphy in the direction of half of them. 

Sarah spoke up. "It doesn't matter if they were bad men... Murder is murder, and it's wrong."

The whiskey that Murphy had been pouring down my throat all night was making me irrational and I immediately felt defensive. "I don't know Sarah, I think there might be some exceptions. You don't know the whole story." I was worried that if I didn't calm down, my words were going to bubble over and expose some sensitive information. 

Sensing my unease, Murphy reached over and started to rub his hand up my thigh. He was very good at reading my body language and he knew just how to manipulate my body with his. Within seconds of his touch, I felt myself calm. All I could focus on was the feel of his hand on me. I didn't want him to ever let go.

Sarah was looking at me funny. She didn't know what to make of my little outburst. She was searching my face for answers and eventually her mind fluttered across Ollie. "I suppose you're right, Kit. I don't know the situation. And I can completely understand the impulse, I just don't know that I'd ever be able to condone it." She didn't want me to think that she was defending Oliver's killer but she also didn't want Matt to think that she was down with vigilante killing sprees. 

My erratic temper had been defused but I did not want to talk about this anymore. It was too dangerous at the moment. I didn't want to lose my cool and accidentally tell her I shot a man point blank.  I used the ruse of needing the bathroom to get away from the table. Murphy looked like he wanted to follow me but I waved him off. I just needed a second to put myself together. And as it turns out, I actually did need to pee. 

While I was using a stall, I overheard a sobering conversation. Two girls had come in shortly after me to straighten their makeup. They were standing at the mirror ranting.

"Ugh! That asshole, Alfie will not leave me alone! I don't know how many times I have to say no. I'm running out of nice ways to say it."

"Seriously, that guy is so smarmy. Maybe that's your problem... You need to be a little less nice."

"You're probably right. Everything about him creeps me out. And come on! Who wears a Nickelback shirt to pick up girls?"

That was the last thing I heard before they walked back out into the bar. Holy crap! Alfie was actually here? Hmmm, what should I do? Do I tell Murph? If I told Murphy, he'd probably want to call Connor. So I nixed that plan, at least for now.... I could handle this myself. It's not like I was planning on killing him in a crowded bar, I just wanted to scan him. I wanted to find the best way possible to repay him the debt he's owed. If he was as smarmy as everyone was making him out to be, I bet I could do this the old fashioned way. I looked reasonably attractive tonight. If I stood at the bar long enough and pretended to be a ditzy college chick, maybe I could get him to by me drink. I went to the mirror and straightened my face. With one last glance, I pulled my shirt down a little and perked up my cleavage. If Alfie didn't appreciate the gesture, at least Murphy would.

I made my way back out to stand at the bar. It was getting later so more people were starting to file in. I couldn't even see Murphy and Sarah at our table. I was probably only waiting about 5 minutes before this really uneasy feeling washed over me. When I turned to my left, I noticed a rather repulsive young man leering at me from the stool beside me. This had to be Alfie. He was maybe 5'7, with carrot orange hair. Both of his ears were pierced with obnoxiously large diamond studs. And God as my witness, he actually was wearing a fucking Nickelback t-shirt! Even his cologne made me sick to my stomach.

"Hey there mama. You look like you need a drink, Maybe you should let Daddy buy you one." It took every ounce of restraint in my body not to laugh in his face. This guy looked and sounded like he was 16 years old. Honestly, I was impressed that he even had the balls to try and pick up girls. He was definitely young and stupid and my plan seemed to be working.

I put on my best fake voice and accepted his offer. "Awe! Oh my gosh, you're so sweet. Thank you!" I just needed to keep him interested long enough to get a peek inside his head. He ordered for me and didn't even let me pick my own drink. He went for a very presumptuous vodka cranberry. I fucking hate cranberry juice. When he handed me my drink, he moved over to stand closer to me. He was very much in my personal bubble. His disgusting cologne was invading my nostrils and his grubby little hand was resting in the small of my back. I could feel my skin crawling but the contact made it easier for me to read him. You pretty much get what you see with Alfie. His intentions, while disgusting, were boring and predictable. Same with his memories. All except for one.

When the image of Oliver standing on the sidewalk flashed across his thoughts, I jerked away from him. It was a lot to take in all at once. The look on Oliver's face made me want to pass out. He was so scared. And then there was the sound... It was awful. I could hear the sound of the car hitting Ollie's body. It threw him up onto the windshield and over into the street. It was all running through Alfie's head, but what I didn't understand was the emotion behind the memory. If I wasn't mistaken, it was guilt. Oliver's face was haunting Alfie's conscious mind. I was also picking up on a little bit of fear and hate. Hate? That couldn't be right. How could he possibly have that strong of an emotion directed towards Oliver. He didn't even know him. He was just another job.

I was pulled from the memory when I felt a hand clamp down on my elbow. When I turned to look I was surprised to see it wasn't Murphy. "Hey man, what the fuck? Back off my friend!" Matt was standing there, shoulders squared, defending my honor. I was liking him more and more by the second.

"Whoa dude, chill out! I was just trying to talk to her." His hands went up in a surrendering gesture.

Matt wasn't buying that line for a second. "Really, because it looked to me like you had your hands on her. I'm pretty sure she doesn't appreciate that, and I know her boyfriend wouldn't." He put his arm around my waist and pulled me away from the bar. "Come on Kit. Sarah was starting to get worried about you." He escorted me back over to our table. "Look who I found." He handed me off to Murph and then took his seat next to Sarah.

From the look on Murphy's face, I must have looked as shaken as I felt. "What's wrong Kit?"

Matt answered for me. "Some asshole was groping her at the bar."

Murphy was furious. "Where?! Point that fucker out to me."

He went to stand up but I reached out and grabbed his hand. "Murphy please don't. I'm not feeling very well, I think I need some air. Will you come stand outside with me for a minute?" I needed to get him away from Matt and Sarah so I could fill him in. Without saying a word, he pulled me from the booth and out the front door.

"Kit are you alright? You wanna go home? I'll make you some tea and we can watch those old movies you like." That was incredibly sweet and thoughtful and I almost took him up on it, but we had more urgent matters to attend to.

"I'm okay Murph. I'm just freaking out a little. I ran into Alfie at the bar."

"Alfie? As in murdering scumbag Alfie?" I nodded my head. "Well shit, no wonder your all worked up. What do you want to do?"

This is one of the things I loved most about Murphy. He was letting me be part of the decision making. He didn't treat me like some delicate little flower that was going to break at any moment. "I think we should probably ditch Matt and Sarah. We'll just tell them I'm sick. If we can get them to leave, then we can worry about Alfie."

"Alright then lass. Let's do this." He took me by the hand and walked me back into the bar.

When we explained the situation to Matt and Sarah they were a little disappointed but ultimately they were understanding. We said our goodbyes at our cars and then Matt and Sarah left. I looked over to Murphy to explain phase two of my plan. "I'm going to go back in there. I think I can get him to follow me out."

He looked a little worried. He was rubbing the back of his head and chewing on his bottom lip. "Are you sure about this Kit? We could go home and tell Connor. Make a plan..."

"I'm sure. I know I can do this. Do you trust me?" I needed him to have faith in me right now.

"With my life..."

I gave him a quick kiss. "Okay then. Wait here. I'll be right back."

Ten minutes later I had managed to get Alfie to follow out into the parking lot. If he wasn't so busy thinking with his dick, he might have realized that I was leading him to meet his maker. We got into my car and started to drive. Murphy was ducked down in the backseat hidden from view.

"Where're we going sweetheart?"

"I thought maybe we could find someplace private to park." It wasn't a lie. I did want to find a private place, just not for the reasons he was thinking.

I kept driving until I found a spot secluded enough. When I stopped, he reached over to unbuckle my seat belt. Before he even got the chance, Murphy sat up in the backseat. He had his gun pointed directly at Alfie's head. "I wouldn't be touching her if I was you... Put your hands on the dash."

He did as he was told and started to sob. "Please don't kill me. I never done nothing to nobody!"

It was my turn to speak. "Well that's just not true Alfie. I know who you are and I know what you've done. I know the face of the man you killed haunts your every waking thought. His name was Oliver Hayes."

His eyes were practically popping out of his head. "Who the fuck are you guys? Are you some sort of cops?"

Murphy laughed. "Far from it."

I didn't even bother answering his questions. "Why did you do it Alfie? Was it just to protect Alvarez, or did they pay you?" 

He couldn't bring himself to speak. He just sat there with his eyes clenched shut, shaking his head from side to side. His skin was turning a foreshadowing shade of green. I asked him my questions again but got the same response. Nothing. 

When Murphy pressed his gun directly on the back of his head, he started to openly weep. The macho facade that he was putting on at the bar was long gone now. All that was left was a shivering coward. "It might be in your best interest to answer her questions. I've got a sensitive trigger finger and you're starting to piss me off."

Alfie's hands were still clutching at my dashboard. Since he was crying like a little bitch baby, there was snot and spit running down his face. The only word from his mouth that I could understand was, Please... He was begging now. I could feel his desperation but I wasn't picking up on what was going on in his mind. I was hoping that I could just pluck the answers from his head.

This game was getting old, so when I asked my next question I reached out and took his wrist. "What do you know about Fantasma?" As soon as the name passed my lips I was drowning if Alfie's rage. The hate that I felt in him before wasn't for Oliver, it was Fantasma. He was forced into this. He may have been skeezy, but he wasn't a killer. That's why he was feeling the guilt and hate. He wanted out but he was scared. He knew the only way out for him was in a body bag. He was just a dumb kid who had gotten in too far over his head.

I let go of him. I needed to focus on just my emotions for a second. What did I do with this information? He wasn't a stand up guy but he also wasn't a cold blooded killer. Where was the line for redemption? A part of me hated this man for what he did to Ollie. But another part of me, a much smaller part, felt pity for him. He was just a pawn in a game with much larger players. 

I was struggling with this decision. At first it made me feel weak. Why couldn't I just turn my mind off and finish this? And then it hit me...

"Murph put your gun down. We can't kill him." Alfie visibly relaxed in is seat. That is, until I went on. "Not yet anyway..."

Murphy looked confused but he did what I asked. 

"Let's take him to meet Connor. I have an idea..."

Alfie didn't look happy about that last remark but didn't have much of a choice. He had something that I needed and he was going to help me whether he liked it or not...

 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

Convincing Connor and Murphy of my plan was a lot harder than I expected. "No. No fucking way Kit."

"Yeah Kit, I'm with Connor. Absolutely not. How are we supposed to trust this guy?" They were both staring down at Alfie in disgust.

"I'm not asking you to trust him, I'm asking you to use him." I was getting frustrated. I thought they would at least hear me out. "The person you need to trust is me. I can sense it on him. He's desperate. He'll do anything to get out. We need to get close to Fantasma and this is how we do it!"

"So what, you want to flip him like a double agent?" I did not appreciate Connor's condescending tone.

"Yes Connor. That's exactly what I want to do. He could help us find the information we need."

"How? He's just their bitch boy. They aren't going to tell him anything important. Plus how do you know he won't double cross us and then we all end up dead?!"

I could feel the heat rising to my face. I loved Connor but he was being frustratingly obtuse. "Because I KNOW, Connor! The same way I know that Murph's dying for a cigarette right now. Did you forget about my little defect?!" He had the good sense to look slightly abashed.

Throughout this entire conversation, Alfie hadn't made a peep. But he chose that moment to finally find his voice. "I can find out whatever you guys need to know. They trust me not to rat..."

Murphy rolled his eyes in disbelief. "Why in the hell would they do that?"

"Because they have my sister..." Well shit, that effectively silenced the room.

He certainly had Connor's attention now. "What do you mean, they've got your sister?"

Aflie's mind was flooding with rage. "They pass her around between the higher ups. These are real bad people. They've got their fingers in a little bit of everything. Sex trafficking, drugs, weapons, shit like that..." Everyone was quiet so he kept going. "Look, I'll do whatever the fuck you guys want. Just get her out of there before it's too late."

Alfie's little revelation had given the boys pause. They had been so quick to shoot me down but I think they were starting to see things my way. Or maybe not...

Murphy squared his shoulders and crossed his arms. "I still don't like the guy." Apparently Connor wasn't the only brother who could be stubborn.

"Well considering the fact that he killed Oliver, I'm not overly fond of him myself. The way I see it, is that right now he's a means to an end." I couldn't hate Alfie the way I did before. I knew too much now. The logical half of my brain was winning out over the emotional side. We sure as hell would never be friends, but I didn't have to hate him. 

When Murphy gave me his answer in the form of a slight head nod, I turned to his brother. "Connor?"

He looked exasperated but he let out a resigned sigh and answered me. "Aye."

I could feel the tension release from my shoulders. They were both finally on board with this idea. We would make a plan and then act on it. But I needed to make one thing clear before we did anything. I turned to look Alfie straight in the eyes. "If you do this, we will help you get your sister back." He was giving me an eager nod. I held up my hand to signal that I wasn't finished. "I've already lost someone I love at your hands, and it won't happen again. If anything happens to them because of you..." I gestured to Connor and Murphy. "I'll kill you myself. Do you understand?"

From the look on his face I'd say he heard me loud and clear...

~~~~~~~~~~

After we had set some terms and the boys established their dominance, Connor and Murphy dropped Alfie off. It had been a long night and I was tired of looking at his face. With all of the emotions and the tension from the night's activities, I was dead on my feet.

I decided to take a nice hot bath while the guys were out and I had a moment to myself. The water was hot and oh so soothing. I was just floating there in bliss. Murphy's bathtub was huge. It was the kind of tub that you could submerge your whole body in. I could have my knees, stomach, and boobs all under water at the same time! I don't know why I didn't do this more often, it was so relaxing. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back so that my ears were under the water. That's probably why I didn't notice Murphy come in. When I opened my eyes again, he was on the edge of the tub smiling down at me.

"Enjoying yourself?" His smile was warm but it didn't quite touch his eyes. He looked exhausted.

"Mmmm, very much. The water's warm." He put his hand in to test it. "Wanna join me?"

He didn't answer me, he just started taking off his clothes. Soon enough he was stepping in behind me. He nestled me safely between his legs and pressed my back to his chest. His arms wrapped around my body and held me close to him. I felt his lips kiss my hair and then the crook of my neck. His breath tickled my ear when he spoke. "That wasn't exactly how I envisioned our first date."

I grinned at the pout in his voice. "Oh yeah? What'd you have in mind?"

I could feel his broad shoulders shrugging beneath me. "I don't know. Maybe a little less murder plans and a little more romance."

I giggled to myself and then brought his hand to my lips so I could kiss his palm. "I don't know Murphy, this seems pretty romantic to me. You even managed to get me naked."

I could feel the smile stretch across his cheeks. "Nah, you did that yourself. If anything, you managed to get me naked."

"Hmmm. That's true. You better step up your game Murph." 

"I'm trying lass, I'm trying..." The tone in his voice shifted. He was being completely serious. There was a certain vulnerability in his emotions that I hadn't felt from him before.

I couldn't help myself from hugging his arms tighter to me and nuzzling in closer to his chest. I was on cloud nine at the moment. Between the warm water, my chamomile bath herbs and Murphy, I had hit the relaxation trifecta. I almost could have fallen asleep but Murphy's naked body pressed against mine was stimulating. 

I loved the feel of the vibrations from his chest when he spoke. "Kit... About what you said earlier, when you were yelling at Connor. Is that really how you see yourself? You think you're defective?" I didn't know what to say. I was playing the fingers on his right hand but he removed it from my grasp to tilt my face towards his. "Oh baby girl... Listen to me, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I know it may seem like a burden sometimes but it's not, it's a gift." He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. "You're a gift."

I was so exhausted and his words were so sweet, that I was having a hard time reeling in my emotions. I felt like I wanted to cry but I hate crying. I decided to go with my second urge instead. I reached up and cupped the back of his neck, pulling him down so I could deepen our kiss. He always tasted so sweet. It'd been a while since we'd kissed like this. Actually, I take that back. I don't think we've ever kissed like this. It was still packed with lust but this time it was driven by longing and emotion. Nothing was rushed, our tongues took the time to get know one another.

I could feel his body coming alive beneath me. His breathing was getting heavier and his growing manhood was pressing into my lower back. I pressed myself back against him and started circling my hips. I was rewarded by the delicious moan that vibrated from deep within his chest. His right hand moved down my body and was splayed across my stomach, keeping me pinned to him. He was panting in my ear and his words came out in breathy gasps. "Kit... Can I touch you?"

He had never asked me that before. Usually he was one to just take what he wanted. But this was different, this meant more. I slid his hand into the water and down between my  legs. "God yes, Murph. Touch me. Please." My breathing was becoming just as labored as his. 

His rough hands on my sensitive skin made me feel wanton and delicate all at the same time. The tantalizing circles he was rubbing around my clit had me arching my back in ecstasy. His other hand ventured up to squeeze my left breast. My hips were keeping time with the rhythm of his fingers and I could feel myself start to quicken. I didn't want it to end like this. I wanted to come undone with him buried inside me. 

I grabbed his wrist to still his movements. Reaching between us, I took his girth into my hand and lifted my hips, placing him at my entrance. I turned my face to meet his eyes and then slowly lowered myself onto him. I had never felt so full. It took me a minute to get used to it. I leaned in and kissed him before I started to move again. 

When I started circling my hips up and down in his lap he growled out his moan through gritted teeth. The vibrations sent shivers down my spine and straight to my aching core. My walls were already tightening around him. His fingers were digging into my hips, guiding my movements. I was probably going to have bruises but they'd be well worth it. Every time I looked at them I would remember his hands on me. 

When his hand reached around to find my clit once again, my back arched away from his chest. There was so much pleasure happening at once and I was starting to loose myself. He wrapped his other arm around my chest and pulled me back to him to steady me. He was letting me set the pace. I was in complete control, which is something I don't think Murphy gives up very often. 

His lips were trailing rough kisses up my neck and he was starting to tighten his hold on me. As his hand started to move faster between my legs, so did my hips. I could feel the muscles in his abdomen starting to tense. His teeth grazed my earlobe and his words were hot against my skin. "I'm so close baby girl, don't stop. Just like that... Just like that..."

The need in his voice was pushing me towards the edge but I was determined not to fall unless I could bring him with me. With every ounce of strength that I had left in me, I tightened my muscles around him. Gasping, he spilled himself inside of me. The combination of his warmth and the relentless movement of his fingers finished me off.

He was holding me flush against his chest as we tried to catch our breath. Not being able to see his face was killing me, so I turned in his arms. His lips were parted as his panting slowed and his cheeks were flushed with color. He was still floating beautifully through his post coital bliss. When he opened his eyes, he took my face between his hands and kissed me. "That was perfect Kit... You're perfect."

I smiled and nuzzled my face into his chest. "That's funny, I was just about to say the same to you..."

I don't know what Murphy was talking about. The evening might have had it's up and downs but this was a hell of a first date if you asked me.

 

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

Over the next month Alfie proved himself to be quite useful. With the information that he was passing along, Connor and Murphy were able to take down several operations. One was a "bakery" that had been funneling cocaine in through flour sacks. Another was an underground gambling ring with some not so forgiving loan sharks. These guys took swimming with the fishes a bit too literally. But the biggest job they uncovered was an adoption scam. These men would take children from all over the world and put them up for adoption through a private adoption lawyer. Once the children had been placed with their adoptive families, the child's so called "birth mother" would step forward claiming to have changed their mind. The adoption lawyer was exploiting these desperate parents. Telling them that the birth mother would agree to finalize if they payed an extra $20,000. Murphy and Connor were more than happy to step in on that one. Hell, I almost joined that fight! What kind of sick bastard uses innocent children to exploit people?! And who knows what would happen to the kids if the parents didn't have the money to pay! 

They were going out on another mission tonight. Alfie had informed us of a meeting taking place between some of the big wigs. These were the men that would be able to give us a lead on Fantasma. It was a stupid name but whoever they were, they were living up to it. It was like they never even exsisted. There was never a trace of their presence or a breadcrumb to follow. It seemed like there was only a handful of people who could put a face to the name. And tonight, the boys were going to introduce themselves to some of those people. All they had to do was wait out the day.

It was stormy today. The rain was coming down in sheets. Everything had a dark an dreary feel but I didn't mind it at all. I loved when it rained. I loved the way it made the air smell and the soothing sound it made as the droplets hit our windows. Most of all, I loved how cozy it made me feel. Right now I was more than cozy, snuggled up on the couch with Connor. There's nothing quite like being safe and warm under a blanket, wrapped in the arms of a good man. This was one of my favorite things to do with Connor. I loved that I could just be still with him. We would pop some popcorn, watch an old black and white movie, and just be... For those two hours, the world outside quit spinning and we were just Kit and Connor. It was nice. One of those little things that people tend to take for granted. 

Today's cinematic choice was Casablanca. It was one of my favorites and I'd probably watched it a thousand times, but it never seemed to get old. The romanticism of it all was hypnotizing. When the final scene zoomed out and the credits rolled, Connor squeezed me in his arms and placed a soft kiss on my neck. "Here's looking at you, Kit..."

The reference made my heart swell. That was undoubtedly one of my favorite lines from the movie. I turned in his arms so that he could see my smile, and then I hit him with another one of my favorite lines. "Kiss me. Kiss me as if it were the last time..." He gave me exactly what I asked for. It was a toe curling, heart stopping kiss. His emotions were flowing over me and I couldn't help but wonder if he could tell I felt the same way about him. When he broke the kiss and looked at me with those blue-green eyes, all I could think about was how I hoped I never knew what it truly felt like to kiss him for the last time. 

 Just about that time, Murphy came sauntering into the kitchen. He must have been cleaning his guns because his white t-shirt was covered in grease and his hands were filthy. "Connor you better quit canoodling and go clean your gear. We've only got a couple of hours before we need to take off." 

 "Aye, I should. I don't want anything jamming up on me again." He planted a quick kiss on my forehead and climbed out from behind me off the couch.

Now I was alone with Murph. Ever since our little encounter in the bathtub, I've been feeling self conscious around him. I can't read him the way I can read Connor and I had no idea what was going on behind those pretty blue eyes. That night he was so present and it felt so intimate, but what if it didn't mean the same to him? Maybe he was just feeling close to me because we had experienced the Alfie debacle together? Ugh! Frustrating... I guess I could just be an adult and ask him about it.

Murphy grabbed a couple beers from the fridge and then came over to plop down beside me on the couch. He handed me a beer before he tucked me under his arm. "Hey pretty girl, whatcha been up to?"

"Nothing, really. Just watching a movie with Connor." He leaned forward and picked up the dvd case from the coffee table.

"Casablanca, huh?" He put the case down and took a swig off his beer before turning to face me. He was doing that nervous habit, where he bites the inside of his lower lip. What was he thinking?! Before I had a chance to ask, he kissed me. It was a timid kiss, short and sweet. And then he said, "Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, you walked into mine."

Well, damn! These two were killing me today! I could not contain my smile. "You know Casablanca?!" It was a pretty popular movie but it didn't really seem like Murph's style. Honestly, I don't know that I've ever seen him sit still long enough to watch a movie.

He shrugged his shoulders and looked down at his beer. "You said you liked it..."

My God, he was adorable. "So you watched it?" He gave me a silent nod as he picked at the label on his bottle. I think he was starting to feel uncomfortable, so I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek to put him out of his misery. I stood up and took him by the hand. "Come on Murph. I'll make you guys some dinner before your killing spree."

He laughed as I drug him along behind me towards the kitchen. I deposited him on a stool and made my way to the fridge. I started pulling out all the ingredients to make him breakfast for dinner. It was something that my mom always used to do when I was growing up. Murphy just sat there enjoying his beer, watching me putter around the kitchen. It felt really domestic but it was oddly soothing. 

Everything was going great until I realized that I needed the big mixing bowls. They were not so conveniently located on the top shelf of the tallest cabinet. "Hey Murph, do you think you could reach those for me?"

He hopped up from his stool and crossed the distance between us. "Sure thing, lass. But you gotta pay the toll." He tapped his cheek with his index finger, signaling for a kiss. It seemed like a fair enough price to pay so I complied.

Sweet Lord, I could get used to this view. Watching Murphy's body stretch as he reached for the bowls was mesmerizing. The muscles in his broad shoulders rippled beneath his tight t-shirt. His biceps flexed as he extended his arms. But the best part was the way his shirt was lifting in the front. It gave me a nice view of his toned stomach. The way his pants hung off his hips should be illegal in all 50 states. My eyes were following the line of his happy trail when something caught my attention. "Murphy, what is that?!" 

I reached out for him but he pulled his shirt down and stepped out of my reach. "It's nothing Kit. Forget it."

Obviously my interest was even more piqued. "Whatever Murph, just let me see." I stepped closer and he let me pull his hands away. When I lifted his shirt I had to supress my laughter. "Murphy is that a nicotine patch?!" 

"Yeah. What of it?" He was definitely annoyed with my failed attempt to hide my amusement. 

I was full on laughing now. "The spot you put it in makes it look like you're wearing a birth control patch! Why didn't you just put it on your arm?"

He was looking anywhere but at me. "I know how much you hate it when I smoke. I wanted to surprise you." When he finally looked at me I could tell he was trying to stay calm. Trying being the operative word. "I'm not like Connor, shit doesn't come as easy to me. When you said you didn't like the smoking he quit cold turkey. I didn't want you to think I was some pussy who had no discipline. I wanted you to think I could do it on my own."

While I was listening to him talk I started to feel guilty for laughing. I also realized how much of an effort he was making. First with the movie and then again with the cigarettes. 

I startled him when I stepped forward and peeled the patch from his hip. "Kit, what are you doing?"

I pushed up his sleeve, stuck it to his bicep and then kissed it. "I don't need you to be like Connor, Murphy. Giving this up wasn't as big of a deal for Connor because it's not as ingrained in him. You were basically born blowing smoke rings." I ran my thumb over the patch. "Don't hide this Murph. I want to be able to see it. Every time I look at it I'll know how much you care." I looked up into his eyes and brought my face a little closer to his. "To be honest Murph, it really turns me on..."

My words and proximity were affecting him. His chest was starting to heave and his lips were parted as he panted out his breaths. "Kit..."

"Mmhmm?" I hummed my response as I kissed up his neck.

 "Fuck... You're killing me right now, Kit."

I smiled against his skin. "What's the matter Murphy? Don't you wanna play?"

I don't know what his reservations were to begin with, but they were quickly disappearing. "The answer to that question will always be yes, lass. It's just... the last time we... I don't know if I'll be able to be that way all the time. Sometimes I just lose control. And with the way you're rubbing against me right now..."

I was starting to pick up on his line of reason. It was sweet of him but unnecessary. " That's okay Murphy. I like when you lose yourself with me. And sometimes I don't need you to be sweet. Sometimes I need you you to fuck me." I leaned up and pressed my lips to his ear. "Like right now..." He pulled his head back to search my face. He was looking for confirmation. I gave him a coy smile and said, "Do your worst, baby."

Within seconds, his eyes darkened with lust. Stepping into me, he pinned me against the counter with his hips. He cupped my face between his hands and then he was kissing me. Hard... It was the type of kiss, that when it ended, would leave me gasping for air. My body was on fire! Every time his skin touched mine, I could feel the energy flowing between us. His hands were rough and needy as they yanked on my clothes. God, he's sexy!

I needed this. I needed him. I needed to feel him pounding into me until I couldn't see straight. I reached down to unbuckle his belt and took him into my hand. Just as I had started to find the perfect rythym, Connor came around the corner.

"Aahhh!" He threw his hands up to cover his eyes. "Really guys?! On the counter with the food? I eat in here, you know?!" His voice was filled with laughter. Murphy picked up the loaf of bread sitting on the counter and chucked it at his brother.

"Sorry to interupt, but we gotta go Murph. I just got a call from our inside man. The time table has been pushed up a bit."

Murphy pulled away from me and straightened himself out. "Damn it..." He was looking at me apologetically. "Sorry lass."

"Oh, don't be a sour puss little brother. She'll be fine. You can finish your hanky panky when we get home." Connor was far too amused with this situation. 

Murphy walked down the hall to pack his gear, leaving me alone with Connor. I had a very real urge to smack that smug grin right off his face. "Naughty, naught Kit. You've got the poor bastard all worked up now. He won't be able to focus on the job. Hopefully he won't shoot himself in the foot, daydreaming about your afternoon delight."

He shot me an exaggerated wink and I couldn't help but laugh. I reached out to swat him playfully. "Shut up Connor!" 

Twenty minutes later, they were gone. It was a familiar routine now. They would go out, dispense their justice, and I would sit here and worry until they walked through the door again. Most of the time, they came home in one piece. Other times, not so much. With all the bumps and bruises they came home with, I was getting pretty good at basic first aid. I've even had to stitch them up a time or two. But ultimately, they are very good at their job. They have each other's backs out there and that's how they stay alive. It was just a knee jerk reaction for me to worry. That's normal, right? If your primary reason for existing had bullets flying towards it on the regular, wouldn't you be worried too? 

 Normally, I could shake my fear with a little one on one time with the big man upstairs. But tonight, not even my prayers could turn it off. My anxiety was running away with me. Why was is so bad this time? They've done this a million times before...

I needed a distraction. Maybe Sarah would have me?

~~~~~~~~~~

When I called Sarah, she offered to drag me along to do some errands. That sounded perfect to me. I didn't have to be too engaged or social. I could just relax and let her fill my ear with stories about Matt.

It was nearly 9:00 and we were on our last stop. My plan of distraction didn't work as well as I'd hoped. My anxiety only grew as the night progressed. It was such a strange feeling. It was a lurking anxiety, almost like it wasn't really my own. That would explain why I couldn't shake it.

I was currently following Sarah around the grocery store. She let me mindlessly push the cart as she filled it with items from her list. I was so in my head that I didn't register her question. "Kit?"

I looked up to see her eyeing me with annoyance. "Huh? I'm sorry, did you say something?

She rolled her eyes and tossed a box of cereal into the cart. "I asked you what the boys were up to tonight. What's going on with you? You've been out of it all night."

"Oh, right. The boys... They uh... they got called out on a job. Sorry, I guess I'm just a little distracted."

"Hmm. Well whatever it is, you'd better relax before this line becomes permanent." She reached out and poked my forehead where my brows were scrunched together.

I felt the muscles in my face relax as I smiled at her. She was right, I needed to chill out. I changed the subject to her. "So where's Matt tonight?"

She let out an exasperated sigh. "As usual, he's at work. He'll get off around 11:00 tonight and then he'll have two days off. Thank God! He's been so busy lately that I've had to look but not touch. He doesn't have time in the mornings and by the time he gets home he's exhausted. Let's just say I'm frustrated." She used her fingers to put quotes around the word. " If I get my way, we won't be leaving the apartment for the next couple of days."

"Haha! I don't blame you, he's a good looking gu-..." My words were cut short by an overwhelming sense of panic. I stopped dead in my tracks and clutched onto the handle of the shopping cart for dear life. When an image of Murphy flashed across my vision, I knew what was happening. Connor. I was feeling Connor.

"Kit? Kit..." Sarah had noticed my pause and stopped along with me. "Kit what's wrong?" Her own panic was starting to rise in her voice.

"It's Connor. Something isn't right. I can feel it." She was looking at me like I had just grown a third eye in the center of my forehead.

"Kit. Your nose..." It was bleeding and my head felt like it had been split wide open.

I looked up at Sarah and felt the tears start to fill my eyes. "Sarah... I think I need to go home. Please?"

She handed me a tissue from her purse and then reached out to take my hand. "Yeah, I think you're right. Come on, let's go." 

She ushered me through the store and toward the car. She didn't even bother with her shopping cart. We just left it in the middle of the aisle, along with all her groceries.

~~~~~~~~~~

I was tucked comfortably under Connor's comfy covers. Sarah came walking in the room with a glass or water and some pills. She sat down on the edge of the bed and handed them to me. "Here, take these. It's Tylenol PM. They should help with your headache and knock you out for a while." She watched me closely as I took a sip of water and swallowed the pills. "Can you still feel him? Do you think he's alright?"

I shook my head and rolled over onto my side. "I can still feel him but the panic has passed. I think he's okay."

"That was so strange Kit. Can you feel him like that all the time?" She was really curious about this. She'd never really asked me a lot of questions about how it all worked.

"I can always feel Connor. It's not always that intense but I can always feel him. Most of the time his emotions are like a calming hum. Like background noise. It's only strong like that when I'm really close to him or if his emotion is exaggerated."

"What about Murphy?"

I shook my head again. "No, it's different with Murphy. I can't get a feel on him. Sometimes I'll get glimpses but that's rare. I think that's why I find him so relaxing. I don't have to worry about what he's feeling and I can focus on my own stuff."

"Can you read me?" She looked uncomfortable with that idea.

I laughed a little. "Yeah, you're pretty easy to read. But it's not like Connor. I don't feel anyone the way I feel him."

"Does that get confusing for you? I mean, how do you really know how you feel about him? How do you separate it?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Sometimes. I catch myself wondering if what I'm feeling is real or if I'm just wrapped up in him. It feels real though. I love him and I know he feels it too. He told me he did."

Her face lit up. "Wait, he told you he loved you?! Out loud?"

I giggled. "Yes, Sarah. Out loud." Her smile made me feel all fuzy inside. 

I could feel the pills starting to kick in. I couldn't stifle my yawn. "You're getting tired. I'll let you go to sleep."

She went to stand up but I reached out for her. "Will you lay with me until I fall asleep?"

She didn't say anything, she just crawled in next to me. We used to do this all the time growing up. We'd lay in bed and talk until the sun came up. Or until one of us was drooling. She was my rock. I don't know what I would have done tonight without her.

~~~~~~~~~~

When I woke up I was alone in Connor's bed. It took me a minute to gather my surroundings. Eventually I realized that someone was yelling my name. Connor...

I jumped out of bed and practically ran for the living room. He was standing there helping Murphy support his weight. "Kit grab the med kit. Murph is gonna need patched up."

I scanned over Murphy's body to check the damage. Everything seemed fine until I got to his leg. There was a deep cut in his thigh and the blood was starting to drip down onto the floor. "Alright, I'll be right back. Get his jeans off."

When I came back into the room, Murphy was supporting himself on the kitchen island while Connor heated up some water. Murphy did not look good. In the two minutes it had taken me to grab the med kit, the color had completely drained from his face. He looked like he was barely holding himself up. He was starting to sway on his feet. When I realized what was about to happen I yelled out. "CONNOR!" 

He turned just in time to keep his brother from hitting the ground.

 

 

 

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

Connor was struggling to catch his balance after Murphy had gone limp in his arms. And I was just standing there like an idiot, clutching the med kit. It was all so surreal, I think my brain was having trouble processing what was happening. When they both disappeared behind the kitchen island, I snapped out of it. I went to them as fast as my legs could carry me. 

Connor was sitting behind Murphy on the floor, propping him up in his lap. Like I instructed, they had taken off Murph's jeans and I was able to get a good look at his leg. I am by no means a doctor, but I knew enough to know that there was way too much blood. Connor had noticed that too. "Blood... So much... Kit, there's so much..." His voice did not sound steady at all. He was starting to lose it, I could feel it. If we didn't get his emotions under control soon, neither of us would be of much help.

I snapped into survival mode. "Connor." He didn't even acknowledge me. His eyes were fixated on his brother. "Connor look at me!" I finally had his attention. "It's going to be okay. I need you to stay calm and help me. You can't panic. If you panic, I' going to panic and that absolutely cannot happen. Do you understand?" He nodded. "Okay, good. I need you to go get me some towels. Hurry Connor." He did what he was told and laid Murphy down on his back, so he could go off in search for towels.

I crawled across the floor so that I was kneeling over Murphy's face. When I pressed my fingers to his neck, he opened his eyes. "Kit?"

The sound of his voice sent a wave of relief through my body. It was a good sign that he was still awake and talking. I reached my hand down the run my fingers through his hair and cup his cheek. "Yeah, it's me Murph. I'm right here. It's going to be okay. Just stay with me, alright? I need you to keep those pretty blue eyes open for me. 

"I'm cold, Kit..." His voice was barely audible. I didn't think it was possible for him to look anymore pale. His skin was cold and clammy, and there was a thin layer of sweat coating his forehead. His breathing was starting to sound more shallow by the minute. 

"I know baby, I know. Just hang on." I had to hold back the tears in my voice. I couldn't let him see my fear. What should I do? I can take the basic first aid steps but after that I'm at a loss. This was going to take much more than I was capable of and it's not like we could take him to the hospital! There would be too many red flags, too many questions asked. If I couldn't take him to the hospital then maybe I could bring the hospital to him.

When Connor came back into the room with towels, I had him bring me my phone. I dialed the number and listened to it ring as I tried my best to stop the bleeding. My efforts were futile. The towels were soaking through with bright red blood and the flow didn't seem to be slowing. He was losing too much too fast. On the fifth ring someone answered. "Kit?"

"Sarah! Is Matt with you?" I was trying my best to keep my voice level.

"Yeah, he's here. Why, what's up?"

Okay. Calmly explain yourself Kit... "Umm Murph got into a little scrape and we could use some help. Can you bring him over?"

She sounded slightly annoyed. "He's been at the hospital all day and he's exhausted. Can't you just take him to the ER? I don't want to wake Matt up..."

My voice was calm... until it wasn't. "No! No hospitals!" I didn't have time for this. Murph didn't have time. "I don't care if he's been in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights, put his ass on the phone!"

I'm sure my sudden yelling confused her but she did what I asked. I heard her shuffling through the apartment and then Matt's sleepy voice was in my ear. "Hello?"

I got right down to business. "Matt, it's Kit. I need your help. Murph is hurt and it's really bad. There's so much blood and I don't know what to do. I tried to stop it but nothing is working! I can't take him to the hospital and I can't tell you why. Please Matt..."

My words had startled him and he was definitely awake now. "Okay Kit, calm down. I'm on my way!"

I didn't want him to hang up. "Wait, Matt! What should I do until you get here? I don't think he's going to make it that long!"

"Alright, I'm going to FaceTime you while Sarah drives me over." He hung up and called me right back. "You there? Okay, show me what's happening." I turned the camera so he could see what I could see. "Jesus! Okay Kit, listen to me. You need to act fast. He can't wait for me to get there. I'm going to talk you through the steps. Do you think you can do that?" I nodded my yes. "Okay good. Now hand Connor the phone. You're going to need both hands."

When I turned to hand Connor my phone he was staring down at me in horror. His cheeks were streaked with his silent tears. He looked scared but he was holding it together. Thank God. He turned the phone around so Matt and I could see each other. "Alright Kit, from what I can see, it looks like his femoral artery has been knicked. The blood flow isn't substantial enough for it to have been completely cut. If it were, he'd he dead already. If we can get this under control he's got a shot. Our best option is direct pressure inside the wound. Can you see the tear?"

Inside the wound? Oh God, I hope I can do this. I moved the towel I was pressing to Murphy's leg and took a good look. I had no idea what I was looking at, it was all a sticky, bloody mess. Every time I touched him, he cried out in pain. My hands were too slick from all the blood. This was pointless and it was wasting time we didn't have. "I... I can't see anything. There's too much blood Matt. I don't know what I'm doing!"

"It's okay, just relax. There's another option." If he tells me to relax one more time, I'm going to lose it! How the fuck am I supposed to relax with him reminding me every 30 seconds how much I'm freaking out?! I'm literally holding Murphy's life in my hands right now. Being a little worked up is par for the course. "The cut is low enough on his thigh that we can use a tourniquet. Do you know how to make one?" I nodded. God Bless the American Red Cross. "Good, good... There should be a standard tourniquet set in your med kit."

I couldn't exactly move my hands to look for it. "Connor, look through that bag for a package labeled tourniquet. Hurry!"

I watched as he frantically searched through the duffle. His frustration was starting to creep over me. He got tired of moving shit around so he just dumped the entire contents of the bag out onto the floor. He must have picked up every packet 3 times. "DAMN IT!" He kicked the bag across the room. When he looked at me he was ringing his hands through his hair. "It's not fucking there, Kit! I looked everywhere! I looked..." His voice trailed off as he dropped to his knees beside me.

I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. I couldn't let Connor's despair overwhelm me. Think Kit, think... I opened my eyes and scanned the room for something I could use. There had to be something! Finally, my eyes settled on the prize. "Connor, give me your belt. And then grab the phone, I need to be able to hear Matt." He was staring at me but I don't think he was registering my words. "Connor! Give me your belt!" He finally snapped out of it and started undoing his buckle. 

After Connor had handed me his belt and picked the phone back up, Matt could see what I was doing. "Good, Kit! That'll work perfectly. Now wrap it around his leg about 2 inches above the wound. Then tie it off with an overhand knot." Luckily I knew what he was talking about. "You're going to need something to use as a torsion." Damn it! I forgot about that part. Before I had time to panic, Connor hopped up and went for the kitchen. I could hear him rummaging through the drawers. He came back with a large wooden spoon. Matt approved. "Yes! Kit put the spoon down on top of your knot and then tie another knot around the spoon." I followed his instructions step by step. "Good, now twist." Twist? Okay, here goes nothing. I rotated the spoon until I noticed the blood starting to slow. "You did it Kit. You're finished. All you need to do now is secure that in place and then check on Murph."

I tied the spoon to Murphy's leg with Connor's shoelaces and then gave Murph a once over. He was still breathing but it didn't sound normal, and his pulse was really weak. He kept slipping in and out of consciousness. I told Matt as much. "His lips are blue Matt..."

"His body is going into shock. That's normal with this much blood loss. You need to keep him warm." I didn't even have to ask. Connor got up and grabbed the blankets from the couch. I think he was starting to relax a little since the bleeding had stopped. I felt the same way. I don't know why, he was far from being out of the woods.

Thirty minutes later, Matt and Sarah showed up. "Connor you should probably go down and let them in. I'll stay here with Murph." He didn't argue with me, he was too tired. We all were. It was getting harder and harder for me to keep Murphy awake. His head was laying in my lap. There was blood all over him from where I kept stroking his hair and face. It was a mindless action and it made me feel better. I couldn't do anything else for him until Matt got here. He had started to drift again so I shook him a little. "Murph?" He opened his eyes and followed the sound of my voice. "I know you're tired but you've gotta stay awake. Just a little while longer, okay?" I wasn't doing a very good job of hiding my emotions anymore.

It startled me when he touched my face to wipe away a tear. "Don't cry Kit. It's okay. It doesn't hurt anymore."

I knew that wasn't a good sign. It should hurt. It should hurt really bad. I wasn't about to tell him that. I plastered on my nervous smile and kissed his forehead. "That's good Murph. You're a fighter."

He grinned up at me. "Nah, I'm just too stubborn to die." I giggled at him. At least his spirits were high. He closed his eyes for a second. "Hey Kit?"

"Yeah, Murph?

"Love you..." His voice was so quiet but I heard him.

I started crying again. "Love you too, Murphy." I leaned down to kiss him but he didn't kiss me back. "Murph?" No reply. "Murphy wake up!" I shook his shoulders but he wasn't waking up. I just kept trying desperately. "MURPH?! MURPHY PLEASE..." 

I hadn't noticed I was yelling until Matt and Connor came busting through the door. Sarah wasn't far behind them. Matt was the first to speak. He was in full on doctor mode now. "Kit?! What's happening?"

By this point I was practically sobbing. "He's not responding anymore. He won't wake up. Why won't he wake up?!"

Matt rushed to our side and checked Murphy for a pulse. "He's alive Kit. His heart is still beating. It's faint, but it's there. I need to look at his leg. Are you going to be able to hold it together or should I have Connor step in?"

I shook my head harshly."No, I'm fine." There was no way in hell that I was leaving his side.

Matt grabbed his bag and put on some medical gloves. He clicked on his flashlight and then used his fingers to spread open the cut. It was probably a good thing that Murphy was passed out for this. I can't imagine that feeling good. When he spoke again, he spoke with a smile. "I see it. Better yet, I can fix it. It's low enough that I think I can get it with a few well placed stitches. Connor, come over here and hold this light." I don't know how long it took. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. I couldn't take my eyes off of Matt's hands. They were so steady and precise. His presence was reassuring. I could feel his confidence. He knew what he was doing. "Okay.... Got it! He's going to need a transfusion. We should get him to the hospital."

"No hospitals!" Connor and I spoke up at the same time.

Matt looked like he wanted to press the issue but Connor's face made it very clear that he wasn't fucking around. "Okay fine, but he needs blood. He WILL die without it. What's his blood type?" Matt looked to me and I looked to Connor.

"I-I I don't know." Connor looked like he was about to break. We had both about reached our limits for the night.

Sarah spoke up. She had been lingering back around the doorway watching everything happen. "You can take it from me Matty. I'm type O..." I could have kissed her in than moment. She hated the sight of blood. It's always made her queezy, but she was being brave. 

Matt had Connor help him carry Murphy back to his bed. They needed a spot to set everything up. Sarah stayed behind with me. I couldn't lift myself off the floor. My legs felt like they weren't even there. I think the adrenaline was starting to wear off. I was just sitting there staring at nothing. 

 Sarah came over and lifted me underneath my arms. She didn't say a word, she just helped me walk back to the room with the guys. I figured she'd drop me off in one of the chairs by the bed but instead she led me into the bathroom. She sat me down on the edge of the tub, walked over to turn on the shower, and the came back to help me get undressed. It didn't feel weird at all for her to see me that way. I didn't have the emotional capacity to care at the moment.

Since the shower had been running for a while, it was nice and warm. Sarah stepped in right behind me. She didn't seem to mind that her clothes were getting all wet. Gently, she started washing all of Murphy's blood off of me. I hadn't realized, but I was covered in it. It was even in my hair. I could see it as she washed it out. The sight of all the blood washing down the drain set me off. My knees gave out and I just started crying. Sarah was holding me up to the best of her ability. "Ssshh. It's alright, Kit. Let it out. I've got you." She lowered us both to the floor and rested my head on her shoulder so she could stroke my hair.

Connor came in a few minutes later. He opened the shower door and reached in to turn off the water. "Sarah, Matt needs you now. He's got everything all set up. I'll take over here." After Sarah left, he wrapped me in a towel and scooped me up into his arms. I draped my arms around his next and held him close. "Come on darlin'." He carried me across the hall into his room, setting me down on the edge of his bed. He brought me a pair of his boxers and his grey v-neck. I loved that old t-shirt. It was so soft. I steal it all the time to sleep in.

Once he got me dressed, we climbed in under the covers. He was still dirty but I didn't care. I just wanted to be close to him. We just laid there in silence as I listened to his heartbeat. He was rubbing soothing circles on my back and loving kisses on my forehead. His exhaustion was heavy on his heart. Holding me like this was comforting him. I was glad I could help.

"Connor... What happened out there tonight?" 

I could see it in his memories before he even spoke. I flinched and clutched at his chest. "We were putting the pennies over their eyes... But one of them wasn't dead. When Murph leaned down with the pennies, the prick stabbed him. You know the rest..." That must have been the wave of panic I felt earlier tonight.

There was a light knock at the door. Connor answered. "Come in."

Matt opened the door and peaked his head in. "Hey guys... just wanted to fill you in. He's responding well to the transfusion. I removed the tourniquet and the stitches are holding but it's still a guessing game. The next 24 hours are crucial. If he makes it through the night, he's got a good shot of pulling out of this."

IF he makes it through the night?! I think I'm going to be sick...

Matt wasn't finished. "Look guys, I need to know what's going on. If you won't let me take him to the hospital, I think I at least need to know why."

I looked up at Connor in a silent exchange. He was too worn out to be worried about this right now. He gave me a slight nod of his head and then rolled off the bed. I followed him and Matt out the door.

The door to Murphy's room was wide open and I could see him laying there on the bed. Sarah was sitting beside him in a chair reading a book. When she looked up I gave her a warm smile that reflected her own. One day I would find a way to thank her for this.

Matt and Connor were standing there waiting for me. "You coming?" Connor was feeling anxious and wanted me near him. I walked over and took his hand as he led us back the hallway. When we got to the last door on the right, he turned to Matt. "This is why we can't take him to the hospital." Connor swung open the door and flipped on the light.

The look on Matt's face was priceless. "Holy shit..."

We were either about to gain an ally or have a really big problem...

 

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

Matt's emotions were all over the place. Confusion, anger, panic, denial, betrayal, and fear. "What is this? I don't understand." He couldn't bring himself to make eye contact with Connor, so he turned to me. "Kit?"

This was a delicate situation and I needed to make sure I went about this in the right way. "You know that pool you have going with the nurses at work?" He nodded his acknowledgement. "Your bet was spot on."

It took him a minute to chew over my words. His eyes moved from me to Connor, over to the wall of guns, and then back to me again. Once it all set in his whole demeanor changed. He pushed past us and made his way back towards Murphy's room. The waves of panic coming off of him were not a good sign. Connor and I followed him silently down the hall. I didn't want to be pushy. This was a lot to process.

When he reached Murphy's room he came unhinged. He started packing up his medical bag and unhooked the IV connecting Sarah to Murphy. "Sarah baby, get your stuff. We're leaving." When she didn't move from her spot next to Murph, he lost his composure. "NOW SARAH!"

The look of shock on her face quickly changed to anger. She was confused and didn't appreciate being snapped at. "What the hell Matt?! Somebody tell me what's going on!" She was searching my face for an answer.

I didn't have a chance to explain myself before Matt spoke up. "We are aiding and abetting criminals! That's what's going on! Now grab your shit and let's get the fuck out of here!"

I could feel my panic bubbling to the surface. They couldn't leave! What about Murphy?! Matt had said that the next 24 hours would be crucial. I wasn't alone in my panic. I could feel Connor standing next to me. With every item that Matt threw into his med kit, Connor got more and more agitated. I could see it clear as day, when he made the decision to physically stop Matt from leaving. Before he had the chance to act, I clamped my hand around his. When he looked at me in confusion, I shook my head and pleaded with my eyes for him to understand. We couldn't force Matt to stay. That wouldn't end well for any of us.

This whole time Sarah had been weighing her options. I could feel her confliction. "Matt calm down and look at me!" He stopped his frantic packing to focus on her. "What about Murphy? Is he gonna be alright? Will he need more blood?" When Matt couldn't bring himself to respond, we all knew the answer. Sarah was not happy. "If he still needs blood I'm not going anywhere!"

"This isn't our problem Sarah. We've already risked more than enough. Please baby, don't argue with me about this." He slung his bag over his shoulder and waited for her response but he didn't get one. "I'm leaving Sarah. Are you coming with me or not?"

"No, I'm not." Matt sighed in exasperation and turned for the door. Shock and horror danced across Sarah's face. I don't think she actually thought he'd leave. When she spoke her voice was dripping with disgust. "Are you serious Matt? You'd just let him die?" Matt stopped in the doorway but didn't turn to face her. "Maybe you're not the man I thought you were..."

Matt turned his face to glance at her over his shoulder. "Maybe I'm not..."

And then he was gone.

~~~~~~~~~~

Connor, Murph, Sarah and I were in for the longest night of our lives. We were all exhausted and our emotions were running high. Murph was still unconscious and I found myself just sitting and staring at his face. He was still covered in his own blood so I got a damp wash cloth to wipe him clean. I had just finished up when Sarah walked in. I was afraid to talk to her. I could feel her anger and was terrified at what she might say. 

"You should get some rest Kit. Go lay down with Connor. I'll sit with him for a little while." I was surprised when her voice didn't sound angry.

Ignoring her suggestion, I reached up to feel Murphy's forehead. "He's so warm..."

She repeated my action and felt for herself."We should definitely keep an eye on that. The fever could be from all the stress on his body, or he could have an infection. Do you have a thermometer?" I nodded yes and pointed to my med kit. When she read back his temperature, it was at 102°.

I couldn't take this dance anymore. I needed to clear the air. "Sarah I'm so sorry. I should never have involved you guys in this. You don't have to stay. Go be with Matt and let me clean up my own mess."

She actually laughed at me. "Shut up Kit. You're my best friend. Do you really think I would ever abandon you with something like this? I'm a big girl and I can make my own decisions. Just like Matt made his..." Her voice was heavy with sadness when she spoke his name. "I know you think I'm mad, and I am, just not for the reason you might think."

"So you're not mad at me for associating with known killers?"

Again, she laughed. "You'd think that would be it. But if I'm being honest, I'm more upset about the fact that you didn't loop me in on the secret. Is that irrational? Haha!"

I was in awe. I couldn't believe that she wasn't freaking out on me. "I guess I just didn't know how to say it."

She reached across the bed to take my hand. "It doesn't matter anymore. I know now and for some reason I'm strangely comfortable with it. I've gotten to know these guys. I know they aren't bad men. And you love them, so they must have some redeeming qualities." She was trying to make light of the situation. "Go get some rest. You look like shit. I'll stay with Murph. If anything changes I'll come and get you..."

How did I get so lucky as to find a friend like her? I finally decided to give in and try to get some sleep. I hugged Sarah, kissed Murphy, and then made my way to Connor's bedroom. Connor was fast asleep. His legs were hanging off the bottom of his bed. He was still wearing all his clothes, even his shoes. It looked like he fell down and just fell asleep where he landed.

I walked over to him and took off his shoes and pants. He woke up long enough to crawl the rest of the way into bed and then he was out again. I turned off the lights and then climbed in next to him. I wanted him to hold me but he was laying on his side with his back turned to me. I almost woke him up but I stopped myself. I was being selfish. He had just as tramatic of a night as me. I laid there in the dark listening to his breathing. Sleep seemed to be alluding me. Every time I closed my eyes I saw Murphy's face. Matt's words were playing on repeat in my head.  _If he makes it through the night..._

I don't know how long I had been watching Connor's ceiling fan spin but his sleepy voice broke my trance. "You're gonna worry yourself sick, lass..."

When I turned to look at him he still had his back to me. "You're not even looking at me. How do you know I'm worrying? Maybe I'm counting sheep?"

He rolled over so I could see his face. "I know you Kit. I don't need to be lookin' at yah to know what's going on in that pretty little head of yours..." He booped my nose with his finger. "Your silence speaks volumes. And your body gives you away..."

My boldness came out of nowhere. I turned on my side so that I was facing him. "What's my body saying now?"

He reached over to run his hand along the curve of my waist and hip. "It's saying: Touch me, Connor. Make me forget. Make it all just fade away."

Damn, he was good. That's exactly what I wanted. I wanted him to distract me. I wanted to get lost with him. "And your reply?"

He scooted closer but he wasn't quite touching me. My body was huming with anticipation. He brought his hand to my face and traced his fingers across my cheekbone and down my jaw. His touch was warm and gentle and made my skin tingle. He traced the outline of my lips with his thumb before leaning in to give me a tender kiss. His fingers didn't stop there. Slowly, he ran them down the side of my neck and along my collarbone. They ventured down to caress the tops of my breasts before lightly grazing my nipples through the thin material of my t-shirt. 

This felt so amazing. His skillful hands didn't leave an inch of me unattended. It was like he was trying to sketch my body into his memory. The pleasure he was getting from this was flowing straight through his fingertips. The way my body responded to his touch exhilarated him, made him feel alive.

On and on he went. Down my side, from hip to hip, up the inside of my thigh. There was only one place left for him to go. He slid his hand into the front of my shorts. His finger found my clit and traced a circle around it before parting my lips to slip one thick finger inside me. My moan was deep and appreciative. A second fingers pushed inside me. The palm of his hand was pressing against my clit. Every time he pumped his fingers there was delicious friction on my bundle of nerves. I was so close to finding my release. 

 As his hand moved between my legs, his lips followed the same trial his fingers had just traced. His breath was hot against my skin as he kissed down my body. When he got to my breasts he pulled his fingers from me. The lack of touch was a disappointment but he quickly made up for it. Both of his hands slid under the hem of my shirt, pulling it up my body. His grasp was firm and warm as he ran his hands over my ribs and cupped my breasts. His eyes never left my body, watching as I arched and moaned beneath his touch. 

"So beautiful..." His words were nothing more than a whisper but the impact of the emotions behind them washed over me. Of course there was longing and lust but in this moment he was feeling overpowering affection. No one looked at me the way Connor did. His eyes saw me with wonder and awe. With gratitude and possibilities. But most of all with love. He looked at me as if I was the one thing he'd been searching for. 

He was laying between my legs, most of his body pressed against mine. My legs instinctively draped over his hips, fitting us together like the pieces of a puzzle. Our lips were locked in a life altering kiss. I was so lost in him that I had to remind myself of the necessity to breathe. There was no rush, no urgency. We were savoring every moment we had together. If the events of the night had tought us anything, it was that life is fleeting.

I could feel it in his touch that he was grateful to be here with me. Grateful that he made it home unscathed. That thought sent me reeling. If anything happens to Murph, I'll be inconsolable. But if I lost Connor... I don't think I'd make it.

I wanted to be closer to him. I wanted to be as close as two people could possibly be. Reaching around him, I started to lift his shirt up his back. I wanted to feel his skin on my skin. Realizing my desire, he discarded his shirt. His skin was smooth and soft under my fingertips. I kissed the light whips of blonde hair spreading across his chest. His sudden intake of breath set my blood on fire. I was suddenly hyperaware of every place our bodies were connected. My need for him was overwhelming me. From what I was gathering from Connor, the feeling was mutual.

Reaching between us, he slid my bottoms down my thighs. I was aching for him to touch me. Dragging my nails down his back, I pushed his boxers down over his hips, exposing his glorious ass. His tip was teasing my entrance and I thought I might die from longing. Slowly, he pushed past the threshold and buried himself in me. The look of pleasure on his face was intoxicating. Gathering himself, he started to move. I wrapped myself around him, burying my face in his neck. I was so exhausted and had no control over my sensations. He was in complete control of my body, making me feel beyond what I thought was possible. I'd never felt more vulnerable or more safe.

Not only was my pleasure unimaginable, I could feel his as well. With each roll of his hips he was getting closer and closer to bliss.

Panting seductively in my ear he whispered, "Let go. Give yourself to me, Kit." His lips pressed into my neck as he started to move his hips faster. Deeper. 

My body responded to his words and sent be catapulting into ephoria. Wave after wave of satisfaction washed over me. Just as I was coming back to myself, I could feel Connor's pleasure start to peak. Before I knew it I was falling apart again. My own orgasm mixed with sensation of Connor's was blinding. I thought it was never going to stop. I was so blissed out that I hadn't even realized that Connor rolled off of me. He pulled me into his chest and held me close. I had to focus on his breathing to steady myself. As he caught his breath so did i. He was kissing me sweetly and running his fingers through my hair.

"Sleep baby. Everything will be alright. Just sleep." Again, my body responded to his words. My eyelids were getting heavier. My mind was slowing. He was so calm and I was able to find solace in his arms. Sleep couldn't come soon enough. 

~~~~~~~~~~

I was dreaming of a crackling fire. The flames were hypnotizing. I couldn't look away. I was starting to feel to warm and I knew I needed to move, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Why couldn't I move? Just as I was about to reach out and touch the flames, I was pulled from my dream. Sarah was shaking me awake. "Kit wake up." I knew she was talking to me but I was still on the edge of sleep. "Kit, it's Murph! I don't know what to do!"

My eyes snapped open when I realized what was happening. She grabbed my hand and pulled me from the bed. Quickly, I got dressed and followed her to Murphy's room. He still looked pale and his forehead was beaded with sweat. "What's going on Sarah?" I went straight to Murphy and pressed my wrist to his forehead. He was burning up!

Sarah sounded panicked when she spoke. "His temperature is 104° now. I can't get it to go down. That's way to high. I think we need to take him to the hospital. I know you said that wasn't an option but we can lie! We'll think of something. We can't do this without Matt!" She was talking so fast, I think she said her entire rant in one breath.

"We can't take him to the hospital. If we take him, they will notice his leg and know that he's had professional help. Do you want Matt to be implicated in this?"

I could tell by the look on her face that she hadn't thought that far ahead. She looked so exhausted.

"Help me get his clothes off. We need to cool him down." I raced across the hall to wake up Connor. We were going to need his help.

When we came back into the room, Sarah had him stripped. "Now what?'"

Okay, it was time for action. "Sarah, go run cold water into the bathtub. Connor, help me carry him in there."

Very carefully, Connor and I lifted Murph and carried him to meet Sarah. We eased him down into the water. "Connor, go grab that bag of ice from the freezer!"

He didn't hesitate. He was back within seconds, ice in hand. We dumped the ice into the water. This was a last effort hail Mary action. If this didn't work I didn't know what else to do.

We waited as long as we could. When he started to shiver I knew it was time to take him out. We got him back to bed and checked his temperature again. It was 102°. It was better but there was a very real danger of it going back up. 

Connor and I didn't leave his side for the rest of the night. I tried to make Sarah go lay down in Connor's room but she refused. She ended up falling asleep in the chair beside Murphy's bed. Connor passed out on the floor but there was no way I was sleeping. I was.curled up next to Murphy  in bed watching his chest rise and fall. His temperature hadn't gone up again but it was still uncomfortably high. I wasn't sure if his body had the strength to fight this for much longer.

I was fighting back a fresh wave of tears when I heard the buzzer going off from the front door. The clock on the bedside table read 6:15 AM. Who could that be? It better not be Alfie...

I made my way down the hall and to the front door. When I slid it open I was surprised and relieved. "Matt? What are you doing here?"

He looked scared. I opened my mind to feel him out and found shame. "Is he alive, Kit?" I nodded. "I'm so sorry Kit. That was unforgivable. You must think I'm...."

I cut him off. "You're already forgiven. It doesn't matter what you did then. What matters is that you're here now. And thank God you are." I stepped aside to let him and then walked him back the hall. His eyes were anxiously scanning the room for Sarah. When he saw her, he relaxed a little.

He examined Murphy and started to tend to him. I watched as he set up an IV. He noticed me watching and took the time to fill me in on what he was doing. "I stole these antibiotics from the hospital. They should help with the fever. The fact that he's still alive is a really good sign. I think he's gonna pull through. We'll give him some more blood and hopefully he'll get some strength back."

"Thank you Matt. I don't know how to thank you..."

He looked to Sarah asleep on the chair. "Just don't let her hate me..."

 

 

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

Matt showing up when he did was a godsend. Murphy was finally stable. His temperature was normal, his breathing was steady and he finally had some color to his cheeks. Matt had done everything humanly possible to help him but Murphy still hadn't woken up. It was all up to him now. All we could do was wait.

Just to be safe, Matt decided to hook Murph and Sarah up for one last transfusion. Sarah was laying in the bed next to Murphy. I was laying next to Sarah with my head in her lap as she mindlessly stroked my hair. She was so exhausted. Between all the donated blood and the drama with Matt, she was barely holding it together. I could feel the struggle in her mind when she thought of Matt. She loved him. That much was clear. But now she was second guessing herself and him. Could she get past the gut wrenching pain she felt when he walked out on her last night? Would that be a habit for him? Just cut and run when things get tough...

I startled her when I answered her unspoken question. "Cut him some slack Sarah. He may have left but he came back and that counts for something. He loves you enough to break the law. I think that warrants a second chance, don't you?"

She had stopped playing with my hair but started up again when she spoke. "I know... I just... Watching him walk away from me killed me. I can't go through that again."

She was hurt. Really hurt. I hugged her waist when I felt the fresh wave of disappointment wash over her. The wound was still fresh. It was just going to take some time. "Just think of it this way... This is probably the most difficult obstacle your relationship will have. He may have bailed but he wised up eventually.And you want to know what it was that brought him back?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. The Hippocratic oath?"

Okay, now she was just being obstinate. "No, it was your words...  _Maybe you're not the man I thought you were..._ They ate at him all night. He cares about Murphy but in the end it was the look of disappointment on your face that he couldn't live with."

Her heart was swelling. She wanted to cry, you could hear it in her voice. "Oh..." That was all she could bring herself to say.

I had given her something to think about. "Yeah... Where is Matt anyway?"

"On the roof with Connor."

On the roof with Connor... My mind flashed to a happier time. The memory of that night with Connor seemed so far away now. I remember thinking my life was so complicated at the time but in this moment I would trade just about anything for the simplicity of the past. I may have been grieving and falling in love with two men at the same time, but at least Murphy was happy, smiling, and alive in all of those memories. Not like now. Connor could lose his brother. I could lose a piece of my soul... That's what Connor and Murphy had become... A part of my soul. The uncertainty was crippling. My throat was tightening at the thought of Murphy not existing. In a moment of panic I reached out and put my hand on his stomach. I needed to touch him. I needed to feel that he was still here with me.

As soon as I made contact with him I pulled my hand away in shock. "Holy..." My words trailed off as I stared at his face.

My little outburst scared the shit out of Sarah. "What?! What's wrong?? Is he breathing?"

I didn't mean to scare her but I had shot straight up and crawled off the bed. I needed to be closer to him. I needed to be sure. I climbed in beside him on the other side and put his hand in mine. His fingers gripped mine and I felt the tears start to drip down my smiling cheeks.

"Kit what's going on?"

"I can feel him..."

Sarah understood the significance of this. I had never been able to feel Murphy before. Not like this... Sarah sat up so she could see his face better. "But I thought..." Her eyes moved from my face to study Murphy's. "What's he thinking about?"

"My voice... He can hear my voice." I moved my free hand up to cup his cheek. "Murph...?"

My mind was suddenly filled with visions of my own face. Something was different though. It wasn't the face I was used to seeing staring back at me in the mirror. I was seeing myself the way Murphy sees me. He didn't seem to notice all the flaws I could so easily pick out. He loved me and he saw me as beautiful.

Being able to read him was overwhelming. It had never happened before and it was like I was seeing him for the first time. Not that I ever had any doubts, but I liked what I was seeing. His mind was just as stunning as his face. How was this even possible? Maybe it was because he'd had so much of Sarah's blood? Feeling this connected to him gave me hope. He was still Murphy. He was still here with me. I wanted to hear his voice. Why won't you open your eyes Murph? 

When Matt walked in the room he was confused by the scene in front of him. "Guys?"

Sarah took her eyes away from my face to acknowledge Matt's presence. She gave him a kind smile. "Hi Matty."

Matt was too preoccupied with the affectionate nickname Sarah had used. He forgot about how strange the scene in front of him appeared. All he saw was Sarah. I was 100% okay with that. Matt didn't know about my extra sense and I really didn't feel like explaining it to him. 

He walked over to take the IV from Sarah's arm. Once he had her squared away he wanted to check on Murph. "Let me squeeze in there for a minute Kit."

He wanted me to move. To let go of Murphy. That was the last thing I wanted to do. What if I couldn't feel him again the next time I tried. How long would the effects of Sarah's blood last?

I really didn't want to move, but I had to. When I let go of Murphy's hand I felt empty. My head was spinning. I either needed to flee or sit down.

I must have looked woozy. "Kit, you alright?"

Good question Matt. Am I alright? "Yeah, I think I just need some air."

Matt put his hand on my shoulder to steady me. "Connor is still on the roof. Why don't you go sit with him?"

That sounded like a good idea. I gave him a nod and a smile, then made my way down the hallway. I got to the window to climb the fire escape and paused. I looked over to the front door. Maybe I could go for a walk. I felt like being alone with my thoughts for a while. Yes, that's what I wanted. I turned from the window, grabbed my purse off the kitchen counter, and walked out the front door.

~~~~~~~~~

My record store was only a few blocks from the loft and I had the keys in my purse. It seemed like as good a place as any to sit alone with my thoughts.

The whole walk there I was consumed with thoughts of Murphy. I don't even remember how I got to the store. I was completely oblivious to my surroundings. I was so exhausted. I felt like I needed to sleep for days. I needed a peaceful sleep though. A sleep that wasn't filled with stress dreams of Murphy bleeding all over the floor. The short walk to the shop took more energy than I had. I pulled the keys from my purse and tried to unlock the door. Tried being the operative word. I must have turned that key 10 different times and I still couldn't get the door open. I was determined that the 11th time would be the charm. I was deadly focused. In fact, I was so focused on the key that I didn't notice the reflection in the door of the man that was standing behind me. 

As soon as the door clicked open his hand clasped down over my mouth and he shoved me inside. He was trying to keep me from squirming but Connor's self defense lessons were still fresh in my brain. I leaned back into his chest, creating a little space, and then brought my hand up so that it was between my neck and his arm. I used the extra leverage to pull away, throwing my head back to make contact with his face. It startled him which caused him to let his guard down. With three quick hits, one to the groin, stomach, and face, I was almost free. I rotated my body towards him as I brought my free hand down the meet the hand that was already clasping his wrist. His arm twisted and he let out a painful scream as he fell to the ground.

My first instinct should have been to run while I was free but I couldn't. I was seeing red. This fucker had picked the wrong chick on the wrong day. I brought my leg back and started to kick..... and kick and kick and kick. 

"Please! Stop! It's me, Kit! Please stop!" He was blubbering like a baby. 

Hey, wait a minute! I know that cry. I stopped my assault long enough to get a good look. "Alfie? What the fuck?!" I kicked him one more time for good measure. 

"I'm sorry! I needed to make you listen and I didn't want you to scream. I need your help Kit." 

He could not be serious. "My help? Are you fucking kidding me Alfie?! Why in the hell would I help you? You just attacked me!"

"I wasn't trying to attack you, I was just trying to keep you quiet!" This kid was dumber than I thought.

"You better start talking Alfie, before I get in the mood to start swinging again." This better be good. Connor was going to beat his ass when he finds out about this.

He held up his hands in defeat and started to stand. "Okay, okay... Just relax." 

My adrenaline was pumping. Alfie's too. I could read him loud and clear at the moment. He was afraid and desperate. And maybe a little bit embarrassed about getting beat up by a girl.

"I need your help Kit. Your boys have got my bosses spooked. They know there is a breach somewhere and they are turning over every rock to find it. We've got to get my sister out of there right now! Before they kill her or worse..."

"Why are you asking me? You work with Connor and Murph. I don't want anything to do with you."

The panic was rising in his voice. "No, no! It can't be them. It has to be you. There were cameras in the room where the boys did their last hit. The bosses know their faces. They've got everyone looking for them. Even put a price on their heads. It has to be you!"

"Why would I help you? You killed my best friend. You murdered him in broad daylight and then ran like a little bitch. I can barely even look at you without picturing 100 ways to kill you. And now you want me to help you?!"

Anger started to transform his face. He could huff and puff all he day long for all I cared. "You don't have a choice. We made a deal!"

Did he seriously want to open that can of worms? "You're right Alfie. Let's talk about that for a second. Our deal was that you deliver us Fantasma and then we help you get your sister. You haven't exactly held up your end of the deal." He was staring at me with a blank look on his face. "And where were you last night? Where were you when Connor was dragging his bleeding brother to safety? Where were you when Connor had to carry Murphy up 5 flights of stairs? Murphy almost died and you were nowhere to be seen! I warned you what would happen if something happened to either one of them." I knew he didn't have anything to do with Murphy's injury but he was an easy place to dump blame. 

"I can still get you Fantasma but first we've gotta get my sister! And like I said before, you don't have a choice."

This guy was unbelievable. "What makes you say that?"

His ugly sneer made my skin crawl. "If you don't help me then I'll tell my bosses where they can find your boyfriends. I'll collect my $200 for passing go and be in good favor."

Rage was drowning out my senses. He didn't know it yet, but he was a dead man. I no longer felt the hint of pity that I had for him before. 

'You sniveling son of a bitch..." Disdain dripped from every word that passed my lips. "Consider this your last request."

I should have killed him while I had the chance....

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait guys! I got distracted for a minute. I've got some ideas I'm working on so hopefully I'll be able to update more frequently. Thanks for not giving up on me just yet :)

I don't know if Alfie had a lot of balls or if he was just plain stupid. He couldn't possibly think that threatening me or the twins was going to work out well for him.

"What exactly is it that you think I can do Alfie? I don't see how I'm going to be of any help..."

"You're gonna buy my sister."

"Excuse me?!" I think Alfie may have fallen off his rocker.

He held up his finger to signal that I be patient while he explained. "Remember how I told you guys about the human trafficking that these guy's are running? Well, I think that's our in. I'll bring you in as a broker. You can represent some wealthy client. They'll let you look at some girls and all you've gotta do is pick my sister."

This wasn't an entirely awful plan. It sounded like the least lethal option. "Okay, I can handle that but what happens when they want their money?"

"I already talked to the bosses. They think your client is some big shot lawyer with a judge in his pocket. All they want in payment is to be able to call in a few favors." He noticed the skepticism flicker across my face so he gave me his last piece of incentive. "These guys are high up. You might be able to find out about Fantasma."

He made a good point. All I had to do was put on an act long enough to "purchase" his sister. I would be able to feel out everyone I came across. Someone was bound to know something about Fantasma. 

"Alright, fine... I'll do it. When this is over you're on your own. I can't and I won't protect you. Understood?"

He nodded his head in agreement but I don't think he quite got what I was saying. He wasn't nervous enough. It took a lot of convincing on my part the first time around for the boys not to kill him. After this, I don't know that there's anything I could say to keep that from happening. Honestly, I don't know that there's anything I would say. His chance for redemption has long passed. 

I walked over to the counter and grabbed some money from my purse. When I turned my back to Alfie I felt his anxiety level spike.

"What are you doing?" He sounded suspiciously nervous.

"Relax, I'm just grabbing some money. If we want this to be believable I'm going to need some new clothes. No one would buy that I work for some wealthy client if I'm wearing ratty jeans and Connor's oversized t-shirt."

The fact that Alfie hadn't thought of that concerned me a little. I hope the rest of his plan wasn't as sloppy. I turned towards the front door when I felt his hand clamp down around my upper arm. He squeezed me hard enough that it was going to leave a bruise.

After flashing him a confused, irritated glare, he let go of me apologetically. "Sorry! I just... we can't go that way. I parked in the alley so nobody would see my car. These guys have eyes everywhere. I didn't wanna lead them here."

His words made sense but his body language didn't. He was starting to get all sweaty and squirmy. I could tell he was in a hurry to get me out of there but I couldn't get a feel on why. I just chalked it up to him being anxious to get his sister to safety.

With Alfie right on my heels, I headed for the back door that leads out into the alley. Just like he had said, his car was parked there waiting for us. You would think now that we were on the move that Alfie would have started to calm down. It appeared to have the opposite affect. With each step he grew more and more on edge. 

I reached out to open the car door but he intervened. "Wait! Let me get that for you. It's locked." What the fuck was up with him? Chivalry is not Alfie's usual M.O. 

I waited patiently as he fiddled with his keys. Finally, he got the door open and stepped aside so I could get in. He was standing uncomfortably close. Tentatively, I stepped forward towards the car. He was behind me now so I couldn't see him, but I felt him come up behind me. I froze, half from fear and half from repulsion.

"I'm sorry Kit..." That's all I heard him say before I felt the white hot jolt of electricity pressed against my neck. After that, blackness...

~~~~~~~~~~

*Connor*

The fresh air and the solitude were doing me some good. Giving me a chance to just be and feel nothing. The last 24 hours have been a nightmare. I've got all these images racing through my head. I can't turn it off. All that fucking blood. My brother's blood. And then there's Kit. That girl is a fucking rock. Murph would be dead if it wasn't for her. Me and Murph are the ones supposed to be taking care of her... but here she is,  saving us from ourselves. She's one tough little lass. She held it together the best she could. A hell of a lot better than me, but she's only human. The sound of her voice crying out Murph's name in panic has been haunting me. The look of devistation and helplessness etched across her beautiful features... I will do everything in my power to protect her from that ever happening again. Murph said when he found her in that church, she was a mess. I've never been able to picture that because she's so strong but after last night... I don't know if I could bear to see her that way again.

Right at this moment, Kit is the only thing keeping me together. If I had it my way, she'd never leave my side. She soothes me in a way that I never thought possible. I'm craving her touch right now but I think she needs a break. I'm a mess and she can feel it all. She's got her own anxiety to worry about, she doesn't need mine too. So instead, I settled for the rooftop and a cigarette. I know she hates it when we smoke these fucking things but somehow I doubt she'll care.

I could hear Matt and Sarah's voices from the living room. Nobody sounded panicked so that was a relief. Murphy was still alive and breathing. After the relief, came a wave of exhaustion. I needed to pass out. I want to curl up with Kit in my arms sleep the day away.

I snuffed out my cigarette and made my way down the fire escape. When I crawled in through the window I found Matt and Sarah in a compromising position on our sofa. Looks like somebody was well on their way to make up sex. They didn't even notice me come in. I just shook my head in humor and went to find Kit. She was probably in the same spot next to Murphy. She hasn't left his side all night.

When I walked in the room I found a sleeping Murphy but not Kit. I checked the bathroom... nothing. I walked across the hall to my room... nothing. What the hell? Maybe she was in the weapons room. When I didn't find her there I started to panic a little. Maybe Sarah would know...

"Hey love birds!" I startled them when I came walking into the living room. "Where's Kit?"

Matt was looking at me in confusion. "What do you mean, I thought she was with you? I told her you were on the roof and she went to find you..."

"I just came from the roof. She's not up there."

I walked into the kitchen to check the blackboard. She was always leaving little notes for us on there but today it was blank.

"Her purse is gone. Maybe she went to get some coffee. You want me to try calling her?" At least Sarah was offering up useful information.

After Sarah's third call going to Kit's voice mail I was starting to lose it. Sarah was right there with me.

"Matty, I'm going to take Connor down to the record shop to see if she's there. Will you stay here with Murphy?"

"Of course. Call me when you find her."

***

The 10 minute car ride felt like 2 hours but we were finally parked in front of the shop. Sarah had a set of keys so we got right in. The inside was all lit up. We each did a quick pass of the store but Kit wasn't there.

"She's definitely been here. Her purse is on the counter and her phone is in it."

Something about this did not feel right. Kit wouldn't just take off like this. Not with everything that's happened in the last 24 hours.

Ever helpful, Sarah had another suggestion. "Let's check the security tapes."

She logged on to Kit's computer and opened the security feed. We watched for about 5 minutes before we saw Kit starting to open the front door. She was pushed inside by a man who had his hand covering her mouth. My stomach dropped. I was petrified that at any second I was about to see her die, but that didn't happen. That's not what happened at all. Like I said, she's strong and she's a quick learner. I watched her bring the man to his knees and proceed to thoroughly kick his ass.

"That's my girl!"

Sarah laughed but then froze. "Holy crap, that's Nickelback!"

Right about the time he was begging Kit to stop I recognized that asshole. Fucking Alfie! My blood was boiling in my veins. I watched them argue. Kit was obviously not happy. I wish I could hear what they were talking about! We saw her grab money from her purse and make to leave but Alfie put his hands on her again! If I didn't need to see the rest of this footage I would have thrown the monitor across the room. Alfie may have escaped my list once but now he was at the top.

We kept watching until we saw them leave together.

Sarah didn't know what to make of it all. "What the hell just happened? It didn't look like he forced her to leave. Do you think he's been stalking her since that night in the bar?"

It dawned on me that Sarah had no clue who Alfie really was... "No, that's the man that killed Ollie."

"What?!?!" She was in hysterics.

"Kit tracked him down. We wanted him dead but she figured out he had some useful information for us. He's been helping me and Murph shut these fuckers down but now I'm about to shut him down! He better pray to God that there's a good explanation for this..."

My mood had turned deadly. My anger and anxiety were starting to make me reckless. 

Sarah was staring at me. I think I was beginning to scare her. She reached out to touch my hand. "We'll find her Connor, I promise..."

~~~~~~~~~~

*Kit*

When I came to it took a minute for things to come into focus. My head was pounding and I felt in very real danger of throwing up. My body felt so strange. I knew I was moving but I hadn't quite pieced together how. I opened my eyes to see that my hands were bound and Alfie was carrying me over his shoulder.

When he sat me down, we were in a room full of people. Where the hell did he bring me? We were obviously in someone's home but this was no ordinary house. Everything was huge and ornate. I was preoccupied with my surroundings but the sound of Alfie's cowardly voice made me focus.

"I need to see the boss..." He was scared shitless.

"What the fuck is this Alfie?" One of the men around the room responded. He looked annoyed at the mere thought of this conversation.

"You guys said that if I brought you something valuable that Rachel and I could be done. Well," He pointed down at me, "she's valuable. She can do shit. I've seen it. She's like psychic or something!"

 The man roared with laughter. "You really are desperate, aren't you kid?"

Alfie was starting to get angry. "I'm serious! She knows shit. I don't know how but she does. She knows about that guy that you had me kill for Alvarez and she knows about Fantasma!"

That seemed to get the man's attention but he still wasn't convinced. "Prove it..."

Alfie reached down and grabbed me by the arm, yanking me to my feet. "Show them." He looked me dead in the eye. He was waiting to see what I'd do. That's when I saw it, a flash of Connor and Murphy. I knew that if I didn't step up soon that the twins were the next card that he would play.

He pushed me forward, toward the curious man. "Alright sweetheart, show me a trick."

This guy was a strong broadcaster so this would be easy. "You're worried about whether or not you can trust all of your men and you're right to do so." His eyes widened in shock. "Someone in this room has been betraying you."

I watched as his eyes scanned the room before settling back on me. "Bryant, go get the kid his sister and call the boss. I think Fantasma will be very interested in hearing this."

Fantasma?! Maybe I will finally be able to put a face with the name. Maybe then this could all be over.

About five minutes later Bryant came back with a pretty, pettite, blonde in tow. This must be Alfie's sister, Rachel. She eyed me with pity as she walked past me to her brother. What had they done to this poor girl? She looked so broken.

Bryant spoke up. "Boss said to keep the girl in a separate room and get someone you trust to guard the door."

The man snapped his fingers and one of his goons started to drag me from the room. I yanked my arm free and turned to Alfie. "You'll never be able to run long enough or far enough. They'll never stop." It was a threat and an effective one at that. Alfie knew I was right. Connor and Murphy would find him.

I was quickly escorted upstairs into a spare room. They tied me to a chair and then left me there alone. I could hear someone just on the other side of the door. How the heck was I going to get out of this? Connor had no idea where I was and I'm sure Alfie had already fled with his sister. I was going to be stuck here, forced into working for the very person I loathed. There had to be a way out.

***

A couple of hours later I heard voices at the door and then the handle started to turn. A rather large man came walking into the room. He paced back and forth just leering at me. There was something off about him. He was like a feral animal. He leaned over me, resting his hands on the arms of my chair. Even with him being so close I still couldn't read him. He was obviously unhinged but I couldn't even pick up on a clue as to what it is he wants from me.

"You know too much for your own good. I can't let you tell the boss what know. That would be very bad for me."

I was utterly shocked. Apparently someone in the room actually was betraying them. Well, someone else besides Alfie. "I won't tell them anything. I swear..." I had no idea what he was even referring to anyway.

He laughed at me. "I wish I could believe that but I just don't. There's only one way I can be sure." He reached down and started to untie me from the chair. Was he going to get me out of here?

When he freed me from the ropes he picked me up and threw me to the ground. His emotions had suddenly transformed into what was clearly rage.

"You fucked me, you bitch! I'm going to return the favor." 

He dropped to his knees and pinned me to the ground. I tried to gain some leverage on him but he was so heavy. His rough hands started ripping at my clothes. He was going to kill me but first he was going to make me suffer. I thrashed and kicked but I couldn't get him off of me. I'll be damned if I was going to let this happen. All I could think about was Connor and Murphy. They would keep fighting until their dying breath so that's exactly what I was going to do.

When he forced his lips against mine I bit him as hard as I could. He screamed and jerked away. There was blood running down his chin. Anger lit his eyes when he saw the blood on his fingers. "You cunt!!!" He raised his hand and backhanded me full force across the face. He grabbed me by the hair and flipped me over on to my stomach. I started to yell for help but he slammed my face into the floor a few times. "Be quiet and take what's coming to you."

There was blood trickling into my eyes and I was starting to lose strength but I continued to fight him. If he wanted this he would have to kill me first. I managed to kick him off long enough to crawl away but he was back on me in a matter of seconds. This time he kneed me a few times in the ribs. All the air escaped my chest and I couldn't move. I felt him yank my jeans down and I knew it was only a matter of time. This was happening, I had failed.

The sound of his zipper was interupted by a sickening thud. I heard the sound of bone shattering and then his body was limp on top of mine. When the weight disappeared I rolled over to see Rachel standing there with a bat. She had clobbered him over the head with it.

She was frantically checking me over. "Are you okay?! I got here just in time!"

I could barely see her through all the blood and my swollen eye, but it was the face of an angel. She saved me. My emotions all hit me at once. I wrapped my arms around her as tight as I could and I started to cry.

She hugged me back. "Come on, let's get the hell out of here."

I could barely walk. It hurt to even breathe. She was supporting most of my weight.

"Don't worry, I know a way out of here where no one will see us."

I let her lead me out of the room and down a back stairwell that led to a staff kitchen. She knew her way around this obsurdly large house. I wonder how long they had been keeping her here and if this same thing had happened to her.

We reached a side door that went out into the yard. We climbed through some bushes and waiting on the other side was Alfie. His face scrunched in sympathy when he saw me. He came to my other side and helped his sister load me into the car.

"What the hell happened in there Rachel?!" He started the engine and sped away from the house.

"Eddie was attacking her so I got him first. He'll never touch another woman again." I could tell from her emotions and her tone that this wasn't her first run in with Eddie.

"Fuck Rachel! Did anybody see you?"

Her voice was eerily calm. "Just Eddie and he won't be talking anytime soon." She turned around in her seat to check on me. "I think we need to take her to the hospital."

"No, we can't do that. They have too many contacts at the hospital. Word will get back to them that she's there and then they will know it was us who took her."

I had a solution to this problem. "Take me home. I'll be fine." And if I wasn't fine, Matt was there to help.

The idea of going anywhere near the loft scared Alfie to death. "Are you crazy Kit?! You know I can't go there."

Before I even had the chance to get mad, Rachel did it for me. "Shut up Alfie! Stop being a pussy. You did this to her. It's your fault. She said she wants to go home and that's where we're taking her..." 

The tone in her voice left no room for discussion. She had said her peace and that was that. Alfie drove us in silence all the way back to the loft. As soon as I saw the building a wave of relief washed over me. In just a couple of minutes I'd be with Connor and everything would be okay again.

Rachel got out to help me up the stairs and Alfie reluctantly followed. Finally we had reached the loft door. When I slid it open I saw Connor pacing the floor. He turned to look at me and froze in his tracks. I could feel his emotions just as strongly as my own. His relief quickly turned to fear and worry as he took in my appearance. I couldn't hold it together any longer. I started to cry. I needed him to be holding me so I crossed the room. "Connor..."

He opened his arms to me right as I reached him and I buried my bruised and bloody face into his chest. 

"Sshhh... it's alright Kit. I've got yah lass." He pulled back so he could give me a once over. "For fuck sake Kit! What the hell happened?!"

Again, Rachel spoke for me. Connor hadn't even noticed her and Alfie standing in the doorway. "She was trying to help Alfie get me out but things got out of hand." 

Pssh! That was an understatement. I wonder if she knew about what really went down with her brother.

Connor's body went rigid when he registered Alfie. "You..."

Matt came into the room a second later. At first he was confused but when he saw me standing there tucked under Connor's arm, everything snapped into focus.

Connor handed me over to him. "Matt, take her please..."

I knew what was coming next. Connor closed the distance between him and Alfie in 3 easy strides. He literally picked Alfie up by the throat and threw him to the ground. I winced as I watched Connor's fist make contact with Alfie's face over and over again. Alfie deserved ever ounce of the punishment that Connor was giving him. I had no intention of trying to reign Connor in until I heard Rachel pleading with him to stop. As much as Alfie deserved this, Rachel didn't. If it weren't for her I would be dead.

"Connor stop!" My request made no impact. If we didn't stop him soon he'd kill him. "Connor please stop! She saved me! Please Connor, stop!"

His movements came to a halt and he looked up at me with those blue-green eyes. I dropped to my knees beside him. "Please Connor, can this all just be over now? I can't take anymore. I just need you and Murph, I don't need this..." I looked down at Alfie who was a bloody, crying mess.

Connor followed my gaze. He was thinking things through. There was a very strong part of Connor that wanted Alfie dead but there was another part of him that was willing to do whatever I needed...

He looked at me and then to Rachel. "Thank you." She gave him a cautious nod and then he turned his attentions back to Alfie. "I don't know how, but I know that this is somehow your fault. I'm telling you right now, if I ever see you again, I'll send you to whatever God you believe in. Do we have an understanding?"

Alfie nodded in terror. "Yes, yes! I understand!" 

Connor let him up and came to wrap his arms around me. "It's all over now Kit. I promise."

Hearing those words leave his lips was exactly what I needed to hear. I don't think anything could have brought me more relief.

"Kit..." Sarah was standing at the edge of the kitchen watching us. When I looked up at her she smiled. "Murphy's awake."

Okay, except maybe that....

 


	21. Chapter 21

"Kit, did you hear me? I said Murphy is awake." Sarah was beaming at me. I heard every word she was saying but I couldn't believe my ears.

Connor helped me up from the floor while Matt gave Alfie a once over. Once he was determined to not be in any serious danger, Matt showed Alfie and his sister the door. I should have thanked Rachel one last time but I was too preoccupied with the information Sarah had just given me.

We walked back the hall to Murphy's room. He looked the same as when I'd left this morning. When he heard us enter the room his eyes opened. They looked sunken in and tired but there was no mistaking that fierce blue color. It felt like a lifetime since I'd last seen those eyes.

His smile was weak but genuine. "Kit." He reached his hand out. He wanted me to come to him. Who was I to refuse? I knew the exact moment that he noticed my bruised face. His eyes widened and he tried to sit up but he winced from the pain.

Matt noticed it immediately. "Take it easy Murph. You'll rip your stitches and start bleeding all over again."

Murphy followed the doctor's orders and laid back down. "Come here Kit. Let me look at ya." I sat down beside him on the edge of the bed. He reached his hand up to lightly touch my swollen cheekbone. I flinched a little. "Jesus baby! What the hell happened?!"

I took his hand in mine and held it in my lap. "It's nothing, I'll be fine. You don't need to worry about me." I hardly even noticed the pain. I was too high from the pure joy of seeing Murphy awake and talking.

"Like hell I don't. You look like you went out and joined Fight Club!" He looked over my shoulder to his brother. "What the hell Connor? I'm out of commission for two days and you let our girl get hurt." His voice had a joking tone to it but he was dead serious.

Connor eyed me with frustration. "She's got a nasty habit of sneaking off without telling anybody what she's up to. She hasn't told me entirely what happened yet but I know it's got something to do with that fucker Alfie..." The chill in his voice when spoke of Alfie was scary. If I hadn't intervened there is no doubt in my mind that Alfie would be dead right now.

Murphy had his stern face on. "Tell me Kit..."

I did not want to go into this right now. I was trying my best to forget it all together. I was sore, and tired, and I just wanted enjoy being back with Connor and Murphy.

I must have looked like I wanted to flee because Sarah came to my rescue. "Back off guys. Now isn't the time. Matt should probably check out her injuries and you've only been conscious for 10 minutes Murphy. You don't need to be getting all worked up."

Matt agreed. "Sarah's right. You need to rest Murphy. And Connor, there's blood all over your living room floor. You might wanna go clean that up. I'll make sure Kit's okay."

Connor looked irritated but did as Matt asked. Murphy looked 10 different shades of confused but he didn't press for answers. Panic flashed across his face when I stood up to leave. I smiled down at him. "I'll be back in a minute. Promise." I leaned down and kissed his forehead.

Matt and Sarah walked me across the hall to Connor's room. Matt had his medical bag ready. "Sit down Kit. I need to check you out. I know your trying to play down the pain so they don't freak out but that eye looks bad. And guessing from the way you're holding yourself, I'd say you've probably got a few broken ribs."

Sarah helped me pull my shirt off over my head. My ribs looked just as bad as they felt. There was a deep, painful bruise spreading up my side. Matt finished his assessment and determined that I had two broken ribs, a fractured cheekbone, and a concussion. I didn't even bother showing him the bruises that I could feel forming on my legs from where that bastard held me down. Matt promised to bring me back some pain meds from the hospital but for now he recommended a shower, ice, and rest.

I turned on the shower and climbed in. I winced when the water hit my face. The heat stung but I needed it. I gave up on trying to wash my hair. Every time I lifted my arms I wanted to scream. I just let the water wash over me. I heard the bathroom door open and Connor walked in. He was washing Alfie's blood off of his hands.

"Connor?"

He turned off the faucet. "Yeah, it's me."

"Connor, will you help me? I'm too sore."

He didn't say anything. I heard his jeans unzip, his pants hit the ground, and then he climbed in. I made sure to keep my back faced away from him. I didn't want him to see those bruises because I didn't want him to ask questions. I couldn't explain that to him. He'd lose his mind. Besides, the guy was dead anyway thanks to Rachel.

It was bad enough when he saw my ribs. "Oh Kit..." He reached out and lightly traced his fingers on my side. "I'm so sorry Kit. I should have been there to protect you."

I shook my head. "This isn't your fault Connor so don't go there. I didn't call you and I made the decision to go with Alfie. I'll be fine. It's not as bad as it looks." That was a lie. It hurt pretty damn bad.

Connor reached down and grabbed my tea tree and mint shampoo. The aroma filled the shower instantly. His skilled fingers massaged the shampoo into my hair. He did it way longer than necessary because he knew I was enjoying it. He rinsed my hair and started the process over again with conditioner. Once that was finished, he grabbed his body wash. I loved using it because then I smelt like him all day. It was comforting. Very gently, he rubbed his soap lathered hands across my body. His touch was so soothing. Even his emotions were calming. I had to give him credit. He was in the shower with a wet, naked woman and he wasn't objectifying me at all. All he could think about was making me feel better. Not knowing where I was for hours had scared the hell out of him. Knowing that I had been in danger pissed him off. He was mad at Alfie but mostly at himself. He felt like he had failed me.

I could feel him layering on the guilt and blame as he stared at my body. I wanted that to stop. I couldn't take. I reached out and wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head against his chest. He held me as gently as he could and kissed the top of my head. "I thought I'd lost you..." His voice was was laced with residual fear.

"But you didn't. I'm right here." I turned my face so I could kiss his chest. He hummed in appreciation so I didn't stop. My breasts pressed into his chest as I kissed up his neck.

"Kit... we can't."

I looked up into his eyes. "It's okay. You won't hurt me. I trust you."

His eyes were searching mine for sincerity. He was unsure. We both needed this. He needed to feel close to me and I needed to get lost with him like I had done so many times before. He had this way of making me forget the world. He was all consuming.

He found what he was looking for. Very tentatively, he leaned in and kissed me. He was testing the waters. When I didn't protest in pain he kissed me again. This time with more gusto. His lips were soft and pouty, and he tasted amazing. His body was starting to respond to my touch. The evidence to that was pressed against my belly. His hands slid up my neck and wound in my hair as he deepened our kiss. His emotions washed over me. Longing and desire. Love...

One of his hands wiped the hair out of my face as the other trailed down my back. The feel of his hands on me was my favorite feeling in the world. I was lost in his kiss when his hand brushed across a bruise on my lower back. I cringed away from him immediately. 

"Shit, did I hurt ya?" His eyes were round with worry.

"It's okay. I'm okay. Don't stop." He did not look convinced at all. "Please Connor..."

At first I thought he was going to put up a fight but he gave in and lowered his lips to mine again. This is what I wanted, or so I thought. Connor touching the bruise on my back had triggered a memory. All of a sudden I felt extremely violated. I wanted to cover myself up. I kept picturing that man's face and fresh waves of fear and panic set it. I didn't know what to do. This was Connor. I never want to associate this feeling with him. He's my safe place. My home. I was getting overwhelmed and I had started to cry.

Connor knows me. He knows when something isn't right. He knows what it feels like to do this with me when we're on the same page. He pulled away to look at me and noticed the tears. "Kit, what's wrong? Did I hurt you again?" He put some distance between our bodies just to be safe.

I started to cry a little harder. "I'm sorry Connor. I just can't..."  I was going to let him think that I was too sore. It was easier than explaining this to him. This feeling would pass eventually and everything would go back to normal.

He smiled and kissed my forehead. "It's alright Kit. It can wait. You just need to take it easy for a while." 

He reached behind me and turned off the water. We stepped out of the shower and he wrapped me in a towel. "Come on. Let's get you in some comfy clothes and then you can go lay down with Murph. I'll get you some ice for that cheek and make you some hot tea. How's that sound?"

All I could do is stare up at him in awe. "I love you Connor."

His answering smile was breathtaking. He leaned down to place a delicate kiss on my lips. "I love you too."

We walked out into his bedroom. He headed to the kitchen to make me some tea and I stopped at his dresser for some clothes. I let my towel fall to the floor as I rummaged around in his drawers. I heard him yell from the kitchen but by the time I realized he was getting closer it was too late.

"Hey Kit! What kind of tea do you..." His words trailed off when he saw my back. He walked over so that he was right behind me. I felt his hand on my skin. "Kit... what is this?"

When I didn't answer he leaned in to get a better look. I felt him trace the outline of my bruise. "This looks like a handprint." The pieces of the puzzle were starting to fit together in his head. "Oh God. Kit..." He backed away from me and sat down on the edge of his bed. His head was in his hands between his knees. He looked like he was going to be sick. "Did... did they..? " 

He looked up at me. His eyes were begging me to tell him that he was wrong. 

"No."

He left his spot on the bed to come and stand in front of me. He cupped my face in his hands so that I would meet his gaze. "Kit, tell me what happened. Please..."

I wasn't going to be able to avoid this anymore. I had to tell him. I started from the beginning. I told him about Alfie's devious plan. About how he tricked me, tased me, and then offered me up as collateral. Connor was not happy about that at all. He was regretting his previous decision of letting Alfie live.

I went on to tell him about being tied up in that room and about the man who assulted me. Connor's jaw was clenched in fury. A look of pure horror lit his eyes as I told my story. He was losing it. I'd never seen him so angry. He was absolutely livid. "I'll kill him. I'll kill them all, and I'm gonna start with that little bitch Alfie." His voice was dead flat. He wasn't pondering, he was simply stating fact.

I was a little scared. I didn't want him doing anything reckless. He was so mad he was libel to walk straight into the lion's den with guns blazing. "Connor please... The man who hurt me... he's dead. Rachel killed him when she hit him over the head. I'm okay now. I'm fine. I'm here with you. It's over." I was crying again. "Please just let this be over. I can't take this anymore. We almost lost Murphy. I could have died tonight. I just want it to be over. Please Connor!"

He wrapped his arms around me and let me cry into his chest. "Sshhh. It's alright Kit. I've got ya." His hand was stroking my hair.

I looked up into his face. "If I asked you to, would you stop? At least for now..."

He released me. "I can't let this go Kit. They hurt you. Alfie has hurt you for the last fucking time. I know you only stopped me earlier for his sister's sake. I'm sorry Kit. I have to do this."

I was feeling angry and desperate. "You can't do this alone Connor. You'll get yourself killed! And Murphy sure as hell won't be able to help you out anytime soon?"

He grabbed my hand and pulled me along behind him. "Let's see what Murph has to say about all of this."

I was furious! Murphy didn't need this right now. It was going to get him all worked up for no good reason. He couldn't do anything about it.

Connor stormed in to Murphy's room and started from the top. He told Murphy everything. I was thankful that he didn't make me show him my bruises. Murphy listened to me and Connor argue for about 20 minutes. He looked so tired. I felt guilty for even involving him in this, which made me furious with Connor all over again.

I was surprised when Murphy finally spoke up. "Connor, I understand where you're coming from brother... if I could get out of this bed right now, Alfie wouldn't be breathing. But Kit's right... You can't do this alone. Don't be an idiot. Can't you see what this is doing to her? Can you imagine being able to feel all the shit she feels? We're gonna drive her mental. She needs a break. You gotta remember that this hasn't been her life for long. She fits with us so perfectly that sometimes it's easy to forget. She's been through so much shit in the past few months let alone the past few days! This isn't just about us and what we need anymore. If she needs us to stop, we stop. She's not saying forever, just for now."

Murphy was constantly surprising me. I guess I hadn't realized that he had undstood me that deeply. If it was possible, I loved him even more in that moment.

Connor plopped himself down into the chair beside Murphy's bed. He looked defeated. I understood where he was coming from. He loves me. He wants to protect me. It wasn't in his nature to stand idly by as people hurt the ones he loves.

"Alright then. We stop. For now." He stood up and walked out of Murphy's room. Connor needed his space to brood. He agreed to wait but he wasn't happy about it.

I was standing there staring at the open doorway that Connor had just walked through when I heard Murphy speak. "He's a stubborn bastard, that brother of mine."

I smiled at his words. He'd said them to me before.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, it's just been a long day."

He laughed at my understatement and opened his arms to me. "Come here baby girl."

I went to him without hesitation. Nothing sounded better right now than being in his arms. I climbed in and curled up on my uninjured side and laid my head on his chest. I liked listening to his voice this way, it was comforting. "Thank you Murphy."

"For what?"

"For so much. For everything. For taking pity on a strange, crying girl on a church floor. For understanding me. For coming back to me when I thought I'd lost you. For loving me despite my flaws..."

"What about for all the great sex?!"

I laughed too hard and winced at the pain in my side. Leave it to Murphy to make an inappropriate joke during an emotional moment. It was one of the many things I loved about him. It was kinda fun to watch him squirm when things got too real.

We laid there in silence for a long time. It was late and we were both exhausted. I was dozing in and out of sleep. The effects from his transfusion had worn off and I couldn't read him anymore. It was blissful to be here with him. I didn't have to think or feel anything that I didn't want to. As much as I love Connor, he couldn't give me this tonight. His anger was overpowering. With Murphy I could turn everything off and shut it all out. I was free to just lay here and listen to the sound of his steady, strong heartbeat. To feel the rise and fall of his chest beneath my head.

I was on the edge of consciousness when I heard him speak. "Kit..."

"Yeah Murph? "

"You're welcome..."

I smiled to myself and nuzzled in closer to his chest. He kissed the top of my head and then I was asleep...

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO sorry for the wait! I have the next 8 chapters all mapped out. Enjoy :)

The next few weeks were ones of healing. Murphy was well on his way to normal and as my bruises faded, so did Connor's anger. And thank God for that. Being around him was almost unbearable. He was a boiling pot of suppressed anger. I lived in fear that at any moment he would just go off. When he looked at me I felt like he was seeing me as tainted. That is, when he would even look at me at all. I wanted to be near him so badly. I wanted him to hold me. To kiss me. To laugh with me. God I missed the sound of his laugh... But he wouldn't even touch me. And believe me, I tried. He was never cruel about it. He was always very gentle in his rejection. It was so frustrating! I needed him to talk to me. All I had to go on were his emotions and my perception of them was undoubtedly skewed by my paranoia. What had I done? Was he angry at me for not coming to him when Alfie showed up? Was he disgusted by me now because of what almost came to be? I'll never forget the day that I felt that unmistakable emotion dance across his mind. My heart broke that day. I couldn't pretend to be okay. If I didn't have Murphy through this whole thing I would have lost my mind. He was always saving me. He let me cry. He let me rage. All the while loving me as if it wasn't his own brother that had me so emotional. Not once did he make it about himself. I loved him so much for that.

I couldn't live with the tension between me and Connor for a second longer. It was torture. So naturally, I did what I do best. I took the risk and jumped from the frying pan into the fire. I confronted him. The conversation plays on repeat in my head...

*****

**We had just finished dinner and Connor was standing at the kitchen sink doing dishes. I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. I waited hopefully for his affection. I felt the warmth of happiness wash over him when he felt my touch. His thumb was rubbing soothing circles on the back of my hand, but like so many times before, I felt that switch flip. Before I knew it he had unlatched my hands from his waist and was starting to walk away from me.**

**I couldn't take it anymore. He wasn't the only one who knew how to be angry. "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE CONNOR!"**

**Shocked at my outburst, he turned to face me. "Kit... don't... please..."**

**His eyes were begging me not to bring this up but I was well past the point of giving a damn about what he wanted. He had been emotionally torturing me for weeks. My voice was strained with tears. "Please Connor... What is it? What have I done? Why won't you look at me? Why won't you touch me?! Do you not love me anymore? Do you want me to go?"**

**His eyes jerked up to meet mine when he heard the desperation in my voice. The thought of me leaving instantly panicked him. "No! Kit... of course not."**

**I wasn't trying to hold in my tears anymore. I was too exhausted. "Then what is it Connor? Just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it! I don't understand what's happening. You don't want me to go but you clearly don't want me around either. You're killing me. I miss you so much. I see it when you look at me. You're disgusted. I swear Connor, he never touched me. I wouldn't lie to you about that. I haven't been with anyone else! I did everything I could. I did everything you taught me!"**

**I was starting to hyperventilate. When he realized what I was saying he crossed the room and crushed me in his embrace. He kissed my forehead, my cheeks, and then finally my lips. He was gripping my face in his hands. "Look at me Kit. I love you. Do you hear me?! That is one thing that you can always be sure of. I could never look at you in disgust. It isn't you, I promise."**

**He pulled me back in and buried my face in his chest. We stood like that in silence for minutes. The thumping of his heart in my ear. His familiar scent clouding my senses. The feel of his strong hands on my back. His arms cradling me in a soothing sway. Home....**

**I didn't want to ruin the moment but I had to know... "Help me understand Connor..."**

**"Kit, that was the scariest day of my life. You were just gone. And there I was, just sitting around like a bump on a log. Completely useless. And then you show up, beat to hell, with fucking Alfie..." He was getting angry again. "I wanted to kill him. I still do. It's my fault that you had to go through this. I should have listened to my gut and not let you get involved in this mess that my brother and I call a life. It's not you that I'm disgusted by. It's myself. It's Alfie, and that sick fuck who put his hands on you. I'm trying my best to do what you asked of us Kit. To do what you need, but every time I look at these bruises," he swept his fingers across my cheek, "I get so angry I want to be sick. I should have known better. Did I not learn anything with what happened to Roc?! If Murph and I want to put our dumb asses on the line that's fine, but we don't need to be dragging anyone else down with us. I feel guilty Kit. I should be looking after you but instead you end up right in the line of fire. I wasn't keeping my distance for me, I was doing it for you..."**

**His thought process made since. I understood. He had been dwelling on this for weeks. If you think about something long enough you can always find a way to make it your fault. "I chose this life Connor. I chose you. I'm a big girl. I'm old enough to know what I want. Bad shit has been happening to me long before you two came along and it's going to keep happening. I'd rather be in this mess with you than alone. That may be selfish but it's the truth. You're stuck with me Conn, so knock it off."**

**He shook his head and chuckled. "You're too stubborn for your own good Kit." HA! That's a riot. He was the most obstinate person I'd ever met. " You've gotta let me look after you. If not for you then for me..."**

**I smirked at him. "And what would you know about looking after me?"**

**He laughed a genuine Connor laugh. "Fuck you, I know shit..."**

**"Connor, I love you. What makes you think that pushing me away is what's best for me?"**

**"Because... you've already got enough going on without me piling on my baggage. All the shit rolling around in my head was wearing me out Kit. I can only imagine how much that sucked for you to feel all the time too. You're trying to move on. You're trying to heal. You don't need my anger issues reminding you about what happened to ya. Murphy was the one you needed this time. He's better for you right now."**

**I stretched up on my tip toes to kiss him. "Hey... why don't you let me worry about what's best for me."**

*********

Things started going back to normal after that. We all started to move on. I think Matt and Sarah had healed the most of all of us. Their brush with danger had brought them closer together. So much so, that Matt currently has me at a fancy jewelry store trying to pick out a ring for Sarah. 

He was a nervous wreck. "No, no, no! None of these are right. It has to be perfect!"

I shook my head in amusement. I felt bad for the sales associate but it was pretty funny. "Matt, relax. We'll find one. Let's go look at the ones by the front window."

The sales associate picked the wrong thing to say when she finally spoke up. "Those rings are quite expensive. I'm not sure they'd be what you're looking for."

Wow... Is she joking? "My girl is the best there is and if those are the best rings you have, you're gonna show me the damn rings."

She looked to me for help. I shrugged my shoulders. "Hey don't look at me, she's my best friend. I agree with him. Plus... he's a doctor. You heard the man, show us the damn rings."

She was feeling the proper amount of embarrassment as she walked us over to the glass case by the window. She left us be to browse on our own.

"Kit, what if she says no because I hand her the wrong ring?! She's going to think I don't know her at all!"

He was so in love with her. They were a perfect fit. "Matt do you remember the first time that we met?" 

"Yeah, you showed up at the apartment and then took off for a spa weekend with Sarah."

"And how long had you been dating at that point?"

His quick answer made me smile. "Two months. Why do you ask?

"I may be giving away trade secrets here but I'm going to tell you anyway so you'll stop freaking out. She told me on that spa trip, after you'd only been dating two months, that she thought you were going to be end game."

The smile that spread across his face was blinding. "Really?"

"Yep. So chill out. She'll love whatever ring you pick out and there is no way in hell she is saying no. You're a catch Matty boy. And if you ask me, this one is your winner." I pointed down to a ring in the top left corner. It had Sarah written all over it. It was simple and elegant with just enough flare. It was composed of entwining gold and white gold bands that were laced with small stones. In the center sat an immaculate square diamond. It was perfect. 

As Matt was appreciating the ring I saw something alarming pass by the front window. I gasped as the breath hitched in my chest and my heart skipped a beat. "Kit... What's wrong? You're white as a sheet."

I forced my eyes away from the window to acknowledge Matt. "Yeah, I think I just saw someone that I used to know. Why don't you go tell that snooty sales lady that we're good to go. I'll be right back."

It made no sense. It wasn't possible. My mind was obviously playing tricks on me but it seemed so real. I didn't just see him, I felt him. I know his face. He was my best friend. I was in love with him for years. There was no mistaking him. Maybe I was losing my mind, but I was convinced that I had just seen Oliver walk right past me. I walked out on to the sidewalk and searched frantically in both directions. He had to be there. He was just here! Finally, I spotted him. I walked as fast as my legs would carry me. He was within sight. I watched him make a quick right. When I turned the corner, he was gone... I was seconds behind him. How was he just gone?! What was happening to me? Was I losing it? Maybe I was just missing him. Spending the day helping one of our dearest friends get engaged must have made me nostalgic. I would have given anything to have him here today. Ollie would have loved this...

I shook myself back to reality and headed back to find Matt. We needed to get home. We had quite the evening to plan...

~~~~~~~~~~

Matt and I had been in cahoots for weeks. He wanted this night to be perfect for Sarah. There was nothing Sarah enjoyed more than being surrounded by her loved ones. She loved to laugh and be a part of other people's happiness. We decided we were going to plan a game night. Junk food and booze mixed with silly games and perverted friends always made for an interesting time. I had even roped Connor into helping. Murphy, not so much. He was terrible with keeping secrets.

"Come on Kit! Tell me what we're doing tonight!!! You're killing me!"

He was absolutely adorable. I walked over and gave him a quick kiss. "Sorry Murph. As much as I love these pouty lips of yours, you've got a big mouth babe. You'll find out when everyone else does."

He was mock pouting. "But... but... you told Connor! Do you like him better?" He jutted his bottom lip out for mass effect.

He was like a over sized child but I loved him. "That's not gonna work on me Murph. You know I love you and your brother equally." He rolled his eyes at my sarcastic, motherly comment. "But I'll tell you what... If you behave yourself and let this go, you'll get a treat later on tonight. How's that sound?"

His lips spread into my favorite ornery grin. Before I had time to register it, he had moved and scooped me up onto the kitchen counter. He was looking at me like a kid who had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar but had no fear of the consequences. "A treat, huh? What kind of treat are we talking? You gonna make me some cookies?"

I giggled. "Nope. I was thinking something a little sweeter." I leaned in and whispered my intentions for him that night. His body went rigid when he heard the promise of my words and he felt my lips brush across his ear. His grip tightened on my hips as I kissed down his neck to nibble on his collarbone. While he was distracted I slid off the counter so that I was standing, pinned between his body and the counter. My hands snaked around his waist and slid down into the back pockets of his jeans. I looked up at him playfully and asked, "So, do we have a deal?"

He licked his lips and grinned from ear to ear. "Yes m'am."

"Okay good." I smacked his ass. "Now go get ready. Matt and Sarah will be here in an hour!"

~~~~~~~~~~

The night was progressing nicely. Everyone was having a great time. Murphy and Matt were getting along great, as usual. If Sarah wasn't careful Murphy might be the one who ends up marrying Matt. Connor was his usual charming self. Getting everyone refills and making sure Murphy didn't have too many. That was not a sight that anyone wanted to see. He spent the rest of his time nestled behind me. We had been making up for lost time ever since that little Alfie debacle. He was happy and that made me happy. Every so often I would feel his lips brush against my neck or my shoulder. Silent declarations of love. I felt whole again.

We were in the middle of a feisty game of truth or dare when things started to get interesting. Sarah had just dared Matt to kiss Connor and the laughter was rolling.

Matt had been hitting me with uncomfortable questions all night, now it was time for a little payback. "Okay Matt, if you had to choose, who would you rather kiss... Connor or Murphy?"

He didn't even need time to think. The answer rolled right off his tongue. "Oh, easy. Connor..." 

There was an uproar of laughter as the room took in his response. Murphy played offended. "Hey man! I thought we had something special?! Did I even stand a chance?"

Sarah giggled. "Yeah Matty, you did answer that pretty quickly. Been thinking about that for a while have you?"

Matt's face was bright red. Hard to tell if that was from embarrassment or the fourth beer he had just downed. "Oh no! Murph, what we have is real. I wouldn't want to jeopardize that with a silly little kiss. And I mean, if I had to kiss a guy, Connor's not too bad. You know what I mean?"

Sarah and I were practically rolling on the floor we were laughing so hard. Connor looked a little smug if you asked me. The man knows he's attractive.

"Okay, my turn." Sarah declared. "Matt, I dare you to kiss Connor..." Sarah looked proud of herself for that one.

Connor giggled nervously. "Hey now! You can't just offer me up like that! I belong to myself, thank you."

I turned a little in his arms so I could see him. "Awe what's the matter Connor? Are you scared of a little guy on guy action? I thought you were a little more secure than that. I guess I was wrong. I'm sure Murph will kiss you Matty, if Connor is too chicken."

I knew my goading would get under his skin. "Hold up a sec! I never said I was scared. I just didn't wanna hurt Murph's feelings that's all. Anyone can see he has a little man crush. He needs all the help he can get without me stepping in on his game."

Murphy was egging on the situation. "Oh, don't worry about me dear brother. I'm plenty secure." He winked at his brother sheepishly.

 Connor sighed in exasperation. "Ugh! Fine!" He stood up and walked over to where Matt was sitting. He took Matt's face between his hands and looked down at him. "Keep your hands where I can see 'em big boy. Kapeesh?" Matt nodded in amusement. 

Connor leaned in but before he reached his destination he smiled and said, "Don't say I never gave you anything."

And then his lips went to work. Connor didn't do anything half-assed. I knew what it felt like to be on the receiving end of a Connor MacManus lip lock. I was going to need a cigarette by the time this kiss was over and I don't even smoke! I looked over to see Murphy chuckling under his breath. Sarah was staring with her mouth open. "Oh boy..."

Connor pulled away with an exaggerated smack of his lips. He threw his hands up in victory and then took a bow when we all started to clap. Matt looked a little dazed but he instantly started laughing as he wiped his mouth. Connor took his spot behind me on the couch as if nothing ever happened.

Matt turned his attention to Sarah. "Okay Red, I see how it is. You wanna play dirty, huh? Truth or dare?"

Sarah smirked at him challengingly. "You don't scare me Matthew. Bring it on. I choose dare."

I could feel it the moment he decided to do it. Anxiety started rippling off of him as he fidgeted with the velvet box in his pocket. His eyes met mine and I gave him a quick nod of encouragement. He stood up and crossed the short distance to where Sarah sat. He lowered himself down to one knee and pulled the box from his pocket. "Sarah Elizabeth Wilson, I dare you to marry me."

Sarah's face was priceless. Her eyes were wide and her hand was covering her mouth in shock. "Oh my gosh. Matt are you serious?"

Matt opened the ring box and she gasped. "Dead serious."

He slipped the ring on her finger and waited patiently for her response. He was petrified. "Yes, of course Matty!" She looked to me. "I told you his was end game!"

Matt and I both started laughing. There happiness was contagious. My smile was so big my face hurt. Connor squeezed me in his arms and kissed my head. I was so happy for them. They were both wonderful people and they deserved this. Sarah had been talking to me about her dream wedding since we were little girls. She was always telling me about colors and bride's maids dresses. I couldn't wait to help her turn her dream into a reality.

Watching my friends completely in love and the feel of Connor wrapped around me, turned my mind to my future. And for a split second I felt sad and a little afraid. I shook off that feeling before I could examine it too closely. This day wasn't about me. It was about Matt and Sarah and the life that they were about to start together.

I looked over to see Murphy watching me intently. His expression was knowing and I blushed a little. I didn't mean for anyone see those thoughts flicker across my face but Murphy rarely missed a thing. 

~~~~~

The night was coming to an end. Matt and Sarah were ready to be alone. Connor and I had finished cleaning up the living room so I decided to climb up to the roof. I needed a little solitude. The night was crisp but it was a beautiful, clear night. The lights that Connor hung on the roof were twinkling beautifully. I hugged myself in contentment. I could see Matt and Sarah walking hand in hand to their car. I watched them in awe and envy. They were going to get married, have babies, and live happily ever after. Suddenly I felt sad again. What was my deal? I think maybe I was worried about my relationships with Connor and Murphy. Did I want that someday? To be able to marry the man I love... The problem was, I didn't love A man. I loved TWO men. Very much. Maybe that life just wasn't in the cards for me. Was I content with that? Could I live happily ever after in my weird little trio with Connor and Murphy. I guess I had never really looked at the situation this closely. I don't think I wanted to. What if I didn't like what I found? All I know is that right in this moment, I was insanely happy with those two knuckle heads and that was all I could ask for. 

Right on cue, I felt two warm arms wrap around my waist. It had to be Murphy. I would have felt Connor coming from a mile away. Like he so often does, he read my thoughts. "It's okay to want that some day Kit. And there is no reason why you couldn't have it."

I nuzzled back against his chest. "That's a nice thought Murph, but I don't need that. I have all I need right here."

I could feel his smile. "Yeah, we're a pretty sweet deal... But if you ever did want that... Well, Connor is definitely husband material and you guys would make cute little rugrats."

I teased him a little. "Are you trying to get rid of me Murphy MacManus? You're not even going to make a case for yourself?"

I felt his broad shoulders shrug behind me. "I would never stand between something that would make you happy. If that's what you chose, I'd respect that. I just feel lucky enough to have you in my life at all. I'm gonna keep going on loving you for as long as you let me though..."

My fears suddenly seemed so trivial with Murphy standing here holding me. He loved me enough to let me go. He would sacrifice his own happiness for mine. If that's not a forever kind of love, then I don't know what is. Worrying about things like marriage was pointless. I knew in that moment that I would be perfectly fine to keep on loving them like this for the rest of my life. I was happy. My best friend was happy. Connor and Murphy were staying out of trouble. The only thing that could have made this night more complete was Ollie. 

Ollie... I remembered my little episode from the jewelry store this morning. It scared me a little how real that felt. But I guess the mind is a powerful thing. And paired with the heart, they are down right unstoppable. 

 

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

I was dreaming. My dreams are always an interesting experience. Depending on who I am sleeping next to, my dreams can be entirely my own or they can be meshed with the sleeping mind of a MacManus. Tonight, Connor's mind had us rolling around on the grappling mats. Training was one of our favorite things to do together. He was truly in his element when he was on the mats. So carefree and lighthearted. He laughed so freely. The smile never left his face. The exhilaration he got from pushing his body gave me tingles from head to toe. Not to mention how proud he was of me when I finally mastered a move he had been trying to teach me. I decided to drift lazily through his dream tonight. It was better than anything my mind could muster up. I was thoroughly enjoying this. Everything felt so real. I could feel the heat from his body, taste the salt on his skin, and hear the sounds of his labored breaths as his lungs worked on overdrive to keep up with his pounding heart. And his scent... he was a man pushing his body to its limits, stretching and contracting his lean muscles. He was never one to need cologne, he smelled amazing all on his own. He was a scent that I inhaled directly into my bloodstream and my senses all faded into one. I was consumed with the sensation of his fingers entwining with mine when suddenly my perception of the dream started to shift. My mind disconnected and I was outside of my own body. I looked down to see Connor and I kissing on the floor. It was so strange to watch myself do something but not be able to feel or control it, but it was even more strange to not be able to feel Connor. I didn't like it. It made me feel empty and alone. I tried calling out to him but it was like I didn't exist. I was starting to panic when I felt a warm, familiar hand wrap around mine. I looked up at the man standing to my left and everything else began to fade away. He was smiling down at me. His deep chocolate eyes warmed my soul. The sound of his voice made it all real. "Hi Kit Kat..."

My brain was trying to make sense of it all. "Ollie?" I reached out and put my hand on his chest just to make sure he was really there. I closed my eyes and cupped his face between my hands. Sighing in relief, I spoke, "You feel so real."

I opened my eyes when I heard him laugh. "I am real Kit Kat."

"But how? I don't understand..."

He kissed my forehead. "You didn't think I'd ever actually leave you, did you?" He looked down to where Connor and I were still laying on the floor. "You look happy, Kit." I smiled at the scene in front of me. Connor had me pinned and was using the stubble on his face to tickle me. Ollie was right, I did look happy. I suddenly felt a little guilty. Reading my face, Ollie spoke up, "Hey... it's okay that you're happy Kit. That's all I've ever wanted."

I wouldn't change one thing when it comes to Connor and Murphy, but I would give anything to have Ollie back. "I am happy, but I miss you Ollie." He pulled me in and held me close for a minute. "Ollie... why are you here? Why now?"

There was a serious tone in his voice. "You know why Kit... I'm here for you. To help you see..."

"To help me see? See what, Ollie?"

He stepped back and pulled away from me. "To see what you already know to be true."

"Oliver I don't know what that means. Stop being so cryptic and spit it out."

He started to answer me but his words fell on deaf ears. I could see his lips moving but I couldn't hear him anymore. His figure was starting to blur like he was a mirage. I tried to reach out to him but my hands found nothing. "Ollie! OLIVER?!" 

I was panicking as I frantically searched around the loft. I continued yelling out his name but there was no answer. The surroundings of my dream were starting to change. Connor and I were no longer on the ground. I was alone in this limbo. The walls around me started to shake and I was vaguely aware of someone yelling my name. Wake up Kit. Just open your eyes and this will all be over. Wake up!

My eyes flew open as I gasped for air. Connor's worried eyes were searching my face as he shook me awake. "Kit! Wake up! It's okay. It's me, Connor."

I took a deep breath to steady myself. "Connor? What's going on?

"You were talking in your sleep. Well, yelling actually. I think you were having a nightmare. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I think so. What was I yelling?"

His eyes dropped from mine for a split second and I could feel his uneasiness. When his eyes met mine again he said, "Oliver. You were yelling for Oliver..."

The events of my dream came flooding back into my memory. Oliver was there and he was trying to tell me something. Something that I already know to be true.

What in the hell was he talking about? ...

~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of the night's sleep was restless at best. Tossing and turning kept my mind on the edge of consciousness. There was no way I was getting back to sleep so at around 5:30 I decided to just get up. The hazy fog of fatigue was still plaguing me. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I walked down the hall towards the kitchen. When I rounded the corner I ran smack into Murphy. He could be so quiet sometimes.

He laughed at my confused, disheveled appearance. "What are you doing up? Sleep walking?"

He waved his hand exaggeratedly in front of my face before I scoffed and smacked it away. Even with the night I'd had, he was still able to manage to make me smile. "Shut up and make me coffee, Sunshine."

I grinned up at him as he wrapped his hands around my waist. "Oh really now?" His smile was ornery. "I think I like morning Kit. She's so bossy!" He leaned down an nailed me with a loud, sloppy wet kiss and then did exactly what I'd told him. This was fun and definitely a scenario that we needed to explore more later...

We spent a quiet morning together. I made us some breakfast, threw in a load of laundry, and put together a grocery list after examining our bare fridge. I should get up early like this all the time, I could get so much done! I even had time for a little fun. Murphy insisted that I still looked like the walking dead,  and that I needed a refreshing shower to wake me up. I was definitely wide awake and completely stress free by the time that was over. God bless him...

We spent the rest of our lazy morning snuggled on the couch. Murphy was laying with his head in my lap as I mindlessly stroked his unruly hair. I hadn't watched morning cartoons since I was a child. I'd forgotten how fun they were. Listening to Murphy giggle at Wiley Coyote's failed attempt to catch the Roadrunner for the 100th time was something that I could do forever. It was so peaceful. The weight of his body on mine, the rising sun streaming through the windows and touching my face. The events of last night were all but forgotten. That is, until a commercial for a new children's toy danced across the screen. An action figure to be exact. The Fantastic Fantasma! He could fly and make himself invisible to allude his enemies. The name alone sent my mind right back to Ollie. And then there were the uncanny similarities. The Fantasma I knew also had a super power when it came to alluding us, or anyone for that matter! At this point I wasn't even sure if the person actually existed. Maybe Fantasma was just a myth that someone made up to generate fear and keep people in line...  Murphy seemed to have missed the coincidence. Either that or my mind was imagining things. The commercial was over before I could check myself. 

In all of my internal reflection, my hands had stopped moving in Murphy's hair. He was looking up at me. His eyes looked anxious. "Kit, where'd ya go? Whatcha thinking about?"

I'm thinking about Oliver. I'm thinking about how my mind keeps playing these cruel illusions on me. Showing me his face, letting me hear his voice, feeling his arms wrapped around me. I was thinking about the deep yearning in the pit of my stomach that would never again be satiated. I was thinking about the unbearable itch in my brain that I had forgotten something and was just seconds away from remembering it. I was also thinking how uncomfortable I was sitting here thinking about all this with Murph's inquisitive eyes seeing straight through me. This felt private. Like I wanted to be alone in my misery. Alone with my memories of Oliver. I shared so much with Connor and Murphy but this... I needed this to just be mine. No explanations or obligations. 

Remembering that Connor had a front row seat to my one woman show last night, I desperately felt the need to get out of the house before he woke up.

I gave Murphy my most convincing smile and lied. "It's nothing Murph. Just spacing out." Lowering my face, I pressed my lips to his in gratitude. "Thank you for spending the morning with me. We should do this more often. Just me and you."

My suggestion was rewarded with his warm, genuine smile. There are few sights in the world more stunning than a genuinely happy Murphy MacManus. When his smile was unguarded and pure he could set the night sky aflame. The happiness reached the very center of his being and radiated out to touch everyone around him. I was unbelievably lucky to be one of the few people who got to pass through his orbit. 

I didn't want to leave him but Connor would be up soon. I wasn't ready to answer his questions. After a few more intimate lip locks and a reluctant goodbye, I left Murphy in the loft and headed for the record store. It didn't take me long to get there. At least I don't think it did. I was having one of those moments where my mind was somewhere else but I somehow managed to end up at my destination. I needed to snap out of it soon. I couldn't function on autopilot all day. There was a huge shipment of new vinyl coming in this afternoon that would require my undivided attention. It would be a welcome distraction if I'm being honest. I know it's an awful thing to say, but thinking about Oliver was draining and I didn't want to do it anymore. At least not until I could learn to think of him without feeling like my stomach was going to drop to the floor. That may be avoidance but I never said I was well adjusted. I'm sure I'll be forced to deal with it all sooner or later so I might as well enjoy the repression while it lasts. Just don't tell Sarah...

The day was dragging on. Wednesdays were never very busy customer wise but I had the few loyal patrons who came in at the same time each week. Today was Doug day. Doug was a music fanatic to say the least. He was always so eager to discover new bands or rediscover old ones. He would listen to anything and everything, withholding judgment until he had heard the very last note. He also appreciated the stories behind every album. The history behind each verse. I think that's why I liked him so much. Our conversations were always so enlightening and engaging. We had this little game we played where we would see what hidden musical treasures we could unearth that week. Every Wednesday he'd come in like clockwork and we'd exchange playlists. His selections this week were phenomenal! It was playing in the store as I worked on checking in the new shipment. It was perfect background music. Light and airy. Keeping my mood from drifting to places I didn't want to be. I was halfway through alphabetizing the Q's when a specific song caught my attention. The melody was comfortingly lonely and familiar. It prepared you for the raw and bitter truth of the lyrics that were soon to follow. I was intrigued. I stopped what I was doing so that I could focus. Closing my eyes, I immersed myself completely in its story. By the time the man's gritty voice made it to the first chorus I was sold. 

**"When I'm all alone it's alright. It isn't going to wound my pride. If anyone can claim they're alright, so can I..."**

I needed to know the name of this song and who was singing it. Walking over behind the counter, I pulled up the tab on my laptop that displayed Doug's playlist. The artist was a man by the name of James McMurty and the title of the song... _Rachel's Song._

Rachel. Her face immediately flashed into my head. The beautiful, broken girl who saved my life. She didn't even know me but she risked everything to help me. I hadn't thought of her for weeks. It's not that I'd forgotten her, it's just that I was actively trying not to remember that whole unfortunate event. I don't know what made her do what she did. She was out. She was free. What could have possibly possessed her to come back in that house to look for me? She was nothing like Alfie. That bastard offered me up without blinking an eye. Maybe she felt guilty for his actions and felt like she owed me. Or maybe that's just the type of person she was... Either way, I'm forever in her debt. I wouldn't even know where to begin in thanking her. The best thing I could come up with was stopping Connor from killing Alfie in front of her. There was nothing I could do that would ever be enough. Or maybe there was... It suddenly occurred to be that she had also suffered at the hands of Fantasma. I wasn't the only one who would benefit from a little justice where Fantasma was concerned. 

Anger was starting to overwhelm my thoughts. My mind flooded with rage as I thought of all the pain and strife caused by nothing more than a ghost! My frustration spiraled out of control as I reflected on how close we had actually come. Murphy almost died! I was offered up as bait! I was on the inside. Fantasma was on the way to me but I wasn't strong enough to cross the finish line. When that man came into that room to finish me off I should have done something. I should have done more! But instead, I was a weak little girl who needed saving. Just like I was weak when I let Ollie take on my responsibilities. A decision that directly led to his death. It would be so easy for me to give Connor and Murphy the green light to go ahead with their work. We could track down Fantasma and end this once and for all. But I wasn't going to do that... I was going to let one more person that I love get hurt because poor little Kit needs rescuing again. Connor and Murphy were safe. And I think they were actually happy with our calm little life. At least for now. No. I wouldn't ask this of them. It was the most selfish thing I'd ever thought. I would just have to learn how to rescue myself.

My fingers were gripping the edge of the counter as I tried to calm myself. I was so wrapped up in my inner pity party that I hadn't even noticed when Sarah walked into the shop.

"Kit... Earth to Kit! Helloooo!" Sarah was looking at me with that motherly concern that she wore so well.

I smiled disarmingly to mask the smoke from the fire running rampant in my mind. "Hey Sarah! What are you doing here?!"

I came around the counter to give her a hug. "I was just checking in on you. I haven't heard from you for a few days."

I eyed her with suspicion. There was something else going on here. She wasn't being completely honest with me. As always, she read the thoughts that were clearly etched across my face. She folded under the pressure and confessed. "Okay... Murphy called me after you left this morning. He sounded worried so I told him I'd investigate. He thought I'd be able to get it out of you but he obviously doesn't know how hard it is to fib around you. You know, since he's a robot and has no emotions for you to read."

She was waiting for my reaction and when I finally cracked a smile she relaxed a little bit. "Seriously though, Kit... What's going on? If Murph is spooked I know there is something up. Normally Connor is the worrier."

She was right about that. Connor was an over analyzer. Murphy tended to go with the flow. He usually took me on my word when I told him things were fine. Either that or he knew I just needed to work things out on my own. Maybe I didn't have to deal with this alone though. I wasn't comfortable talking about my unresolved feelings concerning Oliver with Connor and Murphy. But Sarah on the other hand... "Really,  it's not a big deal. I just didn't get much sleep last night." 

I was waiting to see if she'd push the issue before I offered up any more information. I just wasn't ready to talk about this yet. I didn't even understand it fully. It could be just a one time thing. A nightmare from my subconscious. It had to happen sooner or later. Oliver was such a huge part of my life. If I'm being honest, I haven't really dealt with his death yet. I've been hiding in anger. Revenge. The twins. I let those two distract me to the best of their ability. Which wasn't hard to do considering I was completely consumed with how much I loved them.

Sarah seemed to have taken me at my word. "Yeah, you do kinda look like shit." She looked proud of herself. She'd achieved her goal of making me laugh. "On a lighter note... there was actually a second ulterior motive for me coming to see you. Would you happen to be free Friday night?"

"As far as I know of. Why, what's up?" I thought maybe she was going to suggest another girls night.

"Well, I was volunteered to help organize the school dance on Friday. Everything was coming along perfectly until our DJ bailed at the last minute. And then to top it all off, there have been three parents back out of chaperone duty! I'm up to my eyeballs in teenage drama. The girls on the dance committee are driving me to drink Kit. Were we that awful when we were that age?!"

The anxious banter was flowing endlessly. "Ha! I'm sure we probably were. How can I help?"

She looked like she was going to tear up when she heard my offer of assistance. She threw her arms around me. "Oh thank god! Thank you Kit. You're a life saver. I was hoping to take advantage of your musical expertise. You've got some decent equipment, right?"

"Yeah. It's nothing fancy but it will do the trick for a high school gym. You already have a playlist in mind?"

She smiled. "Actually, it's a decade dance. All of the decades. The kids barely know anything from 10 years ago let alone the 1950's. I figured you'd be good at picking the music. Just keep it PG-13."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Ugh... fine mom!"

I went back to working on the order that I had previously abandoned. I was enjoying her company and I was starting to feel more myself. She followed me around as I stocked shelves. I let her rant about her obnoxious students as I finished my work. 

"Kit..? " I looked up to meet her gaze. She looked anxious again. I wasn't getting anything specific off of her, just that she was a little nervous. "There's actually one more thing I need your help with."

"Yeah, no problem Sarah. Shoot..."

"Would you mind chaperoning? You could bring Connor and Murphy! That'd be fun. You guys can pick whatever decade you'd like and get all dressed up."

I tried to imagine Connor and Murphy at a high school dance and busted out in laughter. This would either be fantastic or a complete and total disaster. "Did you rope Matt into this too?"

Her face dropped slightly. "I tried but he has an ER shift at the hospital. They are ridiculously short staffed right now... So, are you in?"

"I'll do my best with Connor and Murphy but I'm not making any promises. I however, will be there with killer tunes and some atrocious, tacky outfit."

Hopefully the guys would be good sports about it all...

~~~~~~~~~~

It was Friday evening and I had spent the last three hours locked in Murphy's bathroom getting ready for this dance. I was more excited than I cared to admit. I had talked the twins into this with little to no begging, I put together the perfect music list, and I had mustered together a cute outfit. I couldn't decide on one decade so my ensemble was a modge podge of several different trends. I mixed together the cinched waist reminiscent of early Coco Chanel with a bright floral A-line skirt fit for the 60's. Although it was a little too short for the 60's. I guess a little modern day trends slipped in there. Throw in a little 40's with my shoes and BOOM! I was ready to be dancing through the decades.

I left the twins to their own devices when it came to fashion choices. I wasn't going to force them to wear something. I was just excited that they agreed to come at all. Connor informed me in his adorable, smart-ass way that he didn't want to live in the past. He was a, "Live in the here and now" kind of guy. He promised to be showered and presentable. Murphy on the other hand hand was very tight lipped about the whole thing. He didn't give me any clues as to what his plans were.

I walked out into the living room to show off my handiwork. It earned me an appreciative whistle from Connor. He was leaning on the back of the couch looking mighty fine himself. He didn't have to try very hard. He was dressed in a well fitted pair of jeans, a black t-shirt that hugged his body in all the right places, and a sharp jacket. He embodied everything that my mother warned me about when it came to men. He looked like the best kind of trouble. My very own James Dean.

I looked around in excitement for Murphy but he was nowhere to be found. I felt a little disappointed. "Where's Murph?"

Right about that time the loft door slid open and Murphy came walking through. My mouth dropped so low it practically hit the floor. He looked like he stepped right off the cover of a 1970's punk rock album. He was completely disheveled but somehow still all put together. His ripped jeans went perfectly with his dirty, nondescript graphic tee and the sexy, black leather jacket. His eyes we're taking me in as he made his way across the room. If I wasn't mistaken, he seemed a little nervous. He planted a sweet kiss on my cheek when he stopped in front of me. "Kit, you look awesome..."

"Right back at ya, hot stuff." I shot him a playful wink. His cheeks went pink and he lowered his eyes from mine.

"I-uh... I got you something." He pulled something small and shiny from his jacket pocket. "I was gonna get you a flower or something but I thought this would fit better with tonight. Guys used to give these to their girls when they wanted to go steady or whatever."

He extended his palm to reveal a tiny gold and green pin that was in the shape of a shamrock. "Are you trying to pin me Murphy?" My cheeks were aching I was smiling so hard. "Because if you are, I happily accept."

That shy grin that I loved so much crept across his face. He stepped toward me and pinned me right above my heart. I had officially been claimed by a MacManus...

 ~~~~~~~~~~

The night was a huge hit so far. The gym was covered in streamers and balloons. Being here was a major blast from the past. The kids seemed to love all of the songs I picked. I think Sarah appreciated them most of all. She said the music I chose made it hard for them to gyrate inappropriately. 

Sarah looked gorgeous tonight. Her orange floral dress balanced perfectly with her gorgeous red hair. She looked like she belonged sitting next to Don Draper in an episode of Mad Men. Classy and sophisticated with an air of va va voom. Matt was really missing out tonight. 

"How's it going Kit? Everything copacetic?"

" Yep. I've got you covered Sarah. We're all good on the punch front. Nobody is spiking this puppy while I'm around!"

She giggled as I pretended to guard the punch bowl. " Thanks again for doing this Kit. "

"It's really no problem Sarah. I'm enjoying myself."

"Looks like you're not the only one." She pointed over my shoulder. Connor was leaning against the bleachers surrounded by a group of twitterpatted teenage girls. From the looks of it, he was in full storytelling mode and they were hanging on his every word. "You really can't take them anywhere, can you? "

I laughed and shook my head in amusement. "No, I really can't. At least Murph is behaving himself. Where is he anyway? " We looked around the gym but he was nowhere to be found. My guess is that he snuck outside to smoke. He's been doing pretty well with trying to quit but sometimes stressful environments triggered a craving. And school dances were far from his comfort zone. I found myself wondering what they were like when they were in high school. I'm sure they were quite the trouble makers. 

I was smiling to myself when Connor sauntered over to me. He had that look on his face that told me he had undoubtedly done something sneaky but probably unbelievably cute.

"I queued us a song. Would ya do me the honor?"

He offered me his hand, which I accepted gladly, and then led us out on to the dance floor. This was thrilling. I felt like I was 15 years old again and I just got asked to dance by the coolest guy in school. I was anxious the hear the song he'd picked. It was either going to be something hilarious or something devastatingly romantic. His body language suggested the latter as he pulled me into an embrace. The music started to play and I instantly recognized the song. My cheeks flushed with color as my heart started to beat a little faster. 

He smirked and placed his forehead to mine. "You've gone scarlet on me Kit..."

I didn't know what to say. I fell in love with him all over again in that moment. "I love this song." 

"I know..." The musical styling of Otis Redding crooned around us as our bodies swayed on the dance floor. 

**"These arms of mine. They are lonely, lonely and feeling blue. These arms of mine. They are yearning, yearning from wanting you."**

His arms tightened around me as he hummed in my ear. His hands traveled up and down my back to the slow, sexy melody. 

**"And if you would let them hold you... Oh, how grateful I will be. These arms of mine. They are burning, burning from wanting you. These arms of mine. They are wanting, wanting to hold you."**

I closed my eyes and focused on the feel of his hands on the small of my back, pressing his hips against mine. The slow and steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed in and out. His nose nestled in my hair as he inhaled my scent. His lips brushed against my ear as he mouthed the words to the song.

**"And if you would let them hold you... Oh, how grateful I will be. Come on, come on baby... Just be my little woman, just be my lover, oh."**

I gasped as he dipped me down. His eyes locked with mine and he grinned the sexiest grin that I had ever seen. As the music changed, he pulled me back up and spun me around so that my back was pressed firmly to his front. His arms snaked around my waist to hold me securely to him. It happened so fast I was breathless. The sensation of his body moving behind mine was blissful torture. I shivered as I felt his lips brush against the crook of my neck. My hands clasped down on his in an attempt to center myself. With one quick snap of his wrist, he spun me out and back in so that we were face to face once again. 

**"I need me somebody, somebody to treat me right, oh... I need your woman's loving arms to hold me tight. And I... I... I need... I need your... I need your tender lips..."**

His blue-green eyes were staring straight into my soul. Pleading with me to be the woman in the song. To hold him tightly in my loving arms. His love for me in that moment was blinding. I had never felt more desired or valued. My arms draped around his neck and as the music faded out, our lips met for a sweet, promising kiss...

Our bodies stayed entwined until the start of the next song. Chumbawamba was about to get knocked down, but don't fear, because he'd get up again. 

Connor giggled in my ear. "I think we just broke half of the rules that we're supposed to be here to enforce."

He was definitely right. We were setting a horrible example! I stepped away from him and started to make my way back toward the punch table. He followed closely behind. Maybe no one was watching us...

That hope was quickly quashed when I noticed some of Connor's adoring fans eyeing me from across the gym. I almost spit my punch out when I started laughing. 

"What's so funny?" Connor asked.

"I think I may have some competition for your affections." I inclined my head in their direction. 

Just then, a pretty young girl walked up and cleared her throat. "Um... excuse me... Connor? We were just wondering if maybe you would like to come sit with us. We'd love to hear what happens next in that story you were telling us."

She was cute. Her cheeks were pink from the nerves. I felt for her. Sometimes he still makes me nervous too. "Oh... Well I would love to finish my story but I wouldn't want to leave my lady here unattended."

The girl's face fell a little. There is nothing like the shock of face to face rejection. This whole situation presented me with the perfect opportunity. It would be a good chance to mess with Connor a little. Plus, I was in desperate need of some air. That little tryst we had on the dance floor had my head in a spin. "Don't worry about me Connor. I'm a big girl. I'll be just fine. I need to go find the ladies room anyway."

I could feel his shock. He was amused at this game I was playing but he was definitely a little uncomfortable as I walked away, leaving him standing there with his admirer. I'm sure I'd pay for that later when we got home but at the moment it was totally worth it. I needed a breather. Just a little space to get my head clear. If I was around him for one more second I think I may have caused a scene not fit for a chaperone, if you catch my drift... I decided to head outside for a little fresh air. Maybe I'd find Murphy out there hiding. I felt kind of bad for dragging him to this. I know he only did it for me. I'm sure Connor and I could have handled this one on our own. But of course, Murph being Murph, he wanted to make me happy.

The crisp night air was exactly what I needed but there was no Murphy... Where the heck could he have gone off too? I was ready to walk back inside when a familiar smell reached my nose. Oh, that smell took me back. Lazy dorm room nights with good music, good friends, and copious amounts of junk food came to mind. I'd know it anywhere. But wait... I shouldn't be smelling it at a high school dance. Especially not one that my best friend was in charge of policing. It was time to do my duty as a chaperone. It didn't take me long to find them. A group of teenage boys were at the picnic area behind the school. Kids today... They weren't trying very hard to be stealthy. I approached them but the closer I got the more uneasy I began to feel. I was not getting a good vibe here. Maybe I should go in and grab Connor for back up... I cut that thought short as soon as I realized what I was thinking. Wasn't I just telling myself that I needed to learn how to rescue myself? I can't go running off to Connor and Murphy at the first sign of trouble. I am perfectly capable of handling this. They were teenage boys, how hard could it be?

Apparently a lot harder than I thought. They saw me coming but they didn't even make a move to hide what they were doing. "Alright guys, time to break it up. You either need to go back inside or take off. If you do this the easy way I won't call your parents."

One of them stood up and made an advance in my direction. "You're Miss Wilson's friend right? You're hot!" 

His friends roared with laughter which only seemed to egg him on. "I appreciate the compliment, even though it was extremely inappropriate. But like I said, you guys need to get out of here. You can do it the easy way or the hard way. Your choice. I'm hoping you pick the easy way. I don't want to have to officially bust you."

He stepped toward me again. Reaching up, he tucked my hair behind my ear. "Or what? What are you going to do about it gorgeous? Why don't you just run along." He waved his hand in the air as if to dismiss me.

A familiar Irish accent chimed in. "You better back up asshole, before you find out what I'm willing to do about it."

Murphy... His shoulders were squared and he moved to stand slightly in front of me. He had no patience for disrespect where I was concerned.

The kid looked appropriately nervous now. "Okay man, chill. We were just messing around." He looked back at his friends. "Come on guys, let's get out of here. Wouldn't want Gramps and Grams to get all worked up."

This kid's smart mouth was getting him nowhere fast. Murphy wasn't quite done yet. "And where is it that you thinking you're going? She may have been willing to give you an easy bail but you spit all over that offer. My options are going to be a little different."

The boy's cocky bravado was starting to get a little shaky but I could clearly sense the unmistakable emotion of pride. He wasn't going to back down easy. "Bite me, Lucky Charms." He was rewarded with a laugh from his friends.

I recognized the look now resting on Murphy's face. It was his challenge accepted look. His hands were so fast that I didn't even know what was happening. The kid didn't either until his arm was uncomfortably twisted behind his back. "Nah, I won't bite. I don't know where you've been. However, I could snap your arm with a simple little twist. Do I have your attention now?"

"Yeah, okay! I got it!"

Murphy seemed pleased. "Good. Here is how this is going to play out. Every single last one of you little pricks are going to hand over everything you're holding to Miss Taylor." Sensing their hesitation his tugged slightly on the kid's arm. The kid yelped a little and they all immediately handed me their stash. "See, now that wasn't so hard was it? Just one more thing and you guys can get the hell out of here..." He turned the kid around so that he was facing me. "You're going to apologize to the lady."

"Ow, Oww! Okay! I'm sorry m'am. I didn't mean any disrespect. We were just messing around. I'm sorry."

Murphy must have been satisfied. He dropped his arm. "Fuck off, kid..."

They were gone in seconds. Murphy turned back to me and whistled when he saw what I was holding in my hands. "Damn... that's a lot of weed."

"I know. What are we supposed to do with it all?"

He shrugged and plucked one perfectly rolled joint from my palm, slipping it in the front pocket of his jacket. "Let's just flush it. It's probably ditch weed anyway."

He accompanied me to the restroom so that I could dispose of the evidence. When I came back out he was leaning seductively against the lockers. He wasn't trying for seductive but that's how he looked. When he saw me he straightened up. "You ready to go back in to the dance?"

I smiled up at him coyly. "Not yet. You wanna explore with me?"

His shoulders relaxed when he heard my offer. I knew he didn't want to go back in there. We wandered the halls for a while before we finally came to a door that was unlocked. It was a history classroom. I watched from the door as Murphy walked in ahead of me. It was dark but the entire back wall of the classroom was windows so the moon fluttered in. I don't know what came over me. Maybe it was the dancing with Connor or maybe it was the adrenaline from our altercation outside. Whatever it was, it filled me with new found confidence. I pulled the door closed, locking it behind me. Murphy's head jerked up at the noise. The look on his face was priceless. At first he was confused. Of course he was, this wasn't like me at all. But then, he just looked at me skeptically. Like he thought I was cute. I don't think he thought in a million years that I was capable of what was about to happen next. The challenge in his eyes only furthered my drive. I walked over to him with determination and lightly shoved on his chest so that he fell backward into the nearest desk seat. "Sit down."

His eyes darkened when he caught on to the game. I left him sitting there and turned toward the blackboard. I needed to gather myself without him being able to see my face. I didn't want him to see the nervousness. I had no idea what I was doing. I'd never done anything like this before. All I know is that when he let me boss him around that morning, it lit a fire deep in my stomach. I remembered how much I liked it when he dominated me during sex. When he told me what was going to happen and that I was going to enjoy it. My heart was racing just thinking about it. I enjoyed handing over all of the control to him. Now I wanted to know what it was like to possess it. I always wanted to see if he could surrender. I looked down in the chalk tray and noticed a thin wooden stick. It was a pointer. Inspiration struck. I picked it up and turned to face him. He was sitting at the desk waiting patiently. I tapped the pointer against my palm as I spoke. "This is detention Mr. MacManus. You'll only speak when spoken to. You'll do what I say, when I say it. Do you understand me?" He eyed me in stunned disbelief. I had stunned him into silence. I smacked the pointer on the desk in front of him and raised me voice a little. "Do you understand me?!"

He gulped. "Yes, Miss Taylor."

I traced the tip of the pointer up his arm to his shoulder. As I walked silently behind him I ran it across his chest to his other shoulder. I stilled for a second. He couldn't see me but he could feel me. Taking him by surprise, I lightly flicked his chest with the pointer. His hands gripped the edges of the desk as he gasped. I leaned down so that my breasts we brushing against his back. My face was touching his as I whispered, "I see the way you look at me during class, Mr. MacManus. It's very inappropriate." I slid my hand down his chest to take the joint that he'd placed in his jacket. Backing away from him and moving the pointer down his arm once again, I walked over to the large, ornate wooden desk at the head of the classroom. I hopped up on the desk and look down at him. "What do you have to say for yourself Murphy?"

His eyes were wide as they traveled up my bare legs. "I'm sorry, Miss Taylor."

I smiled. "Good. You should be. It's very distracting." As I spoke I subtly touched my body. My fingers pulled my hair over my shoulder to expose my neck. Sliding from my neck to my chest, I popped the first few buttons on my blouse. Very delicately, I traced the tops of my breasts. "I can feel you watching me. I can feel your eyes on my body." Slowly and deliberately, I crossed my legs, hiking up the hem of my skirt. "It's all I can think about... You thinking about me." His thirsty eyes were drinking in my every movement as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "There's so much tension but with no release. I need it Murphy. I need the release..." I held up the joint in front of me. "How do you feel about sharing, Mr. MacManus?"

He swallowed hard and spoke in a deep, husky voice. "Take it. Whatever you want. You can have it all."

Smirking, I lit the joint. Taking a slow, deep hit I inhaled and let the warm smoke fill my lungs. This was definitely not ditch weed. I could already feel the calm buzz washing over me. I tilted my head back and exhaled as a cloud of smoke cascaded down around me. Murphy was watching me in fascination. His pupils dilated as he watched the euphoria spread through me. Being this far away from me was driving him crazy. He was dying to touch me. "Come here Murphy..."

As he made his way over to me I uncrossed my legs so that he knew to stand between them. I handed him the joint and leaned back on my hands to watch him. He inhaled with the ease of a veteran smoker. It startled me a little when he leaned forward, his hands on either side of mine on the desk. His eyes transfixed on mine as they silently told me to trust him. Leaning into him, our faces were millimeters apart. The tip of his nose brushed against mine as his lips parted. In a slow, steady exhale he blew the smoke into my mouth. At the end of his breath his lips touched mine in a delicious kiss. I opened my eyes to see him staring at me in unknown silence. He was waiting for me to decide what my next move was. I sat up into him. Raking my fingers up his neck and into his hair, I smashed his lips to mine. Murphy released the breath that he had been holding in anticipation. The bubble of tension was about to be broken. His body responded in kind to mine. His hands grasped at my hips, pulling me towards him. Our hands explored each other in fierce desperation. His kisses were rough and deep, making it hard for me to catch a breath. My heart was threatening to no longer be contained by my chest. I moved my hands from his hair to push his jacket down his back. I clutched at his shoulders, relishing in how broad and sturdy he was. He made me feel dainty. He made me feel safe. He made me feel like I was about to be taken care of in every way possible. His fingers pressed up my thighs, taking the hem of my skirt with them. In one quick movement he lifted me and tugged my panties down my silky smooth legs. I locked my ankles around his waist, holding him as close to me as possible. Our bodies rubbed together in tantalizing friction. His hands groped and pulled wherever they could. One of his hands yanked back my hair as he kissed roughly down my neck. My breaths were ragged and my need was becoming unbearable. I took his face between my hands and looked him dead in the eye. "Fuck me Murphy."

He growled in appreciation. "Yes m'am." I frantically tried to help him with his pants. I felt like I couldn't get them to the floor fast enough. Once he was free, he picked me up and sat me back down so that my ass was on the edge of the desk. With one quick, hard thrust he was completely buried. I gasped at the harshness and clamped my arms around him, holding on for dear life. He stilled for a moment to steady himself. We had both been waiting for this moment for what felt like an eternity. I slew of obscenities flowed past his lips and into my ear. "Holy fuck! Jesus Kit."

He felt so amazing. My body welcomed everything he had to offer. He was filling me to the brim. He felt like he belonged there. Like he was always meant to be touching the deepest part of me. He stretched my walls in a delicious ache. I was practically twitching I needed him so badly. "Don't stop Murphy. Don't you dare stop." On command, he started to move. Over and over again, he pushed me to my limits. I had never felt so turned on in my entire life. He was a fucking man. Pleasuring me in a way that only a man could. The evidence of my arousal was slicking my thighs. Murphy's lap was coated in my excitement. Faster and faster. Deeper and deeper. But still I wanted more. I wanted to be pounded into oblivion. I wanted to be sore. I wanted to be able to feel him all day tomorrow. To be reminded of him with every step I took. I knew he was taking it easy on me. For some reason he was still holding back. The sound echoed through the room as my ass smacked against his thighs. "Come on Murph! Harder! Is that all you've got?!"

He took that as the challenge it was meant to be. He dropped my legs to the ground and then flipped me over. He used his leg to spread my legs apart and pushed my face into the desk. His hand held my head down while his body pinned me in place. It was sudden, and rough, and it left me breathless. I absolutely loved it. I could feel his huge cock rubbing against my wetness. I was already missing him. Having him so close but not quite there was maddening. I felt his breath at my ear. "You want more, lass? You want pain?"

"Yes. I want you to fuck me so hard that I'll want you to stop. But don't stop, not even when I beg. I want you to own me Murphy. Leave your fucking mark."

I could feel his dick twitch against my backside. He wanted this just as bad as I did. "You're brave baby girl. It makes me so fucking hot when you talk to me like that. You better hold on tight because you're about to get what you asked for..." He pushed my arms out and instructed me to hang on to the edge of the desk. I felt his upper body leave mine. His hands bunched my skirt up around my waist. It didn't seem to phase either of us that we were still wearing most of our clothes. I felt his lips touch the small of my back. He kissed the backs of my thighs, each cheek, and then finally licked my center from top to bottom with his hot tongue. His face was buried in my ass. At first it made me a little self conscious but it felt so damn good. When his tongue lapped over my tight pucker, my whole body tensed up in anticipation. His hands stilled my waist. "One day,lass... One day I'm gonna own this too. But not tonight. Tonight is about your sweet, sweet pussy. Do you even know how good you taste?" I felt him insert one thick finger between my folds. "Open your mouth Kit. I want you to taste how sweet you are." I opened my mouth and sucked my own excitement off of his slick fingers. Why was this so hot? Shouldn't it be weirding me out to taste myself? I certainly would never do that on my own. But there was something about him telling me to do it that made my legs shake. He wanted me to. He wanted me to know how amazing I tasted to him. It made me even wetter just thinking about his mouth on me there. His tongue licking up everything my pussy had to offer.

He pulled his hand away and rested it on my hip. I had no clue what he was going to do next. I could feel him moving behind me and it was driving me crazy. The waiting would be the death of me. His hand rubbed a soothing circle around my right ass cheek. When he pulled his hand away, he flicked me with the little wooden pointer that I had discarded on the desk. I yelped in surprise. "Is that what you want Kit? You still want more?" His voice was thick with sex. He was struggling to keep his composure. He was struggling to stay in control. But I didn't want him in control. I wanted him to lose himself in me.

"Yes. Harder Murph. Again." He brought that pointer down at least ten more times. Each smack harder than the last. Did it hurt? Yes. Did I care? Not one bit. The stinging pain was nothing compared to the endorphins that were flooding my system.

 Murphy's strength was wearing thin. He couldn't hold out any longer. I felt him line himself up with my throbbing cunt. Fuck! I was so ready for this. He pounded into me so hard that my feet left the floor. It's a good thing this desk was bolted to the ground. He was holding nothing back anymore. He was hitting points so deep that I don't think they had ever been touched. The speed and force he was using left me no time to slow myself. He was in complete control of my body. It was happening so fast and so intensely. I had never felt this helpless before and I was a little afraid of my own orgasm. This felt different. It felt like a dream where I was free falling and there was no end in sight. I just kept climbing higher and higher, and once I reached the peak I would undoubtedly dive into the abyss. My heart was racing and my legs were aching. They were trembling with a mixture of fear and desire. My hips were slamming into the desk. I was going to have a major bruise but it hurt so, so good! Murphy's hand reached down to wrap around my throat, pulling me up and holding me against his chest. His other hand dropped and slid between my legs. He found what he was looking for in seconds. His strong fingers assaulted my clit until my legs literally couldn't function anymore. Releasing my throat, he bent me over so that I could rest my hands on the desk and steady myself. He was fucking relentless. When he changed his stance slightly I exploded around him! "OH! Fu... Oh my god! Murphy...Oh fuck..." It was mind blowing. That sweet, sweet release that I had needed so badly. I was still convulsing around his rigid cock. Every time he went to move I was jolted with an aftershock of ecstasy. His sexy, straining voice brought me back to the here and now. "You like that, Kit? You like the way I feel inside you after I just made you cum all over me? You feel so amazing. You're so damn tight... and warm... and wet. You're so soft baby." He ran his hand up and down my leg, feeling the smoothness under his fingertips. As things started coming back into focus, I realized how stiff he was behind me. The poor man was aching. He needed to find his own release. I backed myself into him. I was still dripping wet for him. It only took a couple circles of my hips and he was coming undone. I dropped to my knees in front of him and took him into my mouth. "Oh! Fucking hell, Kit! Don't... Don't sto... I'm gonna... I'm gonna...Jeez..." His hands wound in my hair as he watched me in awe. I had two handfuls of his toned ass and I took him in as deep as I could go. I felt him spill his seed down my throat when I hummed around him. I gladly swallowed every last drop. And he thought I tasted good... he had no idea the delicacy that is Murphy MacManus.

Murphy was staring down at me as he tried to catch his breath. He helped me up from my knees and devoured my mouth with his. Kissing Murphy would never get old. The things he can do with his mouth astound me. Sometimes when he kisses me like that I think I could forget my own name. He kissed me one last time and pulled away with an exaggerated smack. His smile had me swooning. This was a satiated Murphy. I could probably ask him for anything in the moment and he'd most likely agree.

"Well Miss Taylor... How did I do? Did I pass?"

I giggled and played along. "Let's not get carried away. You've got a lot of work to make up. But I think there will be plenty of opportunity for you to earn some extra credit."

I reached around him and picked my underwear up off the desk. Before I had a chance to put them back on, he snatched them out of my hands and put them in his pocket. "I think if I had a teacher like you when I was in school, my butt would have been there a hell of a lot more."

Looking up at that adorable grin on his face, I couldn't stop thinking about how I was the luckiest woman on the planet.

~~~~~~~~~~

I would have to say that night had been a complete success. Aside from Connor scolding me for leaving him alone with his adoring fan club, everything went perfectly. Sarah got her music and her chaperones. Connor got his ego stroked for hours. And me and Murph... Our night was... ummm... educational. As much fun as the night was, I was happy to be home. I was spent. All I wanted to do was wash the day off of me and then crawl into bed with one of the boys. I was well on my way to achieving that goal. I stepped out of the shower feeling completely relaxed. I was going to sleep so hard that night. Like drooling all over my pillow most likely. I was standing at Murphy's dresser stealing some clothes to sleep in when I heard it. That familiar tune. I followed the music all the way to the weapons room where I found Connor working on his gun. He had my laptop open and was listening to the playlist that Doug made me. Rachel's song...

He looked up at me and smiled. " Hey peanut. All clean?"

I walked over for a quick peck. "Yep. I think I'm going to head to bed. You coming?"

"Yeah. I'll be in soon. Just gotta finish up in here and take a quick shower."

He gave me another quick kiss and I left him to his work. Hearing that song again gave me an unsettling feeling. Something felt so unresolved. I would lay awake all night if I didn't do something about this. Climbing into Connor's bed, I grabbed my cell phone from the bedside table. I texted the last person that I ever thought I would be contacting. Alfie...

K: Hey. It's Kit. Does Rachel have a cellphone?

I got an almost instant reply...

A: Yes.

K: I need her number.

This time he didn't respond. I waited 15 minutes before Connor came in to get ready for bed. He flipped off the light and crawled in behind me. His arms wrapped around me and he whispered his goodnight in my ear. His drowsy mind was starting to pull mine under with him. It startled me when I heard the ping from my phone and the screen lit up the room. It was Alfie. He had messaged me Rachel's number. What I planed to do that number was an entirely different question for an entirely different day. Just knowing that I had the option to contact her lifted some of the stress.

I don't know when I'll use it. I don't know what I'll say. But it was there. Ready and waiting...

 

 

 

 


	24. Chapter 24

The sun was brilliant today. Everything looked so bright and vibrant. The birds sang their jovial tune and the trees whispered in the wind. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. There was nothing to stop the warmth from cascading down to kiss my face. I closed my eyes and drank it all in. This is what truly living felt like. I felt like anything was possible. I felt like I could touch the sky. With my face stretched towards the heavens, I leapt. I was weightless and free. The breeze brushed across my face as I willed myself upward. Higher and higher, I soared closer to the warmth of the radiant sun. I was almost there! My hand reached out but I was abruptly pulled back down. Something was clamped tightly around my waist, anchoring me to the ground. The warmth of the sun was quickly replaced by something better. It started in my heart and radiated out to swallow me whole. I was basking in the feel of it. It was then that I noticed what was locked around me. Two safe, strong arms held me near. I was never really flying at all. I was swinging. My hands grasped the ropes of the swing that was tied to the old oak tree. He had tied it there when we were kids. It sat in the middle of a vast, open clearing. It was my favorite place in the world. Nothing bad happened here. It was completely secluded from the outside world. Untouched and beautiful. I hadn't been here in such a long time. 

My thoughts were interrupted by the feel of his soft lips nuzzling into my neck. 

"If I didn't know any better I'd think you were trying to fly away Kit Kat." Ollie's tender voice tickled my ear. 

I turned in his arms so he could see my smile. "Maybe I was. Wouldn't it be nice, Ollie? To just fly away and leave it all behind... We could go anywhere. See anything. We could be anyone we wanted to be."

He leaned in and kissed me chastely. "I love exactly who you are Kit, but I would gladly fly away with you."

Inspiration struck. I jumped down from his arms and darted out into the open field. I called out to him over my shoulder. "Would you gladly run away with me Ollie?"

He shook his head in amusement as he accepted my challenge. He chased me across the cool, green grass until he caught me. Scooping me up into his arms, he pulled us to the ground. We were both laughing and out of breath. I loved the sound of his laugh. It was deep, and genuine, and absolutely contagious. We laid there for hours talking. His fingers in my hair. My head resting on his chest. The hot sun above us and the cool grass beneath us. The breeze moving the soft material of my cotton dress over my legs. It was perfect. 

"This is nice..." I wholeheartedly agreed with him. " I don't want it to end."

"It doesn't have to. Don't go Oliver. Stay with me." I had never wanted anything more.

"I wish I could Kit Kat, but I can't." He kissed the top of my head. " I need you to do something for me Kit."

"Anything Ollie..."

"I need you to see. I need you to admit it to yourself. You know it's true. It's the only way. I know you don't want to, but you have to let them help you."

His voice had changed. He was being cryptic again. I sat up so I could look down at his face. "Oliver, please... just tell me. I need you to spell it out for me. What do you need me to see?"

His eyes were pleading with mine. "You promised, Kit. I know you remember. You always keep your promises. It starts and ends with you..."

My head rested in my hands as I searched my mind in frustration. His words felt so familiar. My heart knew them to be true but my brain wasn't connecting the dots. What wasn't I seeing? What wasn't I remembering? Or better yet, what was I blocking out? I had promised him something, but what?! We had made countless promises to each other. Like the one where he promised the trial would be no big deal. He was just going to answer some questions and it would all be over. He'd come back to me and we'd go on living. Didn't he know that you shouldn't make promises you can't keep?! My mind was all over the place. I couldn't find my footing. It was torn between anguish and trying to solve the riddle that he put in front of me. It starts and ends with me... What the hell does that even mean?! Had I said those words to him before? And why the hell was it so important that I figure this out on my own? It would be so much easier if he would just tell me what I needed to see.

He answered my unspoken questions. "It has to be you Kit. It has to be your choice. I can't ask this of you..." He averted his eyes for a moment before looking back up to lock them with mine. "I think you of all people would understand why I can't ask. But I need your help Kit. I need you to open those pretty eyes of yours and take a look around. I know you feel it Kit. It's coursing through your veins and if you don't do something about it soon it's going to eat you alive. I need the piece of mind Kit. I need you to be whole. It is unbearable to watch you struggle. Just let it happen. You know what to do..."

My anger started to boil over. Just let it happen? I know what to do...? Is he serious?! My voice raised. "Obviously I don't know what to do Oliver! I don't have the answers. I never have! You died and my life turned upside down! I never asked for this! It's too much. Whoever chose me for this, whether it be fate, the universe, or God himself... THEY CHOSE WRONG! It's too much pressure. I'm not certain of anything. What if I make the wrong decisions? What if I can't do whatever it is that you think I'm supposed to do? I don't want to fail you Ollie. Not again..."

I stood up and started pacing in front of him. He sat there and watched me in silence for a moment. I think he was waiting to see if I had gotten it all out of my system before he started lecturing me. He stood up so that he was on my level. "Damn it, Kit! I know you're afraid but you're so much stronger than you think. You aren't going to fuck it up and you aren't alone in this either! You told me that, don't you remember?" I told him that? Where was he getting all of this from? My head was actually starting to physically hurt at this point. Arguing with him was always so exhausting. He was in the middle of stressing his point when he stopped to scowl at me. "What are you smiling about Kit? This isn't funny. We're running out of time."

Smiling? My fingers reached up to trace the curve of my lips and suddenly everything came into focus. My ludicrous stray thought clicked the pieces into place. I missed this. I missed fighting with him. I told him that the day I went to visit the cemetery. The same day that I told him about Connor and Murphy. The day I promised to make this all right. It started with me and it was going to end with me. Is that what he wanted me to see? The thing he couldn't ask of me was the one thing that I was the most unwilling to do. He may be right. The unresolved desire for justice may destroy me from within, but it was a chance I was willing to take if that meant keeping Murphy and Connor safe. I was about to tell him just that when the sky began to darken. The air changed and the cold set into my bones.

Oliver's sentence trailed off. His face went white as he clutched his chest. "Kit..." Panic danced in his eyes as he dropped to his knees in front of me. I rushed to steady him. "Kit. it hurts..." As soon as I touched him I felt his pain. It was excruciating. His hand gripped mine so tightly that I thought he'd break a bone. He started to cough and the bright red blood coated his lips. He was struggling for air. What was happening?!

"Ollie! Oliver! What's going on?!" I gently lowered him to the ground. There was blood trickling from his nose and ears now. There were fresh gashes on his arms and torso that were spilling his life onto the cold grass below him. His eyes were wide with fear. An image of him from Alfie's memory flashed into my mind. This was what he went through before he died. Alone and suffering, bleeding out in the middle of the street. My hands pressed to his wounds in desperation. "It's going to be okay Ollie. Please don't die! Don't leave me again!" I was sobbing uncontrollably. All of my efforts were futile. There was nothing I could do to help him. The spark of life left his eyes as he took his last breath. The hold he had on my hand released and he was gone. My chest was tight with grief. I hadn't faced this head on yet. To watch it happen was horrific. What had started out as a dream come true had turned into my worst nightmare. The sky was getting darker and the air was getting colder. The wind howled through the trees. Thunder cracked in the distance. I should run. I needed to run but I was planted in place next to Oliver's lifeless body. I just kept telling myself this wasn't real. It's just a dream. At any moment the sky will clear and Oliver will be just fine. But instead, the storm only worsened. Lightning struck our old oak tree, catching fire to its branches. The rain started to pour and it was like ice on my skin. Wake up, wake up, wake up!

I woke myself screaming his name. I expected to find myself in the safety of Murphy's bed but I didn't recognize my surroundings. At first I thought maybe I hadn't ever actually woken up. I was still in the midst of a raging storm. I was sitting on the cold, wet ground, wearing nothing more than the sleep clothes I had borrowed from Murphy the night before. My feet were scraped and dirty from the lack of shoes. It was unbearably cold and my clothes were soaked clear through. It appeared to be the beginning hours of dawn. The sun was trying the break through the dark stormy night. As my eyes adjusted, I started to register the things around me. The branches of a magnificent old tree loomed over me. I knew this tree. In the summer its shade protected Oliver's grave. Slowly, I turned around to see the intricately carved granite headstone that had been sculpted into a bench. I was in the cemetery. How the fuck did I end up here?! Was his pull on me so strong that I found my way here in my sleep? It scared the shit out of me. I had no control over what was happening to me. This was a new side to my gift that I had yet to explore. Oliver being able to reach out to me felt like both a blessing and a curse. Or maybe it wasn't Oliver. Maybe my subconscious was trying to force me to realize that it was time to deal with the problems that I had been trying so hard to bury. Either way, it was freaking me the fuck out. What was I supposed to do with this? I didn't want to tell Connor and Murphy about this for so many reasons. I couldn't explain it to them without them seeing that I was having doubts about my decision to press pause. And it would be unnecessarily cruel for me to lay out everything I was feeling about Oliver. I loved him. I still love him. Even in death, I ache for him. He was my best friend. A piece of me died right along with him that day. He left an Ollie sized hole that will probably never be filled. I don't want the guys to see that. I don't want them to think that they aren't enough. They are everything to me. I can't even begin to describe how alive and new they make me feel. I've discovered so many things about myself since they came into my life. I didn't love them any less, it was just... different. They already put up with my bullshit when it came to needing them both. Not once had they made me feel guilt about that. They didn't force me to choose or show any discomfort with it at all. I refused to make them feel like they were competing with a ghost. I saw the look on Connor's face when he woke me from my nightmare. I felt his unease when he told me that I had been yelling for Oliver. I needed to find a way to put this behind me so that I could give them everything I had. They deserved that. But I needed to do it without dragging them through the fire. Why burden them with something that they could do nothing to fix? Staring down the barrel at this bottomless problem instantly made the panic rise in my chest. I'm not sure that I could do this by myself without it swallowing me whole. There was only one person that I could think of that would understand. One person who knew me, who knew Ollie. The one person who would be able to help. Sarah... I needed Sarah.

I picked myself up and pulled myself together. I needed to get out of the rain. I wasn't too keen on the idea of walking clear across town to Sarah's apartment with no shoes on. Not to mention, my top had become slightly more revealing. I had no phone and no money. Apparently I didn't have a choice, I was walking. At least until I could find a phone. I wrapped my arms around myself for warmth and pushed forward. I didn't even make it out of the cemetery before I had slipped on the wet grass and scuffed up both of my knees. I spoke my exasperated complaint out loud. "Seriously?! Could this day get any worse?!"

"Excuse me, miss... Do you need help?" My head snapped up at the sound of his voice. Standing above me was an elderly man holding an umbrella. I could clearly sense his genuine concern as he helped me to my feet. "My name is Edgar. What's your name young lady? What's happened to you?"

I think I was in stunned disbelief that I had ran into someone so quickly. It took me a second to gather my thoughts. " Uh... Kit. My name is Kit. I don't know how I got here."

He tucked me under his arm so that we were both covered by the umbrella. Dumb luck had saved me. He just happened to be here this early to visit his wife's grave. He came every year, rain or shine, with her favorite flowers for her birthday, and they watched to sun rise together. His hospitality was breath taking. He helped me, no questions asked. When I asked if he had a phone I could borrow he insisted that he would be more than happy to take me anywhere I needed to go. The warmth of his car was nirvana. He even offered to feed me on our way to Sarah's. When we pulled up in front of the apartment building I could feel how conflicted he was. He didn't feel right about just dropping me off. He was worried about me. He thought he should do more.

In a reassuring gesture, I placed my hand on top of his and leaned in to kiss his cheek. "Thank you Edgar. You've helped more than you know..."

He watched me walk all the way to the door and didn't leave until I was safely inside. Edgar was the purest version of humanity. If only there were more like him...

I made my way to the elevator and to Sarah's front door. I had no idea what time it was but I was almost positive that she wouldn't be up yet. Three loud knocks later, the door creaked open.

"Kit?!" Matt was standing in front of me. He was still in his hospital clothes and he looked exhausted. He must have just gotten off a night shift. His expression was confused and worried. His mind slipped into doctor mode as he ushered me inside. "What the hell happened Kit? Are you okay? You're bleeding. Sit down and let me look."

I sat down on the couch and waited as he puttered around the kitchen. I hadn't said a word since I got here. I think the relief was all encompassing. He returned with a bowl of hot water and some peroxide. I watched in appreciation as he cleaned my cuts. Aside from the occasional wince of pain from the peroxide, I was fine. "Matt..." He looked up from his task. "Can you get Sarah for me please?" My eyes were welling up with tears. I wasn't going to be able to hold it in much longer. 

He didn't question me. A few minutes later, Sarah came walking out of her room rubbing the sleep from her eyes. As soon as her gaze landed on me she was wide awake. She was at my side in seconds and I was immediately crushed in her hug. She held me as I cried it out. Matt took the opportunity to slip into their room. He was very uncomfortable with crying women.

"Kit, talk to me. Tell me what's going on. Are Connor and Murphy alright?"

I dried my face and nodded my head. "Yeah, they're fine. Everyone is fine. I just... I need to talk to you about something. I need your help. And I need you to keep it between just you and me." She was unsure of what she was agreeing to but she agreed nonetheless. "Something has been happening to me the past month or so. I didn't bring it up because at first I thought it was nothing, but it keeps happening and it's getting more intense. I keep seeing Oliver. I don't know if he's reaching out to me or if I'm just losing my mind. I have these dreams... At first we're talking and then it turns into a horror show."

"What does he say?" Damn... straight to the hard questions. 

"Well, you know Ollie... He can never just say what he means... He said that he needed me to see something. It's always the same message. He desperately needs me to remember something. He kept saying, "It's the only way Kit. You have to let them help you."... I think he wants me to finish what I started. To stop hiding so I can move on. I don't know if I can do that Sarah. I don't know that I want to. But I can't just do nothing. It's getting worse. Last night I watched him die. Right in front of my eyes and I couldn't do anything to help him. It was awful. And when I finally woke up... when I woke up I was sitting at his grave. Like I was actually physically in the cemetery! Hence my appearance right now. I must have gone in my sleep. I have no memory of how I got there. "

She was scared. It was a problem she had no idea how to address but damn it if she wasn't going to try. "The guys don't know about this?"

I shook my head. "No, not really. I woke Connor up the other night screaming in my sleep. He hasn't pressed me about it though. I don't want them knowing about this. Not until I can figure it out myself."

"Why? Because it's about Oliver or because you don't want to bring up the whole vigilante thing? You have to deal with this Kit. It's not going to just go away. That's not the way your life works, and you know it."

I knew she was right but I was determined to get out of this. "They're happy Sarah. They're safe. I can't... I won't wreck that. We are in this warm little bubble right now and I'm not ready for that to change. We could be boring and normal, and live until we're old and wrinkly."

Shit was getting real... "Bubbles burst Kit. That's what they do. They may be happy but are you? I mean, really? You're having night terrors and waking up in strange places. That's not just an annoyance Kit, it's dangerous. And let's be honest, you and I both know they would pick up those guns again without even blinking. They are The Saints. They do it for a living. They stopped because that's what you needed and they love the shit out of you. But sooner or later, something was bound to draw them back. I am by no means suggesting or encouraging that you go kill people but..."

Her sentence trailed off. I think she was afraid to say it out loud. I changed the topic a little. I was worried this was getting to be a bit too much for her. "I contacted Alfie..."

She was shocked. "Fucking Nickleback?! Why the hell would you do that?"

I had to bite the inside of my cheek to hide my smile. She really hated Alfie. Maybe even more than Connor did. "I asked him for Rachel's number. She's been on my mind a lot lately. Something feels unresolved there. Like I'm supposed to reach out. I haven't been able to bring myself to do it yet though."

She nodded her head. "Yeah... makes sense. You've got questions and she more than likely has answers. I think you should do it. It's harmless. Meet her for coffee. Thank her. Feel her out a little. If it feels right, just ask her. What could it hurt? You'd have the information. You don't even have to do anything with it until you decide you're ready. You don't have to tell Connor and Murphy right now but eventually they need to know. You guys are in this together. They've been up front with you from day one. Don't shut them out. Maybe Ollie is right... Maybe you should let them help you."

Damn it... Why did she have to bring up so many good points? I was in denial and I needed to get the fuck over it. Talking to Sarah always helped me work out my crap. She was honest and didn't coddle me. I never in a million years thought this was a conversation that we'd be having. Eventually I probably needed to get her opinion on my new found fetish with dominance control but that was a topic for another day. Right now I needed to get home. I didn't want the guys to panic. If I left now I could probably sneak in before they wake up. I still hadn't completely landed on a decision but I had options. Rachel was the most promising one so far. And when the time was right, I would fill the boys in. Maybe...

I opened the loft door to a quiet house. Good, they weren't up yet. I had time to shower and hide the evidence of my morning adventures. I was about the step under the hot water when my phone went off. I had a voicemail. I almost dropped the phone when I heard the voice on the recording. It was Oliver's mother...

"Kit... it's Tess. I hadn't heard from you in a while. It'd be nice to hear your voice. I need someone to talk to. Someone who knew him. I still feel like he's going to come walking through the front door at any second. Sometimes I swear it feels like he's still here. Anyways... I miss you kiddo. I'd really like to see you. Please call."

Maybe Ollie really was reaching out. If she could feel him too maybe I wasn't imagining things. She was hanging on just as hard as I was and we both needed to take the steps towards healing. It was something in her voice that really drove it home for me. I had to do something. Pulling up Rachel's contact information, I texted her.

K: Rachel, this is Kit. Alfie gave me your number. Would you consider meeting with me? I'd like to buy you some coffee and maybe talk a little bit.

I got back a simple reply.

R: When?

And that was that. Things were in motion. There was no turning back now...

~~~~~~~~~~

 I was sitting in a small cafe on the opposite side of town. I picked a seat right in front of the window so I would see her when she walked by. We were scheduled to meet 20 minutes ago but she still hadn't shown. Maybe she got cold feet or maybe she just lost track of the time. Either way, I wasn't moving from this spot. Watching the people on the street outside was holding my attention. It was that time of year again. The snow was coming down and the buildings were lined with twinkling Christmas lights. It used to be my favorite time of year. Oliver and I had a lot of Christmas traditions. He'd always take me to pick out a tree and we'd spend the whole day decorating my apartment. Sarah always had us each pick a Christmas cookie and she'd spend the whole day baking and watching as Ollie and I transformed our little home into a winter wonderland. At the end of the night we'd all end up watching some amazingly cheesy Christmas movie and drinking our peppermint hot chocolates. One year he even surprised me with tickets to the Nutcracker. I hadn't gone through my first Christmas without him yet. I didn't know exactly how it was going to go. I'm sure Connor and Murphy had their own traditions. I was interested to see if the Irish did things differently. I wasn't even entirely sure if they were planning on decorating. I hadn't spent much time there over the past week. I was struggling with my decision to contact Rachel. I wasn't sure if I was ready for them to know just yet and I am a horrible liar. Murphy reads me too well. He'd know there was something up. And I don't know that I'd be able to fight the urge to not tell Connor. He was always so understanding about everything. I told them that with the holiday season I would be really busy at work. That wasn't a lie. Things usually did pick up a little. Sarah's apartment was so much closer to the shop so most nights I would crash in my old room. It was nice being around her so much right now. Her school was on winter break at the moment so we got to spend a lot of time together. 

I wanted to keep some sense of my traditions with Ollie, so as I sat there waiting for Rachel I sipped my on my peppermint hot chocolate. It wasn't as good as Sarah's but it would do. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted Rachel's pretty blonde hair. She was standing just outside the door. It looked like she was debating on whether or not she wanted to come in. It made me wonder how long she had been standing out there. She must have made up her mind because she squared her shoulders and walked through the door. I waved her down with an understanding smile as she made her way to my table. She looked different. Better. She had some meat on her bones and her makeup was perfectly in place. The image of her in my head before made me feel sick. In comparison to now, it almost made me wonder if they had been starving her.

She took her seat across from me. "Hi Kit. Sorry I'm late. I wasn't even sure if you'd still be here."

I watched as she took off her hat and scarf. She was having a really hard time keeping eye contact with me. Constantly looking over her should in fear. I think she was actually hoping that I wouldn't still be here so she could just go home. "It's okay. No problem at all." The waitress came over to take her order. I told her to get whatever she wanted. My treat. I waited until she got comfortable with her cider before I broke the ice. "So Rachel, how have you been?"

She looked down at the mug in her hands. At the people passing by the window. Anywhere but at me. "I've been getting by. It's a day by day thing but I'm sure you already know that. Alfie's been helping me. He got me a puppy to keep me occupied." She smiled when she told me that last part. Maybe Alfie wasn't a complete waste of space. He had to have some capacity for love to be able to tend to her so kindly. He was still a dick, but apparently he had his moments.

"Good. That's great to hear." I took a sip from my hot chocolate. I needed to work myself up to this next part. "Listen, Rachel... I wanted to thank you. You didn't have to come back for me. In fact, I don't know why you did. Not a lot of people would have. Your brother certainly didn't think twice about it."

She looked ashamed when I pointed out Alfie's lesser moment. "My brother is an asshole but he's all I've got. I'm sorry for what he did to you. I had no idea that's what he had planned. When I watched them take you into that room I knew the life that was ahead of you. I couldn't live with myself knowing that I was the reason you were in that position."

"No apologies necessary. It wasn't your fault but I'm grateful. You saved my life. I owe you."

She looked a little taken back by my statement. "I think we're more than even. My brother was the one who drug you into this in the first place. You even took pity on us when you're boyfriend wanted to kill him."

I laughed nervously. "I did that for you, not Alfie. If you hadn't been there I doubt I would have stepped in... Rachel, has Alfie told you how we know each other to begin with?" She shook her head no. "Well, we've definitely got a past. I know he was in deep with Fantasma and he didn't have a lot of choice in the matter, but he killed my best friend."

Her eyes widened in shock. "The guy that went on trail against Alvarez?" She knew exactly who Oliver was. It gave me hope that maybe she knew a lot of other things too. "Wait... are you guys the ones who have been taking out all of Fantasma's operations?"

"Yes. That's how we found your brother. He was on our list. I wanted him dead for what he did to Oliver but then he told us about you. We decided that we could be of some help to each other. I was hoping that you and I could come to that same agreement." 

She instantly became skidish. The thought of having anything to do with Fantasma did not bode well with her. "How? What do you mean?"

I lowered my voice. "I'm sure you have information that could help us. Small details that no one else would know. You were in the middle of it all. I bet you overheard a lot. If we combine that with our resources, I think we could bring this whole thing down. Permanently... It would solve everything. Oliver would get justice, you wouldn't have to keep looking over your shoulder, and we'd probably be saving countless other lives."

She was thinking about it. My words made a lot of sense. She was tired of running. Tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Every time she went out she wondered if this would be the day that they found her. She felt bad for me about Ollie. My face was reflected in her thoughts. You could tell how much I was hurting when I spoke of him. She was almost on board when the waiter from the next table dropped his tray and shattered the mugs all over the ground. The sudden jolt of sound spooked her. "No... No... I'm sorry Kit. I can't do this. They'll know it was me. They'll find me. Their reach goes so much deeper than you know. For your own good, you should let this go. Get out of here. Go somewhere new. But leave this in the past where it belongs. We got out Kit. Believe me, not everyone is so lucky. Thank you for the drink, but I have to go." She stood up in a hurry and donned her jacket. She was trying to be as polite as possible while still getting her point across. "Please... don't contact me again."

"Rachel, wait!" Before I had the chance to stop her, she was gone.

Damn it! Whatever happened to her in that place had her running scared. I was so close! I know she has information. For a moment there she felt absolutely certain that she could help me. She knew something that would be our smoking gun. Rachel was the key to our pest problem but I couldn't force her to do this. Hell, I wasn't even 100% sure I wanted to do this. I couldn't really blame her. But just the sheer knowledge of it being possible to take down this fucker once and for all was keeping me on the edge of my seat. There was a way. It's out there. And I'm going to find it.

~~~~~~~~~~

My phone went off at 8:00 a.m. sharp on the morning of Christmas Eve. It was Connor. Knowing him, he had been sitting with his phone in his hand waiting to call me all morning. I answered on the third ring. "Good morning Connor."

I could hear the smile in his voice through the phone. "Hey peanut! You're awake!"

I teased him. "Well I am now..."

He giggled. "Sorry. Didn't mean to wake ya. I couldn't wait any longer."

God he was adorable. I missed him something awful. Keeping my distance from them was harder than I thought. I'm surprised they hadn't shown up on the doorstep. 

His next sentence started off timid. "So it's Christmas Eve... I know your day is probably going to be busy but Murph and I were wonderin' if you'd like to join us for Mass tonight. We've done it every year since we were kids and it'd mean a lot to us if you came." My smile stretched wide across my cheeks. "And I was hopin' maybe you'd come home tonight. We should be together for Christmas. It doesn't feel right around here without ya. Murph's been moping around the place for days. He's gettin' down right intolerable. We miss ya lass..."

It was the perfect invitation and impossible to turn down. "I miss you too. I would love to come to Mass with you. I'll meet you guys over there after I close up the shop."

His voice was heavy with uncertainty. "And you'll come home?"

When he said the word home all I could think about was being enveloped in his embrace. I thought about blowing off the whole day and going straight to him but this was one of the busiest days of the year for me. "There's no place I'd rather be."

He seemed to be satisfied with our conversation. His giddiness was contagious. He instantly put me in a good mood. When he gave Murphy the news he insisted on talking to me as well. He joked with me about how he went to see Santa at the mall yesterday and requested that I get my cute arse home. These two were something else. I was a little worried that today was going to be sad for me. That it would feel particularly empty with Ollie being gone. As usual, they helped ease that fear. Their excitement lit up my day. I would always cherish the traditions I had with Oliver but today I was about to embark on something new. We were building a life together. This was more than just common murder interests and great sex. This was real. It was the normal, boring thing to do and I could not have been happier about it. For the first time in a long time I was seeing my life folding out before me. It wasn't being defined by Fantasma or Alfie, or by the burdens of my ability. I could see possibilities now. Things I wanted to experience. Places I wanted to see. And I was completely certain that I wanted to do it all with them.

The anticipation of seeing them tonight was killing me. Luckily, the store was even busier than I thought it would be. It kept me occupied and the extra cash flow didn't hurt either. Stuff was flying off the racks. I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to help all my customers. When there was finally a lull in traffic, a man started to approach me. I noticed him the minute he came in and that was at least two hours ago. He had been casually browsing around the store. I didn't think anything of it. I thought he was shopping but now I'm pretty sure what he was actually doing was waiting. As he got closer to me I started to get uneasy. My instincts were telling me that I was not going to like this encounter. 

He was standing right in front of me now. "Miss Taylor?"

He had a slight southern drawl to his voice. There was instantly something familiar about him. I had seen his face before but I couldn't quite place him. "Yes, that's me. And you are?"

He pulled back his jacket to reveal a shiny gold badge. Extending his hand to me, he introduced himself. "Special Agent Paul Smecker."

All the puzzles pieces snapped into place. He was the FBI agent in charge of The Saints case last year. His face was all over the news. My stomach was threatening to overturn. This could not possibly end well. My fight or flight instincts were starting to kick in and I think flight was winning out. I wanted to be anywhere else but here.

He noticed my apprehension and attempted to diffuse the situation. "Easy now, Miss Taylor. I can assure you that I'm not here to cause you any trouble. I simply want to talk." He paused for a minute to gauge my reaction. "I believe we have some mutual acquaintances. The MacManus brothers?"

His mind was extremely complex which made it really hard for me to feel him out. But he was testing me, that much was clear. "I'm sorry, I don't know who you're talking about. You must have the wrong person."

Disappointment flashed across his face. "Oh come now, Miss Taylor. Feigning ignorance does not become you. Like I said before, I just want to chat."

Since flight wasn't an option, I went with fight. I immediately got defensive. "Okay, so talk. What do you want?"

"I want you to listen to everything I have to say without making any snap decisions. I believe we could have a relationship of mutual benefit."

I let his words sink in. After the last customer walked out I went over to lock the door and flip the sign from open to closed. This was a conversation that I didn't need anyone overhearing. Sitting down at the stool behind the counter, I motioned him to begin. "I'm listening..."

"As I'm sure you've surmised, I am very familiar with the goings on in this city. I've had my finger on the pulse of crime for some time now. I spent a lot of late nights putting together the pieces of The Saints case and then POOF... They drop off the map. Following their story turned my attention to a lot of other organizations running in this town. Crime syndicates that you would not believe. These men, they're abhorrent. And things are only escalating. We thought we were up shit's creek until a rather helpful young man came out of the woodwork. I believe you know him?" I lowered my gaze. Of course I knew him. I was the one who got him into this mess. Smecker was watching closely for my reaction. "Yes, I thought as much. Your friend Oliver was the key to everything. We had been trying to nail Alvarez for a long time but he always seemed to worm his way out. No one was naive enough to believe that what happened to your friend was an accident. We just couldn't prove that it was murder. After Alvarez went free I decided to tail him. My gut told me that he was my in. Imagine my surprise when he turned up dead. And the circumstances surrounding his death were eerily familiar. There was only one gunshot wound to the head instead of two, but the pennies... That trademark has only been associated with one other case that I have ever seen. The Saints..."

My defenses were up again. "That doesn't mean anything. That detail was all over the papers. Everyone knows about the pennies being The Saints' signature."

"That's a fair point Miss Taylor but I wasn't quite finished. You see, not too long after I found Alvarez, the scumbags in this city started dropping like flies. Major known criminal businesses being dismantled overnight. And at every crime scene... pennies. It's got the precinct in a tizzy. Is it The Saints? Do we have a copycat on our hands? All of the deaths fit my Saints theory except for one. Marco Alvarez. It didn't make any sense. One kill shot, and to the front of the head. That isn't their usual M.O... But then I thought maybe they aren't working alone this time. Maybe they have an inside source. It would make sense. They've been hitting operations that the cops didn't even know about."

I wasn't sure where he was going with all of this. He didn't seem to be accusing me of anything. It was almost like he was just bouncing ideas off me. "Why haven't you told the police about your theory?"

"Because it was just that Miss Taylor, a theory." I didn't miss his use of the word was. "I needed proof. If The Saints had an inside man then it had to be the lowest common denominator. The low man on the totem pole. A street guy. Someone who had a good reason to flip. That's when I tracked down Alfie."

Damn it! Fucking Alfie... Of course. I really should have killed him. He made things hard for us every step of the way.

"That kid is a real piece of work but he sure had a lot to say. It didn't take much to get it out of him. He's kind of yellow bellied." I couldn't disagree with him there. "He admitted to being the driver of the car that killed Oliver Hayes. He explained the situation with his sister and how he met a woman who offered to help free her in exchange for his services. She had two male partners. Brothers, he said. Went by the names of Connor and Murphy. I showed him a couple of pictures and he confirmed my suspicions."

Oh God... This was not happening. They had been so careful. I was going to fucking kill Alfie! I don't care if his sister saved me life. I was about to lose my whole world because of his choices. Again! This whole situation made absolutely no sense. If Smecker knew all of this, why hadn't he done anything about it? I swallowed my anxiety and asked my question. "Why are you telling me all of this?"

He held his hands up, gesturing for me to let him finish, "Alfie had a lot to say about you Kit." He startled me. It was the first time he'd actually used my first name. "His accounts sounded like the incomprehensible ravings of a mad man. Luckily for him, I speak that language. You see, Kit... Can I call you Kit?" I nodded my head. "Well Kit, there are so many things in this world that are explainable. So many things that have no rules or logic. So why can't what Alfie says about you be true? I needed to see for myself. But of course, that's where his helpfulness ended. He didn't know your last name and you were still just a question mark on my white board so I didn't have a picture to show him. He was too scared to tell me where to find you. Which leads me to believe that you are not to be trifled with. Standing here in front of you now contradicts that sentiment. You're just a tiny little thing. What harm could you do? Unless Alfie is right, and there is more to you than meets the eye..."

His words trailed off as he thought about the possibilities of that. He was enthralled. I could not figure this man out. "How did you find me?"

He laughed. "Well I knew Alfie was the key to finding you. I sat on his apartment. A couple days ago his sister left the house. He followed her and I followed him. She led us straight to you..."

I guess Sarah was wrong. My meeting with Rachel wasn't so harmless after all. I had single-handedly dropped an FBI agent on our doorstep. "Look, I'm not trying to be rude and I mean no disrespect... but what the hell do you want with me?"

He took a step closer to me. "What I want, Miss Taylor, is your help. You and the boys. I have a proposition for you..."

~~~~~~~~~~

I had circled the block that the church was on at least three times already. Smecker's words were running amok in my head. This was not at all how I envisioned my day going. But once again I was faced with another moment of crisis. This was a bad idea. How did we know if we could trust this guy? He seemed like he was on our side of things but that had to be too good to be true. Right? Gah! What was I supposed to do with this? I told Smecker that I would relay his message to Connor and Murphy but I wasn't even surer about that. If anything, it was just to placate him so he'd leave the shop. He left me with his card and a number to reach him. I had to make a decision and I had to make it fast. I was supposed to meet the guys at the church in less than five minutes. If I didn't show up or was even a little late, one of them would probably come looking for me. So blowing them off was not an option. Not that I wanted to anyway. I wanted to be near them more than anything because I was freaking out. At the same time, I wanted to be as far away as possible so I didn't have to tell them about this. I was pacing the sidewalk in front of the church. An adorable, elderly woman teased me about wearing a hole in the ground. My anxiety was building and building. Looking at those old church doors sent my pulse into the stratosphere. I hadn't stepped foot inside a church since the day Ollie died. And coincidentally, this was the very same church. This was getting to be too much for me right now. I had almost talked myself into fleeing the scene when I heard someone call my name.

"Kit?" Connor was walking down the stairs to meet me. I put up my most convincing front and smiled at him. "What are you doing out here you crazy girl? Everything is about to start and it's freezing out here." He took one close look at my face and knew something was off. I wasn't fooling anyone. "What's the matter Kit?"

I decided distraction was my best course of action. I slid my hands inside his open jacket and leaned up to kiss him. "Nothing Connor. I'm fine. Just a weird day, that's all."

He squeezed me tight and kissed my forehead. "Well you're here with us now. It's going to be a great night. I promise."

He gave me a reassuring smile and led me by the hand into the church. I forgot how stunning the sanctuary was. It was decorated immaculately. Red and green candles lined each window and the alter was covered in a breathtaking display of poinsettias. The size of it made me feel minuscule in the grand scheme of things. Murphy was waiting for us patiently in one of the back row pews. Connor let me slide in before him so I could sit between them. With each of them on either side of me, I started to calm down a little. The events of the day didn't seem so scary with them here. Sarah's words kept running through my head. They have always been up front with me and it was not fair of me to shut them out. Her and Ollie had both said it... Maybe I should let them help. 

Everyone was seated and the priest had started speaking. As I sat there listening to the familiar story of Christmas, I juggled my options in my head. I could be a coward and ignore this. I could run and never look back. I could decline Smecker's suggestion and Connor and Murphy would be none the wiser. Or... I could face this head on. Put on my big girl panties and keep my head held high. I could trust in Connor and Murphy's skills. I could choose to believe that Smecker was a man of his word. I could learn to hone my gifts and finish this for Ollie. For myself...

I was mid thought when I felt Murphy's warm hand slide into mine. I glanced over at him to meet his gaze. He knew... The man read my body language fluently. He didn't know what was bothering me but he knew I was anxious. He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it before it laying it back down in his lap. His thumb was tracing figure eights along my wrist. Slowly but surely, I started to relax into him. I let my head rest on his shoulder as we listened to the choir sing of that silent, holy night. He made it easy for me to forget and just be there with them. This was a tiny, intimate piece of their world that they were letting me in on. It made me wonder if they had ever brought anyone else along with them. When I felt Connor's arm drape around my shoulder I was finally home. In that moment, he was completely content. No worries. No stress. Just bliss. They let me all the way in and now it was time for me to return the favor. 

The service had ended and we were on our way home. It was at least a half an hour walk so now was as good a time as any to drop this on them.

"Guys wait..." I had stopped walking and they passed right by me. They turned around to see what was going on. "I need to tell you guys something." They were staring at me expectantly. "A man approached me at the store today. He said his name was Special Agent Paul Smecker."

Connor looked to his brother. "Wasn't that the man who got us off the hook with those Russians?"

"Aye. He was in charge of investigating us. Nothing ever came of it though." Murphy looked down at me anxiously. "What did he want Kit?"

I told them the whole story. He knew they were The Saints. He knew they were killing again. He knew about my gifts. Alfie had told him everything. Smoke practically shot out of Connor's ears at the mention of Alfie. "He said he has a proposition for us. We all have mutual interests and he seems to think that we can help each other. He said that he's bound by bureaucracy and red tape, so sometimes assholes like Alvarez slip through the cracks. Between your skills, my ability, and his resources, he thinks we could do a lot of damage. In exchange for our help he's offered to protect us legally and give us first dibs on anything involving Fantasma."

They didn't know what to think. They were looking at me funny. Connor was trying to figure out how I felt about all of this. He didn't want to jump at the opportunity to get back in the action if I wasn't ready to give the okay. From the look on Murph's face, I'd say his thought process was similar. Neither of them wanted to be the first to speak. I put them out of their misery and chimed in. "He gave me his card and contact information. I think it is at least worth talking with him about."

Connor replied, "I'm good with that plan."

Murphy agreed. "Aye, me too."

Hmmm, that was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. I was honestly kind of surprised at how chill they were being about all of this. I was a total spazz for the better part of the day.  

~~~~~~

The closer to the loft we got, the more my mood lightened. I was happy to be home. My hand reached out to open the loft door but Connor stopped me. "You can't go in yet. First ya gotta close yer peepers."

He cupped both of his hands over my eyes. I heard the door slide open and then he guided me inside. The excitement was pulsing through his system. He was nervous for my reaction. We came to a stop and his hands left my face. When I opened my eyes I was stunned. I gazed around the room in silence. While I was gone they had completely transformed our space. It was decked out from top to bottom in beautiful Christmas decorations. They had gotten a live tree and the smell was permeating the air. It was lit with twinkling lights and there were presents tucked underneath. The wrapping made me giggle. You could tell that they started off trying for perfection but half way through they started to phone it in. As long as they were covered and you couldn't tell what it was, they were satisfied. As I took a closer look I started to notice the details. I recognized some of the ornaments hanging on the tree. They were the ornaments that Ollie and I had made by hand since we were kids. Some of them had our names on them and some even had pictures of us in our ugly Christmas sweaters. The tears started to drip down my cheeks. My heart was overflowing.

I turned around to face them. "How did you...?"

Murphy shook his head. "Don't look at me. This was all Connor."

Connor stepped toward me. He had a small box cupped in his hands. "I called Sarah. She told me that this was always a special time of year for you guys and that you were trying your best to hide how much you were struggling. I wanted to make it feel whole for you. You loved him Kit. You still do, and that's okay. You don't have to hide that from us. I thought he should be included." His hand reached out to cup my cheek. "We're going to make so many new memories, little bird . But that doesn't mean you have to forget the old ones."

I put my hand over his and held it to my face. The sincerity and warmth were flowing through his fingertips. I loved this man with every fiber of my being. Looking up at him with a smile, I nodded to the box in his hands. "Is that for me?"

He laughed. "Yes... Murph and I have this tradition where we open up one gift on Christmas eve. I thought you should open this one."

I opened the box to reveal one last ornament. This one was new. He had taken a clear bulb and filled the bottom with sand. Sitting on the sand was the strip of pictures that we had gotten from one of those photo booths at the pier. All three of us had crammed in that thing. It was one of many great days that we've had so far. On the outside of the bulb he had painted the words, Our First Christmas, with the date underneath. It was a perfect new addition to carry on the tradition that Oliver and I had started. I searched for the perfect spot on the tree. I hung it next to a picture of Connor and Murphy as babies. They were sitting on Santa's lap and they did not look happy.

"Thank you, Connor. For everything. It's perfect..." I kissed him sweetly. If Murph hadn't been standing there I don't think I would have ever come up for air.

I heard him clear his throat. "Alright, my turn!"

He walked over and picked up a small bag from under the tree. His grin was practically splitting his face in two. "Go on! Open it!"

I giggled and reached my hand inside. I pulled out a long chain with a pendant at the end. It was the casing of a bullet with a crystal placed at the end. Its rosy hue reflected beautifully off the twinkling lights from the Christmas tree. Looking closer, I noticed that the bullet had four sets of initials carved into the side. MM, CM, KT, and OH. Oliver Hayes...

Murphy was watching my face intently. "That's the shell from the first shot you ever fired. I made it into a necklace for ya. I thought it could be a reminder of where you started and how far you've come."

I was dangerously close to tearing up again. "It's beautiful Murphy. I've never seen anything like it. I love it."

I slipped it on over my head. It hung at just the right length. I rubbed the crystal between my fingers as I leaned up to give him a kiss. They surprised me more and more everyday. I wanted to give them each a gift tonight too. I had gotten them plenty and I knew they would love it all but everything I had paled in comparison to what they had just given me. There was only one thing I could think of that would be equivalent.

"I've got lots of gifts for you guys that are hidden in the back of my closet but I think I'll save those for the morning. Tonight, what I'm giving you is a green light. To continue down the path we started on. If we meet with Smecker and you're okay with the plan, then so am I. If you're ready, I'm ready. I trust you guys and I believe in what you're doing. I won't be the one to hold you back anymore."

Tension, that I hadn't even realized was there, left the room. They were free. They had found their purpose once again. Connor gripped my hand. "Are you sure Kit?"

I nodded. "Positive."

~~~~~

I passed Murphy going down the hall on my way from the shower. "Are you headed to to bed already Murph? It's not even 10 o'clock yet."

He shrugged his shoulders. "The sooner I get to sleep, the sooner the morning gets here. It's Christmas!" He kissed my cheek. "Goodnight Kit."

Could he be anymore adorable?! It was like he was five years old. I walked out into the main living area. The room was dark apart from the glow coming off the Christmas tree. Connor was laying on the floor with his head under the tree, staring up at the lights. I laid down next to him and took his hand. He turned his face to press our foreheads together. Those blue-green eyes up close were something that would never stop astounding me. Their depth was unfathomable. His eyelashes went on for miles. It was entirely possible for me to lose years of my life staring into his pools of sea green.  

His soft voice broke my train of thought. "Did you get little Murph tucked in nice and tight?"

I smiled and played along. "Yes. We should probably be prepared for him waking us up at 5:00 a.m., screaming about opening presents."

"Do you think maybe we should leave out a glass of milk and a plate full of half nibbled cookies? You know, to keep the magic alive."

I laughed a hard, genuine laugh. It felt so good. I couldn't remember the last time that I was relaxed enough to laugh like that. I turned over on my side and draped my leg over his. "I missed you Connor."

"Oh, little bird, you have no idea..." Before I knew it, our lips were moving together. His hand found its way into my hair to deepen the kiss. He was really glad I was home. He was respecting me by giving me my space but it was killing him to be away from me. The leftover feeling of emptiness was hard to describe. He missed me but it was more than that. The French have a saying for it, _**Tu me manques**_. It means, you are missing from me. I could relate to that because that is exactly how I felt about him. He was essential to my existence and without him I didn't really function properly.

Normally, this kind of moment put me in the mood to make love to him all night long. But tonight... tonight I was hungry for more. All I was wearing was a baggy t-shirt and pair of undies. The thought of there being so little between us was driving me crazy. His lips were dancing seductively with mine. His tongue rolled deliciously in my mouth. My blood was boiling in my veins. I rolled from my side so that I was laying on top of him. I could feel him hardening through his jeans. Rocking my hips back and forth on his lap was providing a lovely friction. The best part about doing this with Connor was that I could feel everything he was feeling. His heart was racing. His hands clasped my hips as he focused on their rotation. This was sensual. Lots of rubbing and panting. He moaned appreciatively as my lips devoured his neck. It turned me on even more to know that I had the power to turn him on this much. I was dripping wet with need. I sat up and pulled my shirt over my head, exposing my breasts. His eyes were fixated on me. His tongue ran across his lower lip as he took in the view. I liked the way I felt when he was watching me. He looked at me like I was this rare, mythical creature. It gave me a new found appreciation for my body. I ran my hands slowly up my body to cup my own breasts. My nipples hardened at my touched and I pinched them between my fingers, pulling them slightly. I liked the way my skin felt under my fingertips. I wanted him to feel too. Reaching down, I slid his hand from my hip all the way up to my chest. His hands were warm and rough as they glided over my smooth skin. He massaged my perky tits with a forceful grip. He stopped only long enough to replace one of his hands with his eager mouth. His lips closed around my nipple as he sucked me into his mouth. I felt his hot, wet tongue flick my sensitive bud. The sensation made me twitch. He was sitting completely up now, with me straddling his lap. I reached behind him to tug on the sweater he was wearing. The lightly tanned skin of his bare chest looked irresistible in the glow of the Christmas lights. My lips kissed every freckle that ran across his shoulders. He always tasted so sweet. I was so focused on the feel of him beneath me that I didn't register his decision to change positions. Before I knew it, I was on the floor again. I was laying on my side, facing away from him. His arms were pinning me to his chest. He had two handfuls of my breasts as he nibbled up and down my neck.

His breath was hot on my skin. " I love watching you touch yourself Kit but now it's my turn." One of his hands slid down my stomach and in the front of my panties. He growled in my ear when he felt my arousal. "You're soaking wet." A wave of excitement ran through his body when he thought about being inside of me. I felt his dick twitch against my ass. I reached my hand behind me to rub him through his jeans. His hand locked around my wrist, stilling my motions. He brought my hand back up to pin it to my chest. "Not just yet, Kit. First, I want you to cum for me. You're a vision when you cum. Your cheeks flush pink. You arch your back and push those perfect tits into the air. And you make the sexiest sounds. I think I could get off just watchin' ya." His fingers were dipping into me. First one. Then two. And now three. His palm rubbed against my clit. His other hand was tugging roughly on my nipple. I loved it when he used a little force with me. It was different than they way it was with Murphy. Connor had complete control. Every force he applied was calculated and deliberate. He liked to test my body. To see how much I could take. Just like when we were training. He got a since of pride when he pushed me further and further and I never told him to stop.

He was killing me. "Please Connor... I need... I nee..."

My breath caught in my chest as his fingers hooked slightly upward. "I know, lass. I know. Soon but not yet. I'm not going to fuck you until you cum for me. I want you to give it to me. I don't want to take it. Not yet." He pulled his fingers from me and started to rub circles over my throbbing clit. I convulsed a little when he pressed harder. "That's right, Kit. Just let it happen. Listen to your body. Focus on my breath against your skin. My voice in your ear. My hand moving between your legs. Can you feel how wet you are Kit? How ready your body is for this?" My mind was starting to cloud. My breaths were shorter. My vision blurred. I could feel that familiar pull in the pit of my stomach as his Irish brogue coaxed my body to his will. His hips were pressing into me slightly, trying to find some relief. I was teetering on the edge. Almost there. My toes were starting to curl as my body prepared for the massive release of energy that had built up in my system. It was the smallest thing that tipped me over the edge. His stubble brushed across my neck and it was like someone had popped the top off of a bottle that I was trapped in. My legs clamped shut, trapping his hand between my thighs. My back arched away from his chest, pressing my breasts deeper into his eager grip. That was absolutely explosive! I was having trouble catching my breath as my vision slowly started to clear. Connor was holding me flush against his chest. His body absorbing all of the aftershocks of my orgasm.

He reached up and grabbed one of the large throw pillows from the couch. He laid me down flat and then propped it under my head. My body started to perk up again as I watched him slide his jeans off. I knew what was coming next. He laid between my legs. The full weight of his body on mine. He was brushing the hair out of my face as he stared down at me. His soft, pouty lips brushed against mine a few times before they traveled down my body. He stopped to lap his tongue around my belly button, then proceeded to kiss me hip to hip. My body responded to his every touch, navigating him on where to go next. He pushed my legs together and turned my hips so that my knees went towards my chest. My back was still laying flat against the floor. He rubbed the tip of his throbbing cock back and forth against my slick folds. He pushed into me ever so slightly but then stilled himself. "Don't move Kit. I'm going to go nice and slow. I'm going to make you feel it. All of it. Every second. I want you to feel me." His words sent shivers down my spine. It was like he had a direct hotline to my pussy. He pushed his thick cock into me, inch by satisfying inch. I was still sensitive from my first orgasm so the walls of my box were spasming around him. He sucked air in through his teeth as he closed his eyes in pleasure. "Fucking hell. You feel even better than remember." Very slowly, he pulled out of me and pushed back in. I really could feel all of him this way. I could feel the ridge at the base of his tip catching on the little cliff deep inside me. I could even feel the veins throbbing on his shaft as the blood pumped through them. It felt so good but it was also agonizing torture to go this slow. I wanted him fast. I wanted him rough. I can't even imagine the amount of restraint it was taking him to hold himself back.

He leaned over me a little so he could see my face. "Do you trust me Kit?"

A rush of adrenaline surged through me. That sounded promisingly dangerous. "Yes, I trust you."

He smiled his devilish grin. "Good. If you want me to stop, just tell me. You got it?"

I nodded my understanding. I had no idea what he was about to do to me. He was feeling a little bit nervous but mostly exhilarated. He lifted his hand and brought it down to squeeze around my neck. My air supply quickly started to shut off and my panic started to rise. It must have shown in my face because he loosened his grip a little. "Don't be scared. Trust me..." Looking into his eyes, I knew he wouldn't actually hurt me. I gave him a nod of reassurance and he started to squeeze again. His hips started to pump into me a little faster. There was so much going on at once. I didn't know what to focus on. My vision was starting to get spotty. At the last second, he let go and air filled my lungs once again. As I was catching my breath he started to slam into me. He was hitting my spot head on and my body was starting to respond. His hand went to my throat again. His fingers tightened and my head began to swim. The lack of oxygen was making me feel high and his relentless thrusts were bringing me to the cusp. My lips were starting to tingle, my vision was going black. Another couple of seconds and I would have been out. But he knew what he was doing. He released my throat and gripped my hips with both of his hands. Pounding into me with no mercy. The combination of my orgasm and the oxygen flooding my brain was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. I felt it in every inch of my body. The sweet relief of being able to breathe gave me a head rush. The intensity with which my walls were clenching was exhausting. I didn't have the wherewithal to even think about moving any other parts of my body. Connor cried out in pleasure as his own release tore through him. It took so much out of him that he could barely move. His entire body was like an exposed nerve. Sensitive to the slightest touch. 

I was gone. I couldn't even feel my body anymore. My eyes were heavy with exhaustion. I had just had two intensely gratifying orgasms. My body was completely satiated and now it was demanding sleep. I felt Connor pull a blanket over us and wrap his arm around me. His mind was putting off this calming buzz. It was almost like a low current of electricity. I had absolutely no mental guard up at the moment so it was interesting to experience just how deeply I could feel him. If it was ever possible to touch a soul, this is what it must feel like...

I had just enough energy to get out one last sentence. "I think we just started a new Christmas tradition."

He giggled in my ear. "Aye, little bird . I think we did..." 

 

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

Sleep had been a fickle friend as of late. I was torn between utter exhaustion and the paralyzing fear of closing my eyes. I needed to sleep. My body was begging me but I fought my heavy eyelids until the last possible second. I didn't know what sleep would bring and the uncertainty plagued me. What if I watched Oliver die over and over again until this whole mess with Fantasma was settled? A cruel but deserved punishment for going back on my word to him. Or worse, what if I didn't dream of him at all? I still wasn't sure if this was my gift allowing him to reach out to me or if it was merely my subconscious trying to get its point across. Either way, sleep terrified me. I spent every night glued to Connor's hip just in case I succumbed to my body's needs. If I fell asleep at least my mind would be anchored to his. I would be safer in his dreams. Some nights I would even ask Murphy to climb into bed with us. That was the only time I truly rested. The peaceful sleep of a girl surrounded by her own personal Saints.

I thought that after I gave Connor and Murphy the go ahead with pursuing their work that I might feel some relief. Maybe just knowing that we would soon be back on the trail would be enough to satiate my unease. But that didn't seem to be the case. It only grew and grew. This feeling wouldn't dissipate until action was taken. The only problem with that was the fact that we had no idea where to start. I had struck out with Rachel and we no longer had Alfie giving us insider trading. Connor suggested that we just make it through the holidays and then we could worry about our dark reality. Murphy agreed with him. As much as they needed to be out there dispensing justice, they had been enjoying our hiatus. The plan was to enjoy each other until the new year. We had until December 31st but come January, it was back to business as usual. Smecker's card was burning a whole in my pocket. Connor and Murphy insisted that he was a good man and very sharp. If there was someone out there who could help us find Fantasma, it was him. We already had our time and date set up to meet with him. January 1st, 9:00 pm, my record store. Just five more days...

In the meantime, I tried to keep myself busy. Idle hands are the devil's playthings... Every morning before either of the guys woke up I would slip out of Connor's bed and tie the laces of my brand new running shoes. I will never be the kind of person who runs for the fun of it, but when you've got something you're running towards it gets a lot easier. I decided to take a page from Edgar's playbook and spend my mornings watching the sun come up with Oliver. I took the same route everyday. Coasting down the city streets, the pavement pounding beneath my feet. By the end I was always sucking down air but I made it nonetheless. The stillness of the mornings was one of the few comforts I had at the moment. Nothing felt pressing or urgent. There were no life and death decisions to be made. There was only me, Ollie, and the rising sun. I thought maybe, just maybe, if I told Oliver everyday that I was going to keep my promise, that he would somehow take my unease. At the very least, I thought he might give me a clue as to where to start. But each morning was the same as the last. There was nothing. I couldn't feel him at all. Eventually the cold December air would get to be too much and I would start my run back towards the loft.

I may have left Ollie empty handed but I decided not to come back to the twins with nothing to show for myself. Right around the corner from our loft was a hidden gem. A small family owned bakery that always smelled like heaven. We had heard their donuts were to die for but none of us were ever up early enough to get in there before they sold out for the day. I think I must have bought one of every kind. It was impossible to choose and God knows they wouldn't go waste in our house. They'd be lucky to make it until lunch. 

I opened up the door to a quiet apartment. It was still pretty early but I was dying to wake them up. I walked back the hall and turned in to Connor's room. He was still sound asleep, his mouth hanging wide open. I sat the donuts down on his bedside table and opened the lid. I thought maybe the delicious aroma might help to coax him from sleep. Leaning down, I kissed his cheek and whispered in his ear, "Connor... wake up. I've got a surprise for you." He didn't budge at all so I shook him a little. That finally earned a reaction. He groaned in protest and pulled the blanket over his head. I shook my head, smiling. "Fine. Suit yourself."

Connor was next to impossible to stir from sleep but Murphy had always been a light sleeper. I opened his door to find him sprawled out on top of his comforter in nothing but his underwear. He was laying on his stomach and he was upside down in his bed. All of his pillows were at his feet. He was so tall, and his limbs so long, that he almost took up every square inch of the bed. I lowered myself to the floor so that I was kneeling in front of him. Just as I was about to lean in and kiss him, a smile spread across his lips... "Mmm, you smell like cake." His eyes flickered open. The fierce blue color never failed to mesmerize me.

I smiled right back at him and went in for my kiss. "Not cake, donuts. I went down to Genevieve's bakery and got them fresh from the oven."

The excitement lit his entire face and he yanked me down on the bed with him so quickly that I let out a little yelp. He pulled me into his chest and nestled his face in my neck. I could feel his lips tickling my skin as he spoke. "Did you get the jelly filled kind?"

His hands were traveling up the back of my shirt as he kissed down my neck. "I got everything. One of each kind."

He flipped me over so that I was laying beneath him on my back. He inhaled deeply as his face nuzzled my chest. "You seriously smell good enough to eat. I don't know what I want first, you or a donut?"

I lifted my hands above my head to signal for him to take my shirt off. His smile was one of victory. My shirt was half way up my body when his cell phone rang. Murphy's hands froze in place, like he'd just been caught doing something forbidden. The look on his face went from confused to annoyed so quickly, and I busted out into laughter. My giggling soothed his irritation and he grinned down at me. "Hold that thought..." 

He gave me one more quick peck before he hopped off the bed to go in search of his phone. The ringing was coming from the pile of dirty laundry on his floor. Watching him frantically search through the pockets of his jeans was adorable. He found it just in time. "Hello... Oh, hey Matt."

Matt's sleeping schedule was all over the place with the hours that he worked at hospital. That fact, coupled with his excited impulsiveness, led to a lot of late night and early morning wake-up calls. Murphy had made his way back over to the bed and was now sitting propped up with his back against the brick wall. I waited patiently as I listened to the lighthearted conversation between friends. My stomach started to growl and the sweet smell of donuts was now too hard to resist. I reached in and pulled out one that I thought Murphy would like.

When I turned around, Murphy was watching me intently. He still had the phone pressed to his ear listening to Matt but he seemed far more interested in what I was doing. I took a bite of the donut and made an exaggerated face of enjoyment. Murphy smirked at me and playfully tossed a pillow in my direction. 

His face lit up at something Matt had said. "That's a great idea man. Kit will love that." Murph's excitement was contagious. "Okay, yeah. Sounds good. I'll run it by Kit and Connor later and get back to you." He was trying his best to wrap up the conversation so he could get his hands on me. Or maybe it was my donut that he was coveting. 

I climbed into his lap, donut in hand. He leaned in to take a bite but I pulled it away from him in a childish gesture that portrayed my unwillingness to share. The famous Murphy MacManus pout was now firmly planted on his face. He was so stinkin' cute... I wanted him to get off the phone so we could get back to our play date. As an incentive, I dipped my index finger into the jelly filled center of my donut and brought it to his mouth. Savoring the experience, he slowly sucked the raspberry filling from my finger. I repeated the gesture one more time but this time I traced the jelly along his lips and then leaned in to kiss him. Running my tongue across his lip, I licked away the remainder of the jelly. As I nibbled on his ear his breathing started to pick up. He was struggling to keep his composure on the phone. When I whispered in his ear about something else I wanted him to taste, he lost it.

"Matt, I gotta go. I'll call ya back later." He didn't even wait for Matt's response before he tossed the phone to the side. I definitely had his full attention now.

~~~~~

After our very hardy breakfast of donuts and sex I was in desperate need of a shower. My day had brightened considerably since my visit with Ollie this morning. I was riding a major high as I enjoyed the feel of the hot shower and the aroma of the brown sugar body wash that Sarah had given me for Christmas. I had gotten my sugar fix in more ways than one this morning and my body was humming in relaxing satisfaction. 

My post Murphy stupor almost made me forget my curiosity about Matt's phone call. I wrapped myself in a towel and walked out to find Murphy. I found him sitting at the kitchen counter, his face covered in powdered sugar. 

I giggled at him and he grinned. "What?"

"You've got a little something on your face there Murph."

He brought his hand to his face to wipe away the evidence but his fingers were still covered in powder so it only made it worse. "Did I get it?"

I lied. "Yep. All clean." A look of accomplishment spread across his face. "I hope you saved some for Connor."

He shrugged sheepishly and grinned. "Early bird gets the worm, Kit."

I couldn't tell if he was being serious or not. Surely he hadn't eaten that entire box on his own?! I opened up the lid to find six donuts safely nestled in their spots. Laughing to myself, I closed the lid and turned to face him. "So what was Matt so excited about this morning?"

He started to answer me when Connor sauntered into the kitchen. He inhaled exaggeratedly and came up behind me to trap me in his embrace. His teeth playfully nibbled at my neck. Torture by way of tickling. "Sweet Lord, what smells so heavenly?! Is it you?"

I laughed and did my best to wiggle out of his reach. "That would be the donuts." I pointed in their direction.

He immediately relinquished his hold on me and made a beeline straight for that box. His eyes scanned over the delicious pastries as he licked his lips in anticipation. I could feel his excitement transform to disappointment when he realized that the donut he had his heart set on was nowhere to be found. He looked up at his brother with irritation. When he spoke he sounded like a pouting child. It was adorable... "Murph, did you eat all the powdered ones? You know those are my favorite!"

Murphy, unaware to the fact that he still had the evidence all over his face, feigned innocence. "Hey, don't look at me! Maybe Kit ate them. You know how she likes her sweets."

Aside from the quick wink that he flashed my way, he had the perfect poker face but Connor wasn't buying it. "You're off your nut if you think I'd believe that load for one second! You've got powder all over your face..."

Murphy looked to me in amused betrayal before turning his attention back to his brother. "Don't be such a puss face Connor, I was only messing." From the kitchen drawer, Murphy pulled out the donut he had been hiding and handed it to Connor. "No need to get your knickers in a twist."

Murphy flinched when Connor pretended to punch his arm and then they both started laughing. "You're a real arse, you know that Murph?"

I stepped in before we got any further off track. I was dying to know what Matt's phone call had been about. "Murphy, what did Matt say when he called?"

"Ahh yes, Matty Boy..." He smiled at me. "He was just wonderin' if we wanted to join him and Sarah for New Years. Apparently someone in his family left him a little cabin up on the lake. He played it off like he thought you and Sarah would find it all romantic but I think he was just looking for another chance to get cozy with Connor."

I could feel the heat of embarrassment rush through Connor as he remembered our rather eventful game of truth or dare... "Shut it, Murph!"

I giggled. These two were killing me this morning. Moving to where Connor was sitting at the kitchen counter, I climbed into his lap. Maybe my affection would act as aloe to the burn his brother had just dispensed. Brushing my lips against his ear I whispered, "Don't be embarrassed Connor. I kinda liked it." 

The rush of heat spreading through his body quickly changed from embarrassment to lust. His fingers pressed into my thigh when I nipped at his ear lobe. His emotions and desires were quickly flowing over me and I inhaled sharply to catch my breath. I kissed his cheek and then slid off of his lap to safety. I have very little self control and distance seemed the safest course of action. The sense of frustration and loss filled the room. The frustration was easy to understand. I had just turned him on and left him hanging. And the loss... he was literally missing me. Even though I was only two feet away from him, he felt a little empty at the sudden absence of my touch. I peeked over at him through shy lashes and a warmth that was all my own was now spreading throughout my chest. I loved him more and more with each passing moment. And when he smiles the way he's smiling right now... you may as well stick a fork in me and call it a day.

I looked up to see Murphy grinning and shaking his head. "Are you guys done making eyes at each other? I told Matt I'd call him later today with an answer. What do you guys think?"

I had two sets of inquisitive eyes on me waiting for an answer. The thought of bringing in the new year surrounded by the people I loved seemed like a no brainer, so why did I feel a tiny sliver of doubt? I know that we had discussed just enjoying what was left of the year and then starting again with our pursuit of Fantasma, but I had this sense of looming guilt about it. I renewed my promise to Oliver. Every moment I spent in contrary to that promise felt like a betrayal. Like I wasn't prioritizing him. But what else could I do? My morning ritual with Ollie hadn't yielded any results. My attempt to enlist Rachel's help didn't go over well at all. The only thing we had left to hold on to was Agent Smecker's offer of assistance. But who knew what contingencies would come along with that deal. 

I looked from one gorgeous face to another. "What about our meeting with Smecker? We scheduled it for New Year's day. We can't miss that."

"We'll just make sure we give ourselves enough time to get back." Murphy seemed like he really wanted to go.

I turned to Connor for his opinion. "I'm game if you are Kit. I think it'd be fun. We could get away for a little while."

The idea of being secluded with them, away from all of the world's problems, made me smile. "Okay then... Murph, you can go ahead and call Matt to let him know we're coming."

And that was that... We were going to spend the weekend at Matt's lake house. I'm sure everything would be fine and that we'd have a great time, but I just couldn't shake this uneasy feeling. I was probably just dragging my feet because of the whole Oliver thing. But who knows, maybe the time away would actually provide some clarity. 

 


	26. Chapter 26

Feeling Connor listen to music is something that I wish everyone could experience once in their life. It's an intoxicating sensation that I could undoubtedly get lost in for hours. The lyrics and the melodies move his emotions so deeply. The transcendent swelling effects carry his mind to a state of peace and to a sense of feeling completely understood. Music was a safe place for him. It took him on a journey to where his consciousness could explore the depths of feelings that were always under the surface. Today, as he drove down the winding winter roads towards Matt's cabin, I went along on that journey with him. I watched out my window as the snow covered scenery passed me by, and let myself float in relaxation. I listened blissfully as Connor's voice effortlessly wrapped around the lyrics to a comfortingly familiar Travis song. His unintentional serenade was my new drug of choice. When he sang of the flowers in the window and a promise of helping to carry the load of our burdens, my face flooded his mind. The warmth of happiness washed over him and he felt free. Free because he was sure. Sure of the fact that he was in love with me and I was exactly what he wanted. Sure that he didn't want to spend another second of his life without me in it. He was finished looking. He had found his home in me just as I had found my home in him. Mindlessly, without even taking his eyes off the road, he reached out and entwined my fingers with his. Like it was a habit. Like it was such an ordinary action that he didn't even know he was doing it. The thought made me smile and I squeezed his hand in mine. The corner of his mouth raised in a content smirk as be brought my hand to his lips to kiss it before returning our clasped hands to rest in his lap. I could sit with him like this forever. In the stillness. In the comfort. In the calm. The only thing missing was Murphy, who in that moment was snoring softly from the backseat.

As we turned around the next bend, the shimmering water of the lake came into view. Matt's picturesque little cabin was nestled safely in the trees just above the shoreline. It was beautiful. The green tin roof extended out to cover the wrap around porch that overlooked the water. Ornately carved wooden rocking chairs were sporadically placed along the deck. A stone stairway descended off the back porch and led to a dock over the lake. The view was breathtaking.

Connor parked our car in the driveway next to Matt's Jeep. He let out an appreciative whistle as his eyes scoped out his surroundings. "Wow... This place is nice."

"Yeah, no kidding. You think you two can manage not to break anything while we're here?" I winked at him playfully.

Laughing, he leaned across the car to kiss my cheek. "You know that's a promise we can't keep, little bird."

I felt my cheeks flush pink with pleasure at his term of endearment. I loved it when he called me that. It was something special just between the two of us. Like the way Murphy called me baby girl and like how Ollie... how Ollie called me Kit Kat.

I was seconds away from letting the sadness of missing Ollie creep in when Sarah bounced out onto the porch. "Kit! Finally! We were worried you guys got lost."

I got out of the car to meet her for a hug. "No, not lost. Connor just drives like he's 85."

I looked back over my shoulder to see Connor and Murphy gathering our bags from the trunk, along with the case of beer Matt had requested. Connor smirked in amusement when he heard what I had said. "Hey now! The roads were a wee bit icy for my liking." He walked up to bop my nose with his finger. "Can't be too careful when I've got precious cargo in the car."

Again, I felt myself turning red. Sarah found it charming. "Awe, how cute Kit. You're precious cargo."

Being the smart ass that he is, Connor couldn't help himself. "Oh no... I was talking about Murph."

Murphy sauntered up behind him to join in. "Aye. We half contemplated putting Kit in the trunk so the beer could ride up front with us."

They thought they were hilarious and apparently Sarah did too. They had her in a fit of giggles. "Alright, alright... That's enough out of you two. Knock it off before Sarah pees her pants."

We each grabbed a bag and headed inside where we found Matt diligently working in the kitchen. I have no idea what he was making, but whatever it was, it smelled delicious. "Hey guys! You can put your stuff down in the back bedroom. I'm just getting started on dinner. Murphy, do you wanna help me grill?"

Matt was definitely excited that Murphy was finally here. Those two got along like two peas in a pod. From the look on Murphy's face, he was just as happy... Freaking adorable. "Sure man! Just tell me where you need me."

While Murphy helped Matt in the kitchen, Sarah showed me and Connor to our room. When she opened the door, her face fell a little and I could sense that she was slightly uncomfortable. "Umm... I-uh... I didn't realize there was only one bed. It's king sized, so you should all fit." Her face was cherry red. "Oh God, I'm sorry! That was weird. Is that weird? I'm not judging, I just don't want you guys to think I-..."

I cut her off. She was feeling very uncomfortable and nervous with Connor standing there. "Sarah, it's fine. No big deal. We'll manage." I smiled at her to relieve her anxiety.

Connor chimed in as well. He was getting a kick out of her embarrassment. "Yeah, it's no problem at all. We will just pull the cushions off the couch and Kit can sleep on the floor."

I smacked his arm as he walked past me into the room. His joke had helped to put Sarah at ease and quickly defused the situation. That could have gotten awkward really fast. I turned to look back at Sarah. "So, what's the plan for tonight?"

Her face lit up as she prepared herself to tell me about what she had in mind. "Well, Matt is working on cooking us an awesome dinner. I thought while the guys were doing that, you and I could go take a walk down by the lake. We can bring back some firewood for later tonight. And then after dinner we can do whatever. We have lots of alcohol and games and we even brought some movies. How's that sound?"

"It sounds perfect. We should probably start on that walk before it gets too dark."

"Yeah, agreed." She smiled at Connor. "You think you'll be okay in here Connor? You won't feel like too much of a third wheel with Matt and Murphy?"

He scoffed. "I'm sure I'll be fine. I may even take myself a nap." He reclined back on the bed with his hands under his head.

Sarah and I left the guys to their own devices and made our way down to the lake. It was a beautiful day but it was still pretty cold outside so we were bundled up pretty good. The water sloshing against the shore set a relaxing tone for our afternoon walk. We went on in silence for a little while, both of us just enjoying the fresh air and the quiet. It was nice to have a little alone time with her but something was off. She was putting off a strange vibe. She was struggling with something but I couldn't quite get what it was. I wanted her to be able to talk to me about whatever was going on but I didn't want to invade her privacy. She'd tell me when she was ready. That's definitely one of the hardships that come along with this gift of mine. I know things before people are ready for me to know. And sometimes I know things that I have absolutely no desire to know at all. Sometimes it was hard to find the balance but I was getting better at managing that. 

I decided to breach a safe topic just to get her talking. "So have you and Matt set a date for the wedding yet?"

Her smile brightened her whole face. "We were thinking the second weekend in September. I'd love to do it in big field behind my grandparent's old house."

"That would be beautiful. It's so pretty out there in the fall. Plus all the colors will go great with your red hair." I nudged her in a teasing manner. 

She giggled. "Yeah I think it will be great. We just want to keep things small and simple. I don't need a huge show, I just need him. All I need is to promise my life to him in front of our friends, family, and God. That's all that matters."

I tucked my arm through hers as we walked along the water. "Then that's exactly what you'll do. Don't worry about what your mom wants or his mom for that matter. Do whatever makes you and Matt happy. I love your mom but she can be a little pushy. You should probably start practicing the word no."

We both chuckled at my statement. "Thanks Kit. You know... I'm going to need back up through all of this. Someone to help me plan and advocate for me when my mom starts overwhelming me with what she wants. Would you be that person for me? Would you be my maid of honor?"

Her request brought a tear to my eye. I don't know why it took me by surprise, but it did. This was a day that we had been talking about since we were little kids. I had always viewed her as a sister but after my mother died, Sarah and Oliver were pretty much the only family I had left. I was so happy for her in this moment. I stopped to hug her. "I'd be honored Sarah." We were both crying a little so I made a joke to lighten things up. "As long as you don't make me wear something awful."

"I would never!" She put her hand over her heart and pretended to be offended. We started to move forward again as we continued our conversation. "I think Matt is planning to ask Murphy to be his best man. He doesn't have any brothers and he's always been better at making friends with girls. Which I just LOVE by the way... But yeah, I think he wants to ask Murphy but he's kinda nervous about it. It's kind of cute actually."

I grinned at the thought of Matt awkwardly asking Murphy to be his best man. "Murph will love that. He really likes Matt. With their line of work, they don't really have a lot of friends. They haven't really gotten close to anyone since their friend Rocco died. Having Matt around has been nice for them. Especially since they don't have to lie to him about who they are or what they do."

She smiled but then went silent for a moment. That strange vibe was back again. "Speaking of what they do... Did you talk to them about Oliver?"

I side stepped her question slightly. "I told them that I thought I was ready for them to continue. I didn't want to be the one to hold them back anymore."

She eyed me skeptically. "Okay, that's good but did you tell them about Oliver? About your crazy nightmares and how you woke up clear across town in the freaking cemetery?" I knew the answer she was looking for but I couldn't give it to her and I couldn't lie. I shook my head no in shame. "Kit Louise?!?! Why the hell not? They need to know about that. It's been going on for weeks. They need to know about the dreams and they need to know about Rachel. You need to let them all the way in Kit. They can help. What's the hold up?"

I contemplated that for a moment. I'm not sure why I hadn't told them about Oliver. I think maybe I just didn't want to freak them out for no reason. Ever since I'd given them the go ahead on Christmas eve, the dreams had stopped. "I don't know. I'm just not sure that they need to know about it. It's over now. I haven't had anymore dreams. Actually, I haven't sensed Ollie at all. I did what he asked of me and now he's gone. I told them about Smecker. And Rachel was a dead end, so what's the point of bringing that up?"

She was looking at me like I'd missed a very important detail. "I think it's important. Did you ever stop to think about how easy it was for Smecker to track down Alfie and Rachel? If he could find them, I'm betting Fantasma's people could too. What if they also had someone fallowing Rachel that day? I feel like that's something that Connor and Murphy need to know about. You don't want a gun wielding criminal to just bust in your door one day. They should know all the facts. They should be ready to handle any possibility."

Wow... she had really put a lot of thought into this and she was making some really good points. "I live with gun wielding criminals Sarah... but I see what you're saying. I never even thought about it that way." I paused as I turned something over in my mind. "If that's true, and Fantasma does have someone watching, we could use that to our advantage..."

"How do you mean?"

My light bulb had turned completely on. "Think about it.. we could still use Alfie to find them and they'd be none the wiser. We could watch them watch Alfie. We could take our time and study them. Be smart about it. Be ready. We could see how many players they have on the board. And this time we have Smecker."

There were so many thoughts racing around my head. This could be it. This could be our in. It could also be very bad if they had already ascertained our whereabouts. Sarah was right, Connor and Murphy had to know about this. I had to tell them. Tomorrow night. I'd tell them tomorrow during our meeting with Smecker. That way everyone was in the loop.

Sarah cleared her throat to get my attention. "Kit... are you sure you can trust this Smecker guy? I mean, what if it's a set up? What if you show up for your meeting tomorrow and the cops are waiting there to arrest you?"

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't had the very same thoughts. I've been overthinking the situation for days. But I kept coming back around to the fact that both Connor and Murphy seemed to trust him. And he may be an eccentric man but at no time did I get the sense that he was trying to play me. "I'm not sure about anything right now but I don't think that he's trying to set us up. He wants something from us and we'd be of no use to him if we were in jail. Plus, with him knowing everything he knows, he could have came after us a long time ago... but he didn't."

Some of the tension left Sarah's shoulders as she took in my words. "Okay... just be careful alright? And promise me that you'll tell Connor and Murphy what's going on. If you don't tell them, I will..."

She wasn't messing around. "I promise... on both accounts."

Sarah looked pleased. " Good. Now come on, let's go grab some firewood from the pile by the shed. Matt probably has dinner almost ready and it's freaking freezing out here!"

 

~~~~~~~~~~

After dinner was over, Matt wanted to show the twins his grandfather's old gun collection. Apparently this place doubled as a vacation home and a hunting cabin. Watching them all geek out over the different firearms was adorable. Sarah and I just stood in the doorway shaking our heads. Boys and their toys...

Murphy and Connor's interest really made Matt feel like one of the guys. It was nice to see them making friends. The guys were in the middle of ogling a rather large gun when Matt threw out a suggestion that caught everyone's attention. "Growing up, my family would always shoot a gun off to bring in the new year. You guys wanna break these out and give them a try?"

Sarah didn't look like she was overly fond of that idea. "How about another time Matty. Alcohol and guns aren't really a good mix." I had to agree with her on that one. "We've only got a couple of hours left until midnight. Let's just put on some good music, have some good conversation, and drink until we're ready to pass out. We could get in the hot tub!!"

Matt gave her a very knowing grin and she blushed a little. "I could get behind that idea."

We spent the better part of the evening in the warm, soothing water. The temperature difference between the relaxing bubbles and the cold night air made for an interesting sensation. But the more we drank, the less everyone noticed the cold, and the more everyone pushed their inhibitions to the side. I had never really been drunk around Connor before and it was definitely interesting. He felt so warm and happy and everything was exaggerated. This could just be the booze talking, but I swore I could almost see his emotions. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. His skin was giving off this warm, glimmering hue. He was always attractive but in this moment he was the most beautiful thing that I had ever laid eyes on. It didn't help that he had at least one hand on me at all times. The touch of his skin sent tingling sensations throughout my system. It was a light, pleasant buzz. Kinda like when you touch one of those plasma globes and the electricity follows your finger wherever it goes. Every once in a while he would lean in and whisper something in my ear. His proximity was maddening. I wanted to feel his lips brush across my skin. I was trying my hardest to keep my composure, considering we were sharing this hot tub with three other people. Not that it mattered much... Matt and Sarah were well past the point of worrying about modesty. In between interesting stories and joking around with Murphy, Matt took every chance presented to him to lock his lips with Sarah's. Eventually Connor and Murphy would whistle and cheer, causing Sarah to pull away in embarrassment. But the distance never lasted long.

We had finished off all the beer an hour ago and switched to whiskey. I don't think I had been this drunk since my senior year in college. Matt had suggested that we all go around and name some things we were looking forward to in the year to come. It was Sarah's turn to answer. "I can't wait to be your wife." The waves of pure joy that were flowing from Matt almost made me want to cry. He loved her more than... more than... well actually, there was nothing to compare it to. He had never loved anything even remotely close to as much as he loved her. None of the other things could even be put into the same category. He cupped her face between both of his hands and kissed her. I mean he REALLY kissed her. I'm pretty sure they had forgotten that we were even there. My inebriated state coupled with theirs was making it next to impossible for me to block out what they were feeling and my eyes were glued on their steamy lip lock. Images of them together were flashing through their minds and I couldn't tune them out. Their intentions for each other that night were abundantly clear. 

My attention was refocused when Murphy handed me another drink. I looked up to see his knowing smile. I didn't think it was possible for me to blush any harder but Murphy knowing where my mind was did the trick. I quickly downed the warm amber liquid that was in the cup he had handed me. When Matt and Sarah finally broke apart it was Matt's turn to answer. "I can't wait to finish my residency and start my life with this one..." He mussed up Sarah's hair with his fingers. "What about you Murph? Got any special plans for the year?"

Murphy answered with ease. "I'm looking forward to those new Desert Eagles coming out."

Matt was all over that. Those two talked about guns for the next 15 minutes. Every once in a while Connor would chime in too. Sarah and I just sat back and listened in ignorance. Her eyes were glued to Matt's face and he and Murphy went back an forth with the exuberance of two small boys. Matt was mindlessly stroking his hand up and down her arm as she sat tucked in next to his side. I tried to keep up as much as I could but my attention was very quickly directed elsewhere when I felt Connor's hand on my thigh. He pressed his lips to my ear and whispered, "I'm looking forward to this... to me and you. Kissing you..." His lips pressed to my neck and then softly on my lips. "Touching you..." The hand that was resting on my thigh started to move northward. My blood was boiling in my veins. "I'm looking forward to holding you, and loving you, and so much more little bird."

I panted out my response. "More?"

The grin that spread across his face was a warning sign. "Aye, so much more." His lips dipped down to kiss my shoulder before coming back up to my ear. "I'm going to touch you Kit. I'm going to push your thighs apart and I'm going to touch you. Do you understand?" I whispered my yes. "Good... keep still."

He did exactly as he said he'd do and pushed my thighs apart. The adrenaline was coursing through my system. I had never done anything like this before. This was always something that I experienced in private but I'd be lying if I said I didn't find this absolutely exhilarating. The bubbles were hiding our bodies beneath the water but there was still a very real possibility of us getting caught. What if I couldn't control my expressions? What if I couldn't keep still? Oh gosh... what if I couldn't keep quiet? That thought scared me and I clamped his hand between my thighs.

His voice was in my ear again. "It's alright Kit. Relax. Just trust me..."

I did as he asked and opened myself back up to him. His fingers quickly found their destination as they rubbed me through the material of my bathing suit. I inhaled deeply and bit my lower lip when I felt him push my bottoms aside. When they found their way to my clit, my fingers squeezed his thigh in desperation. A sly smile formed in the corners of his mouth. He knew he had found the right spot. His body was humming with exhilaration. This was a total rush for him. He loved the fact that I trusted him enough to go there with him, and my bravery turned him on beyond belief. When Matt finally directed his question to Connor, he answered without missing a beat. As if his fingers weren't curled inside of me, pushing me to my end. It was sexy. He was so steady and composed. I didn't know what I was going to do when it was my turn to answer. I'm pretty sure I was not capable of stringing together the words to form a sentence in my current state. 

Luckily, I never had to test that theory. Sarah interrupted. "Alright, I'm starting to get pruney. You guys wanna head in? The ball drops in 15 minutes. I vote we get dried off, put on some pj's and toast to the new year."

Everyone seemed to be in agreeance. Murphy hopped out and extended his hands out for Sarah so she could climb out without falling over. Matt followed close behind.

Sarah looked to me. "You guys coming?" The irony of her words was not lost on me. 

Connor answered for me. "Aye, we'll be right behind yah..."

Matt and Murphy had already started towards the house so Sarah quickened her pace to catch up with them. I was now alone with Connor who had all the while been rubbing me deliciously. His free hand cupped the back of my neck and brought my lips to his. His kiss was needy and deep. His fingers had quickly found a relentless rhythm. I was climbing higher and higher. My head was swimming with a mixture of euphoria and intoxication. When his fingers curled upward to press against that deliciously tender spot deep inside of me, I exploded around him. I moaned into his mouth as he continued to pump his skilled fingers. The release of all of that pressure I had bottled up throughout the night was one of the most satisfying things I have ever experienced.

We stayed still for a moment while I gathered myself and then he kissed me sweetly. "We should head inside before anyone comes looking."

He was right. We needed to get in before Sarah freaked out. When she drinks, she tends to panic when she can't find me. It was even worse the one time we tried pot together. She had no concept of time so I couldn't be away from her for more than 2 minutes without her thinking something terrible had happened. We made our way inside and got ready to enjoy the rest of the evening. Once we were dry and clothed we wandered out to join the others in the living room. Sarah had five champagne flutes full and ready for our New Year's toast. She also had party horns and confetti poppers. Always so prepared...

As the countdown clock descended we raised our glasses high and cheered out an enthusiastic, "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" Connor was the first person my eyes landed on. He pulled me into his embrace and we shared our first New Year's kiss. I was so happy. If he wasn't holding on to me, I think I may have floated away. I looked over to see Matt and Sarah swaying slightly in each others arms. They were the picture of happiness and I felt a surge of joy for my friend. I released myself from Connor's hold and turned to find Murphy, but he wasn't there...

I was overwhelmingly confused. I had officially had too much to drink and I couldn't understand why he wasn't standing there next to me. I wanted to share a moment with him like I had just done with Connor and it made me sad that we had just missed our chance. I waited a few minutes because I thought maybe he had just went to use the restroom, but he never came back. I started to get worried. Sarah had started a movie and everyone was perched comfortably around the living room. Everyone except Murphy. My mind could focus on nothing else. Connor was already dosing off next to me on the couch so I stood up to go find Murphy.

Sarah looked at me with concern when I started to put on my coat and Connor's boots. "Where are you going Kit?"

"I'm going to go find Murph. He hasn't came back yet and I'm starting to get worried. I'll be right back." I closed the door behind me as I made my way down the steps. I thought maybe he came out to smoke but he wasn't on the porch. He wasn't by the cars either. The panic was starting to rise in my chest when I heard the sound of something splashing in the distance. I walked down the stone walk way and found him standing on the dock throwing rocks into the water. It was a clear blue night and the moon was full in the sky so I could see him perfectly. It was maybe 15 degrees outside and he was wearing nothing more than a t-shirt and jeans.

He seemed a bit agitated so I approached him with caution. "Murphy...?" He turned around when he heard my voice. "What are you doing? It's freezing out here."

He was definitely upset about something. "I just needed some air. Go back inside Kit." I went to take a step towards him but I stopped in my tracks when he snapped at me. "I said go back inside Kit! I'm fine, just leave me alone."

In a normal situation I would have handled this much differently but I was drunk as a skunk and therefore irrational. I ran with the first emotion that presented itself. Anger... "Don't yell at me Murphy! You're obviously not fine. What's the matter with you?"

His rage started to boil over and I found myself a little afraid. "YOU! YOU'RE WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH ME!"

I could not compartmentalize what I was feeling. Everything was happening at once and I thought I was going to be sick.

Even in his drunken state, Murphy never missed a thing. He still saw straight through me and read me like a book. His expression calmed a little when he spoke again. "Fuck... I'm sorry Kit. I didn't mean to yell, it's just... I can't... FUCK!" He was running his fingers through his hair as he paced back and forth on the dock. It was making me nervous watching him so close to the water.

"Murphy... I don't understand. Are you angry with me?"

He stopped pacing to ponder that for a second before he answered me. His voice was straining from the tears that he was trying, but failing to hold back... "I'm not mad at you Kit. I'm pissed at myself. You didn't do anything wrong. It's on me. I'm the one with the problem. I'm the one who should have known better. I shouldn't have let myself feel this. I've been fighting it Kit. I've been fighting it from day one but somewhere along the way I let it happen. I don't do this... I'm not built for this. I thought maybe I could but I can't. I see you and Connor together and I know I can't ever compete with that. He makes you happy. You should see yourself with him. Your whole body relaxes when he walks into the room. I don't know how to do this! I wasn't supposed to let myself love you but I've never loved someone before so I didn't even realize it until it was too late. Now I don't know what to do because I know I'm not going to be able to stop. Everyday I fall a little deeper. I feel like a fucking idiot. I mean, look at me! I'm fucking drunk, standing outside freezing my nuts off while yelling at yah for something that's not even your fault. I'm no good for yah Kit..."

As I stood there listening to him, the world as I had known it came crashing down around me. I didn't need to be able to read his emotions to know what he was feeling in that moment because it was written all over his face. His voice was laced with pain and his shoulders were heavy with defeat. He had no idea what he meant to me and my heart broke into a thousand pieces as I realized that I had failed to make him understand. I had failed to make him feel as cherished as he truly was. I don't know that I have ever felt more desperate in my entire life. I was desperate to hold him. I was desperate to erase all of his feelings of inadequacy. I was desperate to keep him.

Closing the unbearable distance between us, I marched up to him and grabbed his face securely between my hands. I needed him to hear me. I needed him to understand. I needed... him. I begged him. "Murphy listen to me. I love you. I love you so much. If anything is true in this life, it's that." I was crying now." I'm so sorry Murphy. I'm sorry that I haven't made that clear. I need you to believe me Murphy. I love you... I love you."

His forehead pressed against mine as he looked into my eyes. "I know you think that, but it's different. You and Connor are so connected. I'm being selfish. This is asking too much of you. You don't owe me anything Kit."

That was the second time he has spoken those words to me and this time would be the last. I stretched up on the tips of my toes and kissed him with everything I had in me. Every thought or feeling that I have ever had for him was behind that kiss and I was praying that it would somehow pass from my lips to his heart. 

Very suddenly, his hands were wrapped around my upper arms keeping me at bay. "Fucking hell!" He was standing there trying to catch his breath. I think his grip on me was just as much to keep himself upright as it was to keep me away. The unmistakable sting of rejection was overpowering all of my senses. I couldn't breathe. I would have crumbled to the ground if he wasn't holding on to me. His face snapped up in panic. "No no no! Kit I didn't mean... How did you...? Did you not feel that?"

It was in that moment that I realized he was feeling all of the emotions that I wanted him to feel. And because he was still holding me, he registered it the second I thought that he had pushed me away because he didn't want me. "I don't... I don't know how I did that. I've never been able to do that before but I needed to you understand. I needed you to see. Murphy please... Tell me you understand now." A life without him was haunting my thoughts. I couldn't... I wouldn't make it.

He pulled me back into his chest. "Hey... hey it's okay Kit. I'm not going anywhere." He kissed the top of my head. "I'm right here. I get it now. I promise... I'm not going anywhere."

We stood there holding each other for quite a while. But eventually the warmth from the alcohol faded away and Murphy started shiver. I took his hand in mine and led him back to the house. By the time we came back inside Matt and Sarah had gone to bed. Connor was still sleeping soundly in the spot that I had left him on the couch. I covered him with a blanket and then made my way back the hallway to join Murphy for bed. I opened the door to find him already waiting for me under the covers. The room had a small fireplace on the far wall and it cast the room in its comforting glow. It made everything feel cozy, and intimate, and safe. I was dead on my feet so I crawled into bed and straight into Murphy's arms. 

He brushed the hair from my eyes. "Kit... that was amazing. I could feel everything you were feeling. It was so intense. Is that how things are for you all the time?"

I shook my head. "No, not all the time. It's only ever that intense if the person's emotion is exaggerated or if it's..." I paused for a moment because I wasn't sure if I should finish that thought.

But like he's done so many times before, Murphy finished it for me. "If it's Connor... That's how you feel Connor... All the time?"

Again I shook my head. "No, it's not always like that. Most of the time his emotions are like background noise. A steady, calming hum that's always there. I can always feel him. I'm always hyper aware of him but I've gotten used to it. The longer I'm with him the more he has just became a part of me. I've learned how to sort of focus in on him. When I want to feel him to the full extent I can. I can also dial it down. But I can't ever completely turn it off. He's always there." 

He was completely still and completely quiet. The only indication I had that he wasn't upset was his heartbeat. I could feel it, steady and calm beneath my cheek. Just when I was about to pull away to look at his face, he spoke. "I get it now. I'm sorry I didn't understand before, but I get it now. I didn't mean to yell. I guess... I guess I just got jealous." He paused a moment and laughed. "And drunk. I got jealous and drunk. I want you to be able to feel close to me like that. To feel comfortable, you know? I'm just no good at this shit."

He didn't see himself clearly at all. Even the brief glimpse I was able to show him of how he made me feel wasn't enough to make him see. This time I would try with my words. "Murphy, I do feel close to you. I feel so close to you that it scares me a little because I can't read you. Most of the time I have no clue as to how you're feeling. I'm not used to that. The uncertainty... It's scary, but it's also exciting and unpredictable. You make me feel... alive. You see me Murphy. Nobody sees me like you see me. I can't hide from you and sometimes that freaks me out. I'm used to being the one who reads other people. But you... you just know things. Sometimes I swear you're reading my thoughts. We have these moments... these moments of intimacy where I feel so safe and so understood. But in the next second I feel completely exposed and have the urge to run. I'm afraid that one day you're going to see too much. What if you don't like what you find? You see so much and I see so little. It scares me Murphy. I don't mean to keep you at arms length. I'm just scared. Is any of this making sense?"

He chuckled. "Aye, it makes sense. I'm going to try my best to work on letting you in. I guess I'm scared too. You've gotten deeper than anyone else ever has. I've never loved anyone like this before. I'm gonna try. I might need you to show me sometimes but I'm gonna try. I love you Kit..."

And there they were. Those three simple words. I think the only other time he has ever said them to me was the night he almost died. He didn't use those words lightly and he also didn't seem like the type of man who would overuse them, diluting their meaning. When he said them, he meant it. I decided that I would show him instead of just telling him. I reached up, placed my hand on his cheek, and then pressed my lips to his. This time I could feel it. I could feel how open he was to me, how receptive he was to my emotions. It was like he was an antenna specifically designed to pick up on my wavelengths. He was feeling exactly what I needed him to feel. He was feeling how I felt the first moment I saw him in that church, how safe I felt as he held me when I cried. He was tasting my memories of our times together. The excitement of his touch. The fear of almost losing him. I didn't need to say a word because my feelings all spoke for themselves, but I said them anyway... "I love you too, Murphy."

My declaration had earned me a truly stunning and unguarded smile. I knew that he understood completely now. He knew how much he meant to me. I promised myself that he would never doubt that again. His arms tightened around me and he brought his lips back to mine. I felt that kiss in my bones. I could hear my own heart pounding in my chest. I needed to breathe but I needed to be kissing him more.

Very gently, he rolled over so that I was tucked safely between his body and the mattress. The flickering light from the fireplace was coloring his already beautiful features. His hands delicately brushed through my hair as he continued our kiss. The weight of his body on top of mine was the most comforting feeling in the world. I could have went on kissing him for hours. I felt so close to him but I'm a selfish being. I wanted more. I wanted to be closer. I wanted to be as close as two people could possibly be. I broke our kiss and his lips immediately found the sensitive skin of my neck. I panted out his name. "Murph..."

Again, my words were unnecessary. He was completely tapped in to what I was feeling. To what I was needing. He pinned my arms above my head with one hand and slid my t-shirt up my body with the other. The warmth of his bare skin on mine was what I had been craving and that craving had been satiated. I needed that so badly that I felt the relief wash over me when he pressed his chest to mine to further explore my mouth with his tongue. I loved the way he tasted. He was like that first sip of warm tea. As soon as it passed your lips, its warmness coursed throughout your entire body and hugged you inside.

He was taking his time, making sure every touch counted. He had moved down my neck and was now kissing lightly along my collarbone. His mouth traveled down the center of my chest before he wrapped his skilled tongue around my nipple. Each breast earned equal attention as he went back and forth between them. My God, this felt amazing. My chest was heaving under his touch.

The pleasure only heightened as he kissed his way downward. His strong, skilled hands made me feel so delicate as they stroked along the contours of my sides. The sensation of his stubble scratching my skin as he kissed down my stomach was maddening. I watched him intently, anticipating his next location. I felt his tongue dip into my bellybutton and I threw  my head back in ecstasy. When I felt him stop I looked down at him in confusion. He was staring up at me with those piercing blue eyes. He was waiting... He wanted me to watch. He wanted me to see what he was about to do to me.

Once he had my attention again, he leaned down and kissed the spot where my pajama pants ended and my skin began. The unspoken promise of what he would soon be kissing made me shiver. Very slowly, he pulled the fabric down my thighs, his eyes never leaving mine. There was no longer anything separating his lips from my body, but still he went slowly. Taking his time... He kissed from hip to hip and then down to the apex between my legs. My breathing was starting to accelerate as he got closer and closer to the place I was longing to be touched. He looked up at me one last time before he pressed his lips to that sensitive bundle of nerves hiding in plain sight. I shuttered as the tension fled my body, but I didn't take my eyes off of him. I couldn't. The way he was moving between my legs was hypnotizing. Watching him lick me from beginning to end was the most arousing thing I had ever seen. His hands were wrapped around my hips, pressing down on my tummy to keep me still. To keep me from trying to escape the pleasure. I felt his tongue dip inside of me and I inhaled sharply, closing my eyes in euphoria. His nose was brushing against my clit, providing tantalizing pressure. I was nearing my end. I tried to push my hips forward but he held me still. His warm, strong tongue traveled from my entrance, between my folds, and finally lapped around my swollen bundle before sucking me between his lips. He grazed me ever so slightly with his teeth and my body gave way. My legs held him firmly between my thighs as he continued to suck and flick until the last spasm of released energy had passed through me.

As soon as I stopped writhing beneath him, he spread my legs apart and slid up my body to crush me in a sobering kiss. I was still on his lips and I remembered him telling me that he needed me to know how good I tasted. I remembered how he had shown me by making me suck my own arousal from his fingers. And now he was showing me again. He was showing me how much of a delicacy he thought I was.

My body was a firestorm. I was once again quickly consumed with need. I needed him to feel how much he turned me on. I needed him to feel how the mere thought of his hands on my body was enough start a flood between my thighs. But mostly, I needed him to feel as wonderful as he had just made me feel. I needed to make him feel that. So I showed him... He hummed in appreciation as I flooded his system with my truth. My legs wrapped around his hips and my hands pressed into his back, holding him as close to me as possible. I felt his throbbing tip pressing against my opening. He was so close it was torture. Again, all I could manage was to whimper his name. "Murphy..."

I felt his smile against my skin. His hand came up to brush the hair from my face and then hold me to his gaze. Like he always did, he was seeing me. He was observing my features and committing them to memory. His thumb brushed across my bottom lip and then he spoke. "I love you Kit. " And then he kissed me. He didn't give me time to respond, so again, I showed him with my touch. I felt his thickness push into me, stretching my walls to their limits. Slow and steady, he moved in and out. I gripped his broad shoulders as he moved rhythmically on top of me. Soon our hips were in sync and I met him stride for stride. His breath was hot against my skin as he panted between the kisses he was trailing up my neck. The pressure was rising again and soon he would push me to my tipping point. I wanted that. I wanted that so badly, but I wanted him to come with me. I slid my hands down his back and cupped his muscular ass in my hands, pushing him deeper and deeper.

I gasped at the harshness of his next thrust and purred into his ear. "Oh... oh yes... I love you Murphy. I'm so close... I'm so close." I could barely get the words out anymore through my labored breathing. "I need you Murph. I need to feel you. I need to feel you inside me. Oh God... please. Please Murphy. I love you... I - I lo- Oh my God!"

I couldn't hold on any longer. I had lost myself in his movements, in the smell of his hair, and in the taste of his skin. My muscles convulsed around him, holding him in place. His hips stilled as my throbbing core coaxed his body to release. "Oh... Kit. Jesu-..." I felt his warmth fill my insides and my muscles started to relax. The extent of my tiredness started to reach me. I laid there, frozen in place with my legs still wrapped around him, listening as his breathing started to steady. A couple of minutes passed before he eased himself out of me and rolled over, pulling me into his arms. We were both dead the to world within seconds.

~~~~~~~~~~

I woke the next morning to Murphy tracing his finger up my spine. He was laying next to me on his side, propped up on his elbow. When I opened my eyes he smiled. "Mornin'."

He leaned down to kiss me. When he pulled away his smile was still planted on his face. I laughed. "You're all smiles this morning."

He tucked my hair behind my ear. "Did you know that you snore a little when you drink?"

I was mortified. "What?! I do not!"

He giggled. "Yes you do, but only after you've had some spirits. It's cute."

I covered my face with my hand and rolled away from him in an attempt to not die from embarrassment. He was too observant for my own good. I wrapped the sheet around me and headed for the bathroom. He was laughing at me. " Awww Kit! Don't hide. So what if you snore like a hairy old man when you drink. I find it endearing.."

That rotten grin was splitting his face in two. It was impossible not to laugh with him. I picked up my shoe on the ground and tossed it at him. He dove under the blankets to duck for cover. "I do not snore like a hairy old man, Murphy!"

He climbed out of the bed and walked over to wrap his arms around me. He was trying to console my wound. "No, you snore like a wee little babe and it's the cutest thing I've ever heard." He planted a wet, sloppy kiss on my cheek. "Why don't you go hop in the shower and I'll go make sure everyone else is alive."

He kissed me one last time and then shewed me off into the bathroom. I smiled to myself as I basked in the joy of our happiness. This was a new and huge step for us. There was no more guessing. I knew how he felt. Now I didn't have to hold myself back because I was trying to protect myself. Now I was complete. Connor and Murphy were like opposite charges of a battery. They may be twins but they were so very different. Of course they had a lot in common, but they were each uniquely their own. I could feel Connor so strongly that he was almost an extension of myself. I can't do that with Murphy, but I can make him feel me. I'm willing to bet that I couldn't do that with Connor. It was a theory I needed to test. They were both specifically geared to fit with me and my gift. There was no way that I stumbled upon them by accident. I was almost sure of that now. This is where I was supposed to be. They were where I belonged.

I turned on the sink and splashed my face with cold water. I could still smell Murphy on me and I wanted keep that reminder for the rest of the day. I would just make myself presentable and then go out to join everyone else. When I looked back up into the mirror, my heart leapt into my throat and I screamed. His face was there, clear as day, right behind me in the mirror. I spun on my heals but there was no one there. When I looked again, I was alone in the mirror but I knew what I had seen. I knew who I had seen. Oliver... 

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank all of my readers for being patient with me, and for not giving up or moving on.

To say I was anxious to get home and meet with Smecker was an understatement. Seeing Oliver in that bathroom mirror had thrown me for a loop. It was the first time I had seen or felt him in days. Why now? What did it mean? Was it just a friendly reminder to focus? Whatever the case, I was ready to get down to business. As the day wore on and our meeting with Smecker was fast approaching, I started to get more and more anxious about how Connor and Murphy were going to react to all of this information. I had kept it from them for so long. They might be angry. Or they might think I've finally lost my mind. My gift has never included seeing ghosts.

The minutes seemed to inch by as I watched my life play out around me in slow motion. Connor and Murphy laughed with Matt all through breakfast. They bickered playfully the whole drive home. Murphy criticizing Connor's driving, and Connor purposefully playing music he knew Murphy hated. They were happy. We had just enjoyed a great night with our friends and were on our way to meet a man that could potentially be the answer to our Fantasma problem. 

They had stepped away from this life because I had begged them to. All seemed well but as I watched them tonight, the three of us waiting for Smecker in my record shop, I could feel it. They were ready. This is who they were. The room was buzzing with their purpose. Their trajectory was back on course. Things were normal for them. All I could think about was how guilty I felt for being the one who was about to ruin that for them. Again...

I was working myself up to the overdue conversation. The more I thought on it, the more I felt they deserved to know without Smecker being here. This was personal and he hadn't earned the right to know about this, but they had... 

I took a deep breath and then made my leap. "Hey guys..." They both looked up at me from the bins of vinyl they were sifting through. "I need to talk to you about something."

Approaching cautiously, they walked up to stand in front of me on the other side of the counter. Connor's fear and dread were making me feel light headed. He was too afraid of my next words to ask me what was wrong. His body was unusually stiff as he waited for me to continue.

Murphy was reading my body language the best he could but he was having trouble this time. His curiosity won out over his patience. "Spit it out Kit. You're freaking me out." 

I squared my shoulders and told them everything. I told them how things started out so small that I didn't think it worth a mention, but as things progressed it got worse and worse. Eventually I had gotten so deep that I was terrified for them to know. The situation had gotten away from me and I wasn't entirely certain that I hadn't lost my mind. I told them about my dreams, that I was seeing Oliver even in waking moments. I gave them my theory as to what Oliver was trying to tell me. They both listened quietly until I got to the part about waking up across town in the middle of the cemetery. 

Murphy's anger shocked me. That was the reaction I expected from his brother. "Fucking hell, Kit! How long has this been happening?!"

I averted my eyes as I answered his question. "A few weeks..."

His voice was booming with anger. "A FEW WEEKS?! Are you fucking kidding me Kit? This has been happening for weeks and you are just now saying something! For fuck sake Kit, anything could have happened to you!"

My own anger was starting to rear it's ugly head. I knew he was right, that's why I felt so defensive with him sitting here yelling at me. My first instinct was to defend myself. "I know that Murphy... Don't you think I know that?! I'm sorry, okay?! I just needed time."

I had completely set him off. The madder he got, the thicker his accent became. "Time! Time for what? Time to get yourself hurt, or time to figure out a way to keep us in the dark? Is that why you stayed at Sarah's for so long, because you were trying to hide this from us?"

He was going to have trouble seeing things from my side because he felt betrayed. "God Murphy, I was scared! I didn't know what was happening to me. I thought I was going crazy! What was I supposed to do? This is all insane! It's not really the kind of thing you just blurt out!"

His hands gripped the edge of the counter as he tried to steady himself. "You're supposed to tell us the truth Kit!" He looked to his brother for backup. "Help me out here Connor... Fucking say something!"

My eyes finally ventured to the one place they had been avoiding. With Murphy's rage right out in the open I had managed to keep Connor's emotions at bay, but now that I was looking at him... Everything hit me all at once and it was like someone had just punched me right in the gut. He was completely out of sorts. So much so that I was having trouble pinpointing any one emotion. I was almost certain I got a taste of sadness and disappointment before he completely shut down. All I could feel from him now was restraint. He was using every emotional resource he had to keep me from feeling him out. This was not something I was used to. He had always been an open book to me. I reached out to touch him but he stepped back from my reach and just shook his head. "I need a minute Kit."

It wasn't lost on me that he was using my own reasoning against me. I couldn't fault him for that. I understood the feeling and I was trying my hardest to respect that but my imagination was running away with me. My mind was running through the list of possibilities and none of them seemed to have a bright side. I was seconds away from pushing the issue when Smecker finally decided to make his entrance. The knock on the door startled us all. I looked over at Murphy, who was still clearly pissed at me, and then back to Connor. His expression was indecipherable and my entire body was itching with anxiety. His wall slipped for just a second to reveal a look of pity. "We'll talk about this later Kit. Right now, we need to focus."

His tone was final and not to be tried. I gave him one last apologetic look before turning to answer the knocking at the door. Smecker was standing on the other side shivering in the rain. A winter storm was rolling in and the temperatures were dropping drastically, but the chill inside was far worse. I greeted him awkwardly. "Agent Smecker..."

He smiled back politely. "Miss Taylor."

I stepped aside and he walked past me. He was standing face to face with Connor and Murphy. "Ahh, yes... The MacManus brothers. It's a pleasure to see you boys again."

Connor and Murphy eyed his outstretched hand skeptically before extending their own. I was quickly becoming more and more uncomfortable with this entire situation. I could not focus for the life of me. I was trying to be in the moment and devote my full attention to the task at hand but I kept finding myself silently studying Connor's face. He was obviously restraining himself from feeling something, but what?! Was he concealing anger? Had I hurt his feelings on an unforgivable level? Oh God, what if what he was trying to keep from me was the fact that he was just done? That thought alone made me want to pass out. Please God, don't let it be that.

Smecker's voice broke my train of thought. "Thank you for agreeing to meet with me. I realize this is a bit unorthodox, but I assure you that you'll find this worth your time. I'm sure Kit has told you the gist of what I had to say but I'd like you to hear it directly from me as well. Let me just start with saying that your freedom is not contingent upon your decision at the end of this meeting. If you decide to decline I will respect that and leave you be. You have my word on that."

An unspoken tension was released from the room. Connor looked from his brother to me, and when he found what he was looking for he addressed Smecker. "Alright, we're listening."

The mere opportunity to present his case was a victory to Smecker. He was absolutely confident that if we would just hear him out that we could make this work. His smile stretched across his face. "Alright, let's get started. Shall we?" He gestured to the small seating section that I had set up in the back on the store. Following his lead, we all walked back to take a seat. I was hoping to get a spot next to Connor but he chose to sit in the single chair instead of on the couch. Smecker sat down across from him in the other chair, which left me alone with Murphy on the small futon. 

Once we were all settled he dove right in. "I've been doing this a long time and I have never ran into anything that shocked or impressed me quite like you two. Just from our brief encounter last year, I knew there was something I liked about you. I didn't know it at the time but I was about to spend the next few months of my life analyzing your every move. I had my suspicions for quite some time about you boys being The Saints, but it wasn't until the death of your friend Rocco that I was absolutely sure. I never told anyone about my discovery because I had come to respect what you were doing. You were doing what I had wished I could do so many times before. When you guys dropped off the map I thought maybe you'd finally bitten off more than you could chew and gotten yourselves killed. Ether that, or you were just laying low."

We were hanging off of his every word and no one wanted to interrupt him. When no one spoke he went on. "Imagine my delight when a familiar case file landed on my desk. I took it as a sign. I decided to track you down. I believe in what you two stand for and I want to be an aide in your cause. I am absolutely sure we can help each other." He looked from the twins to me. "That goes for you too, Miss Taylor."

Murphy cut straight to the chase. "What is it that you're wanting our help with?"

Smecker smiled. "I thought you might ask that, so I came prepared." He reached down and pulled out a stack of files from his bag, spreading them out over the coffee table in front of us. "These are what I would like your help with and there are plenty more where they came from. Every case file you see here is one that has gone unsolved for one reason or another. Maybe we didn't have enough evidence or maybe some of these scumbags have deep enough pockets to buy their freedom. No matter the reason, these men are free when they most definitely shouldn't be. There was no justice for their victims. Unfortunately, they are no longer within my jurisdiction to handle. Legally my hands are tied... So I thought to myself, why not leave them to someone who works outside the law?"

Connor flipped through the pages in disgust. "These are definitely our kind of guys Murph."

Murphy agreed. "Aye, right up our alley."

While Connor and Murphy were immersed in their new missions, Smecker turned to me. He handed me my own file. "This one, I saved for you Miss Taylor. That is everything I have surrounding your friend's death and anything associated with Fantasma."

I stared fearfully at the file in my hands, like it might come to life at any second and bite me. Did I want to know what was in it? Would this be a Pandora's box type situation? Morbid curiosity was winning out over my fear. As soon as I flipped open the folder a shocked gasp left my lips. The day would never come when I would prepared to see the images that were laid in front of me. Pictures from the crime scene where Oliver was killed were scattered across the folder. The destruction that Alfie's car had caused was unbelievable. The thought of Oliver being one of the objects in Alfie's path made feel faint. I knew the outcome of this. I knew what I would see if I kept sifting through this folder, but for some reason I couldn't stop myself. Photos of the blood stained street where Oliver had lain, statements from people who had eye witness accounts of his death, it was all right here in front of me. Paper clipped to the front of the folder was a picture that had been taken of Oliver in the morgue. My stomach was threatening to over turn. My hand went to my mouth to trap my sobs. "Oh God..."

My tears were dripping down onto the paper, streaking the ink. The ground was crumbling beneath me all over again. My chest was tight with grief, with guilt, with rage... This should have been me. The face in this picture should be mine.

I looked up when someone spoke my name. " Kit..."

There were three pairs of eyes on me. I immediately looked away from them. I had never felt more exposed. It was like everything else had been stripped completely away and I had been revealed for the coward I truly was. This was my punishment. I deserved this, for them to finally see my fraud.

Murphy's voice was stern and commanding. "Kit, look at me. This was not your fault. Do you understand me? You are not responsible for this."

I heard what he was saying but I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to believe him. The thoughts would always be there haunting my conscience.

Connor left his chair to come and squeeze in between me and Murphy. He was using the guise of reading the file in my hand as a means to be near to me. His hand was resting in the small of my back as he leaned over my shoulder, seeing what I had seen moments before. His touch was grounding me. The room stopped spinning and a sense of safety washed over me. His emotions were charging through him straight to me. I could feel his unspoken promise to fix this for me. He couldn't stomach seeing me this way and he would do anything in his power to make the haunted look in my eyes disappear forever.

Smecker cleared his throat. "Kit... I apologize. It wasn't my intention to blindside you. I just thought you deserved to know all of the information."

I mustered up a small smile. "Thank you."

I was starting to get uneasy again with all of the attention in the room focused on me. I decided to divert it back to Smecker. "So what do they get out of all of this if they help you? Connor and Murphy would and could do this without you. So what's their incentive?"

"In return I am prepared to offer my loyalty and services in any means necessary. I can provide them with the small details of cases that give them an upper hand. I can help devise fool proof plans that not only protect them physically, but legally as well. I can keep them off the radar so they're free to dispense the justice that's deserved."

So far I was like the sound of that. I nodded my approval and he continued. "I think I have a way to help you as well Miss Taylor."

Color me confused. "Me?! What do I have to do with this? I can't help you the way they can."

He replied cautiously. He was thinking very carefully about what he said next. "That's true, Kit. You can't help me in they way they can, but I believe you can help in a way that is uniquely suited only for you. I want to enlist your help as a consultant. Essentially you would be on the investigative end with me. I think we can find a way to put your gifts to good use."

I protested slightly. "My gifts aren't always reliable. They aren't exact and they don't work the same with every person. There would be too many unknown variables. I'd probably be more of a liability than anything else."

He shook his head. "I'm fairly certain that you've underestimated yourself. Besides, you'll never know the extent of your gifts until you test them. This may be the perfect way to help you hone your craft."

I wasn't sure if I was comfortable with this. I looked to Connor, my eyes begging him to tell me what to do. His hand gripped mine in reassurance. "He's right Kit. You can do this. We can do this, all three of us. And if working with Smecker keeps you out of harm's way then I am all for it."

Murphy chimed in. "Aye... We've put you in enough danger as is."

Smecker gave me one last incentive. "You'll have full access to any new information about Fantasma. You never know what we'll turn up. You'll be able to see details that I can't. I've exhausted all my resources where Fantasma is concerned. Every lead I chase ends up in a dead end. The only progress I've made was when I followed Alfie to you."

The vibe in the room changed dramatically within seconds. I had told Connor and Murphy about a lot but I had failed to mention my little field trip to meet Rachel.

Murphy was looking from me to Smecker in confusion. "What's he talking about Kit?"

Connor's blood pressure raised at the mere mention of Alfie's name. "Did that fucker turn up around you again?"

I really wish I would have had a chance to cover this topic before Smecker showed up. "No, it's not like that."

Murphy was already preparing himself to be mad. I think that he could tell from my sheepish look that he wasn't going to like my answer. "Well then, enlighten us Kit. What was it like exactly?"

I didn't even know where to start and my silence was only agitating them more. Smecker looked at me apologetically before I dove in head first. "I contacted Alfie to ask him about Rachel. I just had this lingering feeling that I had unfinished business with her. I owed her. She saved my life. I wanted to meet with her. I was thinking..."

Murphy scoffed at me. "Ha! You were thinking were you? It sounds like you weren't thinking at all!"

I knew they were going to be angry but I've got to be honest, I was not expecting this level of hostility. Murphy's cheeks were pink with heat and Connor couldn't even look me in the eye. I could sense his restraint again. His jaw was clenched and he just shook his head in frustration. I was not going to be able to take feeling this disconnected from for much longer.

I pried my eyes away from Connor when Smecker spoke up in my defense. "Actually, from what I could tell, Kit's plan seemed very well thought out. She met with Rachel in a busy, public place in the middle of the day. She had no interaction with Alfie, only his sister. From the bystander's perspective it looked like nothing more than two friends meeting for coffee."

Murphy's eyes softened a little when he looked at me so I went on with my story. "I was thinking she might be able to give us some insight into Fantasma. She was with them every day and they didn't view her with enough significance to watch what they were saying around her. When I mentioned it to her I could tell I was right. She definitely knows something but she's too scared to help us."

To my relief, Connor finally spoke. "Is that all? Is that the whole story? Nothing else we need to know?"

"Just one more thing." I replied. "It was way too easy for Smecker to track down Alfie, so we can only assume that it will be just as easy for Fantasma. I think there is a way that we can still use Alfie to lead us to Fantasma. If they send men to scope him out, we could watch them watch him. They'd be none the wiser. That would give us an opportunity to be ahead of them for once. We can take our time and study them a little. Do our research. If they already had a man on Alfie's house, they could have followed Alfie straight to me and Rachel just like Smecker did. If that's the case, we need to be as ready as we possibly can. We need to know all there is to know."

Murphy was starting to calm down a little. "So you want us to put our own man on Alfie and let them come to us?"

He was picking up what I was putting down. "That was the idea, yes..."

Smecker threw out some insight. "But we don't know that they are watching him at all."

He had a point. "That's true but I have feeling about this. And as you have probably figured out for yourself, my feelings tend to be spot on. The only reason that I am on their radar at all is because of Alfie. It makes sense for them to follow the breadcrumbs just like you did."

Connor couldn't hold it in anymore. "Fucking Alfie! He's like a fucking cockroach, that one. He just won't die... The second I think we're finally rid of him, BAM, there he is again! If we're going to do this, it's going to have to be one of you two..." He was addressing his brother and the agent. "Kit sure as hell isn't getting within ten feet of that prick and if I know where he is I will fucking kill him. I think it's best we don't tempt fate."

Connor's outburst had piqued Smecker's interest. "What exactly happened here?"

I gave him the Cliff Notes version so he would be up to speed. "He offered me up as a trade for his sister. They've seen what I can do and it was enough to get the boss's attention personally. Fantasma was on the way but Rachel came back for me and just in time. She killed a guy to get him off of me and then she got me out. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be alive. I'm sure they weren't happy to find out that I was gone and one of their men were was dead. They'll definitely be looking for me. I know too much. Alfie brought me in, so logically he would be the first place they look to try and find me."

Hope and excitement were radiating from Smecker. "So you've been there? You've seen one of the places they do business? Do you think you could remember how to get back there?"

The thought of going back there made me shiver. "I honestly don't know. I was unconscious when Alfie took me in, and I was traumatized on my way out. I wasn't exactly paying attention."

"I'd like to sit down with you sometime and dive into this. If we could figure out where they were, that would give us a huge advantage. Between this and Alfie, I think we have a pretty good place to start. In the meantime," He tapped the pile of case files on the coffee table, "you two have your work cut out for you."

The room was silent. Nobody wanted to be the one to speak for us all. Smecker filled the silence. "I'll tell you what, why don't you three take a couple of days to think this over. Sleep on it. You know how to find me once you've made a decision."

Connor responded, "Fair enough..."

~~~~~~~~~~

I had definitely had my fill of excitement for one night. All I wanted to do was go home and relax but I don't think that was going to be in the cards for me. I was already anxious about what the rest of this night was going to hold. Would I see Oliver in my dreams tonight? Would Connor be ready to continue the conversation that we'd started before Smecker showed up? I was kind of nervous to be alone with him. There was so much left hanging in the air and I needed to know where his head was. This was really unusual for us. It was always Murphy that I had questions about, but this time I knew exactly where he stood. He had no problem expressing how stupid he thought I had been. Deep down I knew it was coming from a place of fear and love, but that didn't mean it didn't sting all the same. But Connor... he hadn't said a word. He was avoiding me in every way possible. I may not have been able to tell exactly what he was feeling but whatever it was, he was feeling a lot of it. The intensity of his struggle was starting to weigh on both of us.

When we finally got home I tried to sort things out with them but Connor went straight to his room and left me standing there alone with Murphy. I turned around cautiously to face him and accept my verbal lashing but it never came. Instead I was crushed in his embrace.

He let out a heavy sigh and kissed the top of my head. "You're going to be the death of me baby girl. You've gotta stop pulling stunts like this."

I looked up to peek at his face. "You're mad at me." It wasn't a question, it was fact.

He looked down and took my face between his hands. "You bet your ass I'm mad at you. At this rate I'm going to have gray hair by the time I'm 35! My brother and I are bloody reckless but you're giving us a run for our money. We're trying to look after you but you aren't making it easy on us lass."

I touched the hand that he was still resting on my cheek. "I know Murphy. I'm sorry. I just didn't know how to tell you. I didn't know what to tell you. Everything I came up with made me sound crazy. I still don't really understand what's going on. How was I supposed to explain it to you when I can't even explain it to myself?"

"You were supposed to trust us enough so that we could all figure it out together. We may have thought you a loon but at least we would know what was going on. Sometimes you make me feel so helpless and that is not a feeling that I'm used to or comfortable with." Helpless is the last word that I would use to describe Murphy. "I like being there to catch you Kit and lately I've been fucking useless to you."

My eyes widened with shock. "Murphy, you are not useless. I could never think that."

He shook his head in disagreement. "When you got hurt, Connor wanted to go after those guys but we couldn't because I was laid up. Then you start sleep walking across town and I don't even notice you getting out of my bed?! That's why you've been sleeping with Connor every night, right? "

He was worried that I thought he couldn't protect me. "It's not for the reasons you think Murphy. To be honest, I haven't really been sleeping at all, but just in case I did end up falling asleep I needed to be near Connor. He's like an anchor for me. When I'm sleeping next to him my mind is tethered to his. I can be in his dreams instead of my nightmares."

He was thinking that over. "You can even feel him in your sleep?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I think that's when it might be the strongest because my mind isn't guarded. That's actually how all of this started." I reached up to touch his cheek. "I was dreaming about you for weeks before we met. I was seeing your face in Connor's memories, and you've been saving me ever since. So I don't ever want to hear you say that you think you're useless to me. I wouldn't be here without you."

I was showing him again. He was feeling my gratitude, my reassurance, and my love. He closed his eyes and placed his hand over mine, holding it to his face. 

His smile had triggered my own. With his eyes still shut he confessed, "I love you too."

~~~~~~~~~~

It was really late and the loft was absolutely still. The silence was almost deafening. Murphy wasn't even snoring tonight. I was completely alone with my own thoughts as I lay here in the dark next to him. I was driving myself crazy replaying the events of the night over and over again in my head. Over analyzing every look that Connor gave me and worrying about what was behind each one. 

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to fix this right now. I had to be near him. I got out of Murphy's bed and walked across the hall to Connor's room. When I got to the doorway I froze. He was tucked comfortably under his blankets on his side. If he were to wake up he'd be looking right at me. I was starting to have second thoughts about this late night venture. He is a complete grump when you wake him up and I was pretty sure he was already mad at me. Did I really want to make this any worse?

I stood there for a couple minutes watching him sleep. Eventually my need for him overpowered my fear and I crawled into his bed, mirroring his body with my own. He was such a heavy sleeper and I still hadn't decided if I was going to actually wake him up, so it surprised me when his blue-green eyes were suddenly staring into mine. In a childish notion, I kept completely still. Maybe if I didn't move he wouldn't see me.

He grinned and reached out to take my hand. "You lasted longer than I thought you would."

His voice was so sexy when it was sleepy. And it was typical for him to deflect with humor but I was laser focused right now. "I couldn't take it anymore, I needed to talk you. I was going to wait until the morning, but since you're up..."

He wasn't trying to keep me out anymore, I could feel him easily. Apparently he found this funny. "Sure, since I'm up..."

I flashed him a small, nervous smile. "I need you to tell me how angry you are with me Connor. Tonight, for the first time, I wasn't able to pin you down. I could feel you fighting with yourself to keep me out. That scares me. My imagination is trying to convince me of the worst. I need you to yell at me or tell me how disappointed you are in me. Something! I need you to say something."

He was silent for what felt like hours but I'm sure was only seconds. "I was a little mad. More hurt actually, but that's not what I was trying to keep you from."

I was relieved but confused. "What then?"

He looked ashamed. "I think I've been worried about this happening for a while. Subconsciously I knew something was going on with you, I just didn't know it was this bad. I thought you were just having nightmares. You've been so restless in your sleep lately. Sometimes you cry." He paused for a moment. "Sometimes you scream... you scream out for him. I wasn't sure if you remembered it in the mornings and I didn't want to dredge it up for you. But I should've known."

I tried to comfort him. "How could you have known Connor? It's not your fault I'm a freak."

He was having trouble looking at me. His eyes were fixated on my hand in his. "You were pulling away... That's why I should have known, because that's what you do when you're scared. You hide yourself away so you can make sure you aren't burdening anybody else. I feel like such an ass for not saying something sooner, I just didn't know it was this bad. I thought you might need some space to work things out. I know you like to keep things about Oliver to yourself. And even if you didn't, I'm not the one you'd come to with it anyway. I didn't want you to think I was nosing into your business."

He was a mixture of worry and melancholy, which my own emotions immediately reflected. "My business is your business. You can always ask me Connor. Always... I love talking to you about things. You always seem to understand."

"It's just...You always go to Murph when you're upset, and I know it's because when you're with him you have the freedom to feel what you need to feel. You don't have to worry about his reactions too. I feel like I overwhelm you sometimes. I want you to be able to come to me Kit. I want to be that man for you. When something's wrong, I want to be the one who can make it better. You just won't let me. Do you know how hard it is to watch from the sidelines while you're hurting? It scares the hell out of me Kit. I feel like I'm gonna lose you." The look in his eyes made my heart ache.

Him losing me seemed unfathomable to me. "To who, Connor? I'm not going anywhere."

He was looking at me like the answer should be obvious to me, but it wasn't. There was absolutely nothing that would make it okay for me to be without him. "To some asshole like Alfie. To Murph. To yourself..." The worry lines on his face seemed to be getting deeper the more he talked. "I don't want you to be lonely Kit."

I needed a minute to let everything he had said so far sink in. How had I not been aware that he was feeling all of this? Have I been that preoccupied that I hadn't been paying enough attention, or was he getting better at hiding things from me? Probably a little bit of both. "Connor... I'm not alone. I have you. I have Murphy. I've got Sarah and Matt. I'm not alone."

He shook his head. "I didn't say alone Kit, I said lonely. I don't want you be lonely. There's a difference. You try to take all of these things on by yourself. I don't want you to feel like no one understands. I want you to feel like you have a partner in me. I need you to trust me, to let me take care of you the way you are always trying to take care of me. I feel like I've failed you somehow. The one comfort I have is knowing that Murph will be there for you, but this time you didn't even let him in! Why didn't you tell us about all of this Kit? Don't you know I'd go mental if anything ever happened to you?"

Any fear that I previously had just fell away. In that moment he was so bare, so vulnerable. He was trusting me with his heart. The least I could do was do the same. For the first time, I gave voice to thoughts that I'd been too afraid to say out loud. "I worry that I put too much on you guys. I came crashing into your lives and it's always one thing after another with me. I'm constantly asking for too much. I fell in love with you hard, and fast... Both of you. And you've been unreasonably understanding about it. Then I start having crazy dreams about my dead best friend and waking up in weird places. I'm even seeing him when I'm wide awake. I didn't want you to think I was crazy, and I didn't want you to feel like you were competing with a ghost. Everyday I wake up terrified that this will be the day that you wake up and decide that this is all too much. You didn't ask for the chaos that I brought into your life. And as much as I'm trying to protect myself, I'm trying to protect you more. My worst fears almost came to pass the night Murphy got hurt. I don't care what happens to me, as long as you're safe. I lost Oliver and it was my fault. I couldn't handle things myself and I let him do something that should have fallen to me. If doing things on my own keeps you alive for even one second longer, I'll gladly do it."

He reached over and ran his thumb back and forth across my cheek. "I love you for that Kit, but what you need to understand is that ever since you came crashing in... That one extra second wouldn't be worth living if you weren't in it. You have made me compromise nothing. I choose you every morning when I wake up and again every night before I close my eyes. Nothing you do is going to change that. Not unless you wake up one day and decide not to choose me. It's not like me and Murph don't have any baggage of our own. You've had to accept a lot too. I mean, we kill people for a living. That kind of life comes with some pretty heavy tolls, and they aren't even yours to carry."

I was so worried about being a burden to them that I never even realized that they feared being a burden to me. The thought had never even crossed my mind, not once... They are the greatest gifts I've ever been given. "I'm sorry Connor. I should have told you. I should have let you in. That's what love is, right? What's yours is mine, what's mine is yours... Partners. I guess it's not really fair that I can always access how you're feeling but I leave you in the dark with what's going on with me. That must be frustrating."

He smiled my favorite smile. I could feel the pace of my heart start to quicken. He brought our clasped fingers to his lips and kissed the back of my hand. "Oh, little bird... If you only knew." The shame rose to my cheeks and I averted my eyes from his. I felt his thumb nudge my chin upward. "Hey... don't... don't do that. Don't hide from me. Let me look at ya."

As soon as our eyes met again, he leaned in for a sweet, lingering kiss. We laid there, hands entwined, his forehead pressed to mine. The restraint I had felt from him earlier was completely gone. My proximity was what he had needed. Not just my spacial proximity, he was craving to be close to me. To understand me. His relief was covering me in tranquil pulses. My words had given him the validation that I never knew he needed. He had actually thought that he might not be enough for me. How did these two not see how hopelessly in love with them I was? If anything, they were too much and I was inadequate. 

The longer I laid there with him, the more at home I felt with myself. His comforting scent was lulling me to sleep but I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to lay here and enjoy the feel of his body next to mine. Maybe if I was completely still time would stop, and we could be in this moment forever. 

That dream was quickly dashed when a cool breeze from Connor's open window sent a shiver down my spine. Connor always liked to sleep in the cold and normally it didn't bother me, but the temperature had dropped so low with the winter storm coming in. The wind was picking up and blowing snow into his bedroom. 

His hand was moving up and down my arm in an attempt to provide warmth. "Jesus, Kit! You're bloody foundered!" It always made me smile a little when they used Irish slang. Something about it was inadvertently sexy. I was getting better at using context clues to decode. "You want me to shut the window?"

I smiled. "That's okay, you don't have to. I can sleep in Murph's room."

I felt his mixture of panic and disappointment before he jumped out of bed. "Fuck that!"

I watched as he gracefully crossed his room to the open window. I loved the way his body moved with such fluidity. It was effortless, like he was gliding.

His room was illuminated in tones of blue, silver, and white. It made for the perfect silhouette as the muscles in his back and shoulders strained to close the window that always stuck a little. When he turned to walk back towards me I felt like my perception of time had slowed down. He was so beautiful. His body was like poetry in motion. His sweat pants were hanging dangerously low on his hips and his bare chest looked smooth and soft. I knew once he was close enough again I would be able to smell the sweet spice of his skin. The only thing that rivaled the way he smelled was the the way he tasted. Any moment now my senses would be consumed with both. It felt like it was taking him an eternity to get back to me and the anticipation was killing me.

He finally climbed back into bed and pulled the blankets around us. In one easy motion he had scooped me up and spooned me. His breath was warm on my neck and a whole new kind of chills coursed through me when he whispered in my ear, "I just need to hold you for a while." His grip tightened around me when I hugged our laced hands to my chest. I could feel his deep intake of breath as he inhaled the scent of my hair before kissing the back of my head. His feet were resting on top of mine, trying to keep them warm. With his body molded to mine, I couldn't help but think that I had never belonged anywhere more in my life. He was feeling it too. Like he was a whole person. I could feel his affection for me with every beat of his heart. His urge to protect me, to keep me close in the safety of his arms. His desire to love me and be loved by me in return. His need to touch me, to kiss me, and more... That's what he had promised. More.

Feeling him this way was making me ache. My body was coming alive in his embrace. I let out a relieving sigh when I felt his soft lips press against my neck. My body acted of its own accord, and in a desperate attempt to be closer to him, nuzzled deeper into his hold. His hips pushed forward in search of the friction that we both craved.

I turned my face so I could see his and his lips devoured my own. His hand fisted in my hair, holding me closer to him as his tongue danced with mine. It was slow, and deep. The heat was radiating from the very center of my being and touching the tips of my existence. God, he tasted good! 

His hand moved from my hair to slide the strap of my camisole off my shoulder. His lips found that sensitive spot just below my ear before kissing their way down my neck to touch he spot where my silk strap used to lay. He was so warm in every way possible. So warm that I forgot what it felt like to ever be cold. 

His thumb rubbed over the nipple of my slightly exposed breast and my thighs clenched together. His breathing was getting heavier and heavier as I squirmed in his arms, pressing myself against him. The feeling of him so hard behind me had me drenched in need.

His hand was tracing slowly between my breasts and down my stomach. His fingers splayed out across my lower belly, holding me even harder against him. I needed to feel him and I needed him to feel what he was doing to me. I guided him to the place where I was longing to be touched and his fingers slid into me with ease. The evidence of my arousal was apparent. He groaned his approval in my ear before taking the lobe between his teeth. 

My hand abandoned his wrist to reach behind me and drag his sweat pants over his hips. I couldn't get them all the way off but it was enough to free him. Enough to get me what I wanted. What I needed.

His fingers stilled and his breath hitched as I wrapped my hand around him for that first blissful moment of contact. Once again, I turned my face to lock my lips with his. When our kiss broke, our gaze met. He pressed his forehead against mine and his long fingers started to move inside of me. Our eyes never faltered in their silent exchange of ecstasy. His pupils dilated before the pleasure overpowered him and his eyes clamped shut. His head went back as he gasped for air. My God, he was breathtaking. It was a powerful feeling to watch as my actions made him forget himself. He hadn't even noticed that his hand had left the warmth between my thighs and was now clutching my chest for dear life. He was climbing higher and higher, his heart beating faster and faster. His pleasure was my pleasure. I don't even think I needed him to touch me to find my release. He was going to take me with him on his.

His eyes opened and peered straight into my soul before he kissed me again. Like before, it was slow and deep. He was taking his time, with no hurry whatsoever. I felt his hand come to meet mine and still my movements. His other arm was under my neck so that he could lace his fingers with the hand that I didn't currently have between us. His legs pushed mine upward and cradled me. With both of us in the fetal position, it was like I was sitting in his lap.

Slowly, he reached down and pulled my panties to the side. His tip was throbbing as it rested torturously at my aching entrance. His hand braced my hip just before he crossed my threshold.

A slow sigh of relief left his lips as we both adjusted to the new state of pleasure. Once he had gained control of himself, his hand left my hip so that his fingers could explore the apex that rested between my thighs. My body was eagerly awaiting his touch. As soon as he made contact with that oh so tender bundle, my back arched away from him, pushing him deeper inside of me. I couldn't escape the pleasure even if I wanted to.

He stilled for just one moment as he watched my body respond to his touch, and then he started to move... Slowly, he pushed in and out. He was enjoying the feel of being wrapped safely in my warmth. We were going so slow that sometimes we were hardly moving at all. We didn't need roughness or speed. There was no urgency. The intimacy of him being buried inside of me while we rocked back and forth was more than enough. We were feeling each other. My body trusted his enough to sync with his breathing as he gently dominated me from behind. It was the purest form of submission.

His hand continued to rub deliciously between my legs as his lips trailed kisses softly along my neck. The deeper he pushed the more my body began to tingle. I craved more and more of him.

My hand reached behind us and grasped his perfectly toned backside. I could feel his muscles flexing as he thrusted in and out of me. Following his movements heightened the sensation. It was almost as good as being able to see him.

I could sense the tell tale signs of my orgasm when he started to thrust a little harder... a little faster. I pushed myself down into his lap, adding to our friction. His hand gripped my hip and the pounding really started. Our breathing grew more ragged. Our heartbeats furiously pumping the blood throughout our bodies. I could feel the muscles in Connor's body start to tense more and more the closer he got to his end.

His fingers were digging into my hip, mine squeezing his ass desperately. I needed something to hold on to because I was about to free fall. I could feel it starting in my toes. The white hot sensation was making its way up my body. My thighs started to tremble, my stomach tightened. My lungs inhaled a deep, sharp breath and held it, fearing it might be their last. My vision started to go white as the heat finally reached my face and then... BOOM! The energy that had been building up in my system had finally been released and the euphoria was all consuming.

Connor held me close as I tightened around him, coaxing his body to follow. His thrusts got quicker and harsher, until finally he let go. His hand clutched my chest as he spilled himself inside of me. I rode his high with him so that we could come down gracefully together.

That first breath of air was like life itself. My whole body was humming as the oxygen flooded my system. Our residual pleasure was still lingering. The echos of our orgasms slowly started to fade. Connor was still moving gently in and out of me. He didn't want my absence to be sudden, and he wanted me to feel safe and connected. His emotions were so clear it was almost like he was speaking them out loud.

That's when it hit me... We had just made love without speaking a word, but I felt it all. I'm not sure it gets more intimate than that.

Carefully, he eased himself from me. I kissed the fingers of the hand that I still held and pulled it to my chest to rest over my heart. My body was so satiated. My heart was overflowing. My mind was at peace. I was home...

As we started to drift away together, I decided that there was always a few words that were necessary to be spoken out loud. There should be no room for doubt where love is concerned. "I love you so much..."

I could feel his smile. His kissed my shoulder and said, "Oh little bird, if you only knew..." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
